


Ash

by LuckE1



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Blood, Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fire, Firefighter AU, Firefighter Tachibana Makoto, Firefighter! Makoto, Hospitalization, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Major Character Injury, Other, Panic Attacks, Permanent Injury, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Serious Injuries, Trauma, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-29
Updated: 2017-11-29
Packaged: 2018-11-20 20:54:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 23
Words: 130,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11343018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuckE1/pseuds/LuckE1
Summary: Makoto glanced down at his shaking hands. It was so hot. He felt so much pain. And all he could hear was… "This was all your fault."After a terrible accident during college, Makoto becomes a firefighter, much to Haru's dismay. With Makoto being a rookie, several mistakes are made, and Haru just wants him to forgive himself and be safe.Firefighter au, Makoto-centered.Now with wonderful fanart!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my new adventure!
> 
> Just so you are aware, my life is incredibly crazy right now and I'm not sure how much I will update. I will strive for once a week.
> 
> I also am unsure how long I want this to go- I guess I'll wait for your feedback on it.
> 
> Enjoy!

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

_"Hey! We need someone over here!"_

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

_….Fire._

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

_"There are still two more trapped inside!"_

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

_It gives light. Warmth._

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

_"What?! Two more? Aren't they on the fourth floor?!"_

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

_Without control, it consumes everything it touches._

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

_"Hey! Can you hear me in there?!"_

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

_It can destroy everything in its wake._

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Breathe….

 _Breathe_.

_"Makoto!"_

What? That voice…

_"Makoto! Help!"_

….Haru?

_"Makoto!"_

Haru? Where are you, Haru?!

I can't see!

Haru!

_"Makoto."_

Haru…

_"Makoto Tachibana."_

Haru! I'm coming!

"Tachibana."

**"Tachibana!"**

Makoto jolted out of his daze and came face-to-face with his superior, Mori, who was wearing his firemen's helmet and had an axe in his hands.

"Wake up, Tachibana! C'mon, stop daydreaming!"

Mori shoved the axe in Makoto's chest and his hands fumbled to grasp it.

"R-Right!" Makoto stuttered.

Makoto turned to face the target, his face already heating up from the blaze. They had only gotten the call a few moments ago but the fire had already consumed the entirety of the front of the shop. It was threatening to spread to the surrounding buildings.

 _Why did Tokyo have to be so congested?_ Makoto thought as he stared up at the mass of flames in front of him. The buildings on either side of the shop had narrow gaps that separated them, making their jobs even more difficult.

"Why're you just standing there?!" Mori yelled, making Makoto flinch.

"A-Ah, r-right! I'm going, sir!" Makoto said.

Makoto lowered the mask of his helmet down over his face and he rushed up to the building. He climbed up the ladder that two of his other firefighters had placed there earlier and stood on the slanted roof.

Makoto's main job was to vent the fires to prevent spreading to the sides. This was critical in preventing the spreading of fires in such a clustered city. He only had to go inside a burning building if it was absolutely necessary.

He _was_ a rookie after all.

Makoto lifted the axe over his head and swung downward, striking the roof and crushing the tiles with the back of the axe. He struck a few more times until a gap had appeared and smoke and flames billowed from the hole. Makoto raised his arm to shield his eyes from the bright fire and he coughed from the smoke.

 _So hot,_ Makoto thought.

"Tachibana!" Mori called from below.

Makoto rushed to the edge of the roof and glanced down at his superior. He was busy spraying the building with the long hose but he managed to keep an eye on all of his team.

"Yes, sir!" Makoto called.

"We're going to need some more holes!" Mori called, turning his body to spray the side of the building. "This fire is spreading!"

Makoto nodded. "Got it!"

Makoto turned back and found another spot, lifting his axe up and swinging down to create another hole. Flames and smoke burst through the hole and Makoto jolted back as the hole widened and shingles fell inside.

Flames rose up into the night air and Makoto took another step back, tripping on a loose tile. He fell hard on his back and the axe slipped from his grasp. He scrambled to grab it, but another broken shingle collapsed under his foot and he started to slide down the roof.

"Oh, no, no, no!" Makoto yelped. He clawed at the roof but the shingles gave way to his gloves. The axe fell off of the roof and into the bushes below, Makoto's body almost following it.

At the edge of the roof, Makoto jammed his heels down to stop his sliding, his feet catching the gutter and making his body come to a complete stop. He panted as his heart pounded against his heavy chest and he leaned his head against the roof once he knew he was safe.

He definitely could not tell Haru about this.

"Tachibana!"

Makoto jumped, almost losing his footing, and glanced down. Mori was standing down at the ladder sans fire hose with his helmet shield up. His brown eyes were staring up at him in worry.

"You all right?" he hollered up to Makoto.

"A-Ah, y-yes!" Makoto responded.

Mori nodded and his face went cold.

"Good. _Now don't drop your axe again, you idiot!"_ he yelled, his face going back to usual scowl.

Makoto flinched and scrambled up to his feet.

"Yes, sir!"

_This was going to be a long night._

* * *

"Good work, boys," Mori said at the fire station.

The firefighters in the station all groaned from being up all night trying to put out that fire– Makoto included. His back ached from the fall but he decided not to mention it. It could have been worse. He was still covered in soot from the fire that they had just put out not even a few minutes ago, but he was too tired to go to the showers.

The clock next to the alarm system chirped just as sunlight peeked through the tall windows.

"Ah, just in time. All right. Shift's over, guys. Go home," Mori announced as he stretched. Before he headed to the break room, he turned to gaze out at the men. "'Cept you, Tachibana. Stick around."

Makoto flinched at hearing his name and his eyes darted around wearily. The other firemen simply shrugged at him and waved each other off to go home. Makoto sighed and laid his heavy firemen's jacket in his assigned locker. He kept his pants and snug shirt on and he headed to the break room.

Mori was sitting at one of the tables flipping through the morning's newspaper. His usual scowl was softened by the fatigue of the night, but Makoto still wanted to be careful.

"You… wanted to see me, Captain?" Makoto said sheepishly.

Mori cut his eyes up to Makoto and then slapped the newspaper down on the table. Makoto flinched at the sound and straightened.

"What the hell was that today?" Mori asked in a low growl.

Makoto blinked and then fidgeted with his fingers.

"Um…"

"You being a space cadet– _again_!" Mori said, slamming his palms on the table. Makoto flinched again and took a step back.

 _Man_ , Mori was scary.

"S-Sorry, Captain," Makoto apologized gingerly, bowing to his superior.

Mori opened his mouth to chew him out but paused when he saw Makoto's left hand shaking against his side.

 _Still like a kicked puppy,_ Mori thought.

"Look," Mori started, his voice softened. "I know what you went through was hard, and traumatic," he said. Makoto jumped and leaned up slowly from his bow, his eyes wide as he stared at Mori. "But that was over a year ago now, right?"

Makoto blinked at him and then grimaced. He felt his hands shaking more by his sides and he gripped his pants to seize them.

"Um... well," Makoto stuttered.

"It's time you start moving on," Mori said.

Makoto bit his lip and stared hard at the ground.

"It's…"

"Hard?" Mori finished. "I know it is. But I recruited you that night because of what you did."

Makoto snapped his head up to look at his captain in the eye, his own eyes wide and his hands now curled into tight fists.

"You remember?" Mori asked.

Makoto took a shuddering breath.

_"What you did was outstanding and an act of bravery. It would be an honor to have you on the serve with us."_

"Yes, I… I remember," Makoto said, looking away.

"Then straighten up," Mori said sternly, making Makoto straighten to attention. "No more of that garbage that you pulled last night, got it?"

"Y-Yes, sir!" Makoto said.

"Good," Mori said. He picked up the newspaper and leaned back in the chair. "Now go home. Go shower. You reek."

Makoto allowed a small smile to appear on his face before he nodded at Mori and turned on his heel to head to the washroom.

After he had changed into his civilian clothes, he realized just how dirty he had gotten over the busy night. His hair was dark with soot and smoke and his face was smudged with black dirt and grime.

He needed a shower.

But not until he got home and into the safety and privacy of his own bathroom.

Makoto headed out of the fire station and down the bustling Tokyo street. The sun was rising over the buildings, the light hitting Makoto's worn body and making him hum at the warmth. These long shifts were grueling, his body having to adjust to 12-hour shifts and 24-hour shifts.

But he told the Chief that he had wanted to work as much as possible since schooling was not on the table anymore.

Makoto finally reached the apartment complex and climbed the stairs up to the third floor. He reached the blue door at the end of the hall and opened it.

"I'm home!" he announced as he walked in.

"Ohh, Mako-chan's back!" came a chirpy voice from the hall.

The short blond rounded the corner in his pajamas and ran up to Makoto, crushing him in a hug. Makoto groaned from the pain in his back but managed a smile.

"Ah, hi, Nagisa," Makoto greeted.

"Nagisa-kun, how many times do I have to tell you to clean up _your side_ of the room?!"

Makoto peered around Nagisa's head to see Rei standing at the hallway that led to the bedrooms. His hands were on his hips and he had his usual demeaning scowl on his face. He approached the two of them sternly.

"Ah, hello, Rei!" Makoto greeted.

Rei gave Makoto a quick smile.

"Good morning, Makoto-senpai," he said sweetly before latching onto Nagisa's collar. "Excuse us, but we _really_ need to go discuss our roommate agreement."

"Rei-chaaaan, c'mon! I'll clean later! I promise!" Nagisa whined as he was dragged back into the hallway.

Makoto chuckled lightly and shook his head. It's always like that with those two.

He sat down at the front door and started to take off his shoes, grimacing when he saw his dirty hands. He almost had his first boot off when he heard light footsteps.

"Makoto."

Makoto peered up and smiled at seeing his best friend.

"Ah, good morning, Haru!" Makoto greeted.

Haru blinked down at him curiously.

"You're dirty," he said with his usual deadpan expression.

"I know, I know," Makoto replied lightly.

After he took off his other boot he glanced up at Haru, noticing he was wearing a messy apron and was carrying a wooden spoon.

"Working on something new?" Makoto asked, pointing to the spoon.

Haru glanced down at the spoon and hummed.

"The professor wants us to create a new soup with limited ingredients," Haru said.

"Limited ingredients?" Makoto asked, quirking a brow.

"Yeah," Haru said. "I just finished."

"Eh?! But Haru, it's nearly 7 in the morning!" Makoto said, standing to his feet.

Haru pursed his lips and looked away. Makoto noticed his hand tense around the wooden spoon as he opened his mouth to speak.

"I couldn't sleep," he explained softly.

Makoto went rigid, his brows creasing and his hands clenching. A light tension fell between them and Makoto felt a lump forming in his throat.

"Haru…" he whispered.

"Want to try it?" Haru asked, interrupting Makoto's train of thought.

Makoto glanced up at his best friend, sensing his want for the tension to drop. He let out a long sigh and smiled, allowing the air to lighten.

"Sure," Makoto said while tilting his head.

"It's in the kitchen," Haru explained.

Haru turned around and took a step towards the kitchen but he quickly hobbled onto his other foot to avoid the weight.

Makoto stopped to watch Haru limp back to the kitchen and he felt his heart clench.

 _It's bothering him worse this morning,_ Makoto thought.

"Makoto?" he heard Haru call from the kitchen.

"Ah, coming!" Makoto called. He rushed into the kitchen to peer into Haru's soup.

"Eh? Haru, is this mackerel?"

"Yes."

"What?! Why?"

"The professor said to only use limited ingred—"

"Yes, I know that! But why _mackerel_?"

"Why not?"

"Haru!"

A small smile appeared on Haru's face at Makoto's whining, and Makoto felt his chest grow warm. A smile from Haru was few and far in between nowadays, so he would take the smile any time he could.

"How was work?" Haru asked after stirring the soup.

Makoto's smile faltered and grew stiff, and his hand travelled to the back of his neck to massage the skin.

"It was okay," he said quietly. "One of the shops downtown had an electrical malfunction, but that was it."

Haru cut his eyes at Makoto and scanned his torso briefly. He noticed the soot and dirt that lingered in his hair. The back of his hands were red, most likely mild burns from last night's fire. Other than that, there were no other signs of injury.

"Did you get hurt?" Haru asked, turning his gaze back to the pot.

"Haruu, I told you not to worry, didn't I?" Makoto whined.

Haru smiled at his friend and his whines and nodded, believing him to be fine.

"Well, I'm in desperate need for a shower," Makoto said.

"Yeah, you reek," Haru said.

"Haru!" Makoto whined as he headed back to the bathroom.

Makoto slid the door shut behind him and locked the door. He paused, listening carefully for any footsteps that may want to enter. He took a deep breath and carefully started undoing the buttons on his shirt. With shaking fingers, Makoto pulled the shirt from his shoulders and let it drop to the floor. Turning his head, he twisted his torso to get a look at his back from the fall.

There was a soft glow of purple on his mid back and he hissed when he twisted to get a better look. It would heal just fine.

But the purple bruise was not the only thing that caught his attention.

His eyes wandered over the expanse of his back, the skin shiny and mutilated.

_Burns._

There were several deep scars etched into his back like carvings. The scars looked almost brand new, but Makoto new better.

_The beam._

Makoto turned to face the mirror and his face scrunched into a grimace.

More shiny and charred skin was panted into his torso. Long, deep scars travelled down his chest and to his abdomen.

_The sharp glass._

His shoulder had nasty surgical scars and he reached up a hand to grip it.

_"Ah… AH! That… hurts!"_

Makoto's breath caught when he heard his own voice echoing in his mind. His hand gripped his shoulder harder.

_"Where's… where's…"_

_"Sir, we need you to lie still."_

_"But… where's Haru?"_

_"He's got third degree burns all over his torso and back. His shoulder is dislocated."_

_"Haru… where's…"_

_"He's losing consciousness!"_

_"Haru…"_

By the time Makoto recovered from his memory, he was gripping the sink with white knuckles and heaving. His arms were stiff and sore from his muscles staying flexed.

He could almost feel it.

The burns on his chest and stomach.

The blunt force from the beam that fell on top of him.

The glass that ripped into his skin.

Pain sprouted into his mind and surged down his limbs, making him feel numb afterwards. It was so painful. The memories from that day still had control and Makoto was sick of it.

Makoto gulped down the guilt that had managed to claw into his throat.

 _If only I had been quicker…_ Makoto thought.

_If only I had gotten to you faster…_

_Then… you wouldn't have had to suffer—_

"Makoto."

Three blunt knocks on the bathroom door startled Makoto out of his thoughts and he jumped, almost crumpling underneath his weak knees. He blinked a few times.

How long had he been standing in front of the mirror?

"Uh, yes, Haru?" Makoto called.

There was a pause.

"You okay?" Haru asked tentatively.

Makoto wiped the beads of sweat from his forehead with a shaking fist and nodded to himself.

"Yeah," was his quivering answer.

"You sure?" Haru said.

The door jiggled a little and Makoto felt his heart go into overdrive with panic. He lunged to the door and made sure it was locked, relief washing over him once he realized he was safe.

Makoto turned his head back to look at the mirror and he saw the scars on his body. He gulped down guilt and shame and he straightened to release a slow exhale.

"I'm fine!" Makoto called.

"Okay," Haru said after another pause. "I'm going to class now. Rei and Nagisa already left."

Makoto blinked and looked down at his hands. Rei and Nagisa already left? Just how long had he been standing in the bathroom?

"O-Okay," Makoto replied, turning to the shower to turn it on.

There was another pause and Makoto knew Haru hadn't left yet.

"Get some sleep," Haru said. "I'll see you after class."

"Okay. L-Later, Haru-chan!" Makoto called.

Another pause, and he heard Haru mutter a quick, "Lay off the –chan."

Uneven footsteps trekked down the hallway and Makoto waited until he heard the front door slam shut to release the breath he was holding.

He walked to the shower and stuck his hand in, only to jerk it back with a yelp.

The water was _too hot_.

Makoto twisted the knob in the shower and turned it until the arrow was pointing towards the blue. After a few more minutes, he stuck his hand in, nodding to himself when he felt that the water was frigid and ice cold. He stepped into the shower, the water sending shivers down his aching back.

Makoto sighed.

He longed for a day where he could take hot showers again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More backstory revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if I should continue! It's a slow burn, so be patient with me. Later chapters will have way more exciting!   
> ~Enjoy

_Breathe in…_

_"Gah, the smoke…"_

_Breathe out…_

_"M-Makoto…"_

_"Huh? Haru?"_

_Breathe in…_

_"Makoto!"_

_"Haru? Where are you?"_

_Breathe… out._

_"Haru!"_

" _HARU!"_

Makoto woke with a start, sitting up in bed so fast he made himself dizzy. He panted and tried to adjust his eyes to the dark room. All he could feel was how fast his heart was pounding in his chest.

Why was it so dark?

Was it because of smoke?

Was there a fire?!

Makoto whirled around in his bed and finally noticed the pale moonlight filtering in through the blinds from the window. The light touched the other bed on the opposite side of the room and he was able to catch a glimpse of a mess of black hair on the pillow.

Haru was softly snoozing away, his chin tucked underneath his blanket.

Makoto sighed in relief and he reached up his hand to wipe the sweat from his brow. His back felt drenched and sticky with sweat and he peeled out of his bed.

As quietly as he could, Makoto walked to his dresser and searched for new clothes to change into. He shut the drawer softly and tried to leave the room to escape to the couch, but he smacked his knee on his desk as he passed it. He hissed and doubled over, latching onto his knee as he willed the pain to cease.

When the pain had almost passed, a light flicked on and Makoto stuttered to stand on both of his feet. He whirled around to see Haru sitting up in his bed and blinked at him with wide, blue eyes."Makoto?"

"Makoto?"

"Ah, Haru…" Makoto whispered. He glanced down at the floor and then grimaced at his own appearance, finally seeing the sweat lines from his neck and sleeves. He looked like he had just run a marathon.

_Maybe Haru won't notice,_  Makoto thought,  _prayed_. His eyes flicked up to see Haru eyeing him carefully, and Makoto internally cursed.

Of course, Haru would notice.

"What are you doing?" Haru asked.

"Uh, just… going to go change," Makoto said with a twitching smile.

Haru blinked at him, his expression deadpan as usual. But his brows twitched ever so slightly, making Makoto feel squeamish under his gaze. Why was Haru analyzing him so much?

"I, uh… I was sweating so my clothes are kinda gross."

Makoto let out a forced chuckle and Haru quirked a brow.

"You okay?" Haru asked, not even questioning his odd behavior.

"Ah, mmn!" Makoto hummed. He turned to leave the room and he rested his hand on the door. He had it pushed halfway open when Haru's voice boomed from behind him.

"Are you coming back?"

Makoto froze, his hand on the door to their shared bedroom. He recalled long nights of interrupted sleep, the look of worry painted on Haru's face as he was shaken awake, and then he would have to come up with some excuse to run to the restroom before not coming back to the bedroom at all.

_Breathe in._

_Breathe out._

Makoto took one last quick breath through his nose and turned his head to look back at Haru. He lifted a hand to rub the back of his head and smiled shyly.

"I'll probably just crash on the couch," Makoto said, his voice and posture small.

Haru blinked at him and parted his lips to speak. But no words came, and Makoto just gave him a self-deprecating smile.

"I'll… I'll see you in the morning, Haru," Makoto said quietly.

"Makoto–"

He slipped out of the room and slid the door shut behind him in a quiet  _thump_.

The hallway was silent, almost eerily so. Makoto could hear his heart thudding in his ears and he could feel his pulse in his fingertips. He counted his breaths slowly and waited for Haru to click off the lamp in his room.

Makoto breathed out in relief and leaned against the door for another long moment before heading to the bathroom to splash some cold water on his face. He leaned up from the sink and stared up at his reflection in the mirror. There were dark circles under his eyes once again.

Makoto's brows pulled together and he huffed out an agitated sigh.

Every night.

Every night he would have the same nightmare and he would wake up in a fright and covered in a cold, sticky sweat.

At the beginning of his nightmares, he would startle awake and turn to see Haru sitting up in bed, staring at him. Then, there were nights when the nightmares got violent, and he would wake to see a pair of wide, blue eyes staring down at him. There would be a weight on shoulders and as he gained consciousness, he realized that Haru's hands were on him, shaking him out of the fitful sleep.

Once they both had calmed, Haru would ask over and over if he was all right. But Makoto simply forced on that same self-deprecating smile on his face and waved it off as if it were nothing. Haru, not one to pry but being the stubborn person he was, would not leave his side until he got an explanation. His face was scrunched up and his blue eyes were watering.

That's when the guilt started to eat away at Makoto's bones.

Makoto could not bear to see that look on his best friend's face again.

So Makoto made up an excuse, and jolted out of his bed and rushed to the bathroom to splash cold water on his face, his whole body shaking and his knees almost buckling.

He decided then that in the case he would have another nightmare, he opted to sleep on the couch instead of their shared bedroom.

And tonight, Makoto chose to do the same. It was not every night that he would go and sleep on the couch, but it was only those nights when he knew another nightmare would come. And he did not want Haru to bear that burden.

He did not want Haru to be reminded of the past.

So, Makoto trudged his way to the too-small living room and walked around the too-small couch. He plopped down on the couch and buried his head on the cushions, sighing heavily.

"I'm sorry…" Makoto apologized, his voice muffled by the pillow.

He sighed again and rolled over on the couch, pulling the blanket up to his chin. He fell asleep quickly only to have another fit of nightmare later that night.

* * *

"Are you sure this is the right way?"

"Of course, Rei-chan! I've been in this building before!"

"You have?"

Nagisa was leading Rei down the path towards a large school building. The semester had started last week and they had just added a new course their schedules. It was a required course that both of them had to take, but it was Nagisa's idea to take this specific class together. He managed to convince Rei to add it to their schedules after begging him all week, Rei reluctantly giving in.

"When did you take a class in this building?" Rei asked as they walked through the doors.

"Oh, last year. Freshman level  _math_ ," Nagisa said with puffed cheeks and pouting lips.

Rei smiled lightly. "Well, this is history, right? You should do well in this course."

"Oh, yeah!" Nagisa said happily. "It'll be much better than that statistics class."

"Statistics? That's what you took? Nagisa-kun, that's fairly simple–"

"Maybe for  _you_ , Rei-chan!"

They walked inside the building where several students were hurrying about to their respective classes. Rei held onto his bag and stuck close to Nagisa.

"Um, Nagisa-kun, are you sure?" Rei asked.

"Positive!"

They walked to a large classroom door and Nagisa burst through the door first, still idly chatting away to Rei about his excitement for the new class and his loathing for that statistics class. He pointed out the front podium where the professor stood the entire time and was completely boring. Rei listened to his complaints with a deadpan expression. He turned around and then stopped in his tracks, making Rei bump into him from behind.

Nagisa sighed after his tantrum and turned around to face the classroom, eager to pick a seat in the back. But, when he faced the room, he stopped in his tracks, making Rei bump into him from behind.

"Nagisa-kun, why did you–"

"Haru-chan?" Nagisa whispered. Rei blinked down at his friend and then looked up. He adjusted his glasses on his nose and peered over Nagisa's head.

Sitting in the front row was none other than Haru, a notebook on his desk and a pen in hand. He was doodling on the paper, his head leaning on his free hand.

Nagisa's face brightened and he quickly exchanged looks with Rei. He quickly rushed over to Haru's side, Rei hurrying to catch up with him.

"Haru-chan!" Nagisa called.

He slapped his hands on the desk and Haru's hand stuttered, creating a thick, long line of ink down the middle of his drawing. Haru's brow twitched as he glanced up at the excited boy. He blinked in greeting and eyed them with creased brows. Rei straightened his back and gripped the strap of his bag tighter.

"What are you doing here, Haruka-senpai?" Rei asked, adjusting his glasses with a slightly shaking hand.

"I'm in this class," Haru said plainly, his features softening.

Rei and Nagisa sighed at his simple answer.

"We can  _see_   _that_ , Haru-chan!" Nagisa groaned. "But  _why_  are you in this class? You're in your third year."

"This  _is_  a second-year level class," Rei added, flitting his gaze from Nagisa to Haru.

Haru turned the page of his notebook to a fresh page and then leaned his chin on his hand again.

"There were some extra classes I had to take since I changed my major last year," Haru said.

The three of them froze.

Nagisa and Rei stiffened at Haru's answer and shot each other nervous glances. There was a moment of awkward silence, the only sound of footsteps filling the room as students flooded into the classroom.

Rei gulped and tugged at the collar of his shirt, needing to break the tension that had suddenly fallen upon them.

"Well, do you mind if we sit with you, then?" Rei asked, adjusting his glasses once more.

"Sure," Haru said plainly.

Nagisa and Rei exchanged one last look before settling into their seats next to Haru. They took out notebooks and watched as other students filled up the classroom.

"Oh, it says there are literature pieces involved," Rei said, looking through the syllabus on his laptop.

"Oh?" Nagisa chirped, peering over Rei's shoulder. "Hey, hey! Isn't that Mako-chan's favorite subject?"

Haru glanced at them out of the corner of his eye at the mention of Makoto's name.

"I believe you're right, Nagisa-kun," Rei said, closing his laptop with a smile.

"Aw, he would enjoy this class!" Nagisa whined.

"Nagisa-kun, not so loud," Rei said. He shushed him and eyed Haru carefully.

"Hey, hey, maybe we can bring him some of the books back?" Nagisa said, his face brightening. "Aw, but he'll probably be too busy with  _work_ ," he groaned.

"It's his job, Nagisa-kun," Rei said with a hushed voice. "He chose to go into that field."

"Yes, but... I just wish Mako-chan would reconsider coming back to school!" Nagisa said.

Haru's pen stilled.

" _Nagisa-kun,"_  Rei emphasized with hardened eyes.

Nagisa stared at Rei with wide eyes before following his gaze. He turned his head and looked back at Haru, who was staring at them with his usual deadpan expression.

"A-Ah! Haru-chan..." Nagisa said quietly.

Haru paused. looking down at his notebook on his desk before he shook his head lightly.

He looked down at his notebook on his desk, seeing the drawings that had taken up some of the pages. He had drawn some waves at the bottom of the page, and they reminded him of how things were before.

_"When I taught Hayato how to swim backstroke, he told me, 'I'm not scared of swimming anymore! I had fun!' It made me so happy."_

_"That's why I wanted to show even more kids just how fun it is to swim!"_

_"I want to join the teaching side of the swimming world. And to learn how to do that, I'm going to a college in Tokyo."_

_" **That's the dream I've found for myself.** "_

Haru stared sadly down at the notebook, his mind pulled back into reality.

"Haru-chan," Nagisa called again, and Haru lifted his gaze to meet sad, magenta eyes. "Sorry," he mumbled with a pitiful expression.

Haru blinked at him for a moment. Why was he sorry? Nagisa had only stated what they all wanted...

It was then that Haru realized what had been bothering him so much.

He looked at Nagisa and then down at his notebook before shaking his head lightly.

"I've been wanting Makoto to come back to school, too," Haru said, his eyes staring a hole into the notebook paper.

Nagisa and Rei leaned forward on their desks, eyes wide with surprise.

"You have, Haruka-senpai?" Rei asked.

Haru lifted his head to look at them both and he nodded.

"Mmn," Haru hummed.

"Well, you know what this means, right?!" Nagisa shouted as he slammed his palms down on his desk.

Rei and Haru stared up at him as he stood to his feet and slapped his hands to his hips.

"Operation: Get Makoto back in school!" Nagisa shouted, lifting up a finger and pointing towards the ceiling.

Rei's face flushed and Haru's brow twitched.

"Nagisa-kun, would you  _please_  sit down?!" Rei said in a loud whisper.

"Huh? But don't you like my idea?" Nagisa said, his face twisting in confusion.

"Yes, yes, we like your plan! But we'll discuss it  _later!"_  Rei emphasized.

"But, Rei-chan—"

"We'll get him back," Haru said firmly.

Rei and Nagisa turned back to look at Haru, who was staring ahead at the blackboard in the front of the room. A layer of determination was hiding in those sad, blue eyes.

"R-Really, Haru-chan?" Nagisa said.

"Yeah," Haru said with an affirmative nod.

Nagisa and Rei exchanged looks and then Nagisa leaped out of his seat.

"Yeah! Operation: Get Makoto back!"

"Nagisa-kun! Class is about to start!"

"Uwah?!"

* * *

"That's it, keep going, Nanase-san."

Haru tried his best to move his ankle, pain shooting up his leg and into his thigh at each quivering movement. His bones felt stiff from the pressure and it barely budged an inch.

"That's good, Nanase-san! Okay, you can take a break."

Haru let out a sigh of relief when he relaxed his leg back down on the table. His physical therapist smiled at him and she wrote down some things on her clipboard.

"Good progress today, Nanase-san," she said happily.

Haru scowled down at his leg in response. He knew there was not much progress. It barely moved a centimeter since last week.

"I know you're discouraged," the therapist said. She placed a hand on Haru's shoulder, grabbing his attention. "But you'll get there. Baby steps, remember?"

Haru blinked at her, uninterested. But he nodded and bent down to put his shoes back on.

"Maybe we'll try more stretching exercises next week," she suggested. "Are you still doing the exercises at home?"

Haru pursed his lips and looked away. The physical therapist frowned and rubbed the back of her neck, her brows coming together in a worried expression.

"You know… you can gain full function in your ankle again," she said softly. "You just… you have to work at it."

Haru suddenly felt his chest twist with agitation at her words and his hands curled into fists by his sides. He snapped his head to look at her.

"I've been working at it for a  _year_ ," he said with a bite. "Nothing's gotten better."

The physical therapist blinked at him, not fazed by his outburst or biting tone. She folded her arms across her chest and stared at him with firm eyes.

"If you have that kind of attitude, then nothing  _will_  change," she said matter-of-factly. "If you don't do your exercises at home or keep your weight off of it like I told you, then you'll never get better."

"But school—"

"I know your major requires you to be on your feet for most of the day," she interrupted, lifting a hand up to stop him. "But you _must_  tell your professors about your physical needs and limitations."

Haru huffed out a sigh and looked away, his jaw set and eyes narrowed at the ground. He stared angrily down at his swollen ankle, willing it to just heal as quickly as possible.

"Just try, Nanase-san," she added, her voice a little more gentle. "You have to work at this. Don't you want to join the university swim team again?"

Haru jolted as if he had been struck, her words hitting him like a freight train. He closed his eyes and sighed, nodding in pitiful admission. A small smile appeared on the physical therapist's face and she patted his shoulder.

"You'll get there," she promised. She took a step back and jotted some more things down. "Have you set up an appointment with a psychologist?"

Haru's face hardened and he looked away from her again, his brows pulled together.

"I'm guessing that's a no," she said, unhappily. "Why haven't you decided to see one, yet?"

"Don't need one," Haru said with a shrug.

The physical therapist hesitated.

"And... why is that?" she asked. "Have you spoken to anyone about what caused your injury?"

Haru gulped as his thoughts raced back to that night.

It was so hot.

There were screams.

He was running.

Then, there was a beam, and...

_"Haru!"_

_"Haru, where are you?!"_

Then... nothing.

Haru shuddered and he looked away, not wanting to answer.

The physical therapist looked skeptical but conceded to Haru's antics. She nodded and sighed, handing him his ankle brace. Haru gingerly took it from her and then bent down to slip it on his ankle.

"All right, Nanase-san, I guess I'll see you next week!" she said with a smile.

Haru resisted rolling his eyes at her cheery voice and he straightened.

"Yeah," he said gruffly.

Haru waited until she left, and he took a step towards the lobby. Pain seared through his leg and up to his hip. He hissed and doubled over, his hand moving to hold his thigh.

It always hurt worse after therapy sessions.

After a few moments of slow breathing and mental struggle, Haru straightened and limped towards the doors. He pushed through them and hobbled into the lobby where a drowsy Makoto sat. And as soon as Haru walked through those doors, Makoto was on his feet and by Haru's side.

"Haru, are you okay?" Makoto asked. He reached out to help but Haru put his hand up to stop him.

"I'm fine," Haru said through gritted teeth.

Makoto did not look convinced but he lowered his hands to his sides and waited for Haru to walk to the front door by himself.

"You don't have to take me to these things every week, you know," Haru said as they headed to the station.

Makoto's brows shot up in surprise.

"But they said you should have someone with you just in case," Makoto said softly.

"Makoto, I'm walking just fine on my own," Haru said, looking at his friend in the eye. "You don't have to…"

Haru bit his lip and looked away.

_You don't have to punish yourself,_  Haru thought. _It wasn't your fault._

Makoto's chuckle was a little strained, but he gestured to Haru's hand that held his thigh lightly.

"You're favoring your leg, though," Makoto said with a small smile and a look of 'I told you so.'

Haru looked away sharply and Makoto chuckled heartily. They walked into the station and stood at the platform, waiting for the train to arrive.

"Haru, I like coming to these things with you," Makoto said. There was a moment of pause and Makoto's face fell. "You don't have to hide if you're in pain, Haru," he added softly.

Haru turned his head to look up at Makoto, taking in that vacant expression and guilt hidden in his green eyes. He had seen that look so many times in this past year, and it would always mean the same thing.

Makoto was blaming himself for the accident.

Makoto was blaming himself for Haru's injury.

Makoto... was blaming himself.

"Makoto."

Makoto turned his head to look at his friend, his face perking up a bit to appease Haru. The intercom beeped and signaled that a train was entering the station and Makoto concentrated on Haru's face to hear his next words.

"You don't have to hide if you're in pain, either."

Makoto blinked at him.

And then his eyes widened.

_What did he just say?_

"Haru, what—"

"C'mon, the train's here," Haru interrupted, walking through the open doors.

"Ah, H-Haru, w-wait for me!"


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone!   
> My goal is to post one chapter a week. If I don't, I am truly sorry. My life is so crazy right now. 
> 
> But, I am wanting to hear from you! What would you like to see from this fic? I have the main storyline in my head, but you guys could always give me ideas!
> 
> You guys are awesome!  
> Happy Reading~
> 
> ~LuckE1

Chapter 3

* * *

"Move it, Tachibana! Gotta go faster!"

Makoto ran to the heavy fire hose and lifted it up in his arms in one big heap. He felt his knees shake and he feared they would buckle under the weight.

"C'mon! Attach it to the truck!"

Sweat was pouring down Makoto's neck. The sun was fairly hot that day, beating down on his heavy gear and making his body feel like a furnace.

Trudging over to the fire engine, Makoto propped up the hose onto the ledge and quickly started unscrewing the valve.

"Go, Tachibana! Quickly!"

"Hirose, I'm going as fast as I can!" Makoto whined.

"Not fast enough," his friend said while shaking his head. He was staring down at his stopwatch with pursed lips and worried brows. "Tachibana, you've only got 20 seconds left!"

Makoto wiped the sweat from his brow again and then focused on the task at hand. He fiddled with the hose, trying to screw it into place. No matter how much he turned it, the hose would not fit properly in place.

"5… 4… 3…"

Makoto pushed the hose further onto the valve and heard a  _click_. He sighed in exasperation and twisted the hose around to screw it into place.

"2… 1…"

Makoto was just about to turn the hose all the way into place.

"Time!"

Makoto's hands froze on the hose.

He was so close.

So, so close.

But he failed.

Again.

"Makoto."

Makoto turned at the sound of his name, a little surprised, but too tired to care. His partner and fellow fireman was staring back at him with a worried expression.

"You okay?" he asked.

Makoto huffed and puffed, trying to catch his breath. He doubled over on his knees with shaking hands.

"Yeah," Makoto panted. "Thanks, Koji."

Koji gave a small smile and put the stopwatch into his pocket. He folded his arms across his chest and leaned back against the outside of the fire station.

"What's been up with you?" Koji asked, cocking his head to the side.

Makoto straightened and look at him with wide eyes and sheepish posture.

"What do you mean?" Makoto asked.

Koji pointed at the fire hose that was sprawled out on the ground next to the truck.

"Your focus has been lacking," Koji explained. "The test is next week. Don't you want to get a promotion?"

Koji pushed his brows together and pointedly stared at Makoto. Makoto grimaced and looked at the ground, a nervous hand finding its way up to rub at the skin of his neck. Koji noticed how his hand shook in the air before he placed it on his reddened neck.

"Of course I want a promotion," Makoto said quietly.

"Then why are you slacking off so much?" Koji asked. "If you fail the test, Chief will make you do a week of harsh retraining."

"I  _know_! I know," Makoto said, flailing his arms up in frustration. He walked to the fire engine and plopped down on the ladder. He stared hard at the ground and slowly sighed. "I've been… tired," he said finally.

Koji paused, taking in Makoto's slumped form. He had dark circles under his eyes and his shoulders sagged as if he were carrying the weight of the world. His hands were clasped together in his lap, but Koji could see them shaking. Koji pushed himself off of the wall and walked up to him gingerly.

"Makoto," he called, hovering over him. Makoto looked up at Koji tentatively. "You've been… having trouble sleeping again, haven't you?" he asked, placing his hands on his hips.

Makoto's eyes went wide for a moment before he turned his head down to look at the pavement. His hands clasped tighter around each other, turning the tanned skin a pale white.

"I-I… I…" Makoto's voice shook as he tried to speak, and Koji was kneeling in front of him in an instant.

"Whoa, whoa, take it easy, big guy," Koji said. He put his hands on Makoto's trembling shoulders to steady him. "Is this because of what happened last year?" he asked.

Makoto sharply turned his head away from Koji, staring sadly at some nearby bushes to distract his mind.

The bushes were green. Not shriveled up. Not burnt or destroyed. He could do this.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

_Breathe in…_

"Have you…" Koji started, startling Makoto out of his thoughts. "Have you thought about seeking professional help?" he asked.

Makoto's breath hitched in his chest and he felt his heart squeeze.

He gulped and shook his head, not wanting to meet Koji's eye.

"Makoto, maybe you… maybe you should look into it," Koji said gently, removing his hands from Makoto's shoulders.

Makoto bit his lip and finally looked Koji in the eye, his sharp green eyes shimmering.

"But… I have to be strong for my friends," Makoto said, his voice almost a whisper. He looked down at his shaking hands. "I don't want them to see me differently. Haru…" Makoto's voice caught as he tried to speak. "He… he's having a hard enough time as it is."

Koji studied him thoughtfully and then put a hand to his chin. He cocked his head and looked at the ground.

"He… was your friend from the fire last year," Koji stated.

Makoto nodded. "He's… he's in pain every day because of his injury that won't heal. It was… it was all so fast," Makoto took a deep breath and hung his head. "It was like the rug had been pulled out from underneath of him. His dream, the dream that he had just found for himself, was taken away from him in an instant. And it… it…"

_It was my fault._

"Makoto," Koji said quietly.

Makoto remained still as a statue, afraid that one movement would reduce him to a blubbering mess. He could not do that to his friend, his coworker. He was a firefighter for crying out loud.

"You need to talk to someone. Seriously," Koji said firmly. "Will you do that? For me?"

When Makoto felt his frame start to tremble under Koji's gaze, he knew something was off.

Did he really need help?

Would talking to someone really help this?

Makoto was unsure what possessed him to do so, but he ended up moving his chin down in a half-nod, agreeing to Koji's request.

Koji smiled lightly and lifted up his hand to ruffle Makoto's hair.

"Good," Koji said. He pushed himself up and put his hands on his hips. "Now get your ass into gear,  _Tachibana_! You have a week until the tests!"

Makoto stuttered out of his trance and snapped his head up to look at Koji. Koji was wearing his stern face once again and Makoto groaned.

"Yes,  _Hirose_."

"Oi, you making fun of me?"

"N-No!"

"That's what I thought! Now, go and move those tires! C'mon, push it, go!"

* * *

Haru tilted the pan and flipped the ingredients, a sizzling sound rising from the stove in the form of steam. He eyed the dish carefully, making sure not to burn the meat plus the veggies that cooked simultaneously.

This was practice for a huge competency test next week. He had to perfect this dish by next week, and he was surprisingly having difficulties. He did not like to cook other kinds of fish, but he knew it was his own fault for opting for mackerel every time.

Maybe Makoto was right about switching it up.

Haru felt sweat slide down his neck and into the collar of his white cook's uniform. It was too hot in the kitchen today, especially with everyone working the grills.

The culinary professor on duty in the kitchen today was crass and strict. His methods made Haru feel choked up when he just wanted to be…

Free.

Haru sighed and turned down the stove. He glanced over his shoulder to the plates on the other side of the room. Most of his classmates had already plated their dishes and Haru had not even started. He took a deep breath and grabbed the pan, turning on his good heel to walk towards the plates.

As soon as he took a step, his ankle buckled, sending stabbing pains up his leg. He faltered, his vision blackening at the edges.

And all of a sudden, he was on the ground.

His arm stung, and he could feel sticky liquid on the front of his clothes. He leaned up and saw several pairs of eyes on him, all wide and concerned.

But one set of eyes looked furious.

"Nanase!" the professor shouted.

Haru turned his head to look at his professor. His hands were on his hips and his brows were pulled down in an angry scowl.

"What is the meaning of this? You've made a mess in my kitchen!" the professor growled.

Haru sighed and sat up on his knees. He glanced down at where his dish lay scattered on the tile floor, still steaming. He looked down at his forearm and saw that the skin was red and agitated from the hot liquid in the pan. His entire leg shook from the pain in his ankle.

A sigh from the professor broke his thoughts and Haru glanced up to meet his gaze.

"Everyone, if you're done, then you may go," the professor said, and he turned back to look at Haru. "The test for this is next week. I expect that you'll be more careful from now on,  _hm_?"

Haru blinked at him and then nodded.

"Good. Now clean this mess up." The professor turned and walked out of the kitchen, and slowly the rest of the students followed suit.

Haru felt his brow twitch when he pulled his arms away from his body, the fabric sticking to himself. He sighed heavily and glanced around the room. This was not good.

He moved to stand and he tried to put weight on his foot. But, he buckled again and landed on his hands on the tile floor, hissing from the shooting pain that traveled up his calf.

This was  _definitely_  not good.

And Haru felt his stomach twist with guilt and frustration, knowing that he had to make the call.

Haru turned onto his backside and gingerly scooted backward until his back was against the cabinets. He reluctantly pulled his phone from his pocket and searched through his contacts until he reached Makoto's name. With shaking fingers, he dialed his number and put it to his ear. And only after a few rings, Makoto answered.

"Hello?" came his cheery voice.

Haru sighed and hesitated. He shifted his leg and hissed in pain again.

"Haru? Are you okay?!" Makoto's frantic voice shouted through the phone.

"Mmn, just…" Haru took a deep breath. "Can… can you come get me?" he asked. He could feel his cheeks burning with embarrassment.

"I'm leaving now," Makoto said. Haru could hear him shuffling around and a jingling of keys. "What happened?"

Haru pouted.

"Nothing really," Haru answered.

" _Haru_ ," Makoto whined.

Haru huffed out an annoyed breath of air, loud enough for Makoto to hear.

"Just get here," Haru said, and he quickly hung up the phone and tossed it to the side.

He leaned down and gripped his half, careful not to touch his ankle. He could feel it throbbing inside of his shoe and through his sock, the pain pulsing with every heartbeat. He sighed and leaned back against the wall, exhausted and pained.

Haru could hear the clock ticking away in the room, and his head pounding from the long day. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the cabinets with a dull thud.

The test for this dish would be next week and Haru was already on the professor's bad side. He was unaware of how strenuous this program was… and how unfulfilling it ended up being.

If only he had not tripped during that fire, then maybe his foot would not have gotten pinned…

If only Makoto had gotten to him sooner than he did…

Haru shook his head, trying to fling the memory far away from his mind. Haru knew Makoto already blamed himself for the whole incident and his injury, he did not need to be the one to blame Makoto, too.

"Haru?"

Haru opened his eyes when he heard the familiar light voice coming from the hallway. He blinked and looked towards the doorway, watching as a shadow came closer and then stepped through the open door.

Makoto poked his head in through the door first and then crossed the threshold as he entered the classroom. His eyes darted around the room.

"Haru? Are you— oh, Haru!"

After seeing the aftermath of Haru's accident on the floor, Makoto rushed to Haru's side. He placed his hands on Haru's shoulders and looked him over, taking in his stained white uniform.

"What happened?" Makoto asked.

Haru glanced down at his ankle and gave a frustrated sigh.

"It… gave out again," Haru said through gritted teeth.

Makoto turned and looked down at Haru's foot. He carefully moved his hand and rolled up his pant leg, eyes widening when he saw the swollen ankle.

"Haru… this—"

"I need to clean up first," Haru interrupted, not wanting to discuss it. He gestured towards the mess on the floor.

Makoto whipped his head back to Haru, lips parted and green eyes wide.

"But we should get you to the hospi—"

"No hospitals," Haru murmured. He grunted when he forced his pant leg back down. He reached up and grabbed the edge of the counter and tried pulling himself up. "Just have to… to clean this and then we…"

Haru slipped and almost fell back onto his knees, but Makoto was there to grab his upper arm to prevent him from falling.

"Haru!" Makoto yelped. He eased Haru back down on the ground and he gripped Haru's shoulder. "Just sit tight. I'll take care of this," Makoto said.

Haru blinked up at him and opened his mouth to protest, but Makoto was already up and searching for a rag. Once Makoto had found a rag, he soaked it in water at the sink and hurried over to the mess of ingredients on the floor and got on his knees to scrub it.

"No one helped you?" Makoto asked, shooting Haru a quick glance before looking down at the mess.

Haru hesitated and averted his eyes.

"The professor is... harsh," Haru said simply.

Makoto did not respond. He leaned down and scrubbed the floor, wiping up the dried grease on the white tiles. He rolled up his sleeves and huffed out a sigh... and that's when Haru saw it.

There was a big, purple bruise on Makoto's forearm.

"Makoto," Haru called out.

Makoto stood to his feet, the pan and dirty rag in his hand, and he glanced at Haru with a cocked head.

"Hm?" he hummed.

Haru lifted a hand to point to Makoto's arm, and Makoto followed his gaze. His eyes widened in a slight panic before a smile appeared on his face.

"Ah, just from training," Makoto said. He waved his hand and brought the pan and rag to the sink to wash up.

Haru felt his features harden.

_There he goes again,_  Haru thought.

"All done," Makoto said, returning to Haru's side. "You ready to go?"

Haru sighed and nodded. He leaned forward to stand but the pain forced him back down on the ground. Makoto returned his hands to Haru's shoulders and steadied him.

"You shouldn't put weight on it," Makoto said under his breath. He lifted a hand to his chin and thought for a moment. Then, he snapped his fingers and turned around. "Here, get on my back."

"No," Haru deadpanned.

Makoto sighed and sagged his shoulders. " _Haru!"_  he whined. " _Come on_. The quicker you do this, the quicker we can get home."

Haru blinked and hesitated, his cheeks heating up again from embarrassment. He scuffled forward and painfully climbed onto Makoto's back. Haru grunted and hissed in pain as Makoto cupped his hands underneath his thighs and easily hoisted him up.

"Hang on, Haru," Makoto said.

"As if I have a choice," Haru mumbled.

Makoto chuckled, and Haru could feel it resonate through Makoto's back against his chest.

Makoto carried Haru out of the classroom, through the culinary building, and out into the street. It was dark out and the streets empty. Some streetlamps flickered as they passed them and headed towards the train station.

As they walked into the train station, Haru watched as Makoto took out his wallet and scanned his train pass, all while still holding Haru with one hand. Haru had never noticed it before, but Makoto had really gained some muscle. His shoulders were broader, and his biceps bigger. How had he not noticed it until now?

"You okay, Haru?" Makoto asked as they stepped onto the empty train.

"Mmn," Haru hummed.

The train ride was quick, with Makoto's usual ramblings to keep Haru's mind off of the throbbing pain that threatened to rise up his leg. Once they arrived at the right station, Haru clambered onto Makoto's back once again and they headed down the street to their apartment.

The pain had traveled up Haru's calf, heat radiating and pulsing from his swollen ankle. He gripped Makoto's shirt and hissed as Makoto let him go for a moment to open the door.

"Just hold on, Haru," Makoto said softly as they crossed the threshold.

Makoto quietly shut the door behind them and shuffled out of his shoes. He carried Haru to the bathroom where he set him down on the closed toilet lid. Haru hissed as he tried to move his legs to accommodate them both in that small bathroom.

"This might hurt," Makoto said as he knelt down in front of Haru.

Haru grunted and watched as Makoto took ahold of his foot. He hissed and squeezed his eyes shut at the contact. It was as if a thousand needles were jabbing his ankle and foot, sending prickling pains up his leg and all the way to his hip. Stress had always made the pain worse, and Makoto knew this.

Haru bit his lip as Makoto carefully slipped off the shoe and sock, revealing a reddened and swollen ankle. Makoto's eyes squinted, his face contorting into something that resembled guilt.

"I'll go get some ice," Makoto said quietly. He stood to his feet, his head hanging and his eyes downcast, and he headed to the hallway. Haru sat quietly, leaning his head back against the cool bathroom wall.

A minute later, Makoto returned with a bag of ice and a towel in his hand. He knelt down in front of Haru and gently pressed the covered bag of ice on his swollen ankle. Haru grunted at the contact but then relaxed as the ice soothed the throbbing pain. After a few minutes, his head stopped spinning and he felt his foot start to numb. Haru let out a sigh and closed his eyes, finally feeling relief.

"Better?" Makoto asked.

"Mmn," Haru hummed, keeping his eyes closed. Now he could go for a nice soak in the tub and then get ready for—

"I'm sorry."

Haru's eyes popped open and he tilted his head down to look at Makoto. He was still sitting on his knees, gently holding Haru's foot, and he wore the most dejected expression on his face.

"What?" Haru asked.

"If…" Makoto paused, his face twisting into frustration. "If I had gotten to you in time, then you wouldn't be hurt like this. You wouldn't have had to quit the swim team and change your major. You wouldn't have fallen today. This…"

Haru's brows pulled together and he grit his teeth.

_Don't say it,_  Haru thought.  _Don't you dare—_

"This is all my fault."

Makoto's shoulders trembled underneath Haru's gaze, and he avoided eye contact. Haru's hands curled into fists.

_Why is Makoto blaming himself? It's not like he_  started _the fire!_

"Ma—"

"I'll let you rest," Makoto said suddenly. After he placed Haru's foot down with care, he jumped to his feet and headed to the door.

"Makoto," Haru called sternly, making Makoto halt at the door of the bathroom. Makoto turned his head to look at him, his eyes leery and hesitant. "It wasn't your fault. You didn't start the fire."

Makoto blinked at him, and then his lips curled up in that same self-deprecating smile that Haru  _hated_.

"Ah…mmn. Thanks, Haru," Makoto said quietly. He lowered his gaze to the floor and his smile fell. "I'll… be on the couch, if… if you need me."

And with that, Makoto left Haru in the bathroom, quietly shutting the door behind him.

* * *

"Okay! So what are our plans for getting Mako-chan back in school?"

Nagisa, Rei, and Haru were all seated in their history classroom. It was after class, so the other students had already left, leaving the three of them in the empty classroom. Nagisa's eyes were sharp and determined, ready to take suggestions and how to get their friend refocused back on his dream.

"Perhaps we could show him some of the classes we're taking?" Rei suggested. "Or, we could bring him to campus more! The campus circle is beautiful this time of year and–"

"That sounds boring, Rei-chan!" Nagisa complained.

"B-Boring?!"

"Oh, I know! Maybe we should show him how teaching kids to swim is more fun than being a firefighter!" Nagisa said.

"And how are we supposed to do that?" Rei asked, his brows pushed together.

"Hmm," Nagisa put a hand to his chin. "Oh! What if I asked him to help me with backstroke?"

"Nagisa-kun, why would you need help with backstroke?"

"Because it's not my main stroke!"

"You're not even on the swim team!"

Nagisa puffed out his cheeks and folded his arms across his chest.

"Well, at least I'm coming up with ideas!" Nagisa pouted.

Rei and Haru glanced at each other and then they thought for a moment. Rei adjusted his glasses and then put his hand to his chin while Haru folded his arms across his chest, staring down at his drawing of the old Iwatobi mascot on his notebook.

"Maybe we could take him swimming at the pool?" Rei said after a while.

Haru flinched at that, and both Nagisa and Rei took notice.

"A-Ah, sorry, Haruka-senpai," Rei apologized.

"No, it's fine," Haru said simply.

After all, Haru had not swum in a while.

His ankle prevented him from swimming in any capacity, except for just floating around.

This wasn't new.

Haru blinked sadly down at his notebook.

"He… he won't swim," Haru said quietly.

Rei and Nagisa turned to look at Haru.

"He won't swim?" Nagisa echoed.

"Why not, Haruka-senpai?"

Haru's hand curled into a loose fist on his desk.

"Because I can't," Haru said.

Nagisa and Rei exchanged worried looks before turning back to Haru with sad gazes.

"Haru-chan…" Nagisa whispered.

"He blames himself," Haru said quietly. "He won't come back to school because he blames himself for the fire and… for my injury."

"He won't come back because he blames himself?" Rei asked, adjusting his glasses with a trembling hand.

"He thinks that it's his fault that my dream was taken away, since…" Haru's brows pulled together and creased. "…since he couldn't get to me in time. So… he feels it's only fair that his dream is taken away, too."

"What?!" Nagisa yelled.

"That's preposterous!" Rei shouted.

Haru looked at the two of them and nodded in agreement.

"I know," Haru said. He glanced down at his notebook and flipped open a page. "So, I want to prove to Makoto that none of it was his fault."

Nagisa and Rei peered over Haru's shoulder to glance at the opened notebook.

"How are you going to do that, Haru-chan?" Nagisa asked.

Haru pointed to a name and number on the page.

_Chief of Police_

"Eh?" Nagisa chirped.

"Chief of police?" Rei said, reading the title on the page.

Haru nodded and looked to the both of them.

"I'm going to call them and get all the information they know about the university's dorm fire last year."


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! Here's a long chapter for you.  
> Happy reading!
> 
> ~LuckE1

"All right, here's the drill."

Mori stood in front of the line of firemen with his hands folded across his chest and a stern look on his face. Makoto stood stiffly near the end, his legs jiggling with nerves.

"This is a pass or fail test. If you pass, you're up for promotion. If you fail, you go through a week of extensive training. With  _me_ ," Mori said, emphasizing the word 'me.'

Several of the firemen cringed at the idea of Mori yelling in their faces for a whole week.

"You will have 8 physical tests to go through. The first is the stair climb. After that, you have the hose drag, equipment carry, ladder raise, forcible entry, search, rescue, and ceiling breach."

Makoto took in a deep breath, remembering all of the extra training Koji had put him through. He had finally gotten the hose part right, and he thought he could do the equipment carry pretty well, but there was one test he was most nervous about.

Search.

The search test required the firefighters to crawl through a building with several obstacles and with limited visibility and rescue a dummy that was placed somewhere in the building.

Basically… they would be re-creating a fire.

Makoto gulped. It had been a while since he had entered a building fire. He was always,  _always_  on roof duty.

"Okay! Let's begin the test," Mori barked. "First drill is the stair climb. Let's go, go, go!"

* * *

"All right, plate your dishes."

Haru finished putting the food neatly on his plate and he grimaced. It was not at all how he wanted the dish to go, but this was the final product. He sighed heavily, knowing he'll have to pick up the slack in order to get his grade up.

The professor walked down the line and inspected every dish, writing down notes on a clipboard. He could hear him berate a few students down the line and he sighed again.

_This is too much effort_ , Haru thought. He glanced out the only window in the room and concentrated on the clouds that passed over. He just wanted to call the police station and get information so Makoto could have some closure about the fire last year. He had to prove to Makoto that it was not his fault.

Besides, Haru didn't think he could survive another minute at school without him by his side.

"What is  _this_ , Nanase?"

Haru blinked and snapped his head to his professor, who was glaring back at him with a wicked scowl. He tapped on the counter next to the plate of food to bring Haru's attention down to the food.

"It's my dish," Haru said in response.

His professor narrowed his eyes at him.

"You know you didn't meet half of the requirements for this, right?" his professor said.

Haru's eyes narrowed back in annoyance. He knew about the requirements, but he felt that there were too many rules and restrictions.

"Mmn," Haru hummed, his teeth grit and jaw set.

"Well, then I suppose you're satisfied with a failing grade?" his professor asked with a snarky tone.

Haru's brows lowered and he remained silent, feeling his blood boiling. He took a slow, deep breath and moved his eyes to the ground. The professor wrote more things on his clipboard and then passed by to the next victim. Haru's hands curled into tight fists by his sides.

There was no way he could stand going to school without Makoto by his side.

Haru took a slow, deep breath through his nose and calmed himself, remembering that he still had to do a few things before Makoto could return to school.

"Those of you who failed will have an opportunity for a second try," the professor said with his hands on his hips. "The make-up test dish requirements are here." The professor waved a stack of papers in the air and then slapped them down on the counter.

Haru's eyes narrowed at those papers, knowing he would have to do everything the requirements say just so he could pass. He internally groaned and cursed those papers.

With a few parting words, the professor left and the students cleaned up their stations and packed up their belongings. Haru waited until the last student left before he pulled out his cell phone and scrolled through a few contacts.

_Tokyo Police_

Haru gulped. He knew it was just the information department and not emergency, so he should be fine. But it was still unsettling that he was actually calling the police, of all things.

Haru tapped on the "send" button and put the phone up to his ear, listening to it ring a few times before a woman answered on the other line.

"Tokyo Police Department, how may I help you?"

"Um, yes, I'm calling to ask about the details of a fire that happened last year," Haru said. He glanced towards the door, making sure it was still closed.

"You're calling to ask about an incident report?" the woman asked over the line.

"Yes," Haru replied.

"I'm sorry, sir, but we don't give that information over the phone," she stated.

Haru winced. He had just started this quest and he was already getting stopped at step one.

"Is there no information about it that you can provide?" Haru asked. "It's… it's for a paper."

Haru pursed his lips, wondering where that lie came from.

"Hmm," the woman hummed. He could hear her typing something on the other line. "Well, the only way to get more information is to submit a request form to our research department. I can go ahead and start filling one out for you. Could you give me the date of the incident?"

Haru swallowed and rattled off the familiar date for her.

"Okay, okay… oh." The woman stopped short and she paused. "I… uh… I see. So you have to do a… paper about  _this_?"

"Um… yes." Haru bit his lip again.

_Well. The report isn't for school…_  he thought.

"Okay. Well, I'll need your signature, so you'll need to come down to the station to fill that in," she said.

Haru sighed. This was not at all how he wanted this to go.

"Okay," he said.

"Have a good day, Nanase-san," the woman said pleasantly.

"Mmn. Bye."

Haru hung up and let his arm hang by his side, his thoughts processing for a moment. He glanced up at the clock in the room and saw that it was a little late in the afternoon.

He took a deep breath and grabbed his bag, hurrying as fast as his limp would take him out of the building.

* * *

"So far, so good. Next is Search."

Makoto was hunched over his knees and trying to catch his breath. The exercises had taken all morning and deep into the afternoon. His heart was pounding and he could feel his legs shaking.

It was time for the worst part of the exercises.

The firefighters all stood in front of a designated practice building. It was old, but perfect to use for exercises.

Makoto gulped at the thought.

"We're going to send in one at a time. An upper ranking fireman will accompany you throughout the drill. Any questions?" Mori asked, pacing in front of the men.

The men were silent, and Makoto bit his lip.

It couldn't be too hard, right?

Just search for dummies and bring them outside.

Easy.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

_Breathe… in…_

"Tachibana!"

Makoto squeaked at the sound of his name and he jumped. Mori rolled his eyes and then pointed to the building.

"You're up first," Mori barked.

_Me?!_  Makoto wanted to say. But he kept his mouth shut and nodded, moving to put on the heavy fire gear.

"Hirose will you accompany you," Mori said once Makoto was ready.

Makoto's eyes widened and he turned to see Koji donned in his full fire gear with a smile on his face. He gave Makoto a thumbs-up and Makoto smiled at him, appreciative that he would be the upper firefighter to accompany him.

"All right. You've got 10 minutes to get in, find, and grab the dummy, and get out. Got it?" Mori asked.

"Yes, sir," Makoto said. He gulped down his anxieties and stood with his back straight.

"Okay! Get ready… and… go!"

Makoto put down the protective shield of his fireman's helmet and took off towards the building. He rammed his shoulder against the front door and forced it open. He was immediately greeted with smoke and heat, and Makoto put up his arm to cover his face, even though the shield covered that part of the job already. He inched closer inside and began to feel himself sweat.

_It's so hot_ , Makoto thought.  _Concentrate! I've got to find this dummy and get out of here!_

Makoto glanced around the dark building, looking high and low for any sign of a plastic human lying around.

"Makoto, you've got 5 minutes," Koji said from behind.

Makoto turned back to look at him and gave him a curt nod in thanks before rushing to the stairs. He climbed up the steps swiftly, paying mind to the fallen debris and missing steps.

Once on the second floor, Makoto was engulfed by more smoke, heavier and thicker than before. He coughed a little bit before frantically turning from side to side to take in his surroundings.

Then, he saw it. The plastic dummy was lying at the far end of the second floor. Makoto's eyes lit up with determination and he hurried over to grab it. He was almost to it, the dummy coming in full sight.

But then... he froze.

There was a beam lying on top of the dummy's back legs, trapping it against the floor.

Makoto's breath hitched and his eyes widened.

This is… just like…

_"Makoto!"_

_"Haru?! Where are you Haru?!"_

_"Over here!"_

_"Har… Oh! Haru!"_

Makoto's breath started to quicken, his chest jumping wildly as his vision spun.

"Makoto? Makoto! What's wrong?" Koji called from behind.

Makoto continued to stare at the dummy, his mind swirling and legs shaking. He fell to his knees, unable to stop the room from spinning. He felt Koji's arm on his, trying to pull him up.

"Makoto, get up! You can't stop now, you have to finish or—"

"I can't," Makoto whimpered.

Koji lifted a brow.

"You can't what?" he asked.

Makoto's eyes stared straight ahead.

"I can't…"

_"Haru, I can't lift this!" Makoto wailed._

_"Then just go!"_

_"No! I'm not leaving you behind. Here, let me try again."_

_"Makoto, don't! You're going to hurt yourself!"_

_"I've… almost… got it."_

_"Makoto… Makoto, watch out! MAKOTO!"_

Makoto glanced down at his shaking hands. It was so hot. He felt so much pain. And all he could hear was…  _This was all your fault_.

"This is all my fault," Makoto whispered as the words echoed through his mind.

"Makoto! Makoto!"

Makoto finally snapped out of his daydream to see Koji kneeling in front of him and shaking his shoulders.

"K-Koji?" Makoto said, staring up at him.

"Makoto… time's up," Koji said softly.

Makoto's breath hitched.

He had… failed?

"W-What?" Makoto stuttered.

"We have to go," Koji said softly, gripping Makoto's shoulders and forcing him onto his feet.

Makoto blinked at him and then hung his head.

"Oh," he whispered.

"C'mon, let's go," Koji said, pushing his back.

Makoto nodded dumbly and headed towards the staircase, his eyes fixed on the dusty ground. Koji's hand remained on his back, his touch keeping Makoto grounded. They exited the building and Mori's head snapped up, his brows pulled together in a lackadaisical scowl. He watched Makoto walk by and sit down on the curb near the fire engine. Mori shook his head and glanced down at his clipboard.

"All right. Amari! You're next!" Mori barked out.

Mori glanced down at his clipboard and wrote down a big 'F' under Makoto's name. He sighed and stared down at his results, seeing that he had passed everything else.

"Captain."

Mori glanced up to see Koji standing in front of him, his helmet off and his brows pulled together in a worried frown.

"Hirose. What is it?" Mori asked.

Koji glanced down at the ground and then snapped his head up, his face turning more determined.

"Can I speak with you for a second?"

* * *

Haru blinked down at the receptionist.

What did she just say?

"Sorry, but… could you repeat that?" Haru asked.

The woman at the front desk filed away his request form in a manila envelope and then turned back to face him.

"You will receive the incident report in about a month's time," she repeated.

Haru blinked down at her again.

"A  _month_?" he echoed. "Why will it take so long?"

"Our investigation department is going through some staff changes, so the paperwork has been piled up. They have to take care of those cases first and, unfortunately, a request for an incident report is a low priority."

Haru's brow twitched in annoyance.

"I really need that report as soon as possible," Haru said, his gut twisting.

The receptionist gave him a sympathetic look. "I'm truly sorry, sir, but there's nothing more we can do."

Haru glanced down at the gray tiles of the police station, listening to the bustling and voices that surrounded him. He thought hard about what else he could say or do, but nothing came to mind. He sighed and looked back up at her.

"Thank you," he said quietly and turned to walk out of the station.

He stood in front of the station and glanced up at the sky, watching as clouds started to roll in on the darkening sky.

Today, the universe was definitely not on his side.

Haru limped back to the station and hopped on the train, annoyed by the crowd of people heading home from the work rush. A random stranger bumped into him and he stumbled, grabbing on the bar of the train and hissing when his ankle took most of the weight.

_Annoying_. He thought.

His limp got more noticeable by the time he made it to the apartment, and he trudged up the three flights of stairs because the landlord had not called someone to repair the elevator yet.

_Annoying…_  he thought as climbed the last step and headed town to the blue door.

He opened the door to an empty apartment, sighing a little in relief to peace and quiet before Nagisa and Rei would cause a fuss.

Haru knew it was cheaper to live all together, especially since they were in a crunch to find a place, but he still wondered if it would have been better to find a different place. A place with more bedrooms. But, Makoto insisted that they stay together. And of course, Nagisa and Rei were on board.

Plus, the bathtub was huge...

Haru headed to the kitchen to start on dinner, excited to create something  _he_  wanted with  _his_  ingredients. He pulled out the rice cooker and set out some bowls, about to make something simple, when he heard the front door open and then shut.

Haru paused and waited for a cheery "I'm home!" But, the phrase never came. Instead, he heard some shuffling around and then a soft  _whump_ , followed by a heavy sigh.

Haru put down the bowls and walked around the corner. He blinked at the tired body slumped on the couch.

"Makoto?" Haru called.

Makoto jumped and straightened on the couch, turning his head to Haru.

"H-Haru!" Makoto squeaked. He put his hand to his chest and took a deep breath. "You scared me!"

"Sorry," Haru said.

Makoto leaned back against the couch and his head lolled backward to rest on the cushion. He sighed and closed his eyes, and Haru glanced up at the clock, blinking at the time.

"You're home early," Haru said, turning back to face Makoto.

"Mmn," Makoto hummed.

Haru studied Makoto, watching his body language and tired face. There were bags under his eyes and his arms were limp against the couch. He looked completely exhausted and defeated.

"Did something happen?" Haru decided to ask.

Makoto opened his eyes to stare up at the ceiling before flopping his arm over his eyes to cover them again, shielding them from Haru's gaze.

"We had the promotions testing today," Makoto said softly. He turned his head to peer at Haru and gave him a weak smile. "Guess who didn't pass?"

Haru's brows lowered to look at the ground. He pursed his lips.

"I had my dish test today," Haru said, and Makoto's smile faded at his tone. "I didn't pass, either."

Makoto opened his mouth, ready to spew a scolding, but then he sighed and stared up at the ceiling, closing his mouth and remaining silent. He huffed out a feeble chuckle and lifted his hands to rub his face and then cover his eyes.

"I guess we're a bunch of failures, huh?" Makoto said dimly.

The crease in between Haru's brows deepened and he limped over to the couch. He fell back on the couch next to Makoto and slumped, resting his head back against the cushions. He stared up at the ceiling.

"Yeah," he hummed in agreement.

Makoto chuckled again and then let his hands fall from his eyes to stare up at the ceiling along with Haru. They sat in comfortable silence, both feeding off of each other's presence in the quiet room.

"Ah, remember when we snuck into the old swimming club building?" Makoto suddenly asked.

Haru blinked, remaining still. He hummed in agreement, remembering exactly when they snuck in. Nagisa had brought salt, which was actually sugar, to ward off evil spirits. And Makoto was shaking like a leaf and holding onto Haru as they turned every corner.

"You thought it was haunted," Haru said quietly.

"Did not!" Makoto said playfully. He hesitated and then chuckled. "Well, maybe a little bit."

Haru smiled at that.

"Ah… I miss that," Makoto said quietly.

Haru's smile faltered a little, understanding the underlying meaning behind his statement. He was not just referring to the building or the camaraderie… he was referring to the old days when life was easier. He was referring to a time when life's most stressful moment was Haru picking the same college as Makoto at the last moment. It was when Rei and Nagisa decided to join the same college, and they all had to register for the right classes.

Haru knew exactly what he meant.

"Yeah," Haru agreed.

There was a beat, and then Makoto let out an exasperated sigh.

"I have to do a week long retraining session," Makoto said. "It's supposed to be really intense."

Haru's face hardened and he sat up, looking at Makoto. Really intense? Makoto came home every evening looking exhausted and worn out, and now he had to have even  _more_  training? Haru had had enough of this. He just wanted Makoto by his side again.

"You don't have to keep this job," Haru blurted suddenly.

Makoto snapped his head over to look at Haru, eyes wide and lips parted. He slowly sat up and his brows creased slightly.

"What… what do you mean, Haru?" Makoto asked, looking a little lost.

Haru looked away for a moment and then back at him. All he had to do was just speak to him about it. Just open up. Just say it.

_Come back to school._

Haru's eyes narrowed and he steeled himself.

"Mako—"

Suddenly, a loud ring pierced the air and cut Haru off. Makoto fumbled for his pockets and yanked out his phone, his brows lowering when he read the caller ID.

"S-Sorry, Haru, but I need to take this," Makoto said, his voice a little shaky. He stood to his feet and answered the call.

"Hello?" Makoto answered. "Oh, Koji, what's… huh? Now?"

Haru eyed Makoto carefully as he continued his phone call, watching as his face fall.

"O-Okay… I'll be right there," Makoto said, and he hung up. He turned to face Haru with a worried look on his face. "Sorry, Haru, but I… I have to go."

"Where are you going?" Haru asked as he stood to his feet.

Makoto pulled his boots back on at the front door and twisted his head to look at Haru as he tied the laces.

"The station," Makoto answered.

"What? But you just got off your shift," Haru said.

Makoto shook his head, his brows pulled together in an apprehensive crease.

"I don't know… Koji called me to come down. Said it was urgent," Makoto said.

"Is it a fire?" Haru asked, his shoulders tensing from his own words.

"I don't think so," Makoto said. Haru silently sighed in relief. "But Koji sounded upset."

Haru's brows pushed together and the anxiety immediately returned in a warm wave.

"When will you be back?" Haru asked.

"I'm not sure. Just… go ahead and eat without me, Haru. I'll pick up something on the way back," Makoto said. He grabbed the front door knob and opened it. "Say hi to Nagisa and Rei for me. I'll be back as soon as I can, Haru!" Makoto shouted as he rushed out the door.

Haru reached out his arm to try and stop him.

"Ma—"

The door slammed behind Makoto, cutting off Haru's sentence, and Haru stood watching the door in silence.

* * *

After a quick train ride, Makoto was at the station, his heart pounding nervously against his chest. As he entered, he passed by a few firemen who were sitting around playing cards and chatting. Most of them had passed their promotion test, and most of them knew of Makoto's scene earlier that day.

Ducking his head and shoving his hands into his pockets, he hurried past them and to Captain Mori's office. He knocked on the door timidly and straightened his back.

"Come in."

Makoto jolted at the voice. That wasn't Captain Mori's or Koji's voice.

His hand shook as he turned the knob and opened the door. His breath hitched inside his chest when he saw Fire Chief Handa sitting at the desk with Koji and Mori standing on either side.

"Ch-Chief?" Makoto whispered.

Chief Handa looked up from the desk and he removed his glasses from his face.

"Ah, come in, Tachibana," Chief Handa said.

Makoto swallowed and closed the door behind him. He glanced up at Koji and Mori, both silent with their arms folded across their chest. Mori's usual gruff demeanor appeared tired and worn, while Koji was wincing, not meeting Makoto's eyes. He actually looked more... guilty.

"What's… what's going on, Chief?" Makoto asked tentatively.

"Well, Tachibana, I was informed by Mori and Hirose about your test today. You passed everything except that one drill," Chief said.

"Y-Yes," Makoto said, fidgeting lightly.

"Hirose had to drag you out, is that right?" Chief said.

Makoto flinched and then nodded. "Yes… sir."

Chief Handa hesitated and then folded his arms across his chest. He took a deep breath and rubbed his eyes.

"Listen, Tachibana. The real reason we called you in here was that Hirose approached Mori about your difficulties on the job," Chief said.

Makoto snapped his head to look at Koji with wide eyes. Koji flinched and turned his head away. And Makoto felt his heart plummet into his stomach.

"Then, Mori decided to approach me about the matter," Chief said. He straightened in his chair and looked at Makoto straight in the eye. "Tachibana, we have reason to believe you're still suffering PTSD from the dorm fire last year."

Makoto stiffened. His entire back ached and his knees wobbled. He felt his hands quiver by his sides. He looked down at his shoes.

"Um… I…" Makoto stuttered.

"I am ordering you to go and see a psychiatrist," Chief Handa said.

Makoto's head whipped up and stared at the Chief with wide eyes.

"W-What?" Makoto asked. "B-But, I want to be on the job! I can handle it!"

"You can't handle it if we're having to pull your ass out of a building and put other people's lives at risk," Chief Handa said gruffly.

Makoto recoiled and straightened his back again, feeling the Chief's short patience finally run out. He bit his lip and looked down at the ugly carpet on the floor.

PTSD? See a psychiatrist?

But he was  _fine_. There was nothing wrong.

It was Haru who was suffering.

Without swimming, he was reduced to choosing a major he didn't really want to do. Makoto remembered it vividly; Haru was depressed for months after they tried surgery on his damaged foot.

"Makoto," came Koji's softer voice, and Makoto lifted his head to meet Koji's sad eyes. "We're just worried about you. I see how much you're suffering. We just want you to get help."

Makoto felt his shoulders droop and his heart skip a beat. Koji's eyes were pleading.

"Please," Koji added.

Makoto gulped and his jaw slackened.

"I…"

Suddenly, the firehouse alarm went off in a shrilling ring. The four men in the office stood up straight to glance out the door and saw the men scrambling. An upper ranking fireman came running to the office and burst through the door.

"Captain Mori! There's a huge apartment fire downtown. The other firehouse in that district can't handle it alone and have called us for backup," the fireman said.

"Are there any casualties?" Mori asked.

The fireman winced. "A few."

"Damn it," Mori cursed under his breath. "All right, I'm going to need everyone here. That includes you, Tachibana," Mori said, pointing at Makoto.

"Eh?" Makoto squeaked.

"Captain!" Koji said, pleading with Mori to change his mind.

"But, aren't I fired or…?" Makoto asked, fiddling with his fingers.

"Fired?" Chief Handa mused. Makoto turned to meet Chief Handa's friendly gaze. "If I wanted to fire you, I would have already. Now go, do as Mori says."

"B-But—" Koji tried to protest.

"C'mon, Hirose. I'll put you in charge of Tachibana," Mori said. "Now, let's go!"

Mori grabbed both Koji and Makoto and shoved them out of the office and towards the changing rooms. Koji and Makoto both quickly put on their gear, shoving their clothes into the lockers.

Makoto set his phone down in the locker and it immediately started buzzing. He halted his movements and grabbed it, his heart leaping in his chest when he saw Haru's name pop up on the caller ID.

"Haru…" Makoto whispered.

"Tachibana! We're leaving!" Mori's voice barked from the fire truck.

"A-Ah, coming!" Makoto put the phone down and hurried onto the engine, sitting comfortably in between Koji and Mori.

"How bad is it?" Koji asked Mori.

"Three civilians have died so far. There are several more trapped in the upper floors," Mori explained as he pulled the fire engine out of the garage.

Makoto's jaw dropped and his heart started to ache. People were... trapped?

"We're going to need to go inside and grab people," Mori said softly.

Koji turned his head to look at Makoto, his eyes wide and nervous. Makoto locked eyes with him, his gloved hands curling into fists. He could feel his stomach churning with nerves.

"Hirose, you'll take Tachibana with you, got it?" Mori said.

"Yes, sir," Koji said.

Mori nodded. "Good."

"Can you handle this, Makoto?" Koji asked in a low voice.

Makoto's back straightened and he gulped. He tried to calm his trembling fingers and pounding heart, and he finally nodded.

"Yes," Makoto said.

Koji released a low breath and he nodded as well.

"Okay."

They finally arrived on scene and Makoto's eyes widened in horror. There were four fire engines all gathered around the tall apartment building, fire practically swallowing the building whole. Smoke billowed out of almost every open window and rose into the night sky.

"Makoto, let's go," Koji said, bringing Makoto back out of his thoughts.

Makoto exhaled a shaky breath before bolting out of the truck and throwing his helmet on. He rushed up behind Koji and looked up at the building, the heat already hitting him from the distance.

There were people gathered on the other side of the road, crying and comforting one another. Families who had just lost everything now only had blankets around their shoulders.

There were a few people sitting by the nearby ambulances, getting arms and legs treated for burns. And there were some stretchers lying on the ground with lumpy sheets lain over them…

Makoto's breath hitched in his chest.

Those… those were…

"Makoto!"

Makoto whirled around with a painful gasp as he came face-to-face with Koji. Koji put a stabilizing hand on Makoto's shoulder.

"You sure you can do this?" Koji asked.

Makoto forced a nod, the lump in his throat blocking any words.

"All right. Then follow me," Koji said.

Makoto closed his eyes for a moment.

He could do this.

Just go in a save people.

He could do this.

Just breathe.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Breathe… in…

Makoto opened his eyes.

And then charged forward.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so late!   
> In other news, I just completed my first semester of grad school! So now that I'm done for the year, I'll try to get more updates to you.  
> If you have any suggestions for this fic, let me know! I'd like to hear your input.
> 
> Happy Reading!  
> Enjoy~  
> ~LuckE1

" _The number you have dialed is currently unavailable. Please try again lat—"_

Haru hung up and slapped the phone on the counter. It had been over an hour since Makoto had left and he had heard  _nothing_. Makoto was usually so good at keeping in contact. What was going on?

"Um…"

Haru turned to look at the table in the kitchen, seeing both Nagisa and Rei sitting down eating the dinner Haru had made. Books surrounded them both as they ate and studied simultaneously.

"Is everything all right, Haruka-senpai?" Rei asked.

"Where's Mako-chan?" Nagisa asked.

Haru glared down at his phone, the screen now dark.

"He was called back to the station a while ago," Haru said solemnly.

"Eh? But, he already had a shift all day, didn't he?" Rei asked.

"Yeah."

"I hope he's all right," Rei said, his brows creased in worry.

"Did he say why he was called into the station?" Nagisa asked.

"Something about his boss wanting him to come in," Haru said.

"Y-You don't think he's getting fired, do you?" Rei asked.

Haru stayed silent, pondering the idea. He did just say that he failed the promotions test. But Makoto had mentioned the rigorous retraining he would have to go through, so would his boss fire him anyway?

"Don't you think that could be a good thing?"

Rei and Haru turned their heads to look at Nagisa, eyes a little wide in shock.

"Nagisa-kun! What are you saying?" Rei asked, slamming his palm flat on the table.

Nagisa folded his arms across his chest and quirked a brow thoughtfully.

"Well, I mean, if Mako-chan lost his job, wouldn't that give him an excuse to come back to school?" Nagisa asked.

Haru blinked at him and Rei's jaw dropped.

"Huh?! What are you saying? Why would you hope he would lose his job?!" Rei fussed.

"Aren't we trying to find ways to get Mako-chan to come back to school?" Nagisa asked, putting his hands on his hips indignantly.

Haru's brow twitched.

"Well, yes, but we should be encouraging him to come to that decision on his own! We can't just force him to come back to school if he doesn't want to!" Rei said.

Nagisa's face softened and then fell into a sad quiver.

"I know that," Nagisa said. "But… I want Mako-chan to come back to school."

Haru's heart jolted and he glanced up to look at Nagisa, who looked on the verge of tears. Rei's face also softened as he saw his small friend look distressed.

"He doesn't seem as happy at this job," Nagisa said. "It's not what he wanted to do when we were at Iwatobi!"

The room fell into a tense silence after Nagisa's outburst. Haru and Rei stared at him with wide eyes.

"He wanted to be a swimming teacher, not  _this_!" Nagisa shouted. He clenched his fists in his lap and stared down at the table. "I don't want Mako-chan to be sad."

There was a beat, and then Nagisa felt a firm hand grasp his shoulder. He lifted up his head, his magenta eyes brimming with tears. Rei had a calm smile on his face as he gripped Nagisa's shoulder.

"Why don't we just talk to him when he gets home?" Rei suggested.

Nagisa blinked, a stray tear falling from his eye. Haru took the seat next to Nagisa and leaned his elbows on the table.

"That's a good idea, Rei," Haru agreed.

Nagisa blinked a few more times to get rid of the tears and he sniffed, raising a hand to wipe his eyes. He nodded firmly and silently in agreement.

"Good. Oh, how did your talk with the police station go, Haruka-senpai?" Rei asked, suddenly turning to Haru. Nagisa turned his head as well and glanced at Haru curiously, his demeanor suddenly perking up.

Haru pursed his lips and looked away.

"They said I won't get the report until after a month."

The other two paused.

"EH?!"

* * *

"How many more are missing?"

"We think there are two more missing, but they're up on the fifth floor!"

Koji and Makoto stared at his fellow officer in disbelief.

"Damn," Koji muttered under his breath.

It had already been an hour and he and Makoto were exhausted from helping people out of the first floor. The fire was  _hot_  and intense, spreading up all of the floors of the apartment building. Makoto had been doing fine so far, with just staying on the first floor, but…

Koji turned back to look at Makoto, his brows furrowed in concern. Makoto eyeing the building and gauging how far up the fifth floor was. His frame was shaking slightly, his green eyes wide as he stared up at the flames.

"Are there no other men available to go in?" Koji asked, turning back to look at the fireman.

The fireman coughed into his elbow and rasped a harsh breath. He turned to look back at Koji, his eyes brimming with tears from the rough cough.

"Everyone else has been in there too long," he explained. "You two are the only ones left until more backup arrives."

Koji cursed under his breath again and then turned to look at Makoto. He grabbed Makoto's wrist to get his attention, meeting Makoto's wide eyes.

"Makoto, we have to go up to the fifth floor," Koji explained.

Makoto jumped. The fifth floor? His chest felt tight, his arm shaking in Koji's grasp.

His chest felt tight, his arm shaking in Koji's grasp.

"Can you handle this?" Koji asked.

Makoto steeled himself.

He could do this.

Just go in and find the two missing people.

He could do this.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Breathe… in…

"Yeah," Makoto finally replied.

Koji stared at Makoto's face and searched for any indication of a lie, and when he found none he nodded.

"Okay… okay. Let's go, Makoto," Koji said, letting go of Makoto's wrist.

Makoto took a deep breath and then quickly followed Koji to the building. The front door was already knocked down from previous firemen, so Makoto and Koji easily made their way inside. The heat was overwhelming as they made their way to the stairs. Koji took a step first and then turned to look at Makoto.

"Careful! It's not sturdy!" Koji warned as he climbed up the steps ahead of Makoto.

Makoto followed carefully and watched Koji's steps, trying to mimic his path exactly. They made it to the third floor where the heat intensified and boards started to fall.

"This building could collapse at any minute!" Koji yelled over the crackling of the fire.

Makoto's chest felt tight at his words, but he continued to follow him up the stairs. They both huffed and puffed by the time they reached the fifth floor.

"Is… is anyone there?!" Koji yelled through his panting.

Makoto straightened and glanced around, seeing debris falling every few seconds. It was extremely hot, the gear suddenly too heavy for Makoto's shoulders. He glanced around and watched as flames ate the walls and climbed up to devour the ceiling. Tiles from the ceiling disintegrated instantly and fell to pieces.

"Anyone?!" Koji yelled. "Is anyone there?!"

Makoto turned his head sharply at the sound of Koji's frantic voice. He took a few steps forward, trying to listen for something, anything.

Then, there it was.

A whimper.

It was faint, but Makoto's heart throbbed at the sound.

It was a child.

"Koji, this way!" Makoto yelled, barreling down the hallway.

"M-Makoto! Wait!" Koji called, chasing after him. "It's not safe! Makoto!"

Makoto burst through a door shoulder-first, knocking it open. He coughed at the smoke that immediately rose into his face. He put up his arm to shield himself from the heat and he glanced around.

"Is anyone there?!" Makoto yelled.

He waited, hearing only the crackling of the fire.

"Anyone?!" Makoto yelled.

"H-Help…"

Makoto's heart fluttered and he charged through the hot room. He glanced around, making his way into the apartment's kitchen. His eyes widened when he saw them.

Two children, a girl and her younger brother, were huddled together in the corner. The girl was hugging the boy close and both were crying.

Makoto's eyes widened and his heart pounded. He hurried over to them and grabbed them by their shoulders. They startled at first but then looked up at Makoto with teary eyes.

"Don't worry," Makoto said. "Let's get out of here, okay?"

The two children nodded at him. Makoto scooped them up into his arms and hurried to the front of the apartment.

"Makoto!" Koji yelled from the hallway.

"Here!" Makoto yelled. "I found them!"

Koji caught up and was in the doorway. He hurried by Makoto's side and reached out his arms.

"Here, I'll take one," Koji said. He grabbed the girl and secured her in his arms. "All right, let's get them out of here!"

Makoto nodded firmly and then followed Koji out of the apartment and down the hallway. Koji reached the staircase first and started to go down, tilting his head back to watch Makoto as he carried the small boy in his arms. A board from the ceiling fell in front of Makoto's path and he came to a halt, shielding the boy with his arms.

"Be careful, Makoto!" Koji yelled back. "We've got to hurry!"

"Right!" Makoto called back. He took a step closer to the staircase. "I'm coming! Just keep—"

Suddenly, the floor underneath Makoto's foot shifted and caved.

Makoto's heart skipped a beat.

He glanced down and saw his foot go through the floor.

And suddenly…

He was falling.

"MAKOTO!" Koji yelled, watching helplessly as his friend disappeared beneath the floor, a huge hole opening up and swallowing him. The girl in his arms wailed and called her brother's name.

Koji rushed back up the steps and peered through the gaping hole in the floor, but he only saw smoke rise through it.

"Makoto!" Koji yelled.

But there was no answer.

"MAKOTO!" he yelled again.

Again, no response.

Koji's frame shook.

Was he…?

The girl in Koji's arms started to sob, pulling Koji out of his thoughts. He squeezed the girl close to his chest and shielded her from more falling debris. With a set jaw, he turned around and hurried down the stairs. He peeked into the fourth floor, but it was completely consumed in flames.

Koji winced, feeling his heart sink into his stomach.

He glanced down at the girl and then quickly descended the rest of the stairs. He finally made it to the first floor and plowed through the opened front door, rushing the girl to the nearest ambulance. Once he handed her off, he twisted his body back to the building.

"Hirose!"

Koji turned his head and saw Captain Mori running up to him.

"You all right?" Mori asked. He glanced around and then his gaze landed back on Koji's face. "Where's Tachibana?" he asked grimly.

"He's still inside," Koji said, his arms shaking. "He fell through the floor, I wasn't paying attention and he—"

"Oi!" Mori shook Koji's shoulder to calm him. "Nothing good will come by you panicking. What floor were you on?"

Koji stammered a bit, his mind suddenly drawing a blank. He murmured something that resembled a number, his eyes fixed on the ground.

Then, there was cracking sound.

The two men turned and look up at the building, watching as the top floor of the building collapsed.

Koji's eyes widened in horror.

The building was going to crumble.

With Makoto still inside.

"I'm going back in!" Koji yelled, suddenly surging towards the burning building.

Mori grasped Koji's wrist to stop him. "Are you insane? This building is going to give at any minute!"

Koji whirled around to face him.

"But Makoto's still—"

The ground shook as the next floor collapsed, debris falling onto the ground. The frame of the building started to rock as more beams and burned planks fell to the ground.

"No…" Koji whispered. He took a step closer.

The top half of the building leaned sideways, and Mori grabbed Koji's wrist and yanked him to the side, pushing him forwards and falling on top of him. There were screams followed by a loud  _crash_  as the building fell, causing the ground to shake.

Mori still lied on top of Koji until the ground stopped shaking. They both twisted their bodies to look at the mass of burning rubble that surrounded them. Miraculously, the first floor of the building remained. But Koji's heart sunk.

The fifth and fourth floors were gone.

Koji jumped to his feet and stared at the front door, the remaining first floor still eaten by flames.

"No…" Koji whispered. His hands clenched into fists and he glared down at the ground. He closed his eyes tightly. "Makoto… I'm sorry."

There was a moment of silence. The only sound Koji could hear was the crackling of the flames and the water coming from the fire trucks. He felt his eyes sting and his body shook.

_This can't be happening_ , Koji thought.  _He was my responsibility and he…_

_Is he really gone?_

_This can't be happening..._

_This... can't be–_

Suddenly, people were shouting.

"Look!"

"Over there!"

"He's got a boy!"

Koji's eyes popped open and he snapped his head up to look at the building. His eyes widened and his chest heaved.

A figure was walking through the opened front door, rubble still piled around them and smoke everywhere.

It was then that Koji felt his heart leap.

It was Makoto.

He was covered in soot and dirt, but it was Makoto.

And he was carrying the boy in his arms, the small boy protected by his heavy fireman's jacket and helmet.

"Makoto…" Koji whispered.

Makoto hurried the boy towards the EMT's, who met him halfway and took the boy from his arms. The boy was awake and alert, and Koji's heart settled. The boy was alive.

And so was Makoto.

Koji took a deep breath and rushed over to Makoto.

"Makoto!" Koji called.

Makoto slowly turned his head and met Koji's gaze.

"Koji…" he mumbled.

"Makoto, are you okay?!" Koji asked as he rushed up to his friend's side.

Makoto hesitated, his movements sluggish.

"Ah, y-yeah, I just…" Makoto suddenly closed his eyes and pitched forward.

"MAKOTO!" Koji yelled, grabbing Makoto's shoulders.

"Mmm… I'm fine," Makoto grunted, trying to regain his balance. He lifted a hand to his head.

"No, no, c'mon," Koji said, flinging Makoto's arm around his shoulder. "Let's have the medics look at you."

Makoto pushed off of Koji and shook his head. He panted a little but stabilized himself.

"Really, Koji," Makoto said shakily. He putting his hands on Koji's shoulders. "I'm fine. I was just lightheaded."

"Makoto, I saw you  _fall_  through the  _floor_!" Koji protested. "We should really take you to the hospital!"

"I don't want any hospitals," Makoto said, turning his head away. His brows were furrowed painfully.

"Makoto…" Koji whispered.

"Please, Koji," Makoto practically begged, looking at Koji with pleading eyes. Koji winced, his eyes narrowing as he stared at Makoto's face.

"If you're sure you're all right..." Koji mumbled.

Makoto nodded. "Just disoriented, really."

"Tachibana!"

Both Makoto and Koji turned to see Captain Mori running up to them.

"Captain," Makoto said, taking his hands from Koji's shoulders.

"You all right?" Mori asked.

Makoto nodded immediately. "I think I'm just bruised and a little dizzy," he explained, looking at Koji and giving him a soft smile. Koji seemed unconvinced but said nothing.

"All right," Mori said. He turned to look back at the building, Koji and Makoto following his gaze. "Things are taken care of here, for the most part. Not much we can do now since it's collapsed."

Koji and Makoto glanced down at the ground sadly, both feeling some guilt for not putting the fire out in time. So many people just lost everything. Their homes, belongings, memories...

"Koji, go ahead and take your unit back to the station," Mori commanded.

Koji's brows rose. "Captain, are you sure?"

Mori wiped his brow and nodded. "Go on. We'll take care of things here."

Koji and Makoto exchanged glances before going back over to their fire engine. They gathered up supplies and wrapped up the extra hoses. Koji was eyeing Makoto carefully, watching his sluggish movements.

"Are you sure you're all right?" Koji asked, placing a hand on Makoto's shoulder.

Makoto gave a weak smile. "Mmn," he hummed in response.

"But… I saw you. You… you fell," Koji said.

"I only fell through one floor," Makoto explained. "I'm probably just really bruised up."

Makoto rolled his shoulders to emphasize his point. He brightened up his smile, but even Koji could tell it was forced.

"I'm fine, Koji," Makoto said.

Koji's brows pushed together in disbelief, but he nodded anyway.

"Okay."

* * *

Haru was starting to pace.

It was close to midnight and Makoto had left almost  _five_  hours ago. Where in the world was he? And he was not answering his phone.

"Should we call the police?" Rei asked from the kitchen table. He and Nagisa had been sitting there, watching Haru's limp pacing for the past ten minutes.

"You think they'd help, Rei-chan?" Nagisa asked from next to him.

"I'm just trying to suggest something," Rei said nervously. He adjusted his glasses. "He's been gone for hours."

"Maybe they went out to a bar?" Nagisa asked.

"You really think his boss would call him to go drinking?!" Rei asked, raising his voice.

"I'm pretty sure they've done it before," Nagisa said, his lips pulled into a pout.

Haru sighed, listening to their bickering.

This is not how he wanted this day to go.

This is not how he wanted it to go at  _all_.

"What if—"

Suddenly, they could hear the front door open and shut. The three of them in the kitchen froze, listening to the shuffling happening from the front room. Nagisa leaped to his feet and rushed out of the kitchen, the other two following quickly behind.

"Mako-chan!" Nagisa yelled, rushing up to Makoto.

Makoto looked up from taking off his boots and his eyes widened. He straightened and watched his friends enter from the kitchen.

"Huh? What are you guys still doing up?" Makoto asked.

Before anyone could answer, Nagisa collided into Makoto and wrapped his arms around Makoto's waist. Makoto shut his eyes and winced, dizziness and pain washing over him like a wave.

Haru's heart jolted.

"Makoto…?" Haru whispered, but his quiet plea went unheard.

Makoto opened his eyes and put on a small smile. He placed his hands on Nagisa's shoulders and gently pushed him back.

"Sorry," Makoto apologized with a smile. He avoided their eyes. "There was a fire."

The three of them gasped.

"Are you okay, Makoto-senpai?" Rei asked.

"Mmn," Makoto answered right away. He turned his gaze to face the hallway and his bedroom door.

"We waited for you Mako-chan!" Nagisa explained.

Makoto's smile faltered and he briefly looked at Nagisa. "Waited for me?"

"You wouldn't answer your phone," Haru said suddenly, anger laced in his voice.

Makoto whipped his head to look at Haru with wide eyes, and then he looked down at the ground, putting on another sad smile.

"Sorry," he said.

Haru's brows creased and he felt his hands clench into fists by his sides.

_Look at me, Makoto_ , Haru thought.  _Why won't you look at me?_

"W-Well, I really need to change. Sorry for making you guys stay up for me!" Makoto chuckled nervously. He pushed past the three of them and headed down the hallway towards his and Haru's bedroom. "Good night!" he called from his doorway, not turning around to look at them.

Rei, Nagisa, and Haru were all still standing in the living room, glancing down the hallway to where Makoto disappeared. Haru's anger was still boiling inside of him.

"He's doing it again," Haru mumbled.

Rei and Nagisa turned to look at Haru. "Doing what, Haruka-senpai?" Rei asked.

Haru sighed lightly.

"Whenever he gets hurt at work, he doesn't look us in the eye," Haru explained.

There was a moment of silence as Nagisa and Rei took in Haru's words.

"Haru-chan…"

"Haruka-senpai…"

Haru huffed out another sigh and then stormed down the hallway.

"I'll check on him," Haru said over his shoulder.

Haru threw open the bedroom door, startling Makoto inside.

"H-Haru!" Makoto exclaimed. Makoto was standing at his dresser and looking for clean clothes.

Haru shut the door behind him and walked up to Makoto, his eyes wandering up and down Makoto's body. Makoto shrunk into himself, feeling the scrutiny of Haru's gaze.

"Haru, what are you—"

"Did you get injured?" Haru asked, his eyes finally locking with Makoto's.

Makoto startled and he took a step back from Haru.

"W-What?" Makoto asked. "No, I'm fine."

Haru's brow twitched. He lifted a hand and reached forward, pressing his palm to Makoto's ribcage.

Makoto winced and tried to suppress a pained hiss, but his efforts were futile, and Haru retracted his hand.

"You  _are_  hurt," Haru said.

Makoto took slow even breaths until the throbbing went away. He shook his head and rubbed his ribcage tenderly.

"It's just a bad bruise," Makoto explained. "Really, it's nothing."

Haru grit his teeth and he reached down, grabbing the hem of Makoto's shirt.

"Let me see," Haru demanded. He started to lift Makoto's shirt, his fingers sliding against the skin.

A wave of panic surged through Makoto's body and he grabbed Haru's wrists, forcing his shirt back down.

"Really, Haru, I'm fine. I just need a good night's rest," Makoto explained, forcing his shirt out of Haru's grip. He turned back to his dresser and grabbed his change of clothes. "I just need to go change," Makoto said, lifting up the clean clothes and turning to go to the hallway bathroom.

"Why not just change here?" Haru asked, making Makoto freeze on the spot.

Makoto felt his heart leap in his chest at the question. He suddenly felt exposed and he held the clothes to his stomach, as if the extra layers would hide his scars better from Haru's sight.

"We've changed in front of each other multiple times," Haru said. "You don't need to go to the bathroom to change every time."

Makoto gulped and felt his legs and shoulders tremble. He did not want Haru to see his body, see the scars...

He did not want Haru to see how disgusting he had become.

_Think fast, Makoto. Think!_

"Oh, uh," Makoto stammered. He turned back to give Haru a small smile. "I, uh, want to shower, too! Right. I need to take a shower!"

Haru's face softened and his brows rose, suddenly looking concerned at Makoto's sudden nervous reaction.

"Mako—"

"You don't have to wait for me, Haru! I'm just going to go shower and then go to bed," Makoto interrupted. He put his hand on the door and promptly opened it, quickly retreating into the hallway. "Goodnight, Haru!" Makoto called, and he shut the door behind him.

Makoto stood frozen in the hallway for a moment to regain his composure, taking deep, even breaths to calm his pounding heart. Once he felt secure, and once he did not hear footsteps from his bedroom, he headed to the bathroom. Once inside, he was able to look at himself in the mirror. His hair still had spots of dirt here and there and his neck was grimy.

Makoto sighed and reached down to tug off his shirt, his head turning back to look at himself in the mirror again. His body still looked the same. Battered and burned, with long scars along his stomach and chest, and now, a deep purple bruise that travelled from his ribs to his back.

Makoto raised a hand to touch the new bruise, wincing when the lightest of touch caused pain. He doubled over and grabbed the sink, his arms shaking.

He remembered feeling the board underneath his foot crack and crumble.

He remembered seeing the ceiling float away from him as he curled his body around the small boy in his arms.

He remembered the sharp impact of his back and side as he fell awkwardly on a kitchen counter and then onto the floor.

He remembered feeling disoriented from the fall, the whole room spinning as smoke and fire surrounded them.

He remembered hearing the boy's cries as more flames rose, and then the boy coughing from the smoke.

He remembered feeling panic rise in his throat.

He remembered hearing Haru's voice.

He remembered…

Makoto sucked in a harsh breath, and he was suddenly back inside his bathroom. His arms were gripping the sides of the sink hard, his knuckles turning white. He panted, not realizing he hadn't breathed in a while.

His shaking hand rose to touch his ribcage once again, wincing. He glanced up at the mirror and his eyes widened.

There were tears running down his cheeks.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this is so late. See my notes at the end for more explanation.
> 
> Otherwise, here's a long chapter for you! Just be warned, there's a lot of descriptions of violence and injury in this chapter. There's also a lot of flashbacks, so try not to get confused.
> 
> Happy reading!

Makoto winced as he rolled over onto his aching bruise. He rubbed his palm over his tender side and grunted as he positioned himself on his back.

His back hurt worse.

Makoto painfully pushed himself up from the couch and hunched over with his head in his hands. The moonlight from the window spilled into the room and onto the end table, illuminating the tiny clock that sat in the corner. Makoto sighed when his eyes landed on the time.

It was well after 5 in the morning.

Makoto sighed and buried his face in his hands again. He was given a few days off anyway, but his chest bubbled with anxiety.

_"You're going to take a few days off, Tachibana."_

_Makoto froze in place, his hand still on his locker at the station. He stared back at Captain Mori with wide eyes and a dropped jaw. Makoto had cleaned up from the apartment fire and Mori's team just arrived from the scene. Mori was still wearing a dirty, soot-covered jacket._

_"Um… sorry, but… don't I have the retraining to do?" Makoto asked, shutting his locker door and fully facing Mori._

_Mori shucked off his own jacket and started to shake the dust from it._

_"We can deal with that later," Mori said. He looked up from his jacket and gave Makoto a hard stare, making Makoto jump and gulp. "I want you to schedule a meeting with a psychiatrist and go."_

_Makoto blinked, his heart sinking into his shoes._

_"Um… but…" Makoto started to protest._

_"I know you did fine today, Tachibana. Hirose has already filled me in on your performance in the building tonight," Mori said. Makoto's jaw clicked shut. "But I can still see that you're shaken up."_

_Makoto felt his chest tighten and his brows pulled together worriedly. His hands clenched into loose fists by his sides, and when his fingers started to shake, he gripped his pants._

_"I…" Makoto stuttered, unsure of what to say. His head tilted down to stare at his boots. They were covered in soot._

_Mori sighed and wiped his face. "Listen, I know the stigma behind going. But trust me, you're not the first fireman to go and talk to someone."_

_Makoto's head whipped up fast and his face relaxed. His hands loosened their grip on his pants._

_"Here's what I want from you," Mori said, walking over to his own locker and opening it up. "Take off until Sunday. Have one session by then. Got it?"_

_Makoto hesitated and gulped. His eyes squinted painfully as he tried to process his words._

_Should he really see someone?_

_Is he… messed up?_

_Mori slammed his locker shut and faced Makoto._

_"Got it?!" Mori growled, making Makoto jump._

_"U-Uh, y-yes!"_

Makoto groaned into his palms. He took a deep breath before dropping his hands back into his lap. It was only one session. Maybe he could handle it. He would just schedule just an hour talk with some random doctor, get it done, and then return to work as planned.

Makoto nodded to himself and reached onto the floor for his phone. He scrolled until he saw the number for the doctor's office that Koji and Mori had suggested. He glanced up at the clock as it struck 6 in the morning, and then glanced back down at his phone.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Breathe in…

He dialed the number.

* * *

_"Haru? Haru! Haru, where are you?!"_

_"Makoto?"_

_"Haru?!"_

_"Makoto!"_

_"Where are y— oh, Haru! Just hold on, I'll get this off of you!"_

_"Ah, it hurts…"_

_"Sorry, Haru! Just hang on! Ngh!"_

_"…"_

_"Haru, I can't lift this!"_

_"Then just go!"_

_"No! I'm not leaving you behind. Here, let me try again."_

_"Makoto, don't! You're going to hurt yourself!"_

_"I've… almost… got it."_

_"Makoto… Makoto, watch out! MAKOTO!"_

Haru woke up with a jolt, his heart slamming against his ribcage. His body felt hot and his ankle throbbed. It was almost as if he was transported back to that very night. He sat up and glanced over at the other side of the room.

Makoto's bed was empty, as usual.

Haru sighed and glanced at the window, watching the sunlight pouring in. He was thankful it was Saturday. It was one less day he'd have to deal with his culinary professors.

After dragging himself out of bed and downing some painkillers for his ankle, Haru headed out of the apartment to clear his head. He was still reeling from that dream, his mind buzzing and spinning from the realness of it. It was like that fire happened yesterday.

Haru took a turn at a corner and headed towards campus, a familiar pathway that he used to take just a year ago. His eyes were so focused on the ground that his legs automatically carried him to a familiar place: a place where his mind had just transported him just a half hour ago.

It was as if his mind wanted him to come here.

Haru blinked down at his shoes when he recognized the recognizable sidewalk, and he craned his head up.

In front of him was the rubble of the old dorm building.

It was still a mess, and it had been an entire year.

Haru frowned at the pile of burned wood and bricks on the lot. Several metal beams were also scattered throughout and he cringed. Why had the government ignored this mess? Why not clear the lot and rebuild a new dorm?

"Oh, that fire was terrible, wasn't it?"

Haru jumped at the sudden voice next to him. He turned his head to the side and was met by an older woman walking her dog. The dog was panting and patting its feet eagerly at Haru, begging to be pet.

Haru blinked down at the dog for a moment and then gazed back at the woman.

"Yeah, it was," Haru said in agreement.

"All those college students who lived inside… I'm sure must've been terrifying for them," the old woman said, turning to look at the rubble. "I live the apartments next door."

Haru blinked at her in surprise.

"So… you were there that night?" Haru decided to ask.

"Oh, yes. Saw the whole thing. It was terrible. It was a miracle that there were no causalities," the woman said.

They both turned to look back at the pile, Haru's face scrunching up painfully.

_No one technically died_ , Haru thought.  _But there were definitely a few casualties._

"Oh, my. You weren't there that night, were you, dear?" the old woman suddenly asked.

Haru quickly snapped his head to look at her, his eyes wide and heart pounding. He could feel his ankle throbbing underneath his pant leg, and voices echoed inside his head.

_"Haru!"_

_"Where are you?!"_

_"HARU!"_

Haru's lips pinched together in a flat line and his hands balled into fists by his sides.

"No," he finally answered. "I wasn't."

* * *

Makoto's leg bounced up and down in a nervous dance as he sat in the waiting room. The room smelled dry and old, almost like a used up air freshener that needed replacing. For a Saturday morning, the waiting room was quite full, and Makoto felt overwhelmed. His arms were folded tightly across his chest, almost limiting his breathing in the too-crowded room.

_Just one appointment_ , Makoto said.  _One session, and I can go back to work tomorrow._

Makoto heaved an impatient sigh and hunched over, dropping his head into his hands and staring at the green tiles that rested underneath his shoes. He watched his leg bounce and tried to focus his brain on something else, but he found it difficult as his mind wandered back to his own nervous breakdown.

_Just breathe._

_There. Breathe._

_What if she thinks I'm crazy?_

_No, no. Just breathe. Just breathe._

_Wait… am I crazy?_

_No, I'm not crazy._

_Breathe in._

_But… what if she thinks I need pills or something?_

_Breathe out._

_Am I… going to have to explain everything?_

_Breathe. In._

_The fire… the injuries… Haru…_

_Breathe out._

_Breathe… in…_

_Breathe…_

"Tachibana Makoto?"

Makoto jolted up to a sitting position and whipped his head to the door, seeing a woman standing with a clipboard. Makoto gulped and then, with shaking hands, pushed himself off of the metal chair. His legs felt like jelly as he followed the woman down a well-decorated hallway and towards a garnet door.

"Go ahead on in. Dr. Ozawa is already waiting for you," the woman said with a small smile.

"O-Oh, th-thank you," Makoto stuttered. He watched the woman walk away and then he faced the door, his hands in tight fists by his sides. He took a slow, deep breath through his nose and then released a shaky sigh. He carefully reached for the door and opened it. "E-Excuse me…" he said softly as he entered.

The room was well decorated and comfortable, and a pleasant aroma filled Makoto's nose as he entered. There were a few chairs in the middle of the room as well as a loveseat. A coffee table was placed in the middle of the chairs, and there were already a few steaming cups of tea.

A woman with long, black hair was sitting in the chair opposite of the loveseat. She had a pleasant smile, and her brown eyes shined comfortingly through her glasses.

"Ah, Tachibana-san! Welcome! Come in," the woman said.

Makoto gulped and quietly closed the door behind him. He wrung his hands as he approached the chairs, his eyes darting to look at the array of warm colors that were painted on the walls. He reached the chairs in the middle of the room and the woman motioned for him to sit on the loveseat. He sat down with a soft  _fwump_  and straightened his back, pressing his clasped hands into his lap.

"I'm Dr. Ozawa, pleased to meet you," Dr. Ozawa said.

Makoto tried for a smile but it felt foreign on his face and it slipped back down into a hard line.

"No need to feel nervous, Tachibana-san," Dr. Ozawa said. She reached across the coffee table and patted his arm gently. "Would you like some tea?" she asked, gesturing towards the cups on the table.

"O-Oh, yes, p-please," Makoto stammered. He took a cup from the table and sipped it, his senses taking in the soothing aroma.

"Now then, Tachibana-san, what brings you here today?" Dr. Ozawa asked.

Makoto almost choked on his tea.

"U-Um, that's…" Makoto's fingers shook as he lowered the teacup back onto the coffee table.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you," Dr. Ozawa said with a sympathetic smile.

"O-Oh, no, it's…" Makoto stuttered. His hands found each other on his lap again and he squeezed. "I mean… you have my chart, right? So… you know why I'm here... right?"

Dr. Ozawa smiled brightly and chuckled.

"Well, yes, I do have that. But it's my job to get you talking, not to tell you what to do," she said.

Makoto blinked at her. He could hear his heartbeat thudding in his ears and he suddenly felt exposed. It was as if he was naked on that couch, and Dr. Ozawa could see all of the scars that covered his body.

He was terrified.

"Of course I read your chart, Tachibana-san," Dr. Ozawa continued, bringing Makoto back from his daze. "But I want to hear from  _you_. So." Dr. Ozawa set down her tea on the coffee table and adjusted her glasses on her nose. "What brings you here today, Tachibana-san?"

Makoto glanced down at his shaking hands.

_Breathe in._

_Breathe out._

"I'm… here because my boss wants me to be here," Makoto blurted out. He blinked at his palms, shocked that statement even came out of his mouth.

Dr. Ozawa lifted her brows and tilted her head. "Your boss?"

After a moment, Makoto nodded and closed his hands to try to still the shaking. The shaking journeyed to his stomach, causing it to flip and churn in a nauseating dance.

He took a deep breath.

"And what do you do, Tachibana-san?" Dr. Ozawa asked.

"I'm a… a firefighter," Makoto responded.

"I see," Dr. Ozawa said. She reached for her notepad on the end table next to her and jotted down a few things. Makoto's fists squeezed tighter at her scribbling. "I'm sure being a firefighter is quite dangerous at times."

"Oh, y-yes," Makoto said, trying to keep his mind of her moving hands. "Several of the men in my unit have gotten hurt in fires before."

"Have you ever gotten hurt in a fire, Tachibana-san?"

Makoto froze.

Dr. Ozawa's question struck him in his gut hard, paralyzing him to the loveseat. His hand lifted to touch his stomach and his other gripped his knee, and suddenly, his mind was reeling.

The fire…

The dorm…

Hearing the screams…

_"MAKOTO!"_

"Tachibana-san?"

Makoto jolted and adjusted his gaze to look at Dr. Ozawa. He did not realize how hard he was gripping his knee until he let go, tingles rushing through his fingers. His heart was racing and cold sweat beaded on his neck and back.

"Here," Dr. Ozawa said, handing him a bottle of water.

"Th… thank you," Makoto said, taking the water with shaking hands and gulping down a few swigs. His leg bounced nervously as he set the bottle back down. "I…" he stuttered after a pause.

"Take your time," Dr. Ozawa said.

Makoto nodded and then looked down at his hands. They were shaking in his lap, and suddenly he was back on a beach. It was during training camp, and a bad storm had snuck up on them. Rei had gone to train at night and Makoto went to save him. And Haru…

Haru had saved him.

Haru…

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Makoto curled his fingers into fists, his face falling.

"I, uh… yes, I've… I've been injured in a fire," Makoto said.

"While on the job?" Dr. Ozawa asked.

Makoto sucked in a breath his brows furrowed. His leg bounced more violently this time.

"N… No," Makoto said, his gaze fixed on the floor.

Dr. Ozawa looked up from her notepad to peer at Makoto questioningly. His face was fixated on the floor with a painful expression plaguing his features. She set down her notepad and pen in her lap and focused on Makoto.

"It wasn't from work?" Dr. Ozawa asked.

_Breathe in._

_Breathe out._

_Breathe… in…_

"No, it… it was a dorm fire," Makoto answered.

Dr. Ozawa hummed in acknowledgment.

"If I may ask… were you involved in the Tokyo University dorm fire last year?" Dr. Ozawa asked.

Makoto winced, his hands shaking once again. The tremors started to rack his shoulders and they started to ache.

_Breathe in._

_Breathe out._

Makoto nodded.

"I see," Dr. Ozawa said. "That's terrible."

"Mmn," Makoto hummed quietly. "It was… very terrible."

"How much do you remember?"

Makoto finally lifted his gaze from the floor and looked at Dr. Ozawa, startled.

Did he remember what happened? He remembered every little detail. It plagued his dreams at night and tormented his mind while on the job. There is never a moment where he is not reminded of what happened.

He took a deep breath.

"All of it."

Dr. Ozawa gave him a sympathetic look and nodded.

"Could you tell me what happened?" she asked.

Makoto gulped, his gaze turning down to the floor. He took slow, deep breaths.

It was painful.

Thinking about the past was painful.

But Makoto, as frightened as he was, gathered up as much courage as he could, and opened his mouth.

"It was… around midnight, I think, when we started to smell smoke in our rooms…"

_Makoto was jolted awake by the sound of a blood-curdling scream. His eyes popped open and he sat up abruptly, his lungs immediately filling with smoke. He coughed and scrambled to crawl out of his bed._

_"What's going on?" he whispered to himself._

_He squinted through the smoke and dark room and noticed his roommate was nowhere to be seen. He whirled around the tiny dorm room, still surrounded by smoke._

_'Can't… breathe…' Makoto thought._

"My roommate was already gone at the time, probably at his girlfriend's place, or something. I knew something was wrong, so I knew I had to get out."

_Makoto coughed and rushed to the door of his dorm room, throwing the door open. More smoke entered his lungs as he entered the hallway._

"That's when I saw the fire."

_Makoto froze when he heard another scream. He whirled around and his breath caught in his throat._

_At the end of the hall was a roaring fire, its blaze lighting up the darkened corridor._

_Makoto's eyes widened in horror. Did the fire start on this floor?_

_He heard more screaming from below him and he snapped out of his daze. He turned around and headed towards the staircase at the end of the hall. He threw open the door and headed down._

"The first three floors were already eaten up by the flames. Even the staircase was dangerous."

_Makoto froze at the second floor when he saw fire consuming some of the stairs, its flames eating away at the wood and turning it into ash. Makoto gulped as he leaped over the flames and headed down the rest of the flights of steps._

_He finally found the emergency exit door and pushed his way outside, coughing and doubling over when he finally reached fresh air. He straightened once he had caught his breath and hurried over to a group of students that were gathered across the street from the dorm._

_Makoto tilted his head back to look at the dorm and his eyes widened._

_It was almost completely engulfed in angry flames, smoke rising quickly up to the sky._

_Makoto gulped._

_How did it get so bad? What caused this?_

_"Mako-chan!"_

_Makoto whirled around and his brows rose._

"That's when I ran into two of my friends who lived on the first floor, where the other freshmen were staying."

_"Nagisa? Rei! You guys are okay!" Makoto exclaimed with a small smile on his face._

_"Mmn! We were one of the first ones out," Nagisa explained._

_"We were surprised that the fire alarms didn't sound," Rei said, adjusting his glasses._

_"I was just about to call you and Haru-chan, Mako-chan! We were getting worried," Nagisa said. "But, wait… where's Haru-chan?"_

_Makoto felt his heart sink into his stomach. He whipped his head around the crowd of students and then back to Nagisa and Rei._

_"You mean he's not out here?" Makoto asked._

_Nagisa and Rei's eyes widened in horror and they exchanged worried glances._

_"We… we thought he was right behind you when you came down," Nagisa answered._

_"We assumed that since you both live on the same floor, that you would've found each other," Rei said softly._

_Makoto's heart was pounding furiously. He turned back to look at the building, seeing the flames already up at the fifth floor. His hands curled into tight fists._

_Haru was still inside._

_Haru was… still inside._

_Haru was—_

"Your best friend was still inside?" Dr. Ozawa asked, breaking Makoto's train of thought.

Makoto stiffened.

"Yes, he was," Makoto answered. "But, I… I had to find him. I… I had to find Haru."

Dr. Ozawa looked at Makoto seriously.

"So what did you do?" she asked.

Makoto bit his lip and his eyes narrowed.

"I went back in."

* * *

"Oh, well the fire was insane that night. They say it started on the first floor, but it certainly spread to all of the floors in an instant."

Haru watched the old woman as she spoke, relaying her side of the story. But Haru knew better. He remembered what happened that night.

_Haru jolted awake to the sounds of screaming. He sat up in his bed, dazed and confused. His lungs burned as he took a breath in and he coughed, trying to expel the smoke._

_He glanced around, seeing that the bed across the room was empty. His brow twitched._

_Of course, his roommate didn't bother waking him._

_Haru flung his blanket off of him and ran to the door. He grabbed the doorknob, but then flinched back and held his hand. The doorknob was extremely hot, and Haru knew that the fire was already right outside his door._

_Haru glanced around, trying to find something, anything that could help him escape. That's when he saw the pair of oven mitts that Makoto had used that night to make dinner._

_He scrambled for one of them and swiftly put it on over his hand. He lunged to the door and quickly opened it, revealing the flames that had spread in the hallway. He flinched back and threw down the oven mitt, shielding his face with his forearms. He could feel the heat seeping into his skin._

_Haru knew the staircase was just down the hall, but he was unsure if he could get past the flames that blocked his path._

_'Where's Makoto?' Haru thought suddenly. He looked around the hallway, not seeing anyone. Just smoke and flames._ _Haru backed up against the wall and tried to slide himself down the hallway to avoid the rising flames._

_Suddenly, tiles from the ceiling fell in his path, making Haru freeze. He glanced up at the ceiling and his eyes widened._ _A part of the floor above him had started to collapse, and a long, metal beam threatened to fall._

_Haru glanced around, seeing the fire on his left and the rest of the hallway on his right. The staircase was just down the hall, if he sprinted, he could make it. But… the ceiling could give at any minute._

_Haru took a quick breath._

_He tiptoed over the falling pieces of ceiling tile while trying to stay flush against the wall. He was about to pass by the pile when, suddenly, he heard a creaking noise. He glanced up and saw the beam shift, and then start to fall._

_Haru panicked, his eyes widening as he lunged forward to get out of the way. He fell forward on his stomach, desperately trying to crawl out of the way._

_He heard it fall._

_And then a slam._

_And then…_

_Then... all he felt was pain._

"I remember running out because our building was evacuated."

Haru jolted, his memories shattering into pieces as he was pulled back into reality. He twisted his head to look at the old lady next to him, remembering that she was still talking.

"It was good that everyone made it out."

Haru sighed softly and glanced down at the ground. She was right. He should be thankful to be alive, even if his foot would not allow him to swim anymore.

Haru closed his eyes, trying to shake the memory away from him.

"Actually, I heard that one of the students went back in to save others."

Haru snapped his head up to look at the old woman. She was giving her dog a treat and patting him on the head. She glanced back up at Haru and gave him a small smile.

"That was so brave of him," she said. "I read that he went back in because there were no firefighters on the scene yet. He ended up saving six other people before he collapsed."

Haru's breath hitched.

"C-Collapsed?" Haru asked.

The old lady turned to look at him, a curious look on his face.

"Oh, yeah. After he had grabbed the last person missing, he apparently collapsed. I'm not sure if he was injured or not," she answered. "Maybe it was because of the smoke? I'm not sure."

She leaned up and looked at the building, leaving Haru to stare at her in worry. What did she just say? He... collapsed?

Did he get injured that night?

Or was it just exhaustion?

"In any case, that boy was a hero," the lady added.

Haru turned to look up at the building, his eyes filling up with a few tears.

"Yeah."

* * *

"So you went back in and ended up finding other people who were caught in the fire?" Dr. Ozawa asked.

Makoto gulped and nodded. His shoulders were hunched and he could feel the tension rising in his neck and back.

"There were five people scattered throughout the three bottom floors, all too scared to move. I heard them screaming when I was climbing up the stairs," Makoto explained.

"You didn't want to find your friend first?" Dr. Ozawa asked.

Makoto snapped his head up and looked at her with wide eyes.

"O-Of course, I did! B-But… my classmates, they… they needed help, too," Makoto said sadly. "I… I should have gotten to him first…" he said, his voice barely audible.

Dr. Ozawa paused to look at him, taking in his dejected shoulders and saddened face. After a moment, she nodded slowly and scribbled on her notepad, the papers back in her hands. She adjusted her glasses and looked back at Makoto with soft eyes.

"All right, so after you rescued those students, what happened?" she asked.

Makoto tensed, his hands finding each other and gripping hard. His leg bounced nervously again, and he hunched over to stare at the ground. He felt his eyes sting but he tried to concentrate on his breathing.

_Just breathe._

_Breathe._

_Breathe in._

_Breathe out._

_Just…_

"Just breathe."

Makoto startled, and he risked a glance up at Dr. Ozawa.

"Just breathe, Tachibana-san," she repeated.

Makoto nodded and lifted his hand to wipe away a falling tear before it dripped onto the ground. He hunched back over and closed his eyes.

"I…" His voice was quivering. "I climbed back up the stairs. The fire had already spread to the fifth floor, so the stairs were a bit wobbly. I knew that there was a fire escape on the backside of the building, so I figured once I found him, we could get out that way…"

_Makoto clambered up the steps and burst through the doors to the fourth floor, his lungs burning with smoke._

_"Haru! Ugh!" Makoto ducked back as flames rose to his head and he lifted his arms to shield his face. "Haru!"_

_Debris was falling from the ceiling, some in large chunks and some were just tiles. Makoto jolted back as a tile fell on his shoulder and he leaned against the wall, coughing to get the smoke out of his lungs._

_"Haru!" Makoto called again. He carefully started to walk alongside the wall, noting that some of the walls had been completely eaten up by flames, leaving just the framework. "HARU!"_

"That's when I heard his voice," Makoto told Dr. Ozawa.

_"Makoto!"_

_Makoto's eyes opened wide, his heart thundering in his chest. Did he just hear…?_

_"Makoto!"_

_Makoto gasped._

_"Haru?! Where are you Haru?!"_

_Makoto glanced around the hallway, the smoke blinding him. He peered down the hallway but all he could see was fallen debris and bright flames. He slid against the wall towards the sound of Haru's voice._

_"Over here!"_

_Makoto snapped his head over towards the source, his eyes desperately trying to adjust to the blinding fire._

_"Har… Oh! Haru!"_

"He was trapped underneath a beam," Makoto said.

"A beam? Was he all right?" Dr. Ozawa asked.

Makoto winced, remembering the scene vividly. The swollen ankle, the gruesome, mangled bones covered by bruised and bleeding skin. It was a hard sight to take in.

"His foot was completely crushed," Makoto answered. "I was scared that… that his foot would actually come off."

"Oh my," Dr. Ozawa said. She adjusted her glasses and scribbled down on her notepad. "What did you do?"

Makoto grimaced and his eyes narrowed.

_"Just hold on, I'll get this off of you!"_

"I tried to get the beam off of his foot."

_"Ah, it hurts…" Haru mumbled, his hands curling into fists._

_"Sorry, Haru! Just hang on! Ngh!"_

_Makoto grabbed the beam, but he screamed and released it immediately. It was burning hot. His hands ached after even touching it just for a split second._

_Panic bubbled in his chest. His best friend was sitting here, trapped and hurt, and the flames were spreading quickly. A crackling noise caught Makoto's attention and he turned around to see debris falling down the hall. He was unsure how long the building would hold._

_Makoto turned back to Haru._

_"Haru, I can't lift this!" Makoto said, his voice cracking with panic._

_Haru grimaced and looked up at his friend with pained eyes. He waved off Makoto and pointed to the stairs._

_"Then just go!" Haru yelled._

_Makoto recoiled in shock and he frantically shook his head._

_"No! I'm not leaving you behind," Makoto said. He looked back at the beam, determined. "Here, let me try again."_

_Haru's eyes widened and he reached out to Makoto to try and grab his arm, but he was just out of reach._

_"Makoto, don't! You're going to hurt yourself!" Haru yelled._

_Makoto grabbed the beam despite the heat and he started to lift it up. It was heavy, but it started to give. He managed a smile as it slowly lifted off of Haru's foot._

_"I've… almost… got it," Makoto grimaced. He strained to move it over, his legs wobbling and his body exhausted from carrying the other students out to safety._

_Haru watched him carefully, but then he heard a crack. He glanced up and saw the ceiling crumpling. Another metal beam shifted and slid forward, the only thing stopping it was a flimsy tile. Haru froze, praying, hoping that it would stay put._

_But then…_

_It shifted again._

_"Makoto… Makoto, watch out! MAKOTO!"_

"A beam fell on me," Makoto said with a shaking voice.

"Were you able to free your friend?" Dr. Ozawa asked.

Makoto nodded. "Yeah, but a board fell with the beam and knocked him out."

_"Ah… AH!" Makoto shouted in pain. The beam fell on his back and it was stifling hot. He tried to crawl out from under it but he was pinned. He glanced up at Haru and his breath caught._

_Haru was lying on the ground, limp and lifeless._

_"Haru…" Makoto whispered. "Haru! Can you hear me? HARU!"_

"I tried to get out from under the beam, but I was pinned," Makoto explained. He sighed, taking a swig of water.

"I see," Dr. Ozawa said. "What happened then?"

Makoto grimaced and closed his eyes. His hands gripped his knees and his body began to shake.

"My… my shirt caught on fire."

_The pain was intense._

_A broken piece of tile had fallen with the beam and landed on his back, causing his shirt to immediately be engulfed in flames._

_Makoto screamed in pain as he felt his back, his stomach, his chest, all being consumed by fire. His flesh was burning and he screamed as he tried everything to get the beam off of his aching back._

_He scrambled forward, dragging himself out from the pile. He grabbed what remained of his shirt and he pulled it over his head, quickly throwing it away and then curling in on himself once he was free. Every inch of him hurt. The pain was dizzying. He just wanted to lay down… he was so tired…_

_He just wanted to lay down… he was so tired…_

_Wait…_

_Haru._

_Makoto turned his head to see his friend lying on the ground, still as a stone. His foot was free, but it looked bad. Even if Haru regained consciousness, there was no way he could walk._

_Makoto gulped, pulling out every inch of energy he had left._

_He knelt down and grabbed Haru, his body screaming at him that he was in pain, pain,_ pain.

_He threw Haru over his burned shoulder and then hurried to a nearby dorm room._

"The dorms on the back side of the building were connected to the fire escape. It wasn't used often, so the windows were glued shut," Makoto explained.

"That doesn't exactly seem safe," Dr. Ozawa said, looking over her glasses.

Makoto shook his head.

"It wasn't."

_Makoto burst through one of the dorm rooms and glanced at the window in the corner. It was narrow, and obviously glued shut. There was no way to open it._

_So... he opened it by force._

_After gently setting Haru down on a safe patch of the floor, Makoto grabbed a desk chair and hurled it at the window. It bounced off the first time, but Makoto tried again, and again._

_Finally, the window shattered, leaving sharp, jagged edges around the sides._

_Makoto sighed and quickly scooped up Haru once again and placed him over his shoulder. He first stuck his head out the window to look at the fire escape._

_The closest landing was quite a drop away._

_Makoto squinted. He would have to do this carefully so Haru would not get hurt further. Carefully maneuvering through the narrow window, Makoto climbed out with Haru over his shoulder. He watched the glass edges at the top of the window and lowered himself so Haru would not get scratched._

_But that's where he made his mistake._

_As he lowered himself, he lowered his bare abdomen on top of sharp, jagged glass edges. He could feel the glass dig into his burned skin as he continued to crawl out the window, and he bit back a scream. He could not stop now, he had to keep going and get Haru down to safety before the building would collapse._

_But the pain was disorienting, and his vision faded to black briefly, causing him to lose his balance._

_He started to fall._

_Makoto jolted back to consciousness just in time and twisted his body, his shoulder making impact on the metal landing of the fire escape and allowing Haru to land on top of him._

_This time, Makoto_ did _scream._

_His shoulder radiated and pulsed painfully, and he could not move his arm. He knew right away after taking a few medical courses that it was dislocated._

_Makoto took a minute to calm himself, his body still screaming in pain. He felt body trickling down his burned abdomen and he felt himself shaking. He turned to look at Haru, still lifeless, but otherwise unharmed. Makoto let himself smile._

_Haru was alive._

_Haru was safe._

"What happened after that?" Dr. Ozawa asked.

Makoto's shoulders deflated and sagged. His memory after that was…

_"Ah… AH! That… hurts!"_

_"Here, we need to treat this wound on his abdomen. It's bleeding pretty badly."_

_"_ _Where's… where's…"_

_"Sir, we need you to lie still."_

_"But… where's Haru?"_

_"He's got third degree burns all over his torso and back. His shoulder is dislocated, too. We need more help in here!"_

_"Haru… where's…"_

_"He's losing consciousness!"_

_"Haru…"_

Makoto's brows pushed together and he gulped, looking away from Dr. Ozawa.

"Maybe we can discuss that another time," Dr. Ozawa recommended. She closed her notepad and set down her pen. "How are you feeling, Tachibana-san?"

Makoto thought about her question for a moment. He realized that his body was no longer shaking, and his stomach had finally settled.

"I feel…" Makoto started. "L-Lighter."

Dr. Ozawa gave him a kind smile. "Why don't we schedule another day for you to come in, Tachibana-san?"

Makoto lifted his head up from the ground and looked at her, wide eyes blinking. He thought for another moment, taking in how he had relayed his story to her.

He had not told anyone the incident before this.

"O…Okay."

* * *

"I hope that young man is all right," the old lady said.

Haru nodded and discreetly wiped his eyes. "Me, too."

They paused for a moment, both looking at the pile of rubble that sat awkwardly in the lot. Haru turned to the old lady.

"Do you know why they haven't cleaned this up, yet?" Haru asked.

"Oh," the old lady paused. "I think they're still investigating the cause of the fire."

Haru's brows pulled together in alarm.

"Still investigating? I thought they said it was caused by an electrical malfunction," Haru said.

The old lady shook her head and shrugged. "Well, that was the first report. But, the newest talk is that it was caused by something else."

Haru turned to look at the building.

The fire was caused by something else?

If it wasn't an electrical malfunction, then…

What  _did_  cause it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, all.   
> I'm trying to get more chapters out in a good timeframe, and life recently has just been really crazy. Hope you can forgive me.
> 
> Please enjoy, and as always, let me know what you thought of this chapter! I will try posting more often.
> 
> Happy reading!
> 
> ~LuckE1


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is later than usual. I had a hard time with the direction I wanted this chapter to go in.  
> Hope you enjoy!
> 
> Happy Reading!

Haru left the culinary room in a huff, his bag carelessly thrown over his shoulder. He was glaring at the sidewalk as he walked–no,  _limped–_  out of the building and across campus.

_Annoying,_  Haru thought as he reached down to rub his thigh. Of course, the culinary professor got after him for not completing the latest assignment, but Haru's mind was muddled and his chest heavy about other things. It had plagued his mind for the past week.

_"I think they're still investigating it."_

Haru's brows creased. Still investigating? It made Haru's chest tight and his stomach twist into nervous knots. The fact that the case was still not closed a year later made him uneasy.

But it was not just the building that bothered him.

_"He apparently collapsed."_

Collapsed?

Haru's brows twitched as guilt bubbled up in his throat. He remembered Makoto's shoulder being dislocated, but he had played that off as nothing serious. His arm was in a sling and whenever Haru had asked him about it, Makoto would just smile and say it was nothing.

But… now that Haru was thinking about it, he remembered that Makoto had to go to the doctor a few times after that. And… he was in a sling for a long time…

Haru shook his head to fling the thoughts from his mind. Makoto would not hide something like that from him… would he?

_Focus_ , Haru told himself. He had to find out, and fast. He needed his best friend back by his side. He needed his best friend to be smiling and laughing, talking absently about random things while they walked to class. He needed things to normalize, get back to before. He needed... Makoto.

He needed... Makoto.

And Haru was willing to do anything to—

"Haru?"

Haru stuttered to a stop and looked up from the sidewalk, his eyes adjusting to the change in scenery. In front of him stood a familiar face: a tall student with dark hair and gentle eyes. Haru swallowed thickly.

It was the captain of the university swim team.

"Torii?" Haru said.

Torii blinked, as if surprised, and then hurried across the pathway to stand in front of Haru.

"Wow, it's been a while. How's the semester treating you so far?" Torii asked, giving Haru a small smile.

Haru pouted and looked away, his brows pulling together. Torii's smile widened and he let out a breathy laugh.

"That bad, huh?" Torii asked. "I thought you enjoyed cooking."

"I do," Haru said, and he paused to bite his lip. "But… not like this."

Torii's brows curved upwards in a sympathetic smile and he put his hands on his hips.

"Sorry to hear it," Torii said. A soft breeze blew past them and Torii turned his head up to look at stray clouds that passed overhead. Haru watched his bangs flutter on his forehead and he sighed, gathering up some courage.

"How… how's the team?" Haru asked. His hand gripped the strap of his bag and he forced himself to keep his gaze fixed on his former captain.

Torii quickly turned his head to meet Haru's gaze, his smile gone and a concerned look replacing it.

"O-Oh, it's, uh… it's good. We're prepping for a meet," Torii said, trying for a smile. The smile was strained, though.

Haru hesitated, but then nodded, satisfied with his answer. "That's good," he ended up adding. He glanced back down at the familiar sidewalk and made to take a step. He was about to say his goodbyes when Torii spoke again.

"How's… your foot?"

Haru's body stiffened at the question and he immediately felt his foot throb. He bit his lip and glared down at it as if it offended him. His free hand curled into a fist, knuckles turning white, and he tilted his head to meet Torii's gaze. Torii saw the distress in Haru's eyes and he released a soft breath.

"Still bad?" he asked.

Haru winced, but nodded right afterward. Torii lifted a hand and raked it through his hair.

"That's a shame. I'd love it if you were back on the team," Torii said. When Haru did not respond, he opened his mouth again. "Have you been doing physical therapy or anything?"

Haru blinked at him, feeling his face soften. "Once a week," was his simple answer.

Torii's brows rose, brightening his face. "Oh? That's good then. Seeing any progress?"

"A little," Haru shrugged.

Torii scratched his chin. "Have you tried swimming at all?"

Haru opened his mouth to speak but then paused. He stared off into the distance as thoughts raced through his mind. He really had not been swimming since the incident. He tried after the surgery but he remembered it being too painful to even swim a few feet. That was a time when even walking was unbearable.

Maybe he should try again.

"No, I haven't," Haru said.

Torii tilted his head in a way that reminded Haru of Makoto. It made Haru's chest ache. "Maybe you should give it a shot. Who knows? Swimming could be good therapy for you."

Haru blinked at him and then glanced down at his shoes. It really had been a while since he had set foot in a pool, and he could feel his body itching to dive in again.

"Coach will let you use the pool," Torii said. "I'm sure your ID still works to get into the building."

Haru pursed his lips and averted his gaze. He wanted to. He so badly wanted to. But his therapy sessions had not approved of it, yet. But…

A hand clasped on Haru's shoulder and he looked up to meet Torii's gaze once again.

"Just something to think about," Torii said with a kind smile. "I'll see you around, Haru!" Torii waved him off as he headed off down the path on campus.

Haru watched him leave and then turned his gaze towards the aquatics center on campus. He saw some of his old teammates entering through the double doors, and his heart jumped in his chest.

Haru gripped the strap of his bag and then quickly turned to head home.

* * *

"Ah, slow day, today."

Koji slumped down next to Makoto in the break room at the fire station. Makoto offered a small smile, secretly feeling relieved for the lack of action.

"Isn't a slow day a good thing?" Makoto asked with a slight chuckle. He tried to cover the quiver in his voice.

Koji smiled back. "Yeah, yeah, whatever." He leaned back in his chair and rubbed his eyes. "Well, you went through Captain's harsh training. How was it?" he asked when he straightened.

Makoto chuckled. " _Horrible_ ," he said with a genuine laugh. "I'm so sore."

"I bet," Koji said, resting his hands behind his neck.

They both sat in silence, listening to the rain pitter-patter on the roof. Rainy days were usually pretty slow and boring. They usually take the time to fill out incident reports to submit to the station on days like this, but today seemed gloomier than usual.

Koji carefully eyed Makoto, who was staring intently out at the window at the rain. His green eyes lacked color and focus. His mind was obviously somewhere else. Koji cleared his throat and tried to remain calm and casual as he opened his mouth.

"So…" Koji started. Makoto turned to look at him, and suddenly, the casualness was gone. Koji internally winced. "How was…" Koji paused, biting his lip. "Well… you know… how was… your session?"

Makoto's eyes widened a little and he blinked at Koji. He bit the inside of his cheek and thought for a moment, the memories of his past flooding back quickly. His hands clenched in his lap.

While the session made him feel lighter and brighter, he found that it was nearly impossible to sleep. Since he had brought up old memories, stories he had never told anyone before, they plagued his mind constantly. He would stare up at the ceiling in his and Haru's shared bedroom and  _ache_. It was as if a stitched wound was ripped open and Makoto was scrambling to keep his blood in.

"It… was fine, I guess," Makoto eventually answered. He rubbed the back of his neck. "It was hard," he added.

Koji nodded in understanding. "I'm sure," he said. "Was it… helpful?"

Makoto winced a little. "Mmn… I suppose."

There was a brief pause, both of their gazes drifting out to stare at the rain. Koji held his breath for a moment before releasing it in a quick sigh.

"When's your next session?"

Makoto jumped in surprise at Koji's question and then he stiffened.

"Um…" Makoto stammered.

Koji's brows pushed together and his forehead creased in worry.

"Makoto… you  _have_  scheduled another visit, right?" Koji asked.

"W-Well…" Makoto rubbed the back of his neck. "Not… no."

Koji let out a sigh. "Makoto…"

"I don't know if I want to go back," Makoto said in a low voice.

"So it  _didn't_  help," Koji stated.

Makoto furrowed his brows and his hands clenched into fists. He stared hard at the table, trying to drill a hole into it with his gaze. His whole body went rigid, and he was suddenly filled with agitation at Koji's statement.

"It's… not that it didn't  _help_ , but… Koji…" Makoto felt panic rise to his throat and start to choke the words from escaping. He tried to gasp in more air. "I-I don't want to relive it. I just want to forget," Makoto said, exasperated.

Koji, seeing that his friend was spiraling into distress, immediately reached out a hand to touch Makoto's shoulder and squeezed.

"Whoa, whoa, hey, easy," Koji said softly. "I know. I know it's hard. But I think going back will help."

Makoto's face scrunched up and he glanced down and away from Koji's gaze. Help? Sure, he felt lighter, but… he did not want to relive this nightmare any longer.

"I don't know, Koji," Makoto said softly. "Can't I just… work here and forget it?"

"Would that really help?" Koji asked seriously. "If you do that, then… you're just avoiding it."

Makoto shrunk into himself. "That's the point."

"Makoto…" Koji whispered. He gripped Makoto's shoulder and let out a soft sigh. "Just… think about it, okay?"

After a few deep, shuddering breaths, Makoto nodded. Koji patted his shoulder and stood to his feet. He stretched his arms above his head.

"Go home, Makoto," Koji said when he put hands on his hips.

"Eh?" Makoto squeaked and looked up at his friend. "But, I still have the night shift…"

"It's a slow day and you're exhausted from training with the Captain," Koji said with a smile. "Don't worry, I'll cover for you."

Makoto hesitated, his hands tightening on his knees. He let out a tired sigh and then nodded, conceding to Koji's request. Koji gave him one more slap on his back before leaving, allowing Makoto to head down to the lockers and change into his civilian clothes. He ducked his head on the way out to avoid Captain Mori's eyes.

After a quick train ride and a waltz through pouring down rain, Makoto traipsed up the steps of his apartment complex. His legs felt like jelly with every step with his body still sore from the weeklong training with Captain Mori. He tried to ignore the pain as much as possible as he sauntered down the hallway towards their two-bedroom apartment.

Just as Makoto was pulling his keys from his pocket, the door in front of him opened. He shot his head up to see Haru standing in front of him, clad in an old tracksuit and a duffle bag slung over his shoulder.

"Haru," Makoto said under his breath. "You're… going somewhere?"

Haru pursed his lips and averted his eyes. He lightly shrugged and his hand tightened on the strap of his duffle bag.

"I'm going to the pool," Haru responded.

"The pool?" Makoto echoed, his chest tightening. Haru nodded. There was a brief pause before Makoto continued. "Want me to come with you?"

Haru lifted his gaze from the ground to look at his best friend. Makoto was staring down at him with a gentle face. It was serious and stern, almost like Makoto was telling Haru he was coming whether he liked it or not.

And Haru felt grateful.

"Sure."

* * *

Makoto felt his gut twist at the familiarity of the campus. While it was nighttime and there were no students, he still felt unease plaguing his chest as he took tentative steps behind Haru towards the aquatics center.

Haru did not provide much of an explanation but Makoto followed anyway, carrying his own duffle bag over his shoulder. He wore an older pair of jammers underneath his track pants. They were a little tight since he had gained so much more muscle mass in the past year, but it was enough for now.

Haru used his student ID to unlock the double doors, which were normally locked by now. The light on the side of the door turned green and there was a soft click, indicating the unlocking of the doors. He blinked at the door, a little surprised his ID still worked. Maybe the coach had more faith in his return than he thought.

Haru pulled the door open and Makoto followed behind. They headed to the locker rooms and finally entered the large room. Haru's chest tightened.

The pool looked just how he had last seen it: sparkling and shimmering under the soft lights above. The smell of chlorine filled his senses and his body tingled as he felt the heat from the room stick to his skin.

He missed this.

"You're sure about this?" Makoto asked from his side.

Haru's brows creased and he reached up to unzip his jacket. Once he was rid of it, he threw it to the side and then slowly bent over to take off his pants. He felt his ankle twinge when he tilted it to pull his leg from the pants and he grunted softly.

"Haru!" Makoto yelped, grabbed onto Haru's arm. Haru straightened and shook his head.

"I'm fine," he said.

Makoto looked unsure, but he let go of Haru, letting him walk up to the starting block. He gingerly stepped up onto it and stared out at the lane.

Haru could remember hearing his teammates cheering for him as he stepped up onto the platform. He remembered feeling the water flowing through his fingers as he crawled down the lane. He remembered thinking…

_The water is alive._

A shiver went through Haru's body.

He lifted his goggles over his eyes and pressed them gently. He knelt down at the starting block and gripped the edge. He closed his eyes and breathed out, listening for the imaginary whistle.

_Ready._

Haru breathed and opened his eyes.

_Go!_

Haru pushed off of the starting block.

And then…

_Pain._

As soon as Haru hit the water, he crumpled. He scrambled to reach the surface but the pain in his foot seared and tried to drag him down. He glanced up at the surface and reached up towards it, feeling his lungs constrict.

This was not how it was supposed to be.

He was supposed to be on the team, swimming whenever he wanted.

He was supposed to be…  _free_.

Haru closed his eyes.

_What am I doing?_

Suddenly, he heard a faint splash next to him and his outstretched hand was grabbed. He opened his eyes and suddenly he was being pulled to the surface. He sucked in a breath of air and felt his shoulders being held tightly. He tried to catch his breath.

"Haru!"

Haru turned his head.

Makoto was holding him above the surface, making sure his foot was not knocking into anything. His eyes were wide and his face horrified.

"Are you okay?!" Makoto asked, gripping both of Haru's shoulders.

Haru panted more and winced, his foot throbbing in pain. He tried to stand on his own but then fell forward, pitching into Makoto's chest. He grabbed onto the short sleeves Makoto's soaking wet shirt.

" _Haru_ ," Makoto gasped, his hands moving to Haru's forearms to help hold him up.

"I'm fine," Haru said.

"Are you sure?" Makoto asked. "Maybe we should take you to the doctor or the hospital or—"

"I'm  _fine_ ," Haru snapped, making Makoto flinch. "Just… just give me a minute."

"Haru…" Makoto whispered. He grimaced and then looked down at the water in between them, feeling guilt churn inside his stomach.

_This is…_

He felt his hands trembling.

_…all my fault._

* * *

The rain tapped lightly on the window in the living room. Makoto sat on the couch with his head buried in his hands and his back hunched over. Guilt gnawed at his insides. Haru was frustrated all the way home, refusing any help Makoto had offered. He reluctantly followed Makoto's advice to rest, agreeing only if he could take a bath first.

It had been a good forty minutes since Haru locked himself inside the bathroom, and it did not seem that he would leave any time soon.

Makoto sighed and groaned softly into his hands, being mindful of his other two roommates studying in their shared room. He leaned back and stared up at the ceiling.

Haru had been in so much pain. Makoto thought his heart would burst with how terrified he was. He hoped that Haru would have been able to get to the surface on his own, but when he stayed crumpled underneath the water, Makoto leaped into the water without even thinking.

Makoto dug the heels of his palms into his eyes. If only he had gone straight up to the fifth floor like he was supposed to. If he had done that, then Haru could be on the swim team. He could be prepping for the Olympic tryouts. Haru could be swimming whenever he wanted and not stuck majoring in something he obviously hates.

Makoto's hands dropped from his eyes, his body feeling heavy.

Would this be another sleepless night?

Makoto released a slow sigh and he reached into his pocket for his phone. He sat up from his slumped position and hunched over, scrolling through his contacts until he got to Dr. Ozawa's office. He paused to stare down at the contact.

_"But I think going back will help."_

_"If you do that, then… you'll just be avoiding it."_

_"Just… think about it, okay?"_

Makoto's thumb quivered over the "send" button.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Breathe in…

Just as his thumb touched down on the button to call, his phone buzzed, making Makoto jump. His heart raced as he saw the name flashing on the screen.

_Koji?_

Makoto quickly answered the call.

"H-Hello?"

"Makoto! Good, I'm glad you answered. Sorry it's so late," Koji's exasperated voice rang through the speaker. He was panting, and Makoto could hear the sirens going off in the background.

"Koji, is everything okay?" Makoto asked.

"Ah, well… remember me saying it was a slow night?" Koji asked.

Makoto grimaced. "Mmn…" he hummed.

" _Well_ …"

"A fire?" Makoto asked.

"Yeah. Big one… at a nursing home."

Makoto's heart jumped into his throat. He stood up from the couch, his hand gripping his phone for dear life.

"I'm sorry to do this to you, Makoto," Koji said. "But Mori wants everyone who is on shift tonight to come. I can try to cover for you if you—"

"No, no, I can!" Makoto rushed to his bedroom to change into his spare pair of work clothes he kept in his closet. "I'll be at the station in ten minutes."

"Okay, hurry. I'll wait for you in the spare emergency car," Koji said, and he promptly hung up.

Makoto tossed his phone onto his bed and changed into the tight blue work shirt and compression shorts. Throwing on a loose pair of pants, he hurried down the hall, leaving his phone abandoned on his bed.

He was about to head into the living room but halted at the bathroom door. He lifted a hand and knocked.

"Hey, Haru, I'm being called back into work," Makoto announced.

There was no verbal response on the other side, just the sound of sloshing. Makoto's heart dropped into his stomach as a fresh wave of guilt crawled up his throat.

_Things would be so different if I had just..._

Makoto tried to shake the guilt from him and he opened his mouth, his throat tight.

"I'll… I'll see you later, Haru," Makoto said softly, and then he rushed to the front door. He knelt down and shoved his boots onto his feet.

_Fire at a nursing home…_

Makoto's stomach twisted and he shot up from the ground. He flung open the door and ran out into the pouring down rain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW! 80 Kudos?!! You guys rock!! I love you all :)  
> Please let me know what you thought!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! Almost 100 Kudos?! You guys are amazing. Keep being awesome!
> 
> Warnings: Death, panic attack.
> 
> Happy reading!

He was sulking.

Haru sat in the bath with his knees bent and his eyes lazily staring down at the water, watching as droplets fell from his fringe. His foot did not throb anymore but his whole leg was tired as if he had just run a marathon.

Haru wrapped his arms around his knees, his frustration dulling into a bitter ache inside his chest. He had only wanted to try to swim again. He wanted to feel the water rush through his fingers and around his ears. He missed the days when he and Makoto could go to Goro's swim club and float down the lanes in their clothes.

Makoto…

_"Apparently he collapsed."_

He sighed and leaned his head down to rest on his knees as he curled in on himself more. He wanted to talk to Makoto about his injuries that night of the fire. Was he really hurt that badly that night?

He... he did not remember him being that hurt...

_"Haru!"_

_Haru turned his head to the door of his hospital room and saw Makoto standing in the doorway. Haru's eyes went wide. He did not comment on Makoto's goofy hospital gown or the scratches on his face. Haru's eyes were locked on the sling that gently cradled Makoto's left arm._

_"Makoto…" Haru whispered. He tried to sit up but then fell back against the bed._

_"Ah, Haru!" Makoto hobbled over to Haru's side slowly, a worried look on his face. He placed his free hand on Haru's shoulder gently. "Don't try to move so much."_

_Haru peered up at Makoto's face, taking in all of the scratches and the small bandage on his cheek. He was smiling, but Haru could tell it was strained. He looked like he was in pain, and his eye twitched like he was hiding something._

_"Are you okay?" Haru asked, his eyes flitting to his arm that was in a sling._

_Makoto glanced down at his arm and then widened his smile. He waved his free hand in the air nonchalantly._

_"It's no big deal. I dislocated my shoulder while getting you out," Makoto explained._

_Haru's brows creased. "Dislocated?"_

_Makoto nodded, a little grimly. "Yeah, I… I fell on it. Don't worry, it'll heal," Makoto said, tilting his head and giving Haru his usual smile. He turned to look at the chair sitting by Haru's bed and he slowly moved over to it. Haru watched him carefully, eyeing Makoto's awkward and sluggish movements as he walked. He made to sit down and his face contorted in pain._

_"M-Makoto?" Haru said, his heart jumping wildly in his chest. He sat up a little and reached out to him, but Makoto waved him off and put on another smile, even shakier than before._

_"I'm fine, Haru," Makoto said. Even his voice quivered, and Haru blinked at him accusingly. "How's your foot?" Makoto asked to change the subject._

_Haru jolted at the question and then glared down at his foot. It was in a cast, still throbbing from the surgery the day before._

_"Hurts," he said honestly._

_Makoto's smile fell from his face and he tilted his head down shamefully. There was a moment of silence, both feeling tense and pained. The air was heavy, and Haru was about to speak when he heard a quiet intake of breath._

_"Sorry," Makoto said under his breath. It was hardly audible and Haru barely heard it._

_Haru snapped his head to look at his friend. He stared for a minute, wondering if his ears were playing tricks on him._

_"Mako—"_

_"Ah, do you want anything to eat, Haru?" Makoto suddenly asked, his head raised and his green eyes shimmering._

_Haru's heart jumped in his chest at the sight of tears welling up in Makoto's eyes. He blinked at him, a little stunned at the sudden change in topic_ again. _Haru's hands gripped the sheets on his bed and his brows lowered over his eyes. Something was up. Makoto was acting strange._

_"No," Haru answered through his teeth. "I'm fine."_

KNOCK KNOCK

Suddenly, frantic knocks on the door jolted Haru out of his thoughts and caused him to flinch, sloshing the water around in the tub. He lifted his head and glanced at the door.

"Hey, Haru, I'm being called back into work."

Haru's heart fluttered at the voice. Makoto?

He opened his mouth to speak but his words were caught in his throat. He leaned up to get out of the tub but his foot felt numb, and he lowered a hand to hold it. The water in the tub sloshed around as he maneuvered his foot to get more comfortable. He turned his head back to look at the door and soaked in Makoto's words.

Going back to work? Didn't he just get off?

"I'll… I'll see you later, Haru."

Haru was stunned silent as he heard Makoto's presence leave the door. He stayed frozen in the tub until he heard the front door of the apartment slam shut. When his mind finally caught up, his body jumped up from the tub with his jammers still on his body. He grabbed a towel and hurried out to the living room.

"Mako—"

His words died on his tongue once he realized Makoto was gone.

"Haru-chan?"

"Haruka-senpai?"

Haru turned around to see Rei and Nagisa standing at the end of the hallway, staring curiously at him.

"Is everything all right?" Rei asked, quickly adjusting his glasses.

Haru looked back at the door and then at the floor, watching water puddle by his feet.

"Yeah," he answered. "I'm fine."

* * *

Makoto ran as fast as his legs would take him to the fire station. He could hear his heart thudding loudly in his ears and his lungs ached with every breath. Puddles were scattered all around the roads and Makoto could hear rumbles of thunder in the distance. He avoided the puddles as best as he could and sprinted inside the fire station.

"Makoto!" Koji called upon seeing him.

Makoto gave him a curt nod and rushed to his locker, throwing on his gear as quickly as possible. He rushed to the emergency vehicle and saw that Koji had already claimed the driver's side. He threw open the passenger door and slammed it shut. Koji immediately turned on the lights and siren and pulled out of the fire station in a flash.

"What happened?" Makoto asked.

Koji shook his head and shrugged, keeping his eyes on the road. "Apparently the storm had a few bad lightning strikes."

"Lightning?!" Makoto exclaimed. "But how?"

Koji shook his head again. "I don't know. I just know that it knocked out the power and set the building on fire. It's a nursing home and some of the patients carry oxygen tanks."

Makoto's chest suddenly went cold. He even lifted a hand to rub the pain away.

"Are… is…" He was unsure of what exactly he wanted to ask, but Koji could fill in the blanks.

"There are a few that have died, yes," Koji responded.

Makoto's face twisted in agony and his hand grabbed a fistful of his jacket. He felt a hand grab his shoulder and he slowly lifted his hand to look over at Koji, who was giving him a gentle look.

"We can do this," Koji said. "Captain said there are only a few more left to rescue. Then, all we have to deal with is the fire itself."

Makoto hesitated, his mind reeling. His heart pounded against his palm and he tried to steel himself. He nodded despite himself, and Koji nodded back.

After a few more turns, they arrived at the scene. It was not as severe as the apartment fire a week ago, but it was still looking grim. There was only one fire truck pulled into the wet grass and a few men were working hard to put out the fire on one collapsed part of the building.

Makoto's heart sunk into his stomach like lead. Had the oxygen tanks exploded? Were there any people over there?

Makoto's hands shook as he reached for the door handle and clambered out. He mutely followed Koji like a lost puppy towards the blaze, his eyes peering up at the several floors that were completely engulfed. He could faintly hear Koji talking to a nearby fireman but his voice was muffled. All Makoto could hear were the flames and the screams of people still inside.

This was familiar…

Suddenly, a large portion of the wall on the right side crumbled to the ground. There were more screams from some people watching nearby. One of the nurses was going hysterical, screaming her fellow nurse's name over and over.

_Is that nurse still inside?_

"akoto…"

_Do I need to go inside?_

"Makoto..."

_Or… is it too late?_

"Makoto!"

Makoto snapped out of his daze and saw Koji standing in front of him, eyes fierce and wide.

"K-Koji?" Makoto stammered.

"There are still a few people trapped inside!" Koji said. "There about to send in a search team. Can you handle joining them?"

Makoto jolted. "Are… are you coming, too?" he asked.

Koji shook his head. "Captain wants me on the hoses. You've got more muscle to carry people out," he explained.

Makoto gulped and glanced over at the building again. More debris on the collapsed side fell, causing more nurses to scream. He saw those nurses standing on the sidewalk, their faces stained with tears and their hands pulling at their hair.

Makoto looked back at Koji.

He nodded.

Koji nodded back and patted his shoulder. "The team is over there." He pointed to three firemen all huddled to the side, all of them gazing up at the multiple stories of the building. Makoto nodded and hurried over to their side.

"All right, by the counts, it says there are four people missing still—three nurses and one resident," the lead fireman said. "According to the head nurse's schedule, two of them should be on the third floor. One should be on the second and the last one is on the fourth."

Makoto's eyes flitted back to the building, eyeing where the fourth floor was. He gulped when he saw flames eating away at the windows.

"Ai and I will tackle the two on the third floor. Ryu, you go get the one on the second. Tachibana go up to the fourth floor."

Makoto's heart clenched at the instructions he was given. He was one of the biggest guys in the fire station, so of course everyone assumed he could carry a bigger load. Being tall and broad had never felt so unfair.

But Makoto nodded anyway.

"All right. Let's go!" the lead fireman said, and he headed the charge into the burning building.

The men pushed through the rubble and avoided the very hot flames as they found the staircase and ascended carefully. Ryu turned off on the second floor and started searching. The lead fireman and Ai stopped at floor three, leaving Makoto to trudge up the stairs to the fourth floor.

His nerves were shot as he finally made it to the fourth floor. His head whipped around and he came face-to-face with white-hot flames and burning rubble.

"Hello?!" Makoto called, his voice cracking. "Is anyone there?!"

Makoto carefully maneuvered around fallen rubble and headed down the hallway. A clump of ceiling tiles fell in front of him, making him stutter to a stop and stumble backward. He raised his arms to shield his head and he coughed as dust and smoke rose up into his mask and helmet.

"Any...anyone?!" Makoto rasped through painful coughs. "I-Is anyone there?! Hello?!"

That's when he heard it.

"H-Help…"

Makoto whirled around at the sound. It was faint and quiet, but he hurried in that direction.

"I'm coming!" he hollered.

Makoto tore through more barriers of rubble and avoided the flames. He squinted through the smoke until he saw a flicker of blue. He jolted when he saw a woman in blue scrubs lying on the ground at the far end of the room.

Makoto's stomach fluttered when he saw that she was alive. He started into a sprint, ready to rescue her, but as he rounded the corner, he froze.

His breath hitched in his chest and his eyes bulged.

The woman's legs were pinned by a massive beam.

Makoto's chest tightened.

This was… way too familiar.

But… he… he had to keep going.

He had to breathe.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Breathe... in...

_"Makoto!"_

Makoto's breath hitched again. He lifted his hands to his head.

"No…" Makoto breathed.

_"Over here!"_

_"Ah… it hurts."_

_"Makoto, don't! You're going to hurt yourself!"_

Makoto's frame began to shake. "Haru…"

_You weren't fast enough._

Makoto's breath hitched again and his chest started to hurt. His vision started to blacken and all he could hear was the antagonizing voice that echoed in his mind.

_You ruined his career._

Makoto squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. "Get out of my head, get out of my head!"

_It's all your fault._

"No..." Makoto whimpered out, feeling tears squeeze out of his eyes.

It all came back in one painful flash.

The fire, the screams, the beam, Haru's foot, the fire, his body burning, the glass shards cutting into his stomach, the fire, the landing that was too far away, the pain in his shoulder, his own screams as they treated him at the hospital, the fire, the fire,  _the fire_ …

Suddenly, a loud scream broke Makoto out of his stupor. His eyes popped open and he glanced up just in time to see the ceiling cave in. His eyes widened in horror.

"NO!" Makoto shouted, reaching out to the woman.

But it was too late.

The ceiling caved in on top of her, and she disappeared beneath the rubble.

Makoto's heart clenched painfully and he felt his body panicking. He scrambled to get to the pile, but suddenly he felt a pair of arms scoop underneath his, holding him in place. He sputtered and turned his head back to meet a familiar face.

"K-Koji?" Makoto said under his breath.

"You've been up here too long, Makoto, we've got to  _go_!" Koji yelled.

Makoto frantically shook his head. "N-No! There's a woman trapped underneath that rubble! I've got to—"

Then, there was a creaking sound, and the floor at the far end of the room caved in, the pile of rubble falling. All that was left was a gaping hole in the floor.

Makoto's heart sunk, realizing the woman had fallen, too.

"NO!" Makoto shouted, trying to get out of Koji's grasp. Koji clung onto him for dear life.

" _Makoto_!" Koji yelled, pulling him back. "This building is about to cave! We need to leave  _now_!"

Makoto looked back at Koji with tear-stained cheeks. "But Koji—"

"No," Koji said immediately. "We need to leave.  _Now_."

Another portion of the floor caved in, emphasizing Koji's point. Makoto stared at the hole in the floor.

_Your fault._

"Makoto!"

Makoto jolted and turned around to look at Koji, who gestured for him to follow. Makoto quickly wiped his cheeks and reluctantly followed Koji down the staircase. As they descended the stairs, they could feel the foundation starting to shake and become unstable. Koji reached back and gripped Makoto's wrist, pulling his heavy body along.

"Damn it! Makoto, we need to sprint!" Koji yelled.

Makoto grimaced and tried to keep up with him as they both flew down the stairs. Makoto almost tripped over his own feet a few times but managed to stumble upright again.

Koji and Makoto reached the first floor and pushed through the fallen debris. The ceiling started to collapse around them and Koji pointed towards the front door.

"There! Go, go!" Koji yelled, putting a hand on Makoto's back and pushing him forward. They heard the unsettling cracking of the structure crumbling around them and they sprinted towards the door. They rushed out just as the building buckled and fell.

Koji pushed Makoto forward and they both fell to the ground. Koji fell on top of Makoto, shielding him from the debris and the hot flames. Once the ground stopped shaking, they both turned to look back at the building, now just a heap of burning rubble.

Makoto's eyes widened at the sight. It was so,  _so_  familiar. His heart squeezed uncomfortably in his chest and tears pricked at his eyes. Koji stood to his feet and pulled Makoto to his. He was almost dead weight in Koji's grasp.

Koji was asking him something, but his voice was muddled. Makoto could only stare at the burning rubble before him.

"Makoto!"

Koji shook him hard, and Makoto finally turned his head to look at Koji.

"Makoto, are you hurt?" Koji asked, squeezing Makoto's shoulders. He gave Makoto's body a once-over, checking for blood or injuries.

Makoto opened his mouth to speak and he lowered his eyes. Koji could see the tears in his eyes and he felt Makoto's shoulders trembling under his palms.

"I… I—"

"Hey!"

Makoto and Koji whipped around to see a nurse stomping towards them. Her face was scrunched up and her eyes and cheeks were red.

"You… you got her out, right?" she asked, stomping up to Makoto.

Makoto stared down at her, his stomach twisting and churning at the question. Tears immediately fell from his eyes and his voice shook as he tried to speak through the lump that had lodged itself in his throat.

"Um… I… s… I'm so s-sorry," Makoto muttered.

The nurse's face twisted as tears filled her eyes and spilled over. She marched up to Makoto and started beating her fists against his chest. Makoto stood frozen in shock, not really feeling the pounding that she inflicted on him.

"Why didn't you save her?!" she shrieked.

"O-Oi!" Koji yelled, reaching out to her.

"She  _has_  to be alive! She has to be!" the nurse kept slamming her fists on Makoto's chest. Makoto's eyes widened as she yelled in his face and his gut twisted. He suddenly felt bitterly cold despite the burning heat behind him. "Why?! Why didn't you get to her?!"

"Hey, hey! That's  _enough_!" Koji yelled, grabbing the nurse's wrists and pulling her off of Makoto. He turned back to look at Makoto, and his heart leaped in his chest.

A few tears were flowing down his cheeks but he was staring out at nothing. His eyes had no more life in them.

He looked lost… he looked...

Dead.

* * *

Haru was pacing, his phone in hand. He had already tried calling Makoto three times, and all three times, he did not answer. His eyes flitted to the small clock on the end table in the corner. It was past midnight.

"Where is he…" Haru murmured.

"How long has he been gone?" Rei asked from the couch.

"Five hours," Haru answered.

"And he hasn't answered your calls, Haru-chan?" Nagisa asked, his eyes scanning the darkness beyond the window. He had his face pressed up against the glass.

"Nagisa-kun, don't put your face on the glass!" Rei scolded.

"I'm just looking for Mako-chan!"

"No, he hasn't," Haru answered, ignoring their bickering. He huffed out a sigh.

"Well, he got called back into work, right?" Nagisa asked. Rei and Haru just stared at him. "Maybe he's just… doing his job?"

"But he already worked a full day," Haru said. He pursed his lips and his hand gripped his phone. "I… think I might've upset him."

Nagisa peeled his face from the glass and turned to look at Haru. Rei also looked up at Haru with widened eyes.

"Upset him?" Rei echoed.

Haru only nodded in response, not wanting to elaborate further. Rei adjusted his glasses and Nagisa sat down on the couch, all three falling into an uncomfortable silence.

Finally, Haru spoke again. "I'm going to try him again," he said. He dialed the number and lifted the phone to his ear, listening intently. He started to pace again, his legs taking him down the hallway.

_C'mon, Makoto… are you really on the job right now?_

* * *

The station was eerily quiet as the night crew undressed and cleaned up after the massive fire. Only the sounds of shuffling feet and shutting doors echoed in the large room.

Koji was standing at his locker, hanging up his cleaned jacket and stowing away his boots. He placed his folded up pants onto the shelf and then looked over at the hunched figure next to him.

Makoto looked trapped in a daze. He was obviously upset and Koji's heart ached at the sight. Makoto's gaze was glossed over, not focusing on anything, and his movements were sluggish and heavy. He looked as if his nerves were so shot that his mind blocked out everything surrounding him. He resembled a wounded zombie.

Koji's brows pushed together and worry lines creased his forehead. He took a quick breath to steel himself and he shut his locker with a light clack. He walked up to Makoto and placed a solid hand on his shoulder.

"Makoto, are you okay?" Koji asked, his voice almost a whisper.

Makoto would not even look at him. His gaze stared down towards his locker, not really looking at anything. He only stood quietly and Koji wondered if Makoto even realized where he was.

"Makoto," Koji called again. He pushed Makoto's shoulder to force his body to face him and then he gripped his other shoulder. "Hey, talk to me."

Makoto's eyelids were heavy over foggy green eyes. He was gazing in Koji's direction but he seemed to be staring straight through him. Koji noticed a cut on his cheek that could really use a bandage, but he chose to focus on his well-being for the moment.

"Makoto, listen," Koji said. He shook him gently, trying not to draw attention from the other firemen. "Nothing that happened today was your fault."

Makoto's eyes suddenly widened and Koji heard his breath catch in his throat in a soft gasp.

"You know that, right?" Koji asked, trying to make eye contact with him. "Everything just spiraled out of control. We got there late. There was nothing else we could do."

Makoto grimaced and he tilted his head to look at the ground. His hands curled into loose fists by his sides and Koji felt Makoto's shoulders tremble underneath his palms.

"I hesitated," Makoto said plainly. Koji's lips parted, a little in shock. "If I didn't hesitate, then I could've grabbed her." Koji felt his chest burn with frustration at his words. "I should have been abl—"

"It  _wasn't_  your fault," Koji said sternly. He shook Makoto's shoulders a little more violently this time. "Got it?"

Makoto did not respond. He only stood like a mindless robot, ignoring how hard Koji's hands were pressing into his shoulders. Koji grit his teeth and released him.

"You aren't seriously pinning this on yourself, are you?" Koji asked. Makoto turned his head away, his facial expression remaining eerily emotionless. He looked dead. "Makoto, you can't do this to yourself."

Koji ran a hand through his hair and sigh, closing his eyes. His hand ran down over his forehead to rub his eyes and he breathed slowly and deeply, trying to regain his focus and slow his anger.

"This is why I wanted you to reschedule another visit, Makoto," Koji whispered. He dropped his hand and looked at Makoto, who was still stiff. "Makoto, c'mon. It won't be bad. You  _need_  to talk to someone. It's  _destroying_  you! You need to talk to someone so you—"

"Hey!"

One of the fellow firemen hollered from the corner, completely derailing Koji's train of thought. Koji whirled around to see the night crew all huddled over by the door in their civilian clothes.

"We're going out for drinks," one of them called. "You guys should come join."

Koji winced and shook his head. "Listen, I don't think tonight is—"

"I'll go."

Koji whirled around to stare at Makoto with horrified eyes. Makoto looked glum and miserable, the weight of the world heavy on his shoulders. But he had enough energy to try and brush past Koji.

"Makoto, I don't think this is a good idea," Koji said, grabbing Makoto's shoulder and holding him in place.

Makoto sighed in response and gently shrugged off Koji's hand. He paused as if he were going to say something, but he continued to walk away, leaving a dumbfounded Koji standing in the middle of the room.

"Makoto," Koji called. " _Makoto_ , you don't need this."

Koji watched helplessly as Makoto followed the other men out of the door and into the night. He grit his teeth and clenched his fists, shutting his eyes tightly.

"Damn it," he said under his breath.

Suddenly, he heard someone walk next to him. Koji popped open his eyes and turned to see Captain Mori shrugging a leather jacket on over his shoulders.

"Let's go," Mori said gruffly.

Koji blinked, his eyes wide. "Captain?"

Mori fixed the collar of his jacket and gave Koji a somber look.

"I know what bar they're going to," Mori explained. "Let's go."

Koji hesitated only for a second and then stuttered to life, quickly catching up to Mori as he left the station.

* * *

"Still nothing?" Nagisa asked.

Haru shook his head and put his phone down on the end table next to the couch. He let out a soft sigh and glanced at Rei and Nagisa. They were both sitting on the couch looking dazed and exhausted. Nagisa even let out a yawn.

"Sorry for keeping you up," Haru said.

"Nonsense!" Rei said, folding his arms across his chest. "We're also worried about Makoto-senpai."

"We want to help, too, Haru-chan!" Nagisa said, but his eyes were drooping.

Haru gave him a small smile. "I appreciate it," Haru said. "But you guys can go to bed. I'll keep trying his phone."

Nagisa and Rei exchanged sleepy glances. "Are you sure, Haruka-senpai?" Rei asked.

Haru nodded, and both Rei and Nagisa stood to their feet. Nagisa yawned again, lifting a hand to cover his mouth.

"Just come and get us if something changes, Haru-chan," Nagisa said through a yawn.

"Mmn," Haru hummed.

The two of them went to bed and Haru released a long, heavy sigh. He traipsed to his bedroom and sat down on his bed. He waited a moment before he dialed the number and lifted his phone to his ear. He sat and listened to the ringing on the other end, waiting for a click or a "Hey, Haru!"

Then, he heard a buzzing in the room.

Haru's brows creased and he whipped his head around to find the source. He looked at Makoto's dresser and his desk but found nothing.

Then his eyes finally landed on the bed. His heart sunk and he almost dropped his phone from his hand.

Makoto's phone was sitting on his bed, vibrating loudly on his quilt. His phone was here, and there was no way to get in touch with him now.

A crack of thunder pulled Haru from his thoughts and he glanced out the window. There was a brief flash, and then it started to rain.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nice long chapter for you :)  
> Over 100 Kudos!! Thank you all for the wonderful support. You guys are awesome!  
> Happy reading!

Koji walked silently beside Mori, his hands shoved in his jacket pockets. His eyes were glued to the sidewalk as he mindlessly followed Mori to some bar that the firemen apparently frequented. He heard a rumble of thunder in the distance and he tilted his head up to look at the sky. He wondered if it would rain again soon– hopefully not bringing more dangerous lightning.

"What happened in there?"

Mori's voice snapped Koji out of his thoughts and he turned his head to focus on his Captain. Mori's face looked more concerned than angry, even though his voice was laced with urgency. Koji sighed and shrugged, his eyes looking back down at the pavement.

"Makoto said that he hesitated when he saw someone. She didn't make it," Koji explained, his voice dipping lower as he ended his sentence.

Mori blinked and then looked ahead. "He went to therapy, right?" he asked.

"Mmn, yeah," Koji said. "He said he doesn't want to go back, though."

Mori's face hardened a little and he grunted in response.

They turned a corner and found themselves heading towards a 24-hour bar. From the distance, the bar looked packed, and Koji's stomach twisted at knowing that Makoto was in there.

"Well, here we are," Mori said, opening the door for Koji. Koji bowed his head at his superior and stepped through the threshold of the bar, his eyes taking in the surroundings.

The crew that just got off shift filled several seats in the bar. It was not too loud, something Koji was grateful for. He scanned the room for his brown-haired friend, and his heart jolted when he found him sitting at the bar. Koji took a step towards him, ready to haul him out.

"Makoto—"

Koji was yanked back by his collar, and he twisted to look at Mori who was giving him a stern, yet sad glance.

"Captain…"

"Just let him be," Mori said. He released Koji's shirt and gestured towards an empty table. "We'll keep an eye on him."

Koji blinked, his eyes looking back and forth between Mori and Makoto. He finally conceded with a heavy sigh and he plopped down next to Mori with a huff.

"He shouldn't be here," Koji said, glaring hard at the table.

"You can't baby him forever," Mori said, hailing over a server. Koji felt something boiling in his chest at his words. "He'll learn."

Koji was silent as Mori ordered a beer from the waiter, his thoughts running a mile a minute in his mind. He looked up at Makoto, who was downing a beer at the bar, and Koji winced at the sight.

"He's just a kid," Koji said softly.

Mori cut a glance at Koji before the waiter returned with his beer. He took his beer from the waiter and took a big gulp, setting down the glass on the table with a heavy sigh.

"You remember when we first met Tachibana?" Mori asked.

Koji's shoulders hunched and tensed. "Mmn," he hummed in response. "How could I forget?"

~~~

_"Captain!"_

_Koji ran to the spare emergency vehicle and hopped in the passenger seat. Mori immediately started the car and took off down the road._

_"What's going on?" Koji asked._

_"Dorm fire," Mori said. "It's bad. All floors are reported to be on fire. It could cave at any minute."_

_Koji grimaced and braced himself as Mori took a sharp turn._

_"Any casualties?" Koji asked._

_"I don't know," Mori said with a shrug. "I haven't heard anything. But apparently the fire has been brewing all night."_

_"All night?" Koji asked, his eyes wide. "Why has no one called us until now?"_

_Mori's face turned grim. "I was informed that the fire alarms and smoke detectors weren't working. All of the students were asleep."_

_Koji blanched and his stomach churned. "They're just kids…" he said quietly. "I hope everyone's all right," he added, looking back at the road._

_"Yeah," Mori said quietly. "Me, too."_

_Mori made a few more turns until the massive fire came into view. Koji's stomach twisted at the sight of all of the floors being engulfed in orange flames. The car was parked and they both jumped out and rushed towards one of the firemen on the scene._

_"Ah, Captain!" the fireman exclaimed._

_"Give us an update, is there anyone left inside?" Mori asked._

_"There are two still missing, sir," the fireman explained. "According to a few witnesses, one of the students went back inside."_

_"Huh?!" Koji yelled._

_"What?!" Mori shouted. "What do you mean a student went back inside?!"_

_The fireman grimaced. "Apparently he went back in for his friend but kept finding more students who needed help. He rescued about five people."_

_"And he's still inside?" Mori asked._

_"Yes, sir," the fireman said. "I believe his friends said he went up to the fourth floor."_

_Mori and Koji exchanged looks before glancing up at the building, both eyeing the fourth floor. Flames were shooting out of the front windows and were eating away at the frames. Mori shook his head solemnly._

_"Let's just focus on getting this fire put out," Mori said._

_"W-What?" Koji said, a little horrified. "But, there's two people still in there!"_

_"I don't want to risk my men's lives," Mori explained._

_Koji stared wide-eyed at Mori as he walked towards the men with hoses. His hands curled into fists and his face scrunched up at knowing there were people still trapped inside. But he tried to shake it off as best as he could and he rushed over to Mori's side and listened for instructions._

_The men battled the flames as best as they could, the hoses firing off water in several directions. Sirens could be heard from down the street and a few more ambulances arrived on the scene._

_Koji chewed on his lip as he passed on the hose to another fireman, his arms tired and sore. He walked to Mori's side, who then handed him a water bottle. Koji took off his helmet and drank from the bottle, feeling the sweat sticking to his uniform._

_"This could take hours," Koji huffed._

_"Yeah, but we've got it under control," Mori said. "Honestly, once this thing caves, it'll be easier to manage."_

_Koji grimaced at the thought. Mori took another swig of his water bottle and then set it down on the truck._

_"All right, let's get back to work," Mori said, walking back towards the hoses._

_Koji nodded and finished off his water, tossing the empty bottle inside the truck. He followed behind Mori, about to put his helmet on, when he heard rustling around from the side of the building. He turned his head to find the source of the noise._

_Koji's heart sunk and he dropped his helmet._

_It was a tall student. He was shirtless and covered in blood and burns. He also had a lifeless student thrown over his right shoulder. The student looked completely exhausted._

_When the student noticed Koji, his face turned pleading._

_"P-Please," he said with a raspy voice. "M-My friend passed out, h-he needs… help…"_

_Then, the student fell to the ground, his knees no longer able to carry his weight._

_Koji's heart wrenched and panic flooded his chest. He whirled around to find Mori and she shouted as loud as he could._

_"Captain!" Koji yelled, and then he rushed to the students._

_Mori glanced over and his eyes widened. He rushed over to Koji's side and knelt down by the students._

_"P-Please," the tall one pleaded on the ground. "H-He's hurt and won't wake up."_

_"We need stretchers!" Mori yelled._

_"Hey, hey, take it easy," Koji said softly. He placed a hand on the boy's shoulder and he yelped in pain. Koji retracted his hand quickly. "Shit."_

_"Looks dislocated," Mori said, gesturing towards his shoulder. "Damn it, where's that stretcher?!"_

_Soon enough, there were paramedics running to their side and helping both boys onto stretchers._

_"Haru…" the tall one rasped. "Haru…"_

_Koji and Mori exchanged worried glances as they watched them both be lifted into separate ambulances. Their hearts squeezed inside their chests at the sight._

_"Was that the student who saved the others?" Koji asked Mori._

_Mori pressed his lips in a straight line, his mind wondering the same thing. But the two of them already knew the answer._

_"Mako-chan! Haru-chan!"_

_Mori and Koji turned to see two other students running up to the ambulances, both with tears in their eyes._

_"Sorry, but I can't let you in here," the paramedic told them._

_"B-But, they're our friends!" the small blonde boy whimpered. Tears were running down his cheeks._

_"We just want to know if they're all right," the taller boy with glasses said._

_"They will be. We just need to get them to the hospital," was the response from the paramedic._

_The two boys looked disheartened, but they nodded sadly, the smaller of the two shedding endless tears. They both backed away from the ambulances and watched as they took off down the road, sirens blazing and lights flashing._

_"Were they okay, Rei-chan?" the blonde boy whimpered. "Haru-chan wasn't m-moving and Mako-chan fell…"_

_The taller boy with glasses placed his hands on the blonde boy's shoulders and squeezed._

_"They're on their way to the hospital now, Nagisa-kun. They're in good hands," he said, but his voice was strained and weak._

_Koji winced at the crack in the boy's voice. He turned his gaze down to stare at the bland concrete, his head foggy and mind unsure of what to do next. He clenched his fists and turned to stare at the still-burning dorm. The top floor had caved in and it looked like the rest would crumble, meaning the fire was mostly contained. He was about to head back to the others to see if he could assist when a familiar voice rang in his ears._

_"What's his name?"_

_Koji whipped his head to stare at Mori, who was speaking to the two boys who saw their friend off in the ambulance just a minute before._

_"H-His name?" the boy with glasses responded._

_"Yes, the tall one," Mori responded._

_Koji's brows pulled together curiously as he watched their conversation unfold._

_"That's Mako-chan," the small blonde boy whispered._

_Mori cocked a brow. "Mako… chan?"_

_"Um, his name is Tachibana Makoto…" the taller boy with glasses responded._

_"Tachibana Makoto…" Mori echoed. "All right. Thank you."_

_Mori abruptly turned away from them and headed back to the others with Koji following in tow._

_"Why did you want to know his name?" Koji asked Mori once they got back to the fire trucks. Mori took off his helmet and wiped his forehead._

_"That boy saved lives that we couldn't," Mori answered. He turned around to face Koji fully, a solemn look on his face. "I want to make sure he lives."_

" **Oh, Tachibana! Nice!** "

Mori and Koji jumped at the boisterous laughing from the bar table. They turned to see Makoto downing another beer, a few firemen cheering him along. There were three empty mugs next to him, and once he slammed down another empty mug, his body started to sway.

Koji grimaced and stood to his feet, moving to go to the bar, but a hand reached out and caught his wrist. He turned to see Mori's hand latched onto his, and Koji's face twisted in confusion.

"Let him be," Mori commanded gruffly.

"But, Captain—"

" _Let him be_ ," Mori repeated.

Koji looked torn, his head turning back just in time to see Makoto raise his hand to the bartender. The bartender merely nodded and started to fill another glass full of beer. Koji winced and released a heavy sigh, plopping back down on the chair across from Mori.

"He's going to be piss drunk," Koji said.

"Yep," Mori said, taking a sip of his own drink.

"He's barely old enough to drink."

"But he  _is_  old enough."

Koji sighed and rubbed his hand down his face. "We can't just  _sit_  here," Koji said. He dropped his hand from his face and turned to look at Mori with pleading eyes. "We've got to help him!"

"He doesn't want help," Mori said bluntly.

His words made Koji pause, his eyes widening into saucers. He doubted he heard Mori correctly at first.

"He… he doesn't?" Koji asked.

"Have you been paying attention at all?" Mori asked. He gestured towards the bar where Makoto was sitting. "He only went to that first therapy session because the Chief and I  _made_  him go."

Koji winced again, new wrinkles forming on his forehead. He turned his eyes to look down at the table, glaring at it.

"And he's been refusing to make another appointment," Mori said, folding his arms across his chest.

"But can't we like… make him do another appointment?" Koji asked, his voice quiet yet desperate.

"We can't force him to get help," Mori said. He turned to look at Koji seriously. "He needs to come to that conclusion on his own."

"But he'll never seek help on his own…" Koji whispered. "Whenever he can, he puts others before himself."

Mori paused, taking in a slow deep breath. "Yeah," he said gruffly, looking back to Makoto. "I know."

~~~

_Mori and Koji arrived at the hospital, their fire gear still on and dirtied. They entered through the ER and whipped their heads back and forth to seek out the familiar student._

_"I don't see him," Koji said._

_Mori kept searching, his eyes flitting back and forth around the Emergency Room. There were several patients in beds with nurses tending to their wounds. A majority of the patients were students from the fire, the nurses treating them for smoke inhalation and minor burns._

_It was mostly quiet save for the pained yelling just down the hall. Mori quirked a brow at the noise, his heart fluttering uncomfortably in his chest._

_"I can go ask a nurse," Koji said, turning._

_"Wait," Mori said, reaching out a hand to grab his shoulder. He listened to the screams again. "This way."_

_Mori led Koji down the hall of the ER and towards the sound of the screaming. Koji's heart started racing when he heard the sound getting louder as they got closer._

_"Ah… AH! That… hurts!"_

_"Sir, stay really still. We need to treat these burns."_

_"Ugh… Haru… where's Haru? Is he… AH!"_

_"The stitches are almost done, just hang on a few more minutes."_

_"…hurts…"_

_Mori and Koji rounded the corner and then froze, their eyes wide at the sight._

_The student, Tachibana as was told by his friends, was lying on a bed on his back. His entire torso was covered in ugly, excruciating burns. A few doctors were cleaning the burns on his chest and wrapping them while another doctor injected a needle near the long gashes in his stomach. The student wailed and his hands gripped the sheets beneath him._

_"We need to keep him calm or he's going to go into shock," a doctor said._

_"Keep talking to him," another doctor replied as he started up again on the stitches."There's only so much medicine we can give him."_

_"Take deep breaths, okay?" the third doctor said softly. "We need you to keep still to they can stitch you up."_

_"W-Where… where's Haru?" the student asked again._

_"Your friend?" a doctor replied. The student merely nodded and squeezed his eyes shut when the doctor put in another stitch. "He went up for surgery on his foot."_

_The student's eyes popped open and his breath started to quiver and shake. His body started to tremble at the news._

_"Easy, easy," the doctor said, patting his forearm. "It's nothing to worry about. The surgeons just want to fix his bones in his foot. He's going to be just fine."_

_The student's breathing slowed and he closed his eyes, his hands going back to curl around the sheets._

_Mori and Koji just stared, their eyes flitting over his battered body as the doctors did what they could to fix him._

_"Excuse me, but you two can't be here."_

_Mori and Koji both jumped and whirled around at the sudden voice from behind. A nurse was standing behind them giving them a polite look but stood firmly._

_"I'll have to ask you to wait beyond the doors there," she said, pointing towards a waiting room._

_Mori and Koji exchanged worried glances but followed her instructions. They could faintly hear the student screaming in pain one last time before entering through the double doors._

" **Whoa!** "

A loud crash from the bar yanked Mori and Koji out of their thoughts and they both stood to their feet.

Makoto had fallen from the stool in a drunken daze and was struggling to get up from the floor. Koji's eyes narrowed at the sight and he stomped over to him. He glared at his fellow firemen and then knelt down to Makoto.

"Makoto, are you okay?" Koji asked, placing a hand on Makoto's shoulder.

Makoto's head lolled to the side, his eyes barely open. His cheeks and neck were red and his breath reeked of alcohol. He was silent, and Koji shook his shoulder frantically.

"Makoto, can you hear me?" Koji asked.

"Mmmm," Makoto mumbled. He groaned and gurgled out something resembling words but Koji could not make it out.

"We should take him home," Mori said, suddenly standing behind Koji.

Koji glanced up at him with furrowed brows. "But I don't know where he lives."

"Don't worry about it," Mori said, fishing his phone out of his pocket. "I'll call the fire station. His records are there. Now, c'mon. Get 'im up."

As Mori walked out of the bar, Koji carefully slung Makoto's arm over his shoulder and hoisted him to his feet. He was practically dead weight on Koji's shoulders.

"Makoto, we're gonna take you home, okay?" Koji said.

"Nnnn?" Makoto mumbled, his head hanging.

"Can you walk?" Koji asked.

"Nnnn..."

Koji sighed and readjusted Makoto on his shoulders, trying to lift the man onto his feet. He stumbled as Koji guided him to the exit of the bar and he managed to push his way through the glass door. He was thankful the door was not heavy.

It was pouring outside, and Koji was dumbfounded that he had not realized it before. He quickly pulled his hood on over his head and joined Mori's side, who was wearing a hat and had a cell phone to his ear.

"All right, thanks," Mori said on his phone, and he hung up. "Okay. I know where he lives. It's a little bit of a walk from here, though."

Koji nodded and proceeded to follow Mori down the wet, dark street, with a drunk Makoto in tow.

* * *

Haru's eyes tiredly stared at the clock in the corner. It was after four in the morning and still no word or sign of Makoto. Haru had already gone through all of his options.

Should he call the fire station again? Maybe he should check the news to see if there are any fires in the area. Or maybe the fire station has his boss' number and he could call  _him_. Maybe Haru should pace a little bit more.

Maybe Haru should take a bath...

Haru sighed and lolled his head on the couch, his body and mind exhausted. He closed his eyes and listened to the rain pour against the windows. While the sound of rain usually brought a calming aura, Haru found that tonight's rain made him queasy. It was an uncomfortable feeling that sat heavy in his stomach and made his chest feel tight.

He could not relax.

Haru clenched his fists and his good leg bounced. He closed his eyes. Where was Makoto?

Makoto…

_Makoto._

_"Makoto!"_

_Haru reached out and grasped Makoto's good shoulder and shook the sleeping boy. His face was twisted and his body trembling as his hand fisted the sheets of Haru's hospital bed._

_"Wake up! Makoto!"_

_Makoto stirred and his eyes shot open. He laid still on the bed for a moment to catch his breath._

_"H-Haru?" he stammered. He leaned his head up from Haru's bedside and glanced around his hospital room. He took in the surroundings, his memory coming back._

_"Makoto," Haru called._

_Makoto turned his head back to his best friend with wide eyes. Haru felt his gut twist at the seeing the raw fear in Makoto's eyes._

_"You were having a nightmare," Haru said, his brows pulled together in a frown._

_"O-Oh, was I?" Makoto asked, trying for a smile. He reached up and rubbed the back of his neck, a normal gesture for him when nervousness would strike. He sat back in his chair to give Haru more room but flinched violently, letting out a painful hiss._

_"Makoto, are you okay?" Haru asked, reaching out to touch Makoto's good shoulder._

_"I…" Makoto paused. He lifted a hand to touch his stomach and he closed his eyes, breathing in slowly. "I'm f-fine," he said with a grunt._

_"Makoto…" Haru said, unsure of how to help. He stared at Makoto's hand that was pressed gently to his abdomen and his brows creased. "Are… are you feeling sick?" Haru asked._

_Makoto lifted his head up to look at Haru, immediately dropping his hand to his lap. He managed a weird smile and tilted his head._

_"I'm fine, Haru," Makoto said softly. "How're you doing?"_

_Haru paused and looked at his friend before turning his attention to the cast on his foot._

_"It still hurts," Haru said._

_Makoto's expression fell and his gaze dropped to look at the ugly green blanket on the bed._

_"Mmn," Makoto hummed, acknowledging Haru's response._

_Haru pursed his lips. "You don't have to keep visiting, you know."_

_Makoto smiled and gave out a weak chuckle. "I know," he responded. "Just… want to make sure you're okay."_

_Haru looked away, a light blush on his cheekbones._

_"Dummy."_

"Dummy," Haru whispered as he stared up at the ceiling of the dark apartment. Just how long had he been sitting here? He sighed and rested his arm across his eyes. "Dummy Makoto…"

Suddenly, a few swift knocks at the front door jolted Haru out of his sleepy stupor and made him flinch. He blinked, his mind trying to process the noise. The knocks came again, more frantic this time, and Haru jumped to his feet and hurried to the door. He flew open the door and his breath caught in his throat.

"M-Makoto?"

Standing in the doorway was a drenched Makoto. He was leaning on a tall, built man. Haru only assumed that he was another firefighter. There was another man wearing a leather jacket and ball cap just across the hall, leaning against the wall with his hands in his pockets.

"Ah, so we have the right place?" the guy holding Makoto up asked.

Makoto stirred at the noise and he grunted, lifting his head to peer at Haru. His eyes suddenly bulged and Haru could see the redness on his cheeks and eyes.

"Haru?" Makoto whimpered.

And suddenly, tears filled Makoto's eyes as he got off of his friend and lunged at Haru, burying his face in Haru's chest.

"M-Makoto?!"

"H-Haru… sorry, Haru," Makoto squeaked out.

Haru's heart jumped at hearing his voice crack. "Makoto," he tried calling, but Makoto turned into a sobbing mess, his face pressed on Haru's chest as he apologized over and over. He could feel Makoto's rain-soaked body as he pressed against him, and Haru realized that he was freezing.

"I'm s-so sorry, Haru," Makoto sobbed. "I'm so, so, s-sorry…" Makoto hiccupped a few times and tried to catch his breath.

"Ah, sorry," his friend said quietly from the doorway. "He, uh… had quite a few drinks."

Haru's eyes widened. "He went drinking?" Haru asked him.

The man nodded solemnly. "He… he had a lot."

Haru felt Makoto's arms tighten around his torso as he inhaled sharply. Haru patted his shoulders to try to calm him, but nothing was working.

"I… I ruined everything f-for… for you, Haru," Makoto cried in between drunken hiccups.

Haru froze, feeling pain gnawing in his chest. "Mako—"

"If it… if it wasn't for me, then you would've… you would've been living your dream right now!"

Makoto broke into another fit of sobs as his knees finally gave out, and he sunk to the ground. Haru knelt down on his knees with him, holding him up by his shoulders.

"Makoto…" Haru called, his brows pulled together in worry.

When Makoto did not respond to Haru, Makoto's friend knelt down beside them and ruffled Makoto's hair.

"It rained on the way over. I tried to shield him as best as I could, but it looks like he got soaked," he said.

"If he stays like this, then he could get sick," Haru said, almost a pleading tone.

The man nodded. "Let's get him changed," he said. "Captain, I can look after him for now."

The 'Captain' leaning against the opposite wall seemed to hesitate, but after a moment, he nodded. He gave a gruff 'see you tomorrow' and then disappeared down the hallway.

Once he was gone, the man knelt down to Makoto and hoisted him up again. Haru stood up with him, grimacing when he noticed how soaked Makoto's clothes were.

"Okay. Where's the bedroom?" Makoto's coworker asked.

Haru turned and headed down the hallway, hearing the uneven steps of the two men behind him. He led them into their shared bedroom and rummaged in Makoto's dresser for fresh, warm clothes.

The man set Makoto down in his desk chair and watched as Haru set the clothes down on the desk. Makoto's head hung, making his chin touch his collarbone.

"Makoto, we're going to change you into warm clothes, okay?" Haru said. Haru reached up and grabbed the hem of Makoto's shirt and started to pull up.

The second Makoto felt Haru's fingers on his bare stomach, he flinched and pushed Haru's hands away.

"No, no, no," Makoto mumbled. "No, you  _can't_. No, no, no!"

"Makoto, we have to get you out of these clothes," Haru said.

"You c-can't. You can't s-see me," Makoto mumbled, wrapping his arms around himself and hugging his torso. "You can't. You can't. No…"

Haru blinked at him, his eyes wide and his hands frozen. He sat still as a stone until he felt a hand on his shoulder. He glanced up and saw Makoto's coworker looking down at him with sympathetic eyes.

"I'll do it," he said.

Haru stared up at him, feeling something akin to jealousy burning in his chest. He stood up in a huff and raced out of the room, shutting the door behind him quickly.

* * *

Koji sighed as he reached down to grab the hem of Makoto's soggy shirt.

"N-No…" Makoto protested, trying to push Koji away.

"Makoto, it's fine. I was there at the hospital, remember?" Koji asked.

Makoto drearily stared up at Koji, his eyes lidded and heavy. After a moment, he nodded sadly, and he retracted his hands. Koji tugged at the hem of his shirt again and pulled it up and over his head. He grimaced lightly when he saw all the scars that littered his body, but he quickly lowered his head to hide his face.

After changing Makoto, he helped him to get into bed, pulling the covers up to his chin. Makoto seemed to drift to sleep as soon as his head touched the pillow and Koji released a sigh of relief. The night had been long enough.

Koji stood to his feet and turned off the light upon exiting the room, quietly closing the door behind him. He headed to the living room the apartment, where Makoto's sulking roommate sat on the couch with his arms folded across his chest.

"Ah," Koji stammered, lifting up a tentative hand to rub his neck. The roommate flitted his eyes to him, almost glaringly. "He's in bed now. Tell him he has tomorrow off."

Koji headed to the front door and started to leave but the roommate stood up and blocked his way.

"Why didn't he let me help him?" he asked, his voice low.

Koji swallowed thickly, remembering all of the scars on his body. He was unsure if he was at liberty to say anything, let alone the scars.

"I… I can't really say," Koji said quietly. "He's got a lot on his mind. I was hoping that he'd be able to talk about it at his therapy session, but—"

"Therapy?" the roommate asked. "Makoto went to therapy?"

Koji bit his tongue.  _Shoot. Was that a secret?_

What else had Makoto been keeping from his friends?

"Yes," Koji answered. "Last week. But I really think he should go again. The dorm fire last year really messed him up. And tonight…" Koji grimaced, his hands clenching into fists. "A few people died, and… I've never seen Makoto look like this before."

Instead of angry, the roommate looked sad and forlorn at Koji's words. He lowered his gaze to stare at the floor and remained silent, making the hair on Koji's neck stand on their ends.

"W-Well, I should get going," Koji said. He gave a swift bow. "Thank you for your hospitality."

The roommate hummed and nodded, watching Koji as he exited the apartment and shut the door behind him. When Koji got to the stairs–the stupid elevator was not working–he released a sigh of relief, knowing Makoto was probably in good hands.

Once he made it downstairs and outside of the apartment complex, he saw a familiar figure leaning against the wall next to the doors.

"Captain?" Koji asked.

Mori looked over at him and pushed himself off of the wall.

"He okay?" Mori asked.

Koji nodded. "He's in bed. He's going to have a bad hangover tomorrow, but he should be fine."

Mori nodded and shoved his hands in his pockets. "Let's get back."

Koji nodded as well and walked next to Mori as they made their way back to the fire station. It was a quiet walk, and luckily the rain had dulled into an annoying mist. Koji kept his eyes glued to the concrete in front of him, his hands clenched into tight fists at his sides.

"I don't think Makoto's told his friends about his injuries," Koji said quietly. He could see Mori looking at him from the side, a silent question there. "He pushed his roommate away when he went to change his shirt."

Mori turned his head to look at the ground and he nodded. "It's understandable," Mori said. "I'm sure he's got bad scars."

"It's… pretty bad," Koji added. "He… must've been in a lot of pain that night."

Mori glanced up at the dark sky, not bothered by the rain hitting his face. He could almost hear it again, the sounds…

_"AH!"_

_Mori and Koji both winced at the sound of the student's cries through the waiting room door. The room was crowded full of people waiting to hear any news of their loved ones. Koji kept eyeing each person for any resemblance to the student, but no one matched the tall man._

_An hour passed, and no new people entered the waiting room. The screams from the hallway had finally dissipated, but Koji still could not calm his nerves. His hands hung limply in his lap but he felt his insides shake and tremble._

_Next to him, Mori was restless._

_"All right," he said, unfolding his arms across his chest and standing up. "I'm asking a nurse."_

_Koji sputtered and quickly followed Mori, a little concerned about what exactly Mori would ask. He followed him to the main desk in the ER, where several nurses strolled in and out. A woman behind the desk noticed his presence and greeted him with a smile._

_"How may I help you?" she asked._

_Koji glanced at Mori skeptically._

_"Captain, do you even know his—"_

_"I'm looking for Tachibana Makoto," Mori replied._

_Koji was taken aback at the sudden name that flew from Mori's mouth. When had he heard that? Was that actually the name of the student?_

_"Give me one moment, please," the woman said, looking through something on her computer. "He's currently recovering in the ICU." The woman looked up at Mori and gave a quick glance to Koji. "Are you family?"_

_Mori paused, his frown deepening. "No, we're not."_

_"I see," the woman said, a little sadly. "We called his family, but no one has yet to arrive."_

_Koji winced and looked at the ground. "He's here alone?" he whispered, almost to himself._

_Mori's hands clenched into fists. "Is there any way we could see him? Just for a minute?"_

_The woman behind the desk gave a sympathetic look and shook her head._

_"Unless you're family or are here about the incident, then I cannot allow you to—"_

_"We have questions to ask him about the fire!" Koji suddenly interrupted. Mori even turned around to look at him with wide eyes, and Koji tried to look convincing. "We're with Tokyo Fire and were on the scene of the incident. We have questions regarding the fire that happened tonight."_

_Both Mori and the woman blinked, baffled by his words. Koji felt squeamish under their eyes and the silence was slowly killing him. But finally, the woman pressed a finger to her chin and hummed in approval._

_"Well, as long as it's just for a few minutes. I can take you to see him now," she said, standing to her feet._

_Mori flashed Koji a determined look along with a curt nod. Koji nodded back._

_They followed the woman down a hallway and past the ER towards the ICU, where it was much less crowded. Privacy curtains were drawn on every patient, and once they got down to the last bed, the woman notified the nurses on duty and then pulled back the curtain._

_Mori and Koji were stunned silent at seeing the student lying stock still in the hospital bed. His torso was covered in bandages and his left arm was cradled in a sling. An oxygen mask covered his nose and mouth and his eyes were barely open. When he saw the two figures standing before him, his eyes widened slightly._

_"Tachibana-san, these are two firefighters who were on the scene of the fire today. They have a few questions to ask you," the woman explained._

_Tachibana looked dazed and exhausted, and Koji wondered if he was on enough painkillers. He noticed the blood had started to soak through some of his bandages and he grimaced, hoping a nurse would come by to fix him up._

_Tachibana nodded at the woman and she walked away, leaving the two firemen by his bedside._

_"Y-You…" Tachibana started, his voice scratchy and worn from screaming. "I… I saw you… there."_

_Mori nodded. "I'm Captain Mori of Tokyo Fire, and this is Hirose Koji."_

_Tachibana glanced back and forth at the two of them. He swallowed thickly and took a deep breath._

_"M-My friend… is he…?" he started._

_Mori and Koji exchanged glances, both a little shocked. This man was in excruciating pain and yet he was more worried about someone else?_

_"I heard something about him being in surgery, but he would be just fine," Koji answered._

_Tachibana blinked slowly and then he nodded._

_"Tachibana," Mori said, making the young student look up at him. "I'm not here to ask you any questions about the fire."_

_The student's eyes widened a little and he flitted his gaze from Koji and then back to Mori._

_"T-Then, wh-why…" he started to say before his voice caught._

_"I heard you went back into the building to save six other people," Mori said._

_Tachibana hesitated, but then nodded slowly. Mori pursed his lips and then placed a hand gently on Tachibana's wrist._

_"Tachibana," Mori said seriously. "What you did was outstanding and an act of bravery. It would be an honor to have you on the serve with us."_

_The student's eyes widened even more, and Mori could make out the light green tint of his irises._

_"C-Captain!" Koji gasped, turning to Mori. "What are you saying?!"_

_Mori gave Koji a stern look. "You know damn well that few of the men in our unit have half the heart Tachibana has," he whispered._

_With that, Koji shrunk and backed off, understanding fully what Mori had meant. Mori turned back to Tachibana, still stunned silent on the bed._

_"Heal, you hear me?" Mori said, squeezing his wrist. "We'll be back to visit you, okay?"_

_The student's brows pulled together and he nodded, a determined yet frightened look in his eyes. Mori nodded back and let go of his wrist. He glanced at Koji and then looked down the hall._

_"Let's go, Hirose," Mori said, and he started to walk down the hall. Koji sputtered again, looking back at Tachibana._

_"Ah, we will come back! We promise, Tachibana!" Koji said, patting the boy's arm, and then he rushed to catch up to Mori. He managed to get a look at Tachibana's stunned face before he caught up to his superior._

_They exited the hospital in quiet and headed back towards the fire station. Koji stuffed his hands in his pockets and sighed._

_"I'm not sure he'll remember any of what we told him," Koji said. "He seemed pretty doped up on pain meds."_

_Mori let out a soft chuckle, stunning Koji. "Yeah, probably," Mori replied._

_They continued a few more steps in silence until Mori spoke up again, his voice solemn and serious._

_"But I wasn't lying."_

_Koji looked at him and blinked. "Sir?"_

_Mori glanced up, taking in the stars that littered the night sky._

_"We're going to come back tomorrow."_


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another chapter!
> 
> Please let me know what you think! I love hearing from you all and I try to reply to as many comments as I can. You all are wonderful and you honestly keep me going. 
> 
> Happy reading!

_Breathe in…_

_"Gah, the smoke…"_

_Breathe out…_

_"M-Makoto…"_

_"Huh? Haru?"_

_Breathe in…_

_"Makoto!"_

_"Haru? Where are you?"_

_Breathe… out._

_"Haru!"_

" **Haru!** "

Makoto jerked upright and then was immediately met with a wave of pain and nausea. The whole room spun and he lifted a hand to his mouth. He jumped up from his bed and bolted to the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet to spew whatever he ate last night. He coughed and gagged a few times until his stomach settled into a light queasiness, but the pain in his head was piercing.

He sat back against the wall next to the toilet and clumsily fumbled for the handle to flush. He rested his head against the wall and tried to catch his breath, his entire body aching and shivering. What in the world happened last night?

"Makoto?"

Makoto turned his head to the doorway of the bathroom and saw Haru standing there with a glass of water in one hand and a pill bottle in the other.

"Haru?" Makoto asked, blinking slowly.

Haru pursed his lips and walked to him. He handed him the water and then tapped out two pills from the bottle.

"Here's some aspirin. Drink the whole glass," Haru said.

"O-Oh, thank you, Haru," Makoto said weakly. He did as he was told, even though his stomach protested, and drank the entire glass of water.

He wanted to hurl.

"How are you feeling?" Haru asked, kneeling in front of him.

"Ugh, my head is killing me," Makoto said, pushing the heels of his palms into his eyes. "My whole body is aching right now."

Haru pouted and looked away. "You shouldn't have had so much to drink, then."

Makoto dropped his hands from his eyes. "I… I was drunk?" he asked.

Haru's head snapped back to look at him and his blue eyes blinked quickly.

"You don't remember?" Haru asked.

Makoto shook his head once and then winced because of the pain. Haru sighed and looked down at the tiles on the bathroom floor.

"A friend of yours–I think he was from the station–helped you home last night. You couldn't even walk," Haru explained.

Makoto's eyes flickered in sudden realization as memories from last night all flooded back in a wave. He remembered agreeing going to the bar because of the fire, and seeing the nurse when she…

His eyes widened and then he grimaced. The light was too painful to bear at the moment.

"I… I did that?" Makoto asked, his face sullen as he lifted a hand to rub his temple. Haru nodded, and Makoto hung his head and buried his face in his hands. "I'm so sorry for causing you trouble."

Haru lifted his head to look at Makoto and his eyes flicked over to Makoto's cheek. A red line was scratched into Makoto's cheek, the skin around it inflamed and irritated.

" _You c-can't. You can't s-see me…"_

Haru felt his stomach flutter with nervous butterflies. The question was on the tip of his tongue and he just had to force it out.

"Makoto," Haru called softly. Makoto dropped his hands from his face and peered up at him, his eyes straining to stay open. The sad look on his face was jarring, and Haru's breath caught. "L-Last night…"

Haru bit his lip when he saw tears form in Makoto's eyes. He noticed that Makoto's hands were curled into tight fists and his brows were pushed together. And suddenly, Haru's voice caught in his throat, and the itch to flee grew worse.

Haru sighed.

"Nevermind," he said, standing to his feet. "I have class, but will you be okay here?"

Haru hated that he could not stay by his friend's side while he was hungover like this, but his grades were really starting to dip, and he did  _not_  want that professor to ride him for the rest of the semester.

Makoto managed a nod. It was a pitiful sight – this strong man now curled up next to the toilet. Haru's stomach twisted at seeing his friend so weak and vulnerable.

"Make sure you eat something," Haru said. He headed to the bathroom door and looked back at his friend. "I'll be back this evening."

"Okay, Haru," Makoto said, glancing up at him briefly before letting his head hang.

Haru took one last look before quietly exiting and sliding the bathroom door shut.

The air from the door blew past Makoto's frame and he shivered, goosebumps rising on his skin. He rubbed his arms and curled in on himself, suddenly feeling achy and unable to even move. A nauseous wave churned in his stomach and he scrambled to the toilet again, coughing up the water and aspirin.

Once his stomach was painfully empty, he leaned back against the wall and shook, his body fighting against him.

* * *

Haru hesitated as he closed the front door of the apartment. Makoto was probably still hunched in that one spot on the bathroom floor, and Haru was choosing to walk away from him. His gut was twisting with every step he took, but he figured his best friend was just suffering from a bad hangover and a long…

_"I'm so, so, s-sorry…"_

_"I… I ruined everything f-for… for you, Haru."_

_"If it… if it wasn't for me, then you would've… you would've been living your dream right now!"_

…long night.

Haru's glared at the ground, wanting nothing more than to forget how Makoto looked as blubbering, sobbing drunk. It was pitiful to watch and he found himself running away from it.

Haru scoffed at himself, frustrated. He was reverting back to his old self– the person who ran away when things got complicated. He ran away from Makoto in high school when changes were happening. He hated himself for not facing his problems and talking through things with Makoto. He knew his words back then must have hurt.

Haru's steps grew more rigid as he stomped towards his first class, his eyes still skimming the walkway. He was quickly approaching the building when he bumped into a strong back. He stuttered backward a few steps and lifted his head to apologize, but the man turned around and started to beat him to it.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I… oh, hey, Haru!"

Torii, the captain of the swim team, stood in front of him with a bright smile. Haru's face relaxed into his usual bored expression but he nodded kindly at Torii.

"You have class this morning?" Torii asked, gesturing towards the book tucked underneath Haru's arm.

"Oh, mmn," Haru hummed. "General education course," he decided to add for no reason.

Torii let out a hum in understanding and nodded. "Yeah, those are terrible but mandatory."

There was an awkward pause between them, and Haru wished Makoto was by his side to speak for him like his usually would in these situations. But, Haru took a deep breath instead.

"I tried swimming," he said plainly.

Torii's face shifted into a thoughtful stare, his eyes widening but remaining focused.

"Oh? And… and how was that?" Torii asked.

Haru's hands curled into fists and he looked away. "Not good."

Torii lifted a hand and he rubbed the back of his neck, his face pulled into a wince.

"Makoto had to save me," Haru said.

"Makoto… he's your firefighter friend, right?" Torii asked.

Haru nodded. "I couldn't even swim to the surface."

Torii placed a hand on his chin and thought for a moment. "Did you actually dive in?" he asked suddenly.

Haru lifted his gaze to give Torii a surprised look. He nodded and hummed in response and Torii shook his head at him.

"Well, it's no wonder you couldn't swim. You didn't even take time to get your foot acclimated to moving in a different way again," Torii said, putting his hands on his hips.

Haru remained silent as his eyes fell to look at his shoes. He did not have anything to say to that. He knew Torii was probably right, with him minoring in physiotherapy.

"Tell you what. Are you free this afternoon?" Torii asked.

Haru's head snapped up as a bubble of hope suddenly formed in his chest.

"Um… yeah, I am," Haru said.

Torii gave Haru a smile.

"Come by the pool after our practice gets done and I'll help you to properly swim," Torii said, almost triumphantly.

The hope in Haru's chest exploded but he tried to keep it calm by thinking realistically.

"Will… will it actually help?" Haru asked.

Torii shrugged one shoulder but the smile never left his face.

"You never know until you try," Torii said.

"Will…" Haru bit his lip, his whole body trembling with either excitement or trepidation. He was unsure which one it was. "Will I be able to swim again?"

Torii looked at Haru gently and fondly, his head tilting in a manner that, once again, reminded Haru of Makoto. It made him feel at home and at ease.

"Miracles can happen, you know," Torii said. He glanced down at his watch and then turned towards a pathway that led to a different building. "I have to run, but I'll see you later, Haru!" he said over his shoulder.

Haru waved him off and slowly let his hand fall to his side. His chest was burning and he could not wait until all of his classes were done for the day.

* * *

Makoto managed to haul himself to the living room couch, deciding against eating any meals. His stomach was still unsettled and his head was pounding. His body felt cold, making the shivering worse.

_Is this what having a hangover feels like?_  Makoto asked himself. Not being much of a drinker, he was inexperienced. He's seen Nagisa drunk a few times, but he seemed fine the next morning after he'd eaten and taken a few aspirin. He was bouncing back by lunchtime.

But Makoto felt like death, and it was almost two in the afternoon.

He stared up at the ceiling and squinted to try to stop the spinning. What happened last night? How much did he drink?

_"He went drinking?"_

_"He… he had a lot."_

Koji.

Makoto grimaced and reached into his pocket for his phone. The light hurt his eyes but he typed out a quick message.

_To: Koji_

_I'm sorry about all the trouble I caused yesterday. Thank you for getting me home._

Makoto hit 'Send' and laid his phone down on his chest. The memories of the previous night were jumbled in blurry pieces. He could not decipher them in his hazy mind.

He definitely remembered entering the bar and ordering the first two beers, but did he order more than that? He must have if the rest of the night was a blur. Makoto groaned and chastised himself, regretting ever setting foot in that sketchy bar. He refused to even look at his probably-empty wallet.

Makoto sighed and tried to think of what else happened that night. He remembered hearing fuzzy voices speaking in hushed tones and the sound of rain. He remembered being wet and freezing.

He remembered someone trying to take his shirt off…

Makoto's phone suddenly buzzed and it derailed his train of thought. He opened his phone and saw that it was a message from Koji.

_From: Koji_

_It was no trouble at all. You feeling okay?_

Makoto sighed at the pain in his head, a reminder of exactly how he was feeling.

_To: Koji_

_I feel terrible. I'm never drinking again._

Makoto could imagine Koji snickering at him for being a lightweight or something. He sighed and let his thoughts drift back to the events of last night.

He remembered being cold and wet.

Oh, that's right. Someone changed him…

Did someone change him last night?

_"Makoto, we have to get you out of these clothes."_

Makoto's heart jumped and he sucked in a sharp breath.

No… no, he couldn't have…

Did he?

_"Makoto… L-Last night…"_

Makoto gripped a handful of his shirt and his shivers grew more intense.

This could not be happening.

Did Haru see him?

Did Haru see… his scars?

Makoto pictured Haru's disgusted face as he eyed the scars. He wondered if Haru wanted to question him or bring it up. Was that what Haru wanted to ask this morning?

Makoto felt tears prick his eyes. This was a disaster.

His phone buzzed again on his chest and he sluggishly opened it, not really caring who it was. His stomach was starting to unravel again.

_From: Koji_

_Don't beat yourself up about it. Just take it easy, yeah? I'll see you tomorrow._

Makoto sent a quick text back before tossing the phone on the coffee table. He did not even want to  _think_  about going into work tomorrow, let alone getting up off the couch. He rolled over on his side and curled in on himself, trying to warm up his freezing body and soothe his aching heart.

* * *

Haru stepped through the aquatics building's double doors and headed down the hall. The smell of the halls filled his nose, his body brimming with excitement while his mind buzzed with conflicting emotions. He knew he could trust Torii. But that was not what worried Haru the most.

He worried if Torii's plan would work.

Haru pushed through the double doors that led to the pool and the chlorine flooded his senses. He could hear a few faint splashes, and he closed his eyes as he was transported back to the Sukishima Island just a few years ago. He remembered seeing thousands of stars reflected just under his feet, and he was surrounded by the ones he loved most. Nagisa, Rei, and… and Makoto.

"Haru!"

Haru opened his eyes and turned towards the vacated pool to see Torii sitting on the edge with his feet in the water. He was waving at Haru and had a bright smile on his face. Haru steeled himself with a deep breath and walked towards Torii with a determined look and a tight grip on his bag.

"Afternoon, Haru!" Torii greeted from his spot on the ground.

"Hey," Haru greeted back.

"You have your jammers?" Torii asked.

Haru pursed his lips and glanced down at the water. He shook his head, a little solemnly. He did not have time to go back to the apartment to grab them.

"That's fine. I've got my spare," Torii said, standing to his feet.

He went to his bag and tossed his spare pair to Haru for him to change. Haru quickly got dressed into the black and gray jammers, feeling a little uncomfortable by the fit, but it would do for now. At least he was able to get into the pool.

As soon as Haru left the locker room, Torii's eyes landed on his foot. His smile faded and he paused, looking at the disfigured bone structure and swollen tendons.

"Oh..." Torii muttered.

Haru pursed his lips and glanced away, suddenly feeling self-conscious. He was about to turn right back around when Torii placed his hands on his hips and let out a quick huff.

"Well, let's not just stand here. Let's get started." Torii turned around and hopped in the pool, waiting patiently for Haru to join him.

Haru hesitated, but then carefully teetered to the edge of the pool. He wanted to just jump in, but he knew that would probably just make his foot worse. So he sat down on the edge of the pool and slid into the pool slowly. He got his bearings and rested his feet down gently on the bottom of the pool.

"Okay. Let's start with some stretching," Torii said.

Haru blinked at him with his usual, impatient scowl and Torii laughed.

"Now, now, I know it's not fun. But don't you want to get better?" Torii asked.

Haru pursed his lips and blinked in response. He huffed out a breath and then nodded, making Torii smile brighter.

"Good."

They started with some stretches in the water, just using their arms and necks. Then, they stretched their backs and hips, and Haru was really starting to get annoyed.

When would they get to the  _swimming_  part of this therapy session?

"All right, we're going to start slow. Lie down on your back," Torii said.

Haru's face hardened. "You want me to do backstroke?"

Torii waved his hand. "No, no. Not yet, anyway. I want you to just use your legs."

Haru stiffened.

He glanced down and saw his distorted feet through the water. His bad foot was obviously worse than his good one, and his heart fluttered nervously with the prospect of pain.

"We'll go slow," Torii promised. He gestured towards the water and Haru sighed.

Haru reluctantly got on his back and floated on top of the water. Torii supported his back and shoulders and held him securely above the water.

"Okay, I want you to just use your legs. Kick really slow," Torii said.

Haru took a deep breath and tried to feel the water around his ears and head.

_The water is alive._

He released the breath and started moving his legs.

Pain immediately shot up from his foot and through his calf and he faltered, his hand shooting out to grip Torii's bicep.

"Easy," Torii said gently.

"I can hardly move it," Haru said with his face twisted in a wince.

"I know it hurts, but keep going," Torii said. "Go slow."

Haru released a painful puff of air and continued to move his legs in the water. It was slow and painful, but soon enough, the pain simmered into a dull ache. His hand shakily left Torii's arm and he let himself relax in Torii's arms.

"There we go," Torii said encouragingly. "That's good. How does it feel?"

Haru paused thoughtfully.

"It feels a little numb," Haru said.

Torii tilted his head. "Does it hurt?"

Haru paused again, feeling his legs swishing in the water. It was strange. When he had tried to swim when Makoto was with him, the pain was immense. He could not even get himself to the surface. So why does his foot feel so much better now?

"It's… not too bad," Haru said honestly. Torii's lips tugged into a relieved smile.

"Good," he responded, and he helped Haru onto his feet. "Okay, let's stretch out our legs some."

Haru glanced at him with a deadpan expression.  _More stretching?_  his face asked. Torii laughed and placed his hands on his hips.

"It's a slow process," Torii said.

Haru sighed and hung his head in defeat.

_I'm doing this to swim again,_  Haru said to himself. He chanted it in his head like a mantra.

"This might hurt a bit, but it should be similar to what you do in physical therapy," Torii explained.

Haru sighed again but stood tall and ready.

"Okay."

Torii helped Haru to stretch out his legs and especially his bad foot. It was extremely painful, but Haru gritted his teeth and fought through the pain. After the stretching, Torii led Haru in more kicking exercises, and Haru was surprised that his foot was more flexible than it had ever been since the accident.

Once they were done, both Torii and Haru waded over to the edge of the pool and they both sat on the concrete. Haru swished his foot around in the water, flexing his foot and moving it slowly and gently. He was amazed. The pain had dulled down immensely, and he had more motion in his foot.

"Does it feel okay?" Torii asked, watching Haru moving his foot in the water.

"It's a little sore," Haru answered. He moved his leg in a circle, feeling the water swish around his calf. A smile tugged at his lips. "But I can move it better now."

Torii was a little taken aback by his smile, but he felt his lips twitch into a smile as well.

"We should do this once a week," Torii said, standing to his feet. He extended a hand down to Haru and helped him up. "Come to the pool the day after your physical therapy session and we'll see if we can work on it some."

Haru nodded at him in agreement. "Yeah, that works."

"Good," Torii said. "Well, I've got to get going. But I'll see you around, okay?" Torii said. He waved at Haru and headed back to the locker rooms.

Haru took a deep breath and took a step to follow.

He froze.

Then, he glanced down at his foot.

It did not hurt to take a step.

Haru stared, wide-eyed at his foot.

For the first time in over a year, he took a step without pain.

* * *

After Haru had gotten dressed, he quickly rushed to the station to catch the train for home. He wanted to tell Makoto everything. Even how his professor chewed him out during class, but he did not care. He wanted Makoto to know  _everything_.

He walked up the stairs of his apartment complex, not even noticing the men exiting the working elevator. Once he was at the third floor, he headed down to the blue door and fished out his keys. He entered through the doorway and was about to call Makoto's name, but he stopped.

The apartment was dark and silent.

"Makoto," Haru called. But there was no answer.

Haru shut the front door behind him and slipped his shoes off, his mind racing. He set down his bag by the door and walked to the living room. His eyes fell to the figure huddled on the couch.

"Makoto?" Haru called.

Makoto was curled up on the couch, his hands gripping his sides. His frame was shivering almost violently and Haru could faintly hear his teeth chattering.

Haru briskly walked to the couch and knelt down beside Makoto. He moved Makoto's bangs out of the way and placed his hand on his sweaty forehead. Haru's eyes widened with how warm he was. He retracted his hand and gently shook Makoto's shoulder.

"Makoto.  _Makoto_ ," Haru called.

Makoto groaned and his eyes barely opened. Haru could faintly see that his green eyes were dulled and red.

"H-Haru…?" Makoto squeaked out. His voice was raspy.

"Makoto, are you okay?" Haru asked.

"H-Haru… what…" Makoto mumbled.

Haru furrowed his brows at Makoto's lack of focus. Was he in pain?

"Hang on, I'll get you some medicine," Haru said.

Haru stood to his feet and rushed around the apartment to gather supplies. He grabbed some aspirin and water, and then a wet washcloth along with a thermometer.

"Here," Haru said, motioning for Makoto to open his mouth. Makoto sluggishly did as he was told and let Haru place the thermometer under his tongue. After a few moments, the thermometer went off and Haru slipped it from his mouth and looked at the result.

Haru gulped. The thermometer read 38.9 degrees Celsius.

"Makoto…" Haru whispered. "You have a high fever."

Makoto winced and flopped his arm over his eyes.

"Oh…" he responded, his voice sounding disheartened. "S-Sorry..."

"Dummy," Haru said. He grabbed the wet washcloth and folded it neatly. He then placed it on Makoto's forehead, bringing out a contented sigh from the latter.

"Did you eat anything today?" Haru asked.

Makoto weakly shook his head and Haru scrambled to keep the washcloth from sliding down off of him. Haru sighed once the washcloth was secure.

"Why not?" Haru asked.

"Not… hungry," Makoto replied.

Haru rolled his eyes and stood to his feet. He grabbed the blanket that rested the opposite couch and draped it over Makoto's trembling form.

"I'll make soup," Haru said.

"Ah, Haru, I don't… I don't want to be a bother," Makoto croaked out.

"Dummy," Haru responded. "You're not."

Haru waltzed off to the kitchen and he started making soup. He was light on his feet for once, bouncing from the fridge to the pantry in a quick pace. His stomach was still fluttering with butterflies from the session with Torii. He could not believe it. Swimming was going to be possible again!

Suddenly, Haru heard a coughing fit erupt from the living room, and the butterflies scattered in an instant. Worry replaced it and it sat heavy in his stomach like lead.

_He seemed fine this morning…_  Haru thought.

Then, he remembered Makoto throwing up and his body shivering as he sat pitifully on the bathroom floor.

Was this just from the hangover?

_"It rained on the way over. I tried to shield him as best as I could, but it looks like he got soaked."_

Haru sighed. The cold had already manifested itself before he and Makoto's coworker could warm him up.

Then, Haru remembered Makoto's face when he brought up the night before. The way he shrunk back in fear and apprehension made Haru wonder what was going on in his best friend's mind.

After a few more minutes, the soup was ready, and Haru carried the bowl out to the living room. Makoto was still a shivering mess on the couch and Haru lowered his eyes as an apology for not getting him warm in time the night before.

"Makoto, can you sit up?" Haru asked.

Makoto took a deep breath and they he pushed himself up, grunting when exhaustion plagued his bones. Haru put his hands on Makoto's back and helped push him forward. After he got Makoto comfortable, Haru handed him the soup.

"Thank you," Makoto said quietly. He focused on the soup in his hands and quietly sipped on a few spoonfuls, being careful not to meet Haru's eyes.

Haru watched him carefully as he ate, his mouth twisting as he pondered what to say.

"Makoto," Haru called.

Makoto's hand froze, his spoon dipped in the soup. He glanced up gingerly with a wince already pulled onto his face.

"Listen… about… about last night," Haru started.

Makoto's hand started to shake, and Haru saw him grip the spoon to stop it from rattling the sides of the bowl. Haru cleared his throat and looked at Makoto in the eye.

"What happened, Makoto?" Haru asked. Makoto tensed and his shoulders hunched, his hands gripping the bowl. "I mean… was there a bad fire or something?"

Makoto gulped and released a shaky sigh. "H-Haru, I…"

There was a pause, and Haru noticed Makoto's discomfort. Haru rubbed the back of his neck, suddenly feeling uneasy. He knew he should ask why Makoto pushed him away last night, but why was Makoto so hesitant?

"I know we haven't really been talking much," Haru said, making Makoto hunch over more and hang his head. "I just want to know if everything's okay. I mean… you pushed me away last night when I offered to help you into dry clothes. Your coworker had to do it."

Makoto snapped his head up suddenly. "K-Koji did?" he asked.

Haru blinked at Makoto. "Um… yeah."

Makoto sighed heavily and hung his head, his hands almost dropping the bowl of soup. Luckily, Haru's hands were there to grab it.

"Ah, s-sorry, Haru," Makoto apologized. He placed the bowl on the coffee table and put his head in his hands, his shoulders drooping and relaxing. Haru was puzzled, but he kept at it with the questions.

"Your coworker also said something about you going to therapy," Haru said.

Once again, Makoto's shoulders tensed.

"Makoto… did you go see a therapist?" Haru asked gently.

Makoto shifted on the couch cushion and reached up to hold the blanket tighter around his shoulders. It was almost humorous to see him try to hide under the blanket like a child, but Haru's heart was hammering too painfully in his chest to smirk.

"Um… well, yes. I did go... once," Makoto answered after a minute. The blanket tightened around his shoulders and he hunched in on himself.

Haru's brows pushed together. "Because… because of the dorm fire?"

Makoto winced but nodded solemnly.

"Makoto, why didn't you tell me?" Haru asked, a little exasperated.

Makoto kept his eyes down on the ground, his body still shivering from the fever. His face heated up and the ground beneath his feet swirled. He could feel Haru's eyes burning through him.

"I just… I didn't want you to see me… as broken," he answered with a small voice.

Haru's face scrunched up into a grimace. "You're not broken, Makoto."

"I can't even do my job right, Haru!" Makoto shouted. He lifted a hand to his head and massaged his temple. His headache was starting to come back.

"Here, take this," Haru said, handing him some water and an aspirin.

Makoto muttered a quick 'thanks' and took the medicine quickly and guzzled down the water bottle. Once it was empty, he set it down and sighed, letting his face fall into his hands. They were quiet for a moment, Haru glancing out the window to stare at the setting sun.

It was a minute or two before a sharp breath broke the silence.

"I let a woman die yesterday," Makoto said eerily.

Haru whipped his head back and looked at Makoto with wide eyes.

"She was right there.  _Right there._  But I hesitated, because… because… her legs were pinned underneath a beam, just like…" Makoto's voice trailed off, but Haru could fill in those painful gaps.

"Is that why you went drinking?" Haru asked.

Makoto nodded sadly, and Haru could practically see the guilt weighing down his shoulders.

"I'm sorry, Haru."

Haru parted his lips to chastise him for the heavy drinking, but he stopped when he saw the pain in Makoto's face. Haru knew it was not just the fever causing him to look like that. Instead, Haru let out a soft sigh.

"Are you going to make another appointment?" Haru asked.

Makoto looked up at him, apprehensive. "I don't want to."

Haru blinked at him.

"Why not?" Haru asked, trying to be patient with Makoto's fears.

Makoto fidgeted with his fingers. "It… made me remember the incident and… I could've helped you first that day. I should have. I  _should_  have been there."

Makoto's breaths started to come out in pants as he gasped for more air in between his sentences. His shoulders trembled as his words spewed out of his mouth faster and faster.

"Makoto," Haru called, trying to calm him.

"I should have run up those stairs to get to you right away. You were the one in the most danger, after all! I  _knew_  that, but our classmates, and—"

"Makoto!" Haru yelled, grabbing his shoulders and making him stop. "Makoto, calm down. Breathe."

Makoto released a shuddering breath and gasped to try and calm himself. He watched Haru's chest to get an even rhythm, and soon enough, his heart slowed and his breaths leveled.

"Makoto, don't you see? You're blaming yourself for an  _accident_ ," Haru said once Makoto had relaxed some.

Makoto looked up at Haru with pleading eyes. "But—"

"It's  _destroying_  you," Haru said firmly.

Makoto flinched as if he'd been slapped and he stared at Haru with wide eyes.

"It's not good, Makoto," Haru said, tightening his grip on Makoto's shoulders. "I hate seeing you like this."

"Haru…" Makoto mumbled.

Haru took a minute to calm his own heart down, but he did not release Makoto's shoulders.

" _You_  were the one who told me to start physical therapy," Haru said to Makoto. " _You_  are the one who pushed me to go every single week. And now,  _you_  need the same."

Makoto watched with widened eyes as Haru looked him square in the face with an intense expression.

"Makoto, I want you to make another appointment," Haru said.

Makoto shook his head. "Haru, I  _can't_. I don't want—"

"I didn't want to go to, either," Haru interrupted. "But you knew I needed it. And now I'm telling you that  _you_  need it."

Haru locked eyes with Makoto.

"Please, Makoto," Haru said honestly.

Makoto took a minute to study Haru's face, his own face showing shock. It was unlike Haru to voice his opinions, but he was always there to defend Makoto when he needed it. He has always been there.

Makoto gulped, his face falling into a tired frown. "Okay, Haru. I'll call them."

Haru blinked at him for a moment, searching for any hidden lies. Once he was satisfied, he let go of Makoto's shoulders and gave the bowl of soup back to Makoto. Then, he plopped down on the couch next to him.

"And you say  _I'm_  the stubborn one," Haru said lightly.

Makoto turned his head to look at Haru, and he finally managed a smile. Haru felt his chest bubble with a tiny victory at finally seeing that smile on his best friend's face.

"I learned from the best," Makoto said cheekily.

"Dummy," Haru responded. "Eat your soup."

"Is this mackerel soup?"

"Of course. Mackerel will cure you."

"I don't think it works that way."

"Fine, then you don't get any."

"Haru, wait! No, it's good! Haruuu!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have you ever worked hard at something, I mean, truly worked hard at something for 15, 16, 17+ years, just for it to be taken away? And all of a sudden, it's all gone in an instant?
> 
> Yeah... me too.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter for you all!   
> By the way, I love reading your comments! You guys are seriously so, so sweet. I think about how I can make my story better for you all, so I hope I'm up to par with the task.
> 
> Happy reading!
> 
> Enjoy!

"ACHOO!"

Koji looked up from his locker with curious eyes and a cocked head. Makoto was standing by his locker, rubbing his red nose and staring down at his phone with a sullen expression. The phone was buzzing nonstop, almost angrily, and Makoto released a heavy sigh, placing the phone face-down on a shelf in his locker.

"Everything okay?" Koji asked with a small smile.

Makoto turned to look at him, and that's when Koji noticed his flushed cheeks and droopy eyes.

"Oh, uh, mmn. Just… roommate stuff," Makoto said. He sniffed and then coughed, his throat sounding aggravated and sore. Koji's smile faded quickly at the sound and he turned to get a better look at Makoto's face.

"Makoto, are you sick?" Koji asked, peering at Makoto's reddened cheeks and the dark circles under his eyes.

"Oh, uh… a little, yes," Makoto said, wiping off his brow.

"Is this from the other night?" Koji asked, crossing his arms.

Makoto sighed and nodded. "Yeah. From the rain, apparently."

"I'm sorry," Koji said with a wince, and he rubbed the back of his neck.

Makoto waved his hand with a small smile. "It's fine. Not your fault."

Then, Makoto's phone buzzed again, making the metal locker rattle and the two men jump. The phone buzzed a few more times but Makoto made no move to grab it.

"I'm guessing that's your roommate?" Koji asked.

"Ah, yeah," Makoto replied, reaching up his hand to rub the back of his neck.

Koji felt his brow twitch, wondering if it was the same protective roommate that he had stumbled upon the other night.

"He's yelling at you for coming into work, isn't he?" Koji asked slyly.

Makoto's face flushed more.

"O-Oh, uh, well… maybe," Makoto said with a nervous chuckle. He shut the locker with a light tap and turned to head down to the break room with Koji following.

"Makoto, if you're sick, then you should go home," Koji said, catching up to his side. But Makoto shook his head with a small smile on his lips.

"I'm fine, Koji," Makoto said. "The fever's gone down, so I should be okay."

"Fever? You've got a fever?" Koji asked as they entered the break room. Luckily, it was empty.

"Yeah, but it's not a big deal. I'm  _fine_ ," Makoto said.

Makoto's words triggered something in Koji's mind, and his chest suddenly bubbled with anger.

"You weren't  _fine_  the other night," Koji snapped.

Makoto looked at him with wide eyes, taken aback by Koji's sudden change in tone.

Once Koji saw the look on Makoto's face, he forced himself to relax, taking a big breath to still his quivering nerves.

"Makoto, you went out drinking. You  _never_  do that. Ever," Koji said.

Makoto turned his gaze towards the floor and he curled his hands into loose fists by his sides.

"I know."

"You drank so much that you couldn't even walk," Koji added.

"I know…" Makoto's voice got quieter.

"And you're going to stand here and tell me that you're  _fine_?" Koji asked. His voice was soft but there was an edge to it.

Makoto winced, and he suddenly looked like a little kid being scolded for taking candy. It made Koji's heart ache.

"I just… I just want you to take care of yourself, Makoto," Koji said. "You're not fine. I see it. Captain sees it. The _Chief_  sees it! That's why he sent you to see a therapist, Makoto."

"I… I know," Makoto said, daring to look up at Koji.

"This is why you should go back, Makoto. I know it hurts, I  _know_. But you should think about your well-being and—"

"I made an appointment," Makoto interrupted.

Koji blinked at him, the words slowly processing in his mind.

"You… what?" Koji asked.

Makoto fidgeted with his fingers. "I, uh, I called them last night and made an appointment. It's in a few days."

Koji stared at him, a little disbelievingly. "You're… going back?" Koji clarified. Makoto nodded sheepishly.

There was only a moment's pause before Koji rushed up to Makoto and flung his arms around his shoulders.

"That's so good! Wait, what am I saying? No, this is  _great_ , Makoto!" Koji said.

"Ah… Koji, I… can't… breathe," Makoto struggled.

"Sure you can!" Koji said, giving Makoto one last squeeze before releasing him all at once. "This is going to be good for you. What made you change your mind?" Koji asked.

Makoto took a minute to catch his breath and then he straightened, placing his hands on his hips.

"Ah, Haru basically told me to," Makoto said, scratching his cheek.

Koji cocked his head. "Haru? Isn't that your friend from the fire?"

"Ah, yeah, but he's also my roommate."

Koji's brow twitched again. Everything made sense now.

"Well, the details don't matter. What matters is that you're getting help," Koji said.

Makoto hesitated, but then gave a weak nod.

"Makoto," Koji said, placing a hand on his shoulder. Makoto looked up at him with apprehension plaguing his features. "This will be good for you."

Makoto's face scrunched up. "How do you know, Koji? I don't…" Makoto took in a sharp breath. "I don't want to remember it. I just want to move on."

"The only way you can move on is if you talk about it," Koji said.

Makoto suddenly felt hot underneath his clothes, his torso and back burning. He could almost feel the cuts and scrapes from the fire as if they had reopened. Haru's face came into his mind and he shrunk in on himself, trying to hide his scars. He did not want Haru to look at him or even see him like this.

"You can't keep all of this bottled up, Makoto," Koji said softly. "It's destroying you."

Makoto flinched. There was that phrase again. Haru had said it and now Koji had used it twice against him.

"Yeah," Makoto hummed reluctantly.

"Just take it one day at a time, Makoto," Koji said, patting his shoulder. "It'll all be okay."

Makoto nodded, his face still scrunched up and his gaze still downcast.

Suddenly, something warm and soft was thrown at him, and he fumbled to catch it before it hit the ground. It was a fleece blanket – one of the blankets that the firehouse provided for the 24-hour shifts.

"Go lie down in one of the cots for a bit. You'll need your energy for training later. And you also look like death," Koji joked as he walked out of the break room.

Makoto blinked at him and then down at the blanket. A small smile appeared on his face as he shook his head. He then threw the blanket over his shoulder and headed upstairs to the cots, thankful for more rest.

* * *

Haru's brow twitched as he hung up his phone and slid it back into his pocket.

_Annoying_ , Haru thought.  _Don't ignore me. Annoying. Stubborn. Dummy._

Haru readjusted his bag over his shoulder and headed down the sidewalk towards the school campus. He glanced down at his feet as he walked. There was no bone-splitting pain. For the first time in months, the simple task of walking was now accessible to him. He still had a slight limp in his gait, but it was much less noticeable now.

Haru headed down towards campus, his feet taking him along a familiar path. His head was in the clouds as he strolled down the sidewalk, unknowingly going down the street towards a familiar building. He was about to turn down a street when orange cones and a large bulldozer caught his eye. And that was when he realized it.

The bulldozer was in the old dorm lot.

Haru rushed over to the lot and stared at all of the men with hardhats working to clear the lot. The sidewalk was closed so he could not get a closer look, but he was able to see the machines and trucks hauling the debris off of the lot.

Haru was amazed. Were they finally going to clear it and rebuild?

"It's nice to see this, isn't it?"

Haru jumped at the voice that was suddenly next to him. He turned and saw the same old lady that he had spoken to a few weeks ago. She still had her tiny dog on a leash that was obediently sitting and waiting for her to continue on their walk.

"Nice to see you again, young man," she greeted with a smile. Haru straightened his back.

"Good morning," he greeted. They both turned back to watch the workers cleaning up the mess. "It is nice to see that the lot is finally going to be cleared," Haru said after a minute.

The old lady nodded. "Most definitely. I guess they've finally finished their investigations."

Haru snapped his head back to look at her. "They finished?"

The old lady nodded. "Why else would they clear the lot?" she asked with a shrug. "The only reason they hadn't cleared it yet was that they were still searching for a cause. I guess this means they've found it."

Haru looked back at the building and studied it, hoping that the answer would just jump out and make it obvious. But, of course, that answer would not come easily.

"Do you know what caused it?" Haru asked.

The woman shook her head and looked at the building sadly.

"Unfortunately, no. They haven't told us anything," she answered. "I hope they figure things out. Too many poor students were hurt during that incident. It was tragic."

Haru's heart stuttered in his chest.

_"He apparently collapsed."_

Makoto.

Haru turned back to look at the woman and he bit his lip, his nerves suddenly shot. He took a slow breath and finally released his raw lip.

"Did you ever hear about what happened to the students who were injured that night?" Haru asked.

The woman put a hand to her chin. "All I heard was that they were sent to the nearby hospital for treatment. The worst of them stayed in the hospital for almost three weeks."

Haru winced. "What about the student who saved six people? Didn't you say he collapsed?"

The woman nodded solemnly. "Yes, he did."

"Do you know how long he was at the hospital?" Haru asked.

"No, I'm sorry," she apologized.

Haru released a sigh, his brain now more muddled than before.

With Makoto refusing the change in front of him, and how he had pushed Haru away a few nights ago, something was not adding up. Haru's chest was cold with worry and anxiety about the whole thing. He remembered Makoto visiting his hospital room every day. He always had a smile on his face and seemed fine except for the sling that held his arm.

But was that it? Was that all that happened?

Haru just wanted to know the truth.

Was… Makoto hurt worse that night than he had led on?

"No, it's all right," Haru said to the woman. He readjusted his bag once again and then bowed politely to the woman. "Thank you for the talk. I need to head to class now."

The woman bowed politely back. "Of course, young man! Have a nice day!"

Haru nodded and turned around, his stride leading back to the main campus and into the building for his class.

Upon entering the classroom, Haru saw Rei and Nagisa sitting in their normal spots. Rei was looking at Nagisa with furrowed brows and tired eyes while Nagisa was talking excitedly about something. Haru walked over to them and plopped down in a chair next to them.

"Ah, good morning, Haruka-senpai," Rei said sluggishly as he adjusted his glasses. Haru hummed in response and leaned his head on his hand, his eyes drifting to look out the window.

"You look glum today, Haru-chan!" Nagisa said with his usual cheerful demeanor. Haru looked at him out of the corner of his eye. "Did something happen?"

Haru took another glance out the window and then sighed, dropping his arm to rest on his desk.

"I just passed our old dorm building. They're clearing the lot," Haru said.

"Oh?!" Nagisa chirped.

"They're finally cleaning it up?" Rei asked, his face a little brighter now.

Haru nodded. "I heard that they hadn't cleaned it up because they were investigating the cause of the fire. But now that they're cleaning up, it must mean that they've finished the investigation."

Rei and Nagisa exchanged looks. "Have you received the incident report yet, Haruka-senpai?" Rei asked.

Haru's eyes widened a bit. He had almost forgotten about it.

"It has been almost a month," Nagisa said. "Didn't they say they'd have it ready by then?"

Haru nodded, remembering.

"Maybe you should give them a call," Rei suggested as his hand moved up to touch his glasses again.

Haru stared down at his desk. He knew he should call them and try to figure things out. He wanted nothing more than to get Makoto to go back to school with him. But something else was plaguing Haru's mind now more than ever.

Makoto's injuries.

"What's wrong, Haru-chan?" Nagisa asked.

Haru snapped out of his thoughts and looked at his friends. They were giving him concerned looks, and he realized that he had gone silent for a while. He sighed and dropped his gaze back down to his desk.

"Makoto came home drunk the other night," Haru said.

"Eh?!" both Nagisa and Rei squealed.

"Makoto-senpai was drunk?" Rei asked incredulously.

"Yeah," Haru answered. "Anyway, he came home drunk and he was soaked from the rain. So I tried to help him get into dry clothes so he didn't get sick and he… he pushed me away."

"Pushed you away?" Nagisa echoed.

Haru nodded. "He wouldn't let me help him change his shirt. He pushed me away and kept saying that I couldn't see him like that."

Nagisa put a thoughtful hand to his chin and looked up at the ceiling.

"You know, now that I think about it, I haven't seen Mako-chan change since before the fire," Nagisa said.

Haru's eyes widened. "You haven't?" he asked.

"I haven't, either," Rei said, his hand nervously moving to touch his glasses again.

Haru's brows pushed together at the revelation. What in the world?

Nagisa made a thoughtful hum as he rubbed his chin.

"Well, I mean Mako-chan  _did_  get put into the—"

"All right, settle down, everyone!"

The three of them turned their heads to look at the front of the room to see the professor walking in and setting his things down on the front podium. Haru looked desperately at Nagisa for him to finish his sentence, but he had already pulled out his notebook for class. Haru switched his attention to Rei, but he also had already begun to pay attention.

Haru sighed, not even bothering to take his notebook out of his bag. Something felt… off. Strange. Out of place. There were pieces missing to the puzzle, and Haru was determined to find them.

* * *

"Makoto.  _Makoto._ "

Makoto groaned as he was shaken from his peaceful slumber. His eyes fluttered open and he was greeted with Koji's face.

"Hey, time to get up. Captain wants to start drills early," Koji explained.

Makoto whined as he sat up from the cot, his body aching and stiff from sleeping so deeply. His body still felt heavy from the fever but he tried to shake it off as his mind cleared. He pulled himself from the cot and grabbed his workout gear, swiftly pulling his shirt over his head.

Koji watched from behind, his eyes locking onto the scars on his back. It had looked just as painful as the other night when he had helped to change him.

"Hey, uh… do you remember anything from the other night?" Koji asked gingerly.

Makoto threw the shirt over his torso and then turned to meet Koji's sheepish face.

"The other night?" Makoto echoed.

"When I brought you back to your place and you… were drunk," Koji said.

Makoto winced and lifted a hand to rub the back of his neck. "I remember a little bit," he admitted. He bent down to lace his tennis shoes. "It's a little fuzzy, but I think I remember everything."

Koji pursed his lips and took a slow, even breath. He looked at Makoto seriously, his eyes somber and steady.

"So you remember pushing away your roommate when he tried to help?"

Makoto froze, his hands still on the laces of his shoes. His shoulders seemed to droop and he sighed, nodding sadly.

"Yeah, I remember," Makoto said, finishing up one shoe and then moving onto the other.

"You haven't told him about your scars?" Koji asked.

Makoto flinched at Koji's blunt question and his pulse immediately spiked. "No," he answered, and he straightened to his feet. He moved to the stairwell to leave but Koji put his hand on the doorframe, blocking Makoto's path.

"Why not?" Koji asked, his face stern but his voice gentle. "He's your friend, isn't he?"

Makoto turned his head away from him, suddenly feeling an urge to hide himself. He regretted changing in front Koji.

"I just don't want him to see me like this," Makoto said.

Koji stared at him with wide eyes and he opened his mouth to speak.

"Mako—"

"Oi! Let's round up!"

Mori's voice bellowed from downstairs, and Makoto quickly fled Koji's presence to descend to the first floor. Koji released a quick sigh and followed closely behind.

They joined the rest of the team outside, where Mori stood with a clipboard in hand. He looked a little more strict than usual, making the men wary of crossing him.

"We're going to do some drills, starting with equipment carry. The hoses are over there," Mori said, pointing to just beyond the fire trucks. "Afterwards, you will go into victim carry. 81-kilo dummies are in the grass just beyond that. You have to carry it through that window." Mori pointed again towards an open window in the firehouse. It was on the second floor, which meant there would be a ladder to climb. "After that, you have to come back out here and attach the hose. The last team to complete this task has to wash the trucks!"

The men gave soft chuckles at the challenge. Makoto sighed, his body already feeling sore and sluggish. There was a soft throbbing in his temple and a light pressure in his cheeks.

Maybe he should have answered that phone call from Haru earlier.

"All right, you guys know what to do. Ready, and… go!"

The men all rushed towards the hoses laying on the ground and snatched them up, each team working together to get the hose the couple of meters it needed to go. The hose was heavy, and Makoto could not wait to get this part of the exercise over with.

Makoto's team was the second to arrive at the dummies. Each team member grabbed a dummy, Makoto easily grabbing one and carefully slinging it over his shoulder. However, his usual stamina was lacking, making his body weak and his head foggy. He desperately tried to keep up with the rest of his team with the heavy dummy over his shoulder.

His teammates all climbed the ladder and to the second floor. Makoto stared up at the ladder and groaned at the task. His hand grasped one of the bars of the ladder and he pulled himself up as quickly as his limbs would allow.

He finally reached the second floor and climbed through the window. He set the dummy down and then ran down to the first floor and back outside where his teammates were anxiously waiting for him by the hoses.

Together, his team fastened the hose to a nearby hydrant and they were able to get it working. Mori signaled to them that they were finished, the team coming almost last. Makoto doubled over and panted, his hands gripping his knees. He was exhausted.

He was exhausted.

Soon, all of the teams were done, and once they had a quick water break, Mori called them back over.

"All right, time for you guys to take a stroll," he said.

The men sighed and groaned, knowing exactly what he meant by that. What it usually meant was that he wanted the men to run a few good kilometers around the city.

And sure enough, it was exactly what Mori wanted this time.

Mori spouted off a street name in Tokyo that the men had to run to and back, creating one large circle. The men all got ready before quietly leaving the station in clumps.

Makoto took another minute to catch his breath before forcing his body to move into a light jog down the sidewalk. Every inch of his body ached and all he wanted to do was go home and lie down.

Makoto glanced up at the sky and saw clouds rolling past the light blue sky. It was a pretty day for it being chilly out. Makoto usually enjoyed summer, but recently, he had enjoyed the colder months. The heat from the summer was… too much.

"Captain is in a mood today."

Makoto whipped his head to the side to spot Koji running alongside him, his face neutral. Makoto turned his head back to the sidewalk and focused on his breathing.

"Y-Yeah, he… he is," Makoto said through harsh pants. Koji turned his head to look at him.

"You doing okay?" Koji asked.

Instead of using his air, Makoto just nodded and then kept his gaze fixed on the concrete in front of his feet. Koji was silent, taking in the sounds of their feet pounding on the pavement. After they turned a corner, Koji cleared his throat.

"I'm not going to just let the topic go, you know," Koji said.

Makoto turned his head to look at him, his flushed face pulled into a grimace. He stayed quiet, though, and listened to what Koji had to say. He was too tired to contribute anyway.

"So, it's not just the scars that your friend hasn't seen," Koji started.

Makoto's breath caught, fearing Koji's next sentence. He turned his head away from Koji and waited, trying to count his breaths.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Breathe… in…

"He doesn't know what happened to you that night… does he?" Koji asked.

Makoto squeezed his eyes shut for a moment before releasing a sigh and staring ahead.

"No," he answered.

"Makoto…" Koji said softly.

"He… he thinks I just had a dislocated shoulder," Makoto explained.

Koji's eyes widened. " _Makoto_ , your injuries were  _extensive_. You were badly burned and you needed stitches and surgery… and you're telling me he doesn't know any of that?"

Makoto shook his head.

"No, he doesn't," Makoto said.

"But,  _why_? Why haven't you told him?" Koji asked. "You've been hiding it from him for over a year and he hasn't noticed anything?  _Why_ , Makoto?"

Makoto kept his eyes on the ground. "I… I don't know, Koji," Makoto answered.

Koji's eyes squinted at him curiously and thoughtfully as if he were trying to spot a lie.

"But… I just feel the need to hide it from Haru," Makoto said. "He…"

Makoto took a shuddering breath as thoughts started to spring up into his mind. Painful memories that he did not want to remember had suddenly popped up into his brain and he felt his chest constrict. Breathing became more difficult as a lump lodged itself in his throat.

"He's been through so much," Makoto said. He sniffed. "Ever since we were little, Haru has always enjoyed swimming. We always joined our school's swim club and went to meets and… when we were in our third year, he had really struggled to find a dream for himself. College entrance exams were coming up, and Haru needed to decide what he wanted to do."

Makoto paused to reflect on the memories. The summer festival, the fireworks, the argument, the pained look on Haru's face…

Makoto shook his head to clear the memory from his mind. He never wanted Haru to have that look on his face ever again... especially since he was the one who caused that pained expression to form on Haru's face.

"Finally, our third year, he decided that he wanted to swim professionally. He worked really hard from then on out. The coach from the university was really impressed and said he was the top runner for the Olympic tryouts," Makoto said. There was a hint of a smile on his face from the pleasant memory.

Koji was running silently next to him, attentive and respectful. He was even a little worried when Makoto would get quiet. He watched as the small smile faded from Makoto's face as he inhaled to speak again.

"Then… a week before the tryouts were held…" Makoto's face scrunched up into a pained grimace. His chest throbbed, and he was unsure if it was from the running or his own emotions. He took a breath to try again. "A week before the tryouts were held, the fire broke out in the dorm. And his foot was damaged beyond repair."

Koji blinked at him, pieces started to come together as Makoto revisited the story. He saw the pain in Makoto's green eyes as he spoke and he was tempted to stop running to pull him into a hug. But, he refrained from it when he saw Makoto go to speak again.

"Haru had to quit the swim team, and then he changed majors. He says he's fine, but I can tell that he's trapped in his major. He hates it. If…" Makoto cut himself off to take in a trembling breath. "If I had… if I had just gotten to him sooner, then… then maybe his foot would've been fine. Maybe he wouldn't have had to quit the swim team, I mean, he  _just_  got his dream!"

Makoto was starting to hyperventilate and Koji reached out to grab his shoulder. He knew he had to stop Makoto.

"Makoto…"

"And, now he's stuck. He's stuck living with the consequences of my stupid decisions!"

"Makoto—"

"It's all my fault…"

" _Makoto_!"

Koji grabbed Makoto's upper arm and forced him to stop running. Makoto looked at Koji with wide eyes, his chest jumping and breaths escaping his lips in uneven gaps.

"Breathe, Makoto," Koji said, placing his hands on Makoto's shoulders. " _Breathe_."

Makoto was confused at first, but he watched Koji carefully and soon, the ache in his chest dulled. He hung his head and concentrated on Koji's thumbs rubbing comforting circles on his sweaty shoulders. He waited until Makoto had completely calmed before speaking again.

"I never heard that story before. I'm sorry that happened to your friend," Koji said softly, releasing Makoto's shoulders. "But it doesn't change my mind."

Makoto lifted his head to look at him, his brows furrowed and worry lines etched into his forehead.

"It was  _not your fault_ ," Koji said.

Makoto blinked and then glanced back down at the ground. His hands curled into fists by sides, as he remained unconvinced.

"C'mon, let's finish the run," Koji said, tugging on Makoto's arm until they both in a comfortable jog. "We should try not to be last on the run. Who knows how Captain will be when we get back."

Makoto would normally chuckle, but his heart was thumping hard inside of his chest. He kept up with Koji around the city and back. Soon enough, they arrived back at the station, both sweaty and fatigued.

"I'm hitting the showers," Koji said. "Wanna go out for a bite after?" he asked Makoto as he grabbed a towel.

Makoto shook his head.

"I should get home," Makoto said.

Koji nodded and placed a hand on Makoto's shoulder.

"Just remember, you can't blame yourself for what happened, Makoto," Koji said. "They're called  _accidents_  for a reason."

Koji released Makoto's shoulder with a squeeze and then took a step in the hallway towards the showers.

"I don't know, Koji," Makoto said quietly.

Koji froze in the hallway and turned around to look at Makoto's hunched figure.

"Something about it all," Makoto continued. "Doesn't feel like it was just an accident."

* * *

_I want to swim._

It was the first thing Haru thought of as he left his culinary class that afternoon. His mind was swirling so much that it was dizzying. He could not keep up with everything that was going on. There were too many puzzle pieces that did not fit together, and Haru struggled to focus on one set at a time.

With the new therapy sessions with Torii, his mind has been itching to leave the culinary program and get back to swimming, but he knew he was getting ahead of himself. He only had one session. It was too early to get his hopes up for a full recovery.

And the conversation with the old lady today really piqued his interest. If they finished the investigations, then that means the incident report might have changed. Rei was right, he  _should_  give them a call. But it was too late now, he would have to call in the morning.

Then, there was the ever-present thought that had plagued his mind all day: Makoto. Makoto pushing him away the other night… the story that the old lady told him about the hero who collapsed after saving six people… Rei and Nagisa saying they had not seen Makoto shirtless since the incident…

Haru's chest was cold with worry. He hoped he was just imagining things. He hoped that Makoto was not lying to everyone.

He hoped Makoto's only injury that night was a dislocated shoulder.

_Please just be that shoulder._

Haru finally made it back to the apartment and rode the elevator up to the third floor. He fished out his keys and headed down the hall to the blue door. Once inside, he dumped his bag by the door and slipped off his shoes. He just wanted to take a bath. A bath would clear his mind and once his mind was clear, he could try and decipher everything at hand.

Haru headed straight for the bathroom, wasting no time. He turned down the hall and was about to just barge in when he noticed that the bathroom door was cracked. The light was also on inside and he could see steam floating to the ceiling.

Haru tiptoed to the door and peered through the crack of the door.

Haru's heart jerked.

Makoto had just pulled a shirt on and Haru saw something on his back.

What was that?

Was it a scar? Or a rash?

Or was that… a…  _burn_?

What the hell…  _what the hell?!_

Haru quickly retreated from the bathroom door and to the living room with his heart pounding against his ribcage. His breaths were shallow and he could feel his body trembling.

It was most  _definitely_  a burn. A  _bad_ burn.

When had that happened? Was that what Makoto was trying to hide?

_What… did I just see?_  Haru thought.

"Ah, hey, Haru!"

Haru jumped almost violently at hearing the voice suddenly behind him. He whirled around and saw Makoto with a towel around his neck and a concerned look on his face.

"A-Ah, I didn't mean to scare you," Makoto apologized. Haru just stared at him, words not forming quick enough in his mind for him to speak. "Rei and Nagisa called. They said they're bringing takeout. They should be back soon. Oh, and the bathroom's free if you want to use the tub!"

Makoto gave Haru his typical smile before plopping down on the couch in the living room and turning on the TV.

Haru simply just stared at his friend, trying to somehow conjure up x-ray vision to see through Makoto's shirt.

"How were classes today?" Makoto asked, turning his head to meet Haru's eyes.

Haru jumped once he realized he was being addressed.

"F-Fine," Haru stuttered. He willed his heart to calm down.

"Well, that's better than awful," Makoto said with a chuckle. "I'm beat! Captain was in a mood today!"

Haru stared at him more as he rambled about the drills he had to go through. His heart was still throbbing uncomfortably in his chest at what he had witnessed.

_Makoto… what the hell is going on?_


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone! Another chapter for you :)
> 
> Um... this chapter is super long. I was actually really nervous about posting it.   
> Is this too long for a chapter? I really want to make you all happy! 
> 
> Happy reading!

Makoto swallowed some coffee and threw on a jacket over his shoulders. Today was the day. Another appointment with Dr. Ozawa.

Makoto's stomach was filled with nervous butterflies. In the last session, she was able to get Makoto talking and thinking about things he never thought he would. He saw the fire in his mind vividly that day, and he felt himself shudder at the memory. He feared what Dr. Ozawa would bring up today.

Makoto headed to the living room where he saw Haru sitting on the couch. As soon as Makoto's steps were heard from the hallway, Haru whirled around with wide, focused eyes. Makoto jolted to a halt, wondering if Haru needed to ask him a question or say something, but Haru just sat still, his eyes locked onto Makoto's chest.

"Um… Haru? Everything okay?" Makoto asked, cocking his head.

Haru jolted and locked eyes with Makoto, his blue eyes frighteningly clear. He opened his mouth to speak but then promptly closed it. His eyes finally fell to his lap and the room was suddenly thick with tense silence. Makoto blinked a few times at Haru, still waiting patiently, but his eyes wandered to the clock on the side table.

"Ah, I need to head out. Don't want to be late," Makoto said with a nervous chuckle. He gave Haru a small smile before heading towards the front door and kneeling down to put on his shoes.

But then, Haru jumped up from the couch and followed Makoto to the front door. Makoto already had his shoes on and his hand was on the door knob.

"M-Makoto!" Haru called.

Makoto froze with his hand on the door knob and he turned his head to look at Haru. He was a little startled at Haru's raised voice and his face twisted into worry.

"Haru?" Makoto called.

"I…" Haru stuttered. His eyes averted only for a second before he locked them again with Makoto's. "Are you sure there's nothing else about the fire you need to tell me?" he asked, sounding almost desperate.

Makoto's breath hitched inside of his chest and his stomach did uncomfortable summersaults. He eyed Haru with a bewildered stare, wondering where that question even came from.

"Haru, why are you—"

"I mean… I know I'm forcing you to go to this appointment, but… if there's something,  _anything_  that you can tell me instead… then, well… I won't make you go," Haru said. His voice was a little shaky and his words were jumbled as if he had not thought them through.

Makoto's hand clenched around the doorknob and his forearm tensed as he squeezed. He stared at Haru with wide eyes as a cold shiver shook his frame. Koji's voice echoed through his mind and he gulped.

_"He doesn't know what happened to you that night… does he?"_

Cold sweat formed on his forehead and breathing suddenly became difficult. Should he tell Haru? Should that be something he should bring up right now?

"Makoto?"

Makoto focused on Haru's face and saw the worried look that plagued his features. He hated those expressions on Haru's face. He just wanted Haru to be happy…

No.

He can't.

Haru can't know.

"I-I, uh, I can't really think of anything, Haru," Makoto said. He suddenly felt too hot in his jacket.

"Are you  _sure_?" Haru asked. A crease formed in between his brows as he spoke and he extended his hand to grab Makoto's wrist but stopped short.

Makoto's eyes flitted to his hand and then back to Haru's face. He gave Haru a smile, but it felt uncomfortable on his face.

"Yeah, there's nothing really…" Makoto said, his voice straining with the obvious lie. "I, uh, I have to get going. Don't want to be late."

Makoto turned to face the door while his hand twisted the doorknob. He glanced over his shoulder to give Haru one last smile.

"See you later, Haru!" Makoto said. He saw Haru's eyes widen a little.

"Mako—"

Makoto shut the door behind him and walked briskly down the hallway of the complex. His gut twisted and flipped uncomfortably as his heart rattled his ribcage.

What was  _that_  all about?

Haru looked so hurt and worried that it made Makoto's chest tighten. He was completely caught off guard. He had noticed that Haru was a little distant the past couple of days, but his little outburst this morning really made Makoto worry. What did Haru know that he did not?

It was Haru's idea in the first place to go! So why was he changing his mind all of a sudden? There was no way Makoto would ever tell Haru what happened that night.

Makoto shook his head to fling the thoughts from his mind as he forced his legs to carry him to the station. He needed to get to that doctor's office before he changed his mind.

* * *

Haru stared at the door, his body seemingly frozen in time. He was unsure how long ago Makoto had left him gaping at the door, but it felt like an eternity.

_That smile was so fake,_  Haru thought.  _Something is wrong. You're hiding something._

_Makoto, didn't I tell you something similar in junior high?_

_Don't lie._

_Don't_ lie _to me!_

Haru's fists tightened and he squeezed his eyes shut. He remembered how miserable Makoto was back in junior high, all because of an off-handed comment by an all-too-knowing senpai.

But now, it was different.

Whatever Makoto was hiding this time was much more than a comment by a superior.

Haru raised his hand to rub his face and he let out a sigh. It was so frustrating. He always had a terrible feeling about that night, and he just  _prayed_  that it was only a feeling.

Haru needed to stop this.

He needed his Makoto back.

Haru reached into his pocket for his phone. He dialed a number and put the phone up to his ear. The line rang for a while until he heard a click.

"All lines are currently busy. Please try again later. We apologize for the inconven—"

Haru hung up with a huff. Of course, the lines just  _had_  to be busy today. He could almost hear his patience  _snap_.

Haru stomped over to the couch and grabbed his coat, quickly shuffling it onto his shoulders. After putting his shoes on, he threw open the door and slammed it shut behind him.

If the police station would not answer his calls, then he would just have to go there in person.

* * *

Makoto sat hunched over in the waiting room of the doctor's office. The familiar scent of the room filled his nose as soon as he entered, and his body was suddenly on fire with nerves. He fidgeted in the plastic seat as he bounced his leg. Even though the lobby was practically empty, it felt as if all eyes were locked onto him.

_No, no, don't do this. Just remain calm. Remember to breathe._

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Breathe—

_"You've been hiding it from him for over a year?"_

Makoto winced and choked on his inhale, his chest stuttering as his hands gripped his jeans so tightly that his knuckles turned white. His arms began to shake as he tried to gain control of his breathing.

_Calm down, calm down, calm down…_

_"If there's something, anything that you can tell me instead…"_

Makoto's eyes squeezed shut and he took slow, shallow breaths. His chest ached and he could feel his body closing in on itself as he hunched over more.

_"It's destroying you."_

Then, Makoto's eyes shot open and his breath stopped.

_They're right._

_Koji and Haru are right._

_It's destroying me…_

"Tachibana-san?"

Makoto snapped his body up straight and turned to look towards the doorway. A petite nurse holding a clipboard was glancing around the room with a sweet smile on her face. Her smile did nothing to calm the butterflies in Makoto's stomach.

Makoto forced himself up from the uncomfortable plastic chair and walked over on wobbly legs.

"Ah, are you Tachibana-san?" the nurse asked kindly.

"Y-Yes," Makoto answered.

"Great! Right this way, please," she said, leading Makoto down the familiar hallway.

Makoto's eyes noted the memorable paintings that hung on the white walls. As they turned the corner, a different scent flooded his nose and his brows pushed together. It smelled like Dr. Ozawa's office.

They finally reached that door and the nurse knocked a few times. There was an answer and the nurse opened the door for Makoto.

"Dr. Ozawa will see you now," she said with a smile.

"Th-Thank you," Makoto stuttered, and he walked through the open door. The cool colors of the walls did little to soothe his beating heart.

"Well, good morning, Tachibana-san!"

Makoto snapped his head towards the middle of the room and saw Dr. Ozawa sitting in a chair across from the loveseat. There were already two steaming cups of tea on the coffee table, but Makoto's eyes were drawn to her notepad that rested next to her arm.

"Come in, come in! Have a seat," she said, beckoning Makoto closer with her hand.

Makoto gulped and walked to the center of the room. He could feel his frame shaking and he practically collapsed into the loveseat.

"Here, have some tea," she said and handed him a cup.

"Thank you," Makoto said, a little proud that he was able to speak with his voice shaking. He took the cup with a shaking hand and blew over the surface to cool it down before taking his first sip.

"Oh, my, what happened?" Dr. Ozawa suddenly asked.

Makoto lowered the cup and stared at her with a confused expression. He followed her eyes to his forearm and noticed an ugly, purple bruise. He forced out a chuckle.

"O-Oh, just a bruise from work," Makoto explained. He gingerly held the tea on his lap, hoping that would be the extent of the questions.

Of course, that was not why he was here.

"Oh, I see. How  _is_  work, Tachibana-san?" Dr. Ozawa asked, taking a sip of her own tea.

Makoto gulped, his hand shaking.

"It's… it's okay," he answered. "Um…"

"I read about that awful fire in that nursing home," Dr. Ozawa said.

Makoto froze, his gaze staring hard at the table. He went rigid, and his shoulders tensed.

"Was your unit involved in that fire?" Dr. Ozawa asked.

Makoto closed his eyes.

He could see that nurse's face as she begged and called out to him to come and help. He could practically see what color her eyes were, the color of her hair, her clothes…

But he froze.

_You let her die._

Makoto shuddered as those spiteful words rang in his head.

_You're broken._

_You're broken and you're a failure. It's written all over you._

_This is_ _**all your fault.** _

"Oh, my goodness! Tachibana-san, are you all right?"

Makoto's eyes popped open at Dr. Ozawa's sudden cry and he instantly felt a stinging in his hand. He glanced down in his lap and saw broken pieces of the cup in his hand along with trickling blood running down his palm. The tea had spilled out on his jeans and onto the rug beneath his feet.

Makoto's chest ran cold and he paled. He had squeezed the cup so hard that it shattered right in his palm.

"O-Oh, I… I'm so sorry," Makoto apologized, trying to clean up the mess.

Dr. Ozawa came back with a trashcan in one hand and a rag in the other. Makoto quietly threw away the pieces of the cup and he gingerly took the rag the clean up the tea.

"It's no trouble. Is your hand all right?" she asked, genuine worry written on her face.

Makoto glanced down at his palm and saw the small, red line. He closed his hand into a fist to hide it and he nodded, even though it stung.

"I'm sorry," Makoto apologized again.

"Don't apologize," Dr. Ozawa said. "If that's your version of an outburst, I'd welcome it any day!"

Makoto blushed and peered down in his lap.

"Now then, Tachibana-san," Dr. Ozawa started. Makoto looked up at her. "I'm assuming that something happened at the nursing home fire… right?"

Makoto gulped and then nodded slowly. He could not make eye contact with her.

"Okay, then," she said. She grabbed her notepad and a pen, offering a kind smile. "Tell me about it."

* * *

Haru stepped through the front door of the police station and his shoulder was immediately shoved. He stumbled and reached out his hand to stable himself against the wall and glared at the rushing office worker.

_Annoying…_

Haru leaned up from the wall and took a deep breath, taking in the chaos that was the police station. It was not this busy the last time he was here.

He stepped up to the receptionist, who was looking intensely at some papers on her desk. He stood there, waiting and watching her flit her eyes back and forth from her computer. After a minute a waiting, Haru cleared his throat.

The receptionist turned her head up to look at him and she gave him a tired smile.

"How may I help you?" she asked.

Haru leaned forward so he could hear.

"Um, yes, I was here—"

"Hey, we need these reports filed, okay?" Another office worker pushed Haru aside and shoved papers on the receptionist's desk. The receptionist smiled and took the papers.

"Of course! See you for lunch?" she asked.

Haru felt his eyebrow twitch. Once their little conversation was over, the receptionist turned back to Haru.

"Yes, where were we?" she said, a little absently. "Ah, yes. You were saying?"

Haru gulped down his agitation to continue.

"I was here a month ago and I requested an incident report on the university dorm fire…"

"Let's see, let's see, university dorm fire…" The receptionist moved to her computer and started typing away. "What was the date?"

Haru rattled off the date and he felt himself shudder afterward. That date would most likely stick in his mind for the rest of his life.

"Ah, here it is. Let's see… oh, I'm sorry, but we can't give out that information at this time," she said with upturned eyebrows.

Haru's jaw dropped and a crease formed in between in his brows.

"W-What?" Haru asked. "Why not?"

"Well, according to records, the information has changed," she said, peering into the computer screen. She glanced back up at Haru. "And when the information changes, it has to go through another process of approvals."

Haru felt his hands clench tightly at his sides. He grit his teeth until his jaw ached.

"And how long will that take?" he asked through his teeth.

The receptionist's eyes looked back at the screen. "It could be anywhere from two weeks to two months," she said.

Haru narrowed his eyes and lowered his head to stare down at the floor. He could almost feel his blood boiling. What was he going to do now? Just wait and watch Makoto destroy himself from the inside out? Haru could suggest to Makoto that he quit his job, but he knew that Makoto would only wave him off and tell him he's fine. Haru  _needs_  that concrete evidence to show Makoto that it was all just one big accident and that Haru's injuries were nowhere near his fault.

Haru needed that information to get Makoto to come back to school. And without it, he would have to—

"Good morning."

"Ah, good morning, Hirose-kun!"

A new voice cut through Haru's thoughts like a knife and he lifted his head to see who had stepped up to the desk. Haru's eyes widened.

It was Makoto's coworker – the same coworker that Haru had met when his best friend had appeared drunk in his doorway.

"Here's a new report for you," Makoto's coworker said, handing a file to the receptionist.

"I will take care of it for you!" the receptionist said, taking the file.

Makoto's coworker – Hirose, Haru guessed – turned to leave when he locked eyes with Haru.

"Oh," he said, his face showing surprise. "Hi, again," he said, a little awkwardly.

Haru nodded and gave a quiet 'hello' in response.

"Sorry, I never properly introduced myself that night. I'm Hirose Koji. You can call me Koji," Koji said, extending a hand for Haru to shake.

Haru apprehensively took his hand and shook it. "Nanase Haruka. Just Haru is fine."

"Haru, then," Koji said with a nice smile. "Well, what brings you to the police station? You're not in any kind of trouble, are you?" Koji asked, his face pulled a little in worry.

Haru shook his head. "No, I…" he paused, biting his lip and looking away briefly before meeting Koji's eyes. "I requested an incident report."

Koji cocked his head and his brows furrowed. "Incident report? For what?" he asked.

Haru opened his mouth to speak but then quickly shut it. He looked away again and his face pulled into a grimace. He was unsure how much Koji knew.

"Wait," Koji said after Haru did not answer. Haru cautiously peered up at Koji's face. "Is it for… for the… the dorm fire that happened last year?"

A crease formed in between Haru's brows and he swallowed dryly. It was suddenly very hot in that station.

"Yes," Haru answered.

"Why do you want an incident report on that? I mean, weren't you… there?" Koji suddenly looked sheepish, which did not really suit his broad shoulders.

Haru looked away. "It's for Makoto."

Koji looked surprised. "Makoto? You… want to show him the incident report?"

Haru's eyes darted back and forth before settling back on Koji's face. He sighed.

"I want Makoto to see that it wasn't his fault," Haru explained.

Koji hesitated, but then he looked very sad. His lips pulled into a frown and his eyes drooped.

"Oh," he said, reaching up to rub the back of his neck. "So… you see it, too? That he blames himself?"

Haru's chest fluttered and then collapsed, a huge wave of relief suddenly washing over him.

He was not alone.

Haru's throat was so tight by the flood of emotions that he ended up nodding instead of speaking, to which Koji nodded as well.

"He does that a lot," Koji said. "Keeps things bottled up. Blames himself. It's... destroying him, really."

Haru snapped his head up to look at Koji with wide eyes. He had used those same words towards Makoto, and he had a nagging feeling in his stomach. Were those words too harsh?

"I can tell you really care about him, though. I'm glad he gets some kind of support outside of the fire station," Koji said with a smile. He stretched his arms up above his head and then cradled the back of his head with his hands. "He spends too much time there, in my opinion."

Haru paused, and then glanced away. His thoughts were suddenly consumed by memories of the past.

"He… he wanted to be a swimming instructor… you know, before…" Haru mumbled suddenly, letting his sentence trail off.

Koji's hands dropped from his head, suddenly laser-focused on Haru.

"A swimming instructor?" Koji echoed.

"For kids," Haru added. "That's what he was studying in college."

"A swimming instructor for kids… heh," Koji let out a fond laugh and a kind smile appeared on his face. "I can see that."

"He was working so hard for that. It was his dream," Haru said sadly. Koji's smile faded at his words. "And after the fire, he didn't feel that he could go back to school. He… he feels guilty for not saving me in time, and for my injury forcing me to change majors. He blames all of it on himself and thinks he shouldn't be allowed to pursue his own dreams if I can't pursue mine."

Koji blinked at Haru, his lips parted but no words escaping them. And that's when Haru looked up at Koji with a determined look and fierce eyes.

"I want Makoto to come back to school," Haru said.

Koji's eyes widened and he looked surprised again. After a moment of processing, Koji's face softened into a kind smile.

"I think that would be good for him," Koji agreed. He let out a long sigh and placed his hands on his hips, his eyes staring sadly at the ground. "I'd miss the hell out of him, but I agree that him staying with us is only hurting him more. He needs a better environment."

It was Haru's turn to blink at him with wide eyes. Just who was this guy?

"So, were you able to get the incident report?" Koji decided to ask.

Haru's irritation immediately rekindled into a burning flame. He shook his head.

"They said it won't be ready for another two months," Haru said.

Koji's brow twitched and he turned to look at the receptionist sitting at the desk. He turned to look back at Haru.

"Be right back," he said, and he stomped over to her desk. Haru watched him and leaned forward a little to hear. "Hello, again," he greeted.

"Ah, Hirose-kun! What brings you back?" the receptionist asked with sparkling eyes.

"I'd like to get an incident report," Koji responded.

Haru jumped and he wanted to step forward to stop him, but his legs were glued to the spot. He gave his wobbly legs a glare of betrayal before staring back up at the desk.

"Okay! What's the date of the incident?" the receptionist asked.

Haru lifted a hand to get Koji's attention so he could tell him the date, but Koji beat him to it, rattling off the date with no hesitation in his features. Haru was stunned frozen as his whole body tingled. Koji knew the date of the incident by heart, as well.

"Oh, uh, well… the information has changed, you see," the receptionist started, pulling Haru back into reality.

"Is that so?" Koji asked, his face becoming a little hard. "Well, I really need that report as  _soon as possible_. You think you can make that happen?"

Haru watched the receptionist fidget. "I, uh… I can see if the investigation department can have it done first this week instead," she responded.

"Oh, really? Well, thank you very much!" Koji's face was kind, but his brow twitched and his voice was strained. Haru straightened his back, suddenly feeling a little more confident.

Koji tapped on the desk, bidding the receptionist goodbye, and then turned around to walk to Haru. He gave a thumbs-up and a quick nod. Haru nodded back, giving Koji a thankful smile.

"Thank you," Haru said softly.

"Of course. Anything to help Makoto," he said.

"You think it will be ready in the week?" Haru asked.

Koji smirked. "Well, this place knows my Captain and Chief pretty well, and they've faced their wrath before. It's just easier to comply rather than to argue with them."

Haru blinked, not really sure what he meant by that, but he was also unsure if he wanted to know. He glanced back at the receptionist who was frantically speaking on the phone, whispering something about "Captain Mori" and "Chief Handa." Maybe those were the two he was talking about?

"Oh, by the way," Koji said, and Haru snapped his head back to look at him. "Thanks for convincing Makoto to go back to therapy, by the way," he said. "I knew only one session wouldn't help him. I think that fire last year really shook him to his core, you know?"

Haru's fingers curled into fists as memories of the morning came back to his mind.

_You have no idea,_  Haru thought.

"He's been having bad nightmares," Haru said quietly, almost too soft for Koji to hear.

"Nightmares?" Koji asked.

"Yeah. I think about the fire last year, but he won't tell me. He… he won't tell me anything," Haru said sadly.

Koji lifted a hand to rub his neck, suddenly looking guilty. But he kept quiet, eyeing Haru carefully as he spoke again.

"That night… when you brought him home drunk…" Haru started, looking at Koji in the eye. Koji's brows furrowed and he waited for Haru to continue. "He… when I went to change him, he pushed me away, but… but you stepped in and helped him instead."

Koji winced and nodded. "Yeah, I, uh… I remember that."

Haru hesitated and bit his lip. He looked away and tried to sort his thoughts. Once he swallowed his nerves and gathered his thoughts, he looked up at Koji with his fierce expression once again.

"Is he hiding something from me?"

* * *

"I see… so you froze when you saw her pinned just like your friend was?"

Makoto wrung his hands—minding the new cut on his palm—and nodded shamefully. His limbs were shaking fiercely at this point, and his mouth was dry while his back was wet. It was  _entirely_  too hot in that room.

"It seems that your fear has become a problem in your work," Dr. Ozawa continued.

Makoto nodded. "I know," he admitted. "And, I just… I just want to forget it and move on. But… I can't."

Dr. Ozawa put down her note pad and pen, eyeing him tenderly. She adjusted her glasses on her nose and leaned forward on her knee.

"Why do you think it is that you can't forget?" she asked, trying to meet his eyes.

Makoto stared hard at the stain on the rug underneath his feet where he had spilled the tea. Why  _couldn't_  he forget? There was always some reminder, some mark that…

_A mark._

Makoto winced and gripped his knees.

"My scars," he said quietly.

Dr. Ozawa straightened her back, a concerned look on her face.

"I remember you telling me how you got the scars, but how bad are they?" she asked.

Makoto straightened his back as well and stared down at his hands that rested in his lap. He took a slow breath.

"I got burned pretty badly… third-degree burns on 50 percent of my torso, and 20 percent were second-degree burns. It's… pretty noticeable," Makoto explained. "And, uh… I have a bad scar on my back from where the beam fell on me. And then I have a scar on my shoulder from the surgery, as well as some nasty scars on my stomach from the glass."

Makoto twiddled his thumbs in a nervous dance and waited. He had managed to say all of that with little stuttering, which surprised him.

"Hm," Dr. Ozawa hummed. She wrote some things down and then looked back up at Makoto. "Why do you think your scars are the source for your hindrance to move on?"

Makoto hung his head in shame. "I go to change and I see myself in the mirror every single day. It's like they're there as some sort of reminder," he started. His hands curled into loose fists on his thighs. "Whenever I see them, I feel like I'm… broken."

A water bottle suddenly came into Makoto's vision and he looked up to see Dr. Ozawa giving him a sympathetic smile. He gingerly took the bottle from her hand and muttered a quiet 'thank you.' He unscrewed the cap and quickly took a few swigs.

"Have you told anyone else about your scars?" Dr. Ozawa asked.

"N-No… um…" Makoto bit his lip. "The firefighters who saved me that day know, though. I, uh… I work with them now."

"So your best friend doesn't know?"

The question struck Makoto hard. He snapped his head up and made eye contact for the first time that session. His eyes were wide and his lips slightly parted. His tremors in his body froze, the question striking him into a stunned silence. All he could see was Haru's face.

"Uh… no, he… he doesn't," Makoto answered.

"Why are you hiding them from him?" Dr. Ozawa asked.

"I…" Makoto swallowed. "I just don't want him to see me like this. I don't want him to know."

"And why not? You know about his injury, right?" she asked, cocking her head.

Makoto's eyes widened again and he felt his heart stutter. Where was she going with this?

"W-What?" was all Makoto could manage.

"So, your friend isn't hiding his injury from you, but you're choosing to hide yours from your friend. Why is that?" Dr. Ozawa asked.

"I… I don't know," Makoto said, lowering his head to look at his lap. "I don't want him to fuss over it."

He imagined Haru's face if he were to see Makoto's charred and damaged body. Would he be worried? Would he be upset? Would he be… angry?

Dr. Ozawa's eyebrows rose at that.

"So you're protecting him?" she asked.

Makoto whipped his head up to look at her. "P-Protecting him?"

"Yes," Dr. Ozawa said. "Are you concerned that your friend would feel guilty after seeing your scars?"

Makoto stayed quiet, his mind faltering and spinning.

Guilty? Haru, guilty? About his scars?

_Wait, what?!_

"I, I don't u-understand," Makoto said. "I don't think Haru would feel guilty…"

"Let me ask you a different question, then," Dr. Ozawa said. She looked at Makoto seriously. "Do you blame your friend for your scars?"

Makoto's breath hitched in his chest so hard that it  _hurt_.

He looked at Dr. Ozawa incredulously, his eyes wide and his jaw dropped. His hands were shaking fiercely on his knees as his brain stuttered to life.

_W-W-What?! Blame Haru?!_

* * *

"H-Hiding?" Koji stuttered.

Haru nodded, his eyes narrowing in frustration.

"He doesn't change in front of me. When his nightmares get bad, he goes to the living and sleeps on the couch so they don't wake me up," Haru blabbed, his mouth running faster than his brain can process. "Then, he pushed me away when I was trying to help him. I saw…"

Haru bit his lip when the image of that weird scar on Makoto's back. Haru did not know much about injuries, but it was most definitely a burn. A  _burn_. On Makoto's  _back_. Makoto had gotten hurt and he did not know anything about it.

It was so… so…  _annoying!_

"I saw something on his back, a few nights ago," Haru said, his sentence a little disjointed from how much his voice was shaking. "A scar. A burn."

Koji's eyes widened and his brows rose, and Haru's frustration only grew. Had Koji known?

"Would you know anything about that?" Haru asked, his hands in fists by his sides.

Koji gaped at him, his mouth opening and closing like a fish. He scratched his head, looking flustered and conflicted as his face twisted into a painful frown.

"I… might," Koji finally answered. He flinched after he spoke, as if he had been slapped.

Haru narrowed his eyes at him. "Did he get hurt from work?" Haru asked.

Koji looked at him, suddenly looking worried and a little fearful. And his silence only made Haru's anger grow and his patience thin.

" _Tell me_ ," Haru demanded, stepping closer to Koji. " _Did he get hurt from work?"_

* * *

"I, I, I…" Makoto was at a loss for words and he tried to grasp at anything, but his brain was so flustered that he could not form a coherent sentence. He took a shuddering breath before trying again. "I would  _never_  blame Haru for what happened to me!" Makoto practically shouted.

"But you  _do_  think that he would feel guilty?" Dr. Ozawa asked, looking at him square in the eye.

Makoto's chest went cold. He lowered his head to look down at his lap, staring at his curled fingers that trembled lightly on his thighs.

It suddenly all clicked. He  _was_  protecting Haru.

He did not want Haru to make a sorrowful face and blame himself for what happened.

"Y-Yes…" Makoto mumbled with a shaky voice. His heart hurt inside his chest.

"Okay. That's progress," Dr. Ozawa said gently. She took a moment to write something down on her notepad. "Have you thought that maybe it's not your scars that are preventing you from moving on, but the fact that you're hiding them?" Dr. Ozawa asked.

Makoto slowly lifted his head to look at her, his body slumped and his energy now drained. He took a minute to process her question.

Hiding his scars was what prevented him from moving on?

"The way I see it, you're spending so much energy trying to hide what happened to protect your friend that it's constantly on your mind," Dr. Ozawa said. " _That's_  what is reminding you. Not just the scars themselves."

Makoto's breath stuttered to a halt in his throat. His face scrunched up in a sad grimace, his hands weakly gripping his knees.

"What if you tried telling your friend about your injuries?" Dr. Ozawa asked when Makoto did not respond.

Makoto lifted his head again to look at her with concerned eyes.

"Tell him?"

* * *

" _Tell me_."

Haru's furious expression hid the swirling pit of worry that churned in his gut. He stared hard up at Koji and tried to fight the quivers away.

"I  _know_  I saw a burn on his back. Did he get that from work?" Haru asked again.

Koji opened his mouth and then shut it. He looked almost hurt or pained. Koji took a shuddering sigh and lifted a hand to rub the back of his neck, stalling to answer.

"Please," Haru begged quietly, drawing Koji's attention. Haru's face had softened and his brows were upturned in sincere concern. "I have to know. I  _need_  to know."

Koji visibly gulped and he let his hands rest by his sides. He lowered his head to stare down at the floor and he opened his mouth.

"No," Koji finally answered. "They're not from work."

Pure fear and dread came bursting out onto his face. His body started to tremble, his lips quivering as he tried to form the next sentence.

"Th-Then…" Haru stammered, his voice and breath shaking. "D-Did he… did he get that from… the dorm fire?"

Koji stayed quiet, and Haru felt his heart drop into his stomach like a lead weight. He reached up with his hand to grip his shirt near his heart and he grit his teeth.

" _Why?"_

* * *

"Why?" Makoto asked. "Why should I tell him?"

His body felt heavy with defeat at the revelations he discovered during the session. He also noticed that he was sore, and he realized that he had been trembling during the whole session. Now that the tremors were gone, his body was exhausted, and all he wanted to do was just lie down.

"I think it would help you to move on," Dr. Ozawa said. "You constantly trying to hide it from your friend is bringing more stress to you than you need. It's affecting your sleep, your eating habits, your job."

Makoto glanced down in his lap, thinking hard about finally telling Haru everything.

"But what if he gets upset?" Makoto asked in a low voice. "I don't want him to bear this burden, I… I don't want him to see me differently."

"What if he doesn't?" Dr. Ozawa offered.

Makoto bit his lip, knowing she was right. He could not base all of his decisions on  _what if's_. He knew he had to take a risk.

"Right," Makoto said.

"Then why don't you give it a shot?" she asked gently.

Makoto gulped and then leaned down to rest his head in his hands. His shoulders shook lightly at the agonizing thought of Haru being angry or upset with him.

He was so afraid.

"This could be a step for you to heal, to move on," Dr. Ozawa said. "Just think about it, all right?"

Makoto let his hands fall into his lap and he nodded.

"Good. Now then, I think that's enough for today. Would you like to schedule another session?" Dr. Ozawa asked, closing her notepad and setting her pen down.

Makoto looked up at her with sad, drained eyes. "Yes, please."

Dr. Ozawa gave him a cheerful smile and nodded.

"We will continue this next time. Okay, Tachibana-san?" she said.

Makoto nodded, and then stood to his feet. "Thank you," he said quietly.

"You're quite welcome. Go home. Get some rest. You look exhausted," she said, waving him off.

Makoto nodded and then turned to exit the room, his body fighting off the urge to collapse. His mind was in a haze as he traveled back to the apartment, his legs carrying him to the station and onto the train. His eyes stared absently out the window at the dreary sky and he ignored the soft jostling of the train. He did not even notice the white cat that meowed at him as he left the station.

Makoto forgot that the elevator was working again and just let his legs drag his body up the stairs to the third floor. He finally reached the apartment, half expecting it to be full of energy from his roommates.

But, the apartment was empty, every shoe sitting at the front door gone. Makoto was a little relieved. He just wanted to sit and think for a while.

He shucked off his shoes and walked into his and Haru's bedroom. He plopped down on his bed and held his head in his hands.

_What am I going to do?_

* * *

" _Why?_ " Haru said lowly and breathily. "Why would he hide that from me?"

Koji winced. "I think he wanted to… protect you."

Haru's hand gripped tighter at his shirt, wrinkling the soft fabric. His jaw hurt from how hard he pressed his teeth together and he squeezed his eyes shut.

"Sorry," Koji apologized softly.

Haru forced himself to breathe in slowly to calm his shaking limbs. He glanced up at Koji.

"I need to speak to him," Haru said firmly.

Koji's eyes widened slightly at his sentence, but then he nodded, offering a gentle smile.

"Take care of him," Koji said.

Haru nodded. Then, he turned on his heel. And ran.

He ran as fast his limp foot could carry him, going down the busy sidewalks.

_C'mon, c'mon,_  Haru thought as he weaved in and out of pedestrians.  _I've gotta get home!_

Haru finally made it to the apartment complex and rushed up the stairs to the third floor, ignoring the working elevator. He rushed down the hallway until he reached the blue door and he wrenched it open.

There was a pair of shoes sitting by the door, and Haru immediately recognized them at Makoto's.

Haru tore his shoes off and rushed down the hallway towards the bedrooms. He barged into his and Makoto's shared bedroom, throwing open the door and startling a forlorn Makoto.

"H-Haru?" Makoto stuttered. Makoto stood up from his bed, looking alarmed.

Haru stomped over to Makoto and stared up at him with a fierce look, his brows creating a crease. His muscles were tight and he heaved to catch his breath.

"W-What is it? Is something wrong?" Makoto asked, looking down at Haru with worried eyes.

"Take off your shirt," Haru said through frustrated pants.

Makoto's heart leaped inside his chest and his eyes widened. His throat tightened and he felt his stomach flip.

"W-What?"

"You got injured in the dorm fire, right?" Haru asked.

Makoto gasped and stepped back from Haru until his knees touched his bed. He felt trapped, terrified,  _caught_.

"H-Haru, I—"

" _Show me!"_  Haru shouted, his voice making Makoto jump and flinch back. "Stop  _lying_  to me, and  _show_  me!"

Haru stared hard up at Makoto, just as he did with Koji earlier. His fists were tight by his sides, baring his teeth. All the while, Makoto looked frightened, his giant frame small in Haru's presence.

Haru waited, watching as Makoto's face twisted from fear to frustration, and then to just exhaustion. He looked like he had given up.

"Okay, Haru," Makoto said quietly.

Haru blinked at him and forced himself to relax. His jaw hurt and he realized he must have looked like a lunatic, acting as crazy as he did. Guilt churned in his stomach and Haru reached out to change his mind and apologize, but Makoto had already turned around and his trembling hands were reaching for the hem of his shirt.

Makoto's fingers touched the hem of his shirt and he stopped. He could still change his mind. He could still say no.

_"Then why don't you give it a shot?"_

Makoto took a slow, deep breath and gripped his shirt. He swiftly pulled the thin fabric over his head and rested the shirt on his bed in front of him.

Haru took in a sharp breath, staring at Makoto's exposed back. He remembered seeing it in high school, and freshman year of college when they went swimming together. Strong, powerful, full of pure muscle and vigor. Gou had even considered it one of Makoto's best features, and labeled his trapezius muscle as his "charm point."

But the back he was seeing now… was nothing like he remembered.

The skin was shiny and deformed, evidence of bad burns. There was a strange indent on his back as well as sharp lines that created grooves in his skin.

"Makoto…" Haru whispered.

Makoto flinched and his shoulders tensed. He began to tremble and he shut his jaw tightly to prevent his teeth from chattering.

Haru stepped closer and reached out his hand. His fingertips brushed Makoto's back and Makoto gasped at the contact, a tremor wracking his body. Haru ran his hand gently along the grooves along his back and felt the damaged skin.

"Makoto…" Haru said again. "H-How… how did you get these?" he asked.

Makoto hung his head and his shoulders rose up by his ears. He remained quiet, feeling completely exposed. The trembling moved to his back and his sensitive body flinched every time he felt Haru's hand move.

"Makoto," Haru called again. "Were these really from the dorm fire?"

Makoto stayed silent and Haru's chest bubbled with more anxiety and frustration.

"Answer me," Haru demanded, his voice a little harsh. He reached up and grabbed Makoto's shoulder. He yanked on his shoulder to turn Makoto's body and force him to turn around. " _Makoto_ , are these from—"

Haru froze.

His gaze traveled over Makoto's chest and stomach. There were more burns and shiny skin that covered his front. Long, jagged scars ran along his stomach up to his sternum, and the shoulder Haru's hand had forcefully grabbed had a nasty scar.

Haru's eyes widened at the sight and he released Makoto's shoulder. He reached out and placed his hand on the long scars on Makoto's stomach, his fingers tracing them. Makoto flinched again and a strangled noise came from his throat.

Haru looked up at Makoto and his chest went cold. Makoto had his head turned but it was clear that he had tears in his eyes.

"Makoto…" Haru whispered, more gently this time. He took his hand from Makoto's stomach and instead placed it gingerly on his shoulder. "Hey…"

A tear slipped down Makoto's cheek and he shut his eyes tight to prevent more from escaping. He took in a shuddering breath and then lowered his head.

"Makoto…" Haru said. "Are… are these from… the dorm fire?"

Makoto made another strangled noise from his throat and he squeezed his eyes shut and grit his teeth. He nodded his head shamefully, refusing to meet Haru's eyes.

"Why, Makoto?" Haru asked, his voice soft and just as shaky as Makoto's. "Why did you hide this from me?"

"S-Sorry," Makoto whispered, his voice high and strained. "S… Sorry, Haru. I…" He sniffed and hiccupped, and Haru could feel his shoulder trembling under his palm. "I didn't want you to see me like this."

"Makoto…" Haru said. He paused to stare at his chest, his eyes traveling down to see the long scars etched into his skin. "How bad were the burns?"

Makoto shuddered. "Haru…"

" _How bad?_ " Haru asked again, lowering his head to avoid Makoto's teary eyes.

Makoto's lip trembled. He sniffed and then took a quivering breath.

"Th… third degree burns," Makoto answered quietly.

Haru narrowed his eyes and bit his lip, his hand squeezing Makoto's shoulder to release his frustration.

"So… every night when you visited my hospital room… you… you were in pain?" Haru asked.

Makoto let out a soft whimper. "Haru, I—"

"Is it true?!" Haru asked, snapping his head up to look at his friend with watering eyes.

Makoto's eyes widened and he tried to get out Haru's grasp, but Haru reached up with his other hand and grabbed his other shoulder, holding him firmly in place.

"Don't  _lie_ ," Haru said, looking Makoto square in the eyes. "Tell me the truth, Makoto. Is it true?"

Makoto bit his lip.

And he nodded.

Haru's heart throbbed painfully inside his chest, the pain sending knives to his stomach and needles through his legs. He was just starting to notice the dull pain in his ankle.

"Why didn't you say anything, Makoto?" Haru asked, sounding desperate. "You should have told me… why?"

Makoto started to shake and he looked away from Haru. He looked ready to flee or hide... or both.

"I didn't want you to bear the burden of knowing what happened to me," Makoto whimpered out quickly. He shut his eyes again and a few tears squeezed out and down his cheeks. "I couldn't let you see how broken I had become. I didn't… I didn't want you to be upset."

Haru grit his teeth, the anger quickly coming back.

" _Stop deciding things for me,"_  he spat.

Makoto's eyes shot open, a few tears sliding down his cheeks. He stared down at Haru, who was looking back up at him with intense, shimmering blue eyes. His face was contorted in anger and he was gritting his teeth.

"You  _always_  do this.  _Always!_  You keep things bottled up until you've pushed me away completely!" Haru shouted. Haru shook Makoto's shoulders roughly, trying to get him to see, to  _understand_.

Makoto stared at Haru in shock, the tears endlessly flowing down to his chin and then dripping to the floor.

"Makoto," Haru said, his anger finally dissipating into the overwhelming sadness that flowed in his heart. His hands slipped down Makoto's arms and gripped at his biceps. Haru leaned his head forward until his forehead touched Makoto's chest.

"Don't you see? I want to help you," Haru said. "Can't you see that you're hurting yourself by doing this?  _Makoto_." Haru took in a shuddering breath. "Let me help. Let me in."

Makoto opened his mouth to try and stop Haru, but he froze when he heard Haru release a shuddering breath.

_"Please,_ " Haru begged. Fresh tears were now coming from his eyes but he did not dare look up at Makoto's face. He just clung onto Makoto's elbows and pushed his forehead into Makoto's bare chest.

"Haru…" Makoto whimpered. His face scrunched up and he squeezed his eyes shut. He threw his arms around Haru as more wet tears slid down his cheeks. "Sorry… I'm so sorry, Haru."

They stood there, crying and clinging onto one another for who knows how long. Both of their bodies eventually became too exhausted to keep up and they were both reduced to quiet sniffling.

Makoto was shocked, but he did not want to let go. It was so rare for Haru to be this close, this open. His throat closed up and he tried to wipe the tears free from his cheeks.

"I'm so,  _so_  sorry," Makoto whimpered, gripping Haru's shirt.

"Dummy…" Haru said, his voice still shaking despite his dry eyes. "You big, dumb idiot."

And Makoto finally,  _finally_  chuckled, and Haru could feel it reverberate from his chest. Haru's nerves finally calmed at the sound and he let go of Makoto's arms, which had turned red from his grip. He wiped his face and looked up at Makoto, who was also cleaning his cheeks.

"I guess I am, huh, Haru?" Makoto said, tilting his head and showing a teary-eyed smile. Though he still had red cheeks and watery eyes, and though his body looked broken and battered, his smile was genuine. And Haru could not be happier to see that.

Haru reached up and lightly punched Makoto's shoulder.

"You definitely are," he responded, and Makoto chuckled again.

"Guess we have a lot to talk about… huh?" Makoto asked hesitantly.

Haru sighed at his question and nodded solemnly. "Yeah," he added, just so Makoto understood his seriousness.

Makoto hummed, his smile fading from his face. He crossed his arms across his chest in an attempt to hide himself and he sighed along with Haru, his body feeling warm and heavy.

"But first, we should have some lunch," Haru said, he turned on his heel and headed to the door.

Makoto hesitated and then turned to grab his shirt. Just as he was about to put the shirt over his head, he heard Haru's voice from the doorway.

"Makoto," Haru called.

Makoto, with his shirt tangled in his arms, turned to look at his friend standing in the doorway. His eyebrows rose above his reddened eyes and he waited for Haru to continue.

"I'm always here for you. Don't forget that," Haru said. Makoto blinked at him, his heart pounding. He opened his mouth to respond but Haru beat him to it. "Now, I'm going to make some mackerel."

Haru disappeared from the doorway to go to the kitchen and Makoto squeaked. He hurriedly threw his shirt back on and rushed out of the bedroom.

"Wait, Haru! Can't we have green curry?"

"Mackerel green curry?"

" _Haru!"_


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, guys :)   
> Another chapter for you! 
> 
> Happy reading!

Rain was gently pattering against the windows.

The apartment was colder than usual and the quietest it had ever been. The only sounds that could be heard were the quiet hums of passing cars sloshing through the rain puddles and the soft feet of the neighbors that lived upstairs.

It was peaceful, yet so full of torment.

With full bellies, Makoto and Haru sat silently and anxiously at the kitchen table, each with a cup of tea in hand. Haru's eyes gazed back and forth from the window to Makoto's face, his features hesitant and unsure. Makoto was absently tapping his finger against the smooth cup, his eyes watching the steam climb to the ceiling. He was awaiting the inevitable conversation, the retelling and reliving the most traumatic experience of his life.

And he had to lay bare all of those pent-up feelings to his best friend.

Makoto was terrified. What would Haru think? What would he say? Or do? How will he feel?

Makoto's face pulled into a grimace and he shivered from the cold air. Haru's meal was so good, but now it sat heavy in his stomach.

_Stop freaking out,_  Makoto told himself.  _He's already seen the worst of it…_

"Makoto."

Makoto looked up from his cup and looked at Haru with fearful eyes. Haru stared back with his usual, blank expression. He looked almost normal except for the slight twitch in his brow and the red skin under his eyes.

"Yes, Haru?" Makoto said, his throat dry and voice low.

He saw Haru's eyes squint a little and his frown deepened.

"Um…" he stuttered. "Can you… can you tell me what happened now?"

Makoto thought he was going to be sick. He really did not want Haru's food to come back up, he had worked so hard on that meal for them!

_Just breathe._

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Breathe… in…

"What do you want to know?" Makoto asked, and he immediately bit his lip. He knew very well what Haru wanted to know. He was just stalling at this point, and he mentally slapped himself for being such a coward.

"How you got your injuries," Haru responded, his voice barely above a whisper. He looked at Makoto with unwavering eyes. "I… want to know."

Makoto swallowed down some nerves in an attempt to settle his stomach. His hand gripped his cup, but he instantly flinched and retracted his hand. He looked down at the cut on his palm and he sighed, remembering that his stress was what caused him to get that cut in the first place. He needed to calm down.

"What happened?" Haru suddenly asked, his voice a little different. Urgent.

Makoto looked up to see Haru eyeing his hand. Makoto bit his lip – which was now sore and raw – and realized that Haru must have seen the fresh cut on his palm. He decided to concede, and he laid his hand palm-up on the table for Haru to see.

"I broke a cup this morning while at therapy," Makoto answered softly.

Haru carefully took Makoto's hand and studied the wound, his brows pressing together while he inspected it.

"You broke a cup?" Haru asked, his tone obviously confused and puzzled.

Makoto sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck with his other hand.

"Yeah," he answered. "I squeezed it too hard and it cracked into pieces. I didn't even really notice until my doctor said something. That's when I noticed the tea on my pants. How embarrassing…" Makoto said with a slight chuckle.

Haru released a quiet breath, almost another sigh. He released Makoto's hand and stood up from the table. He swiftly moved to one of the cabinets in the kitchen, pulling out the first aid kit, and then he returned to the table. He took Makoto's hand again and took out the disinfectant.

"You didn't even notice?" Haru asked while concentrating on Makoto's palm.

Makoto's eyes drooped and his posture sagged. He recalled how exhausting that session was. It was so tense and his mind had been so far gone that all he could picture was that nurse.

"No, I didn't," Makoto said quietly.

Haru looked up at him, making eye contact, and blinked thoughtfully.

"Why not?" he asked. "Were you two discussing something important?"

Makoto felt his chest constrict again and his hand flinched in Haru's grasp. He forced himself to relax so he did not pull away. He did not want to push Haru away ever again.

"We were talking about a recent fire," Makoto said, choking on his rapidly closing throat. He turned his head away to look out the window and swallowed, trying to rid his throat of the uncomfortable lump.

"A recent fire?" Haru asked, pausing in his movements. "Was this the… the night you came home drunk?"

Makoto winced as a thousand more regrets popped into his mind. He nodded shamefully, and Haru gently squeezed his fingers to placate him. Haru turned his attention back to Makoto's palm and gingerly rubbed disinfectant over the cut. It stung, but Makoto stayed still.

"You told me about it, a little," Haru said. "You mentioned that... someone died while you tried to save them."

Makoto closed his eyes and hung his head. "Yeah," he responded. "That's the fire we were discussing this morning."

Haru grabbed a tube of medicine and squeezed some of it over the red line. He then grabbed a bandage and carefully wrapped his hand.

"You mentioned you froze up… when trying to save her," Haru said. Makoto glanced up at him with dreary eyes. "And that was because of what happened last year at the dorm fire?"

Makoto's breath hitched slightly, but he nodded.

"Yes," Makoto said sadly.

"And your nightmares…" Haru started, making Makoto flinch in his grasp. "They're because of the dorm fire, too?" Haru asked, finishing up the bandage.

Makoto sighed, but he nodded again. "Yes," he added, his voice lowering into a shameful whisper.

Haru gently squeezed Makoto's fingers again. He was careful around the cut, but his actions were enough to show Makoto how desperate he was.

"Makoto, what  _happened_?" he asked, his voice uncharacteristically emotional and shaky. "What happened that night after I lost consciousness?"

Makoto stared at him, wide-eyed and apprehensive. This was the conversation he never wanted to have. He glanced down at their hands and he could feel Haru's shaking against his own.

"I… I remember shouting," Haru said, as if to continue the conversation for him.

_"Makoto… Makoto, watch out! MAKOTO!"_

"I saw something falling. And then… it all turned black," Haru concluded.

Makoto turned his eyes down and looked at the table, his bandaged hand and Haru's hand still in focus. He took a few minutes to concentrate on his breathing, slow and steady. He had shown Haru the scars already, but now it was time to describe them. Now he had to tell Haru the gruesome tale of how he got those scars.

His eyes stayed locked on the table. He did not want to see Haru's face.

"A… a beam fell on me when I tried to free you," Makoto finally spoke. Haru jumped out of the corner of his eye, but he did not retract his hand. If anything, Makoto thought Haru squeezed his fingers a little harder. "That's when a stray board came crashing down and knocked you out," Makoto added.

Haru visibly breathed, his shoulders tensing up by his ears before releasing it as a shaky sigh. His brows creased and his expression looked uncomfortable. He decided to let go of Makoto's hand and he pulled his arm close to his body.

"A beam?" Haru asked.

Makoto nodded. "Like the one that crushed your foot."

Haru winced and wriggled his foot. It was still a little stiff, but the ache was so dull that he hardly even noticed it was there.

"I tried to get free, but I was pinned and couldn't move. That's when my shirt caught on fire and…"

Makoto heard a sharp intake of breath from Haru, and Makoto gulped as his hands closed into fists on the table. They shook lightly and he tried to calm himself before he completely spiraled into despair.

This conversation was worse than the confrontation he and Haru had when they were third-years.

"S-Since I was pinned, I couldn't get the shirt off, so I had to get free from the beam first," Makoto continued. He paused to swallow, the lump in his throat proving more troublesome than he realized. "So, I pushed really hard and crawled out from under it. After I was freed, I was able to take my shirt off. There wasn't much fabric left, though…"

Haru blinked at him, his eyes traveling to his torso and then back up to his face.

"So… that mark on your back…" Haru started, and Makoto nodded in understanding.

"It was from the beam," Makoto said.

Haru winced again. "And… you were trapped underneath the beam long enough to get third-degree burns?" he asked hesitantly.

Makoto hesitated, but then nodded. He was starting to fidget, his fingers tugging on the bandage on his hand as he desperately tried to avoid Haru's eyes.

"What… what happened after that?" Haru asked.

Makoto gave Haru a brief glance before looking back down at his hand, his fingers continuing to tug at the bandage that Haru had just put on him. The bandage tore slightly at its edge and Makoto snatched his fingers away as if he had been burned. He flipped his palm face-down on the table to prevent himself from ruining the bandage further.

"W-Well, I managed to get the beam off of your foot," Makoto said. "But you wouldn't wake up, so I carried you. The… the stairs were blocked, so I decided to try and find the fire escape."

"The ones connected to the rooms in the back of the building?" Haru asked, his head tilted in curiosity.

"Mmn, yeah. Those ones," Makoto answered.

Haru suddenly looked concerned. "But I thought they sealed up the windows that had access to them."

Makoto's face hardened and he lowered his head. "They did."

Haru blinked at him for a moment, his fingers twisting in his lap as he studied Makoto.

"So… what did you do?" Haru decided to ask once his thoughts were put together.

Makoto's eyes turned towards the window and he watched rain slap against the glass. His gaze looked foggy and distant, and Haru watched him carefully. He recognized the look in Makoto's eye, and it made Haru's stomach churn and flip nervously.

"I used a chair to break the window," Makoto explained, his voice eerily smooth.

Haru's brows pressed together. "You were able to move around that much with those injuries?" he asked.

Makoto nodded. "The fire was getting worse. It was spreading to the floors above us. The firefighters weren't coming up and…" He paused to bite the inside of his cheek. "I couldn't just… leave you there."

Haru's heart jumped and he stared at Makoto's face intensely. Makoto took a moment to breathe, but Haru could clearly see that his breaths were becoming more difficult. His hand twitched and threatened to move out to touch Makoto, but Makoto breathed in again and Haru froze.

"After the window broke, I grabbed you and tried to carry you out and onto the fire escape. But, there were glass shards around the edges of the window, and I didn't want you to get scratched," Makoto explained. "So I put you over my shoulder and tried to crawl through."

Makoto shakily placed a hand on his stomach, and Haru's eyes locked onto the movement.

"That's how I got these scars here," Makoto said, his hand rubbing gently over the fabric of his shirt.

"The glass cut you?" Haru clarified, and Makoto nodded in response.

Haru made a strangled noise from his throat, making Makoto flinch. Makoto dropped his hand back to the table, keeping his sight on the window. He did not want to see what face Haru was making.

It was silent for a moment– a moment that felt like an eternity.

"What… what then? Did you decide not to go through the window?" Haru asked.

Makoto shook his head. "I went through anyway."

Haru gasped quietly, his eyes widening.

"I, uh…" Makoto gulped, his eyes still refusing to meet Haru's. "I blacked out then… a little, I think."

Haru's hand slapped on the table, making Makoto flinch and shut his eyes.

" _You blacked out?"_  Haru asked, his voice shaking. "You were halfway out of a window and you  _blacked out_?"

Makoto lifted a hand to rub his neck and he shrugged. "I think so, because I lost my balance and fell."

"You… fell?" Haru's voice was soft and so filled with anxiety that it made Makoto's heart do a painful lurch.

"Mmn," Makoto hummed. "But I woke up mid-fall and I managed to grab you before we fell on the landing of the fire escape."

There was an intense silence, and Makoto could almost hear the gears turning in Haru's head.

"Did… did you cushion the fall for me?" Haru asked quietly. His tone was solemn; he already knew the answer. But there was that underlying threat of  _don't lie_  ringing within his question.

Makoto nodded. "That's when I dislocated my shoulder," Makoto explained.

Haru's face changed, as if something  _clicked_. His eyes widened and they darted from Makoto's shoulder, to his face, and then back to the table.

"So… you actually  _did_  dislocate your shoulder?" Haru asked, his voice sounding a little bitter.

Makoto flinched as if he had been struck. He nodded grimly and guiltily, his head hanging and shoulders sagging.

"Yeah," he answered verbally. Haru released a frustrated sigh and looked back at Makoto.

"Well… at least you told me about  _that_ ," Haru said, his tone biting. "But… I remember you being in that sling for weeks."

Makoto winced and waited for Haru to ask.

"The doctors should have set your shoulder at the hospital," Haru continued. He looked at Makoto, trying to make eye contact but only seeing the top of his brown hair. "Why were you in a sling for so long?"

Makoto chewed on his lip and clenched his jaw. His hand traveled to his shoulder and he held it gingerly.

"I had to get surgery on it a few days after the fire," Makoto explained.

Haru blinked at him.

Then he jumped, his brows lowering in mild anger.

"What?" he spat. "You had  _surgery_?"

Makoto flinched at Haru's voice and he hung his head to avoid his glare. He stared hard at the table, trying to burn a hole through it.

"They set it at the hospital when we got there, but it wasn't completely fixed," Makoto explained. He swallowed but his throat was dry. "I had to get surgery to completely fix the problem."

Haru opened his mouth to ask another question, but he clamped it shut with a hard click. Makoto could almost feel the heat coming off of him from how furious he was. They sat in another minute of silence until Haru took a slow, deep sigh, his voice sounding a little more relaxed.

"So," Haru started. "What happened after we fell?"

Makoto released a breath he had been holding and tried to still the nerves swirling in his stomach.

"I got up, picked you up, and carried you down the rest of the fire escape," Makoto responded. "When I rounded the corner and saw the flashing lights, my body gave out on me and I collapsed…"

Haru gasped and he stared at Makoto hard.

_"He had collapsed."_

Haru's fists tightened, making his knuckles white.

"You passed out?" Haru asked, his brows furrowed painfully.

Makoto had finally turned his gaze to meet Haru's eyes, seeing the seriousness swirling those blue orbs. He gulped, letting his eyes fall down to the table again as he recalled the vivid memory.

"No…" Makoto answered. "I didn't."

_"H-Haru…"_

_"Just hang on, sir."_

_"Where's… where is he?"_

_Makoto looked around the small ambulance. He could hear the sirens wailing from the outside. Everything was white except for the EMT's blue uniforms._

_"Where's… Haru?" Makoto rasped. He coughed, his throat burning._

_"Here. Take slow, deep breaths for me," one of the EMT's said. He placed an oxygen mask over Makoto's mouth and nose and repeated the instructions, but Makoto was too panicked to breathe. He needed to see Haru._

_"W-Where… where is he?" Makoto asked, looking desperately at the two EMT's in the back of the ambulance._

_"Just breathe, sir," the one EMT said, holding the mask over his face._

_The other EMT started to gently prod at the wounds on his stomach, and a searing pain shot through his entire torso. His hands closed, desperate to grab onto something, anything to feel grounded and stable._

_It felt as if he was on fire._

_"AH!" Makoto wailed. As he moved more, he noticed the rest of the pain on his body, and he started to tremble violently. Another wail made it past his throat and he screamed. "AHH!"_

_"Easy, easy," the EMT said. "Stay still. If you lie still, it'll hurt less."_

_He just wanted the pain to stop. Just go away, just stop!_

_"I-It hurts…" Makoto groaned. "Ah, AH! It hurts, it hurts!"_

_"I know, I know," he said. "We're almost at the hospital, just hang on a little bit longer."_

_The ambulance jostled a bit more as he turned and the EMT's held onto him to keep him stabilized. After a few more turns, the ambulance slowed to a stop, and the EMT's quickly made work to get Makoto out of the back and onto a gurney._

_Makoto kept his eyes shut tight as pain fried his nerves. He could hear the exchange of the EMT's and the doctors above his head but they're muffled. His mind is too caught in the painful haze._

_He cracked his eyes open to see a privacy curtain being drawn around his gurney. He squeaked in pain as he was transferred to a bed next to him. The doctors on scene made quick work of his wounds, their hands starting to clean the soot from his burns. Another doctor went to his arm and touched his shoulder._

_"AH!" Makoto screamed again._

_"We have to set it, sir," the doctor said, his hand now firmer on his shoulder._

_"N-No… don't! Please!" Makoto begged. His head was spinning with the number of hands that were on him at the moment. The pain in his stomach sharpened with every touch, and his back ached. Everything was so overwhelming that Makoto felt that he was dying._

_"Please!" Makoto begged again. "D-Don't, please don't!"_

_But, the doctor ignored him, and there were suddenly more hands bracing him down. He wanted to scream that it was too painful, and he wanted them off, but his voice was caught in his throat._

_Then, the doctor pulled on his arm. Tears sprang from his eyes at the pain, and his vision flashed white._

_It was excruciating._

_Finally, the arm was set back into place and was rested gently by Makoto's side. He could faintly hear reassuring whispers from the doctors, but he was reduced to whimpering and shaking in pain. He did not even have the energy to scream._

_"H-Haru…" Makoto cried, tears pouring down his cheeks from the pain. "W-Where's Haru…"_

"Makoto."

_"…Haru… I just want him… to be okay…"_

"Makoto!"

_"Haru…"_

" **Makoto!"**

Makoto jolted, his eyes blinking rapidly. He felt heavy hands gripping his shoulders.

After a minute or two, his vision cleared, and Haru was in front of him with wide, worried eyes. He was gripping Makoto's shoulders tightly and… wait.

How did he get on the floor?

"Makoto, Makoto," Haru kept calling. He shook Makoto's shoulders gently.

Makoto turned his gaze up to look at Haru, his eyes starting to clear from the fog.

"H-Haru?" Makoto almost jumped at how much his voice shook.

Haru visibly sighed and closed his eyes for a second. He opened his and met Makoto's, but he did not loosen his grip.

"You weren't responding to me. I called you several times," Haru explained. "Then you started shaking and hyperventilating. You fell out of your chair."

Makoto's eyes widened in shock. He glanced at the chair at the table and then back to Haru.

"W-What?" Makoto whimpered.

"I think you had some sort of panic attack," Haru said.

Haru finally let go of one of Makoto's shoulders and he swiped his thumb on Makoto's cheek. Makoto saw that it came back wet and he lifted his hand to his face. He flinched when he realized he had been crying.

"Makoto, what happened?" Haru asked, placing his hand back on Makoto's shoulder. "Are you okay?"

Makoto blinked up at Haru, his face innocent and his frame small. Haru furrowed his brows and winced, seeing how confused Makoto had looked.

"I don't know, Haru," Makoto said. "I was just… remembering what happened at the hospital. I don't know how I got here," he said, gesturing towards the floor.

Haru's face scrunched up painfully and he gave Makoto's shoulders another squeeze.

"C'mon," Haru said, grabbing his arms and helping him to his feet. "You should lie down."

"Haru, I'm fine," Makoto said with a quivering voice.

"Just let me do this," Haru snapped, his hands firmly gripping Makoto's biceps.

Makoto's shoulders tensed only for a moment before he released a sigh and gave a slow nod. "Okay."

Haru guided Makoto over to the couch in the living room, setting him down gently before his legs collapsed underneath of him. Makoto hunched over and rested his head in his hands. He could hear his heart pounding in his ears, so he closed his eyes and breathed slowly and deeply to calm himself. Each inhale was shudder.

"Do you need anything?" Haru asked, kneeling down next to the couch and placing a gentle hand on his knee.

Makoto's head swirled and spun along with the room. He shook his head with his face still buried in his hands.

"N-No, I'm fine," Makoto said.

Haru studied him for a moment longer, searching for another hidden lie, but Makoto remained silent. Haru gave Makoto's knee a gentle squeeze.

"Why don't you rest?" Haru asked, standing up to his feet. He crossed the living room and grabbed a blanket from the chair in the corner.

Makoto glanced up at him with heavy eyes and sagging shoulders. He opened his mouth to speak, but Haru was already pushing him to lie down flat on the couch. Makoto released a sigh and conceded, his body feeling worn and heavy.

"Just sleep for a while," Haru said gently. "Your body needs rest."

Makoto let another sigh escape his mouth as his head hit the pillow and his eyes slipped shut. He nodded mutely and hummed as Haru tucked him under the blanket.

"Thank you, Haru," Makoto said sleepily.

Haru gave a small smile and patted his shoulder.

"You're welcome."

* * *

Koji slumped on the chair in the office and rubbed his eyes. He absolutely  _loathed_  paperwork days, and with Makoto being off, it made for a slow and boring afternoon. He often enjoyed hearing Makoto's stories and mindless chatter. It made paperwork soothing, and he did not have to deal with the other men on duty. Not that they were awful, but Makoto just made a pleasant addition to the station.

The rain did not help his mood, either. He hated gloomy days. It often made Mori's mood worse somehow, and that always transferred to whoever he was working with that day.

Koji signed off on another incident report from last week; some stupid cat got caught in a tree. He scoffed. Makoto would have loved doing that job. Instead, he always got stuck with the more dangerous jobs.

Koji frowned, a crease forming in between his brows. Makoto was so  _young_  and yet he had seen too much. Koji rubbed the back of his neck. He was a good eight years older than Makoto, at least, and yet, Makoto was like a brother. He was like a younger brother that he had to protect.

Koji frowned harder and dropped the papers on the table, using his hands to rub his face and hair.

This was so  _frustrating._

"What?  _Now?"_

Koji jumped at the gruff voice and snapped his head up. Mori was in the doorway of the break room, his cellphone to his ear. He appeared irritated and high-strung.

"Tch," Mori scoffed. "Fine. Give us ten minutes."

He hung up the phone brusquely and jammed the poor device into his pocket. Koji hunched his shoulders and tried to look busy with his paperwork. He desperately wanted to avoid Mori's wrath today.

"Hirose, get your coat."

Of course, today would not be that day.

"Huh?" Koji stammered dumbly.

Mori rolled his eyes and yanked Koji's coat from the rack on the corner. He threw it at Koji and then proceeded to pull his onto his shoulders.

"Just got a call from the police station," Mori said. "They need our account of the dorm fire again."

Koji's stomach suddenly turned sour. "What do they need that for?" he asked as he pulled the coat on over his arms.

Mori's face hardened. "Something about the information changing and they need more details to confirm it."

Koji blinked at him as they exited the fire station. Mori's pace was faster than usual, and his eyes more pained.

"Do you know what changed?" Koji asked.

Mori sighed, stuffing his hands further in his pockets.

"I have no idea," he answered.

"Will they tell us?" Koji asked.

Mori shook his head and shrugged. "I'm not really sure," he said sternly. He stared straight ahead and burned a hole in his path. "All I know is that this doesn't sound good."

* * *

_Breathe in…_

_"Gah, the smoke…"_

_Breathe out…_

_"M-Makoto…"_

_"Huh? Haru?"_

_Breathe in…_

_"Makoto!"_

_"Haru? Where are you?"_

_Breathe… out._

_"Haru! I'm coming, Haru!"_

"Makoto."

_"Haru, I can't tell where you are! Haru!"_

"Makoto!"

_"HARU!"_

"Makoto! Makoto, wake up!"

**"MAKOTO!"**

Makoto jolted awake, strong hands gripping his shoulders once again. He tensed, trying to push the hands away, his mind still lost in the haze of his nightmare.

"It's just me!" a familiar voice cried out.

Makoto froze.

"Breathe, Makoto," the voice said. "Breathe…"

And Makoto did.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Breathe.

Breathe.

Breathe…

Makoto blinked a few times, his vision finally clearing. His swirling bout of panic was overshadowed by a sea of blue.

Blue eyes.

"H-Haru?" Makoto murmured.

"Yeah," Haru replied. "You… you had a nightmare."

Makoto blinked rapidly and glanced around the room. He was still on the couch from earlier, except now, his back was coated in a thin sheen of sweat, and he felt as if he had been awake for days.

So much for a nap.

"You okay?" Haru asked, pulling Makoto from his thoughts. He focused back on Haru's face.

"Ah–" He gulped and sat up slowly, his limbs still shaking. "Y-Yeah."

"Makoto…" Haru whispered.

"I-I'll be fine, Haru," Makoto said.

Haru looked unconvinced, and he let go of Makoto's shoulders and plopped down next him. Makoto hung his head and rubbed his temples.

"How…" Haru started. "How often does this happen?" Haru asked.

Makoto gulped and shut his eyes tighter. He felt burning shame course through his body.

"Um…" Makoto started, choking on the lump rapidly forming in his throat. "Every night," he answered softly.

Haru sucked in a sharp breath.

"E-Every night?" he repeated.

Makoto nodded solemnly, and Haru glanced at the floor. He pushed his brows together, thinking long and hard.

"What do you dream about?"

It was Makoto's turn to suck in a breath, and he pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes. He grit his teeth and choked back a sob.

"The dorm fire," Makoto said. Haru's eyes fell to his lap as his brows upturned sadly. "But… I can never find you."

Haru glanced at him out of the corner of his eye, watching Makoto as he tried to hide.

"And… you didn't want to tell me about those either?" Haru asked.

Makoto shook his head, still not meeting Haru's eyes.

"Sorry…" Makoto apologized.

Haru sighed and looked at Makoto sternly.

_This is affecting your health, Makoto,_  Haru wanted to tell him.  _Can't you see it? You see it... right?_

"Doesn't…" Haru started. He bit his lip and paused, breathing through his nose to relax his shaking hands. "Doesn't all this stress… affect your job?" Haru asked.

Makoto froze in his movements, his breath hitching in his chest. He slowly lifted his head to meet Haru's eyes and he stared at him for a moment. Haru just blinked at him, his blue eyes staring straight into his soul.

"Um…" Makoto stuttered. "Well, I… a little."

Makoto expected Haru to lash out and fuss over him again. He expected Haru to be upset or angry for letting himself be controlled by a memory from the past.

But instead, Haru squeezed Makoto's shoulder, and Makoto was met with a serious look. Haru's eyes were narrowed painfully and his lip was curled into a desperate frown.

"Then, why don't you quit?" Haru asked.

Makoto's brows rose and he looked at Haru with confused eyes.

"Quit?" Makoto repeated. "Quit… what?"

Haru's brows lowered into a serious look and his grip on Makoto's shoulder tightened.

"Your job," Haru answered. "Makoto, I think you should quit your job."


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone!  
> Another chapter for you. And a day early!!  
> Thank you all for the 180+ kudos and all of your wonderful comments. I think about you guys all week long! 
> 
> Happy reading~!

Swipe…

Dunk…

Squeeze…

Swipe…

_Breathe._

_Just... breathe._

_Don't stop breathing._

Makoto splatted a wet, soapy rag against the side of the red fire engine and scrubbed away the dirt and grime left over from the city. Once the rag had dried out, he dunked it back into the bucket and then straightened to scrub more. He could barely hear the radio playing in the background as the other men were helping scrub the other two trucks. He could hear their muffled laughter and talking, but his heart felt heavy today.

_"Then quit."_

Makoto squeezed the rag against the truck and watched the water drip down slowly against the red background. He could see a muddled reflection of himself and noticed how much his shoulders sagged and how tight his lips pulled. There was a crease in between his brows, and he knew if his mother were here, she would tell him that all that frowning would make him wrinkle faster.

Makoto sighed and wiped away the soap clinging to the edge of the truck. His mind had difficulty focusing today; it was as if sludge had clogged up the gears in his brain, making it hard to function. His mind was stuck on a few nights ago.

_"Then, why don't you quit?"_

_Makoto's brows rose and he looked at Haru with confused eyes._

_"Quit?" Makoto repeated. "Quit… what?"_

_Haru's brows lowered into a serious look and his grip on Makoto's shoulder tightened._

_"Your job," Haru answered. "Makoto, I think you should quit your job."_

_Makoto's eyes widened and his lips parted. He sat up straighter, his shoulders rising to his ears. His fingers fidgeted in his lap and he was tempted to drift back to pick at the bandage on his hand._

_"I… I don't know, Haru," Makoto said._

_Haru leaned up, forcing Makoto to make eye contact with him._

_"Come back to school," Haru pressed._

_"Haru…" Makoto winced and his eyes saddened._

_"You have to miss being at school, right?" Haru asked. He reached up and tugged on Makoto's wrists. "Come back."_

_"I… it… Haru…" Makoto stammered. His face scrunched up sadly and he tore his eyes away from Haru. "It… it wouldn't be right. I mean… Koji and Captain saved us and… I owe it to them, and well… you… you were forced to give up your dream because I couldn't get to you fast enough and—"_

_Haru shook Makoto's arms roughly._

_"Stop that," Haru said firmly. "None of it was your fault. How can I make you understand that?"_

_Makoto winced and sighed, his eyes heavy and shoulders sagging. "S-Sorry," he apologized._

_Haru eased up on his grip on Makoto's arms and softened his face. Makoto looked utterly exhausted, obviously still recovering from the bad panic attack he had earlier._

_"Just think about it, okay?" Haru suggested, giving Makoto's shoulder one final squeeze. He stood to his feet. "I'm going to start dinner."_

_Makoto stared after him, his jaw open but no words escaping his tongue. Once Haru was out of sight, Makoto dropped his head into his hands again and sighed._

_Quit?_

Quit?

Makoto dumped out the bucket absently on the ground and watched the water float down the driveway and into the storm drain. He did not even remember finishing washing the truck and he blinked when he realized that he had been working in a thick haze all day.

Haru wanted him to come back to school?

Makoto pondered the thought for a moment. He would be able to walk to campus with Haru by his side, talking aimlessly about random things. Makoto could take notes and listen to the instructor, learning more about teaching. He would take classes about minor sports injuries, and he would learn how to handle them in children. He could go back to his original dream of being a swimming teacher.

Swimming…

Makoto's heart thudded dully against his chest and he lowered his head, his eyes staring down at the concrete between his shoes.

There was no way he could go back to school. Not with Haru still hurt and upset by losing his dream. And besides… if Makoto had gone straight up to that floor, then maybe Haru's injury would not have been so severe.

If all that were true, then maybe… _maybe_  Makoto would consider going back.

"All right, boys! Gather 'round!"

Makoto snapped out of his stupor, his hand still limply holding the bucket. He turned around to see Mori walking out of the firehouse with a group of men walking behind him. Makoto did not recognize the men, but they were dressed in firehouse-issued PT gear.

"These men are part of the new volunteer group," Mori started. "They will be working alongside some of you on the weekends. They're going to start their training today, so help them out. Show them the ropes."

Mori listed off a few names of the firefighters on duty, each raising their hand as Mori introduced them. He got to Makoto, and Makoto raised a tentative hand to wave at the group of men.

"Now then, PT starts for everyone in an hour, so finish up here," Mori said, gesturing towards the trucks.

The men all gave a prompt 'yes, sir' and Mori nodded at them. He disappeared back into the firehouse and the group of volunteers spread out amongst the firemen to meet and greet.

Makoto's eyes darted back and forth and his brows creased in confusion.

Where was Koji?

* * *

"Just a little more. That's it! Keep it up!"

Haru's concentration was unwavering as he kicked his legs in the water. Torii's hands were gently cradling his back and keeping him afloat as he swished his legs in the water. He did not feel any pain, but his ankle was still stiff. He did not have the full range of motion that he desired.

"Can you go faster?" Torii asked from above him.

Haru winced at the thought but he nodded, willing to try anything that Torii would ask. He shut his eyes tightly and began to move his legs faster in the water. Torii held him up by his shoulders and gripped him to keep him steady. Haru could feel the pull of his foot as it resisted any movement, but he pushed anyway.

"All right, let's take a break," Torii said.

Haru released a soft puff of air and opened his eyes. He slowed his legs until they came to a stop and Torii leaned him up and onto his feet. Haru reached out for the wall and steadied himself next to it. His chest rose and fell in quick pants.

"You're doing great," Torii said as he placed his hands on his hips. He gave a proud, bright smile.

Haru breathed through his nose to stop the panting. He shook the excess water from his hair and glanced up at Torii.

"It doesn't hurt anymore," Haru started, making Torii smile wider. "But it still feels off somehow. Stiff."

Torii rubbed his chin thoughtfully and furrowed his brows.

"You went to physical therapy yesterday, right?" Torii asked. Haru nodded in response. "How did that go?"

Haru shrugged. "It was fine. Nothing unusual."

"Are you working on getting your range of motion back?" Torii asked. "You know, with stretching it and stuff?"

Haru's face fell into an irritated expression. He huffed and looked off to the side.

"It's such a waste of time," Haru commented.

Torii gave him a sympathetic look. "Now you know that isn't true," Torii said softly. "You've been doing those exercises at home, too, right?"

Haru's brows pushed further together and he pursed his lips, refusing to meet Torii's gaze. When he stayed quiet, Torii looked at him with a deadpan expression.

" _Right?"_  Torii asked again.

"S…" Haru swallowed. "Some."

Torii smacked his palm against his forehead– sending tiny water droplets flying– and groaned.

"Haru, you know those exercises are going to help you, don't you?" Torii fussed. "If you don't do them at home during the week, then what's the point?"

Haru's expression changed faintly– his brows curving slightly upward and his lips pulling into a hard line. He looked a little distressed. He answered Torii's question with a noncommittal shrug. He expected Torii to be upset or angry, but when he looked up to meet his friend's eyes, all he saw was a sympathetic expression.

"What's going on, Haru?" Torii asked. "Something's eating at you. What is it?"

Haru blinked at him and took a deep breath. He hung his head to stare down at the water below him. He knew he was trapped, and he knew Torii would not let him go without an answer.

"It's Makoto," Haru blurted.

Torii cocked his head. "Your firefighter friend?" he clarified.

Haru nodded. "I want him to come back to school."

Torii seemed taken aback for a second, a confused expression on his face. Then, he put his hand to his chin and thought for a minute, his brows furrowing.

"Wait a minute," he said. Haru lifted his head at the sound of his voice. "He was the guy who came to all your meets, right? Tall guy?"

Haru hesitated, blinking at Torii, but then he nodded. Torii placed his hands on his hips and looked at Haru with a slight wince.

"He… he dropped out of school?" Torii asked, and Haru nodded again. "Why did he do that? What made him decide to just… go and be a firefighter?"

Haru's mind drifted back to a few nights ago, and his thoughts were filled with Makoto's charred and battered skin. He shook his head to fling the thoughts away and he focused back on Torii's face.

"He was in the accident with me," Haru started. Torii's lips parted and he stared at Haru with wide, stunned eyes. "He got hurt trying to save me. And when he found out that I couldn't swim anymore, he… he blamed himself for not rescuing me in time."

Torii looked at him with a painful grimace and Haru looked away. He did not want to bear seeing such a pitiful expression. Haru  _knew_  how tough it was and how wrong it was for Makoto to blame himself.

"So… since I had to change majors and give up on my dream, Makoto felt that he could not rightly pursue his own dreams," Haru explained. His hands curled into fists by his sides in the water. "He didn't want to pursue his own dream if I couldn't pursue mine, too."

"Oh, poor guy…" Torii said, rubbing his face. He crossed his arms over his chest.

"I've been trying to come up with some proof that it wasn't his fault," Haru continued, trying not to get choked up. He just wanted to barrel through the explanation as quickly as possible. "So I requested the incident report from that night. But, there are so many complications. It's so frustrating." His voice shook along with his fingers. "I just want him to come back to school."

Torii watched Haru carefully and cautiously. He was tempted to reach out and comfort him, but he pulled back to take in his words instead. He put a hand to his chin again and thought.

Then, something sparked in his mind. He looked at Haru with newfound determination.

"Haru, I've got it!" Torii said, sounding suddenly excited.

Haru jumped at the sound of his voice but then slowly lifted his head to meet Torii's gaze. He had a new sense of passion and resolve in his eyes that were not there before.

"You said that he quit because you had to give up your dream, right?" Torii asked. Haru blinked at him, and then nodded slowly. "Then what if you can show him that you can swim again?"

Haru's eyes widened and he felt his heart flutter in his chest. Was Torii so confident in Haru that he could swim again?

"Show… him?" Haru repeated.

Torii nodded quickly and pointed down the lane of the pool.

"If you can swim again, even just a lap down this lane, then that'll prove to your friend that you can pursue your dream again!" Torii said, his lips twitching into a wide smile.

Haru turned his head and stared at the lane in front of him. The water was smooth and pristine, the chlorine filling his nose with every breath. Sunlight finally peaked out from the clouds and shined in through the windows, making the water sparkle.

His eyes widened. It was  _enticing._

Haru wanted nothing more than to just swim down that lane.

He felt that he could do it.

And maybe he  _would_.

"And if…" Haru gulped. "If I can swim again, then…"

"Then your friend won't be guilty anymore."

Haru whipped his head to look at Torii, his eyes wide and his chest tight. Torii was smiling at him fondly, a knowing expression on his face.

"What do you say?" Torii asked.

Haru looked back at the lane in front of him, his blue eyes shimmering.

"I want to try it," Haru said, his chest suddenly bubbling.

Torii's smile widened, crinkling his eyes. "That's the spirit! Now, why don't we work on—"

"I want to swim a lap," Haru said quickly. He turned towards the edge of the pool.

Torii blinked at him, his smile twitching. "W-Well, why don't we do some— H-Hey!  _Haru,_  what are you  _doing_?!"

Haru stepped up onto the starting block and lowered his goggles over his eyes.

"W-Wait, Haru! That's not the best idea!" Torii warned, rushing towards him.

Haru breathed out. He could  _feel_ it. His chest was fluttering and his limbs were tingling. He could do this.

For Makoto.

"I don't think you're ready! Oi!  _Oi!"_  Torii reached out to grab him.

Haru dove off of the starting block, clasping his hands together, and into the lane. Torii shielded his eyes with his arms to block the splash but then whirled around to face the lane. He hoped that Haru was not hurt or, God forbid,  _drowning_. Haru was so stubborn sometimes. Coach always seemed to be on him about trying out other strokes and—

Sounds of splashing filled the room.

Torii's eyes widened.

Haru was  _swimming_.

It was slow, but Haru was doing it. He was making his way down the lane, his legs kicking and his arms pushing through the water.

Torii was stuck in place for a moment, amazed at the sight, before he snapped back to reality.

"Keep going, Haru! You can do it!" Torii shouted.

Haru could hear his voice echoing throughout the room as it bounced off of the walls and up to the high ceilings. He could feel the water running in between his fingers as he cut through the surface.

_Don't stop,_  Haru told himself.

He turned his head to the side and gasped in a quick breath.

_Do this…_

He punched through the water.

_Finish it…_

He kicked even though his foot protested.

_For Makoto!_

His hand slapped against a wall and he reeled back to wheeze in air. He stared at the wall in front of him, his shoulders and chest heaving as he caught his breath.

_What? A wall?_

"Yes! YES! Haru!"

Haru turned around at the noise and he jumped.

He was at the other end of the lane.

"Haru!" Torii shouted from the starting end of the lane. He was waving his arm in the air with a bright smile on his face. "Haru! You did it! You  _swam_!"

Haru panted, letting the words sink in.

He felt his chest tighten and his fingers curled into fists.

And he smiled.

* * *

"All right, take a load off!"

The men collectively let out a groan and collapsed on the floor of the garage. Makoto sat down and leaned his head back against the wall behind him, his chest heaving and shirt soaked with sweat. His head was swirling and his body felt heavy. Mori was in his prime today.

Makoto closed his eyes. He just needed a minute to rest…

"Man."

Makoto suddenly felt someone slump next to him and his eyes popped open. He whipped his head to see one of the volunteers sitting next to him with an equally sweaty t-shirt. He had a bright face and kind eyes. He was a little smaller than Makoto, and probably a little older, but he seemed nice.

"Was your training  _this_  tough?" he asked, looking at Makoto with a fresh smile.

Makoto huffed out a genuine laugh. "Oh, yes. Definitely."

The volunteer mock-groaned and leaned his head back against the wall.

"Sheesh, what did I just sign up for?" he asked with a chuckle.

Makoto's smile tightened on his face as he tried to keep his chest calm. He forced out a breathy laugh and looked down at the water bottle in his hands. Slick beads of condensation slid down over his hands, and Makoto was thankful for the cold relief. It was a little hotter today anyway.

"So, is the captain always this scary?" he asked.

Makoto laughed again and wiped the sweat from his brow. Meeting new people was always refreshing, like the air after a summer rain. For the briefest of moments, Makoto felt completely normal.

"He really cares for everyone on his team, so he kind of  _has_  to scary," Makoto explained. He turned his head to look at the volunteer. "You get used to it."

"I see," the volunteer chuckled. "Was meeting the captain for first time scary for you, too?"

Makoto's breath hitched as visions of that hospital room flashed into his mind. He remembered being in complete agony as muffled voices sounded above his head. He could barely breathe and was too paranoid about Haru to rest, but his eyes closed against his will. Then, he remembered someone touching his arm and gently patting him awake. He opened his eyes to see a woman standing next to two men.

Two firefighters.

"Terrifying," Makoto responded, his voice tight and his smile painfully fake.

The volunteer laughed, oblivious to Makoto's inner turmoil.

"I can imagine. I bet your first day was hell!" he said.

Makoto's eyes widened as he stared at the volunteer. His chest felt heavy as his heart throbbed. He hung his head to look down at the tiles of the floor in the garage. The peaceful feeling was suddenly gone.

So much for feeling normal.

"Yeah…"

~~~

_Makoto's fingers curled into fists as he stared up at the building. He fidgeted nervously, his pounding heart sinking into his stomach. He thought he was going to be sick._

_Maybe he should just go back to the apartment. It would not be too late to back out and just reapply to school next year. It would not be too difficult to just turn around and go home to be surrounded by his friends and—_

_'I can't swim anymore.'_

_Makoto gripped his jeans so hard that his knuckles turned white. His arms shook lightly and his chest ached. There was no way he could back out now. He had to go._

_If Haru's dream was over because Makoto could not get to him in time, then… Makoto's dreams would be over, too. It would not be fair to him._

_"Okay," Makoto told himself._

_Makoto took a deep breath and crossed the street to the tall fire station. He crossed in front of the driveway where two red fire trucks were parked, and a few men dressed in blue shirts and suspenders were walking around inspecting them. Makoto gulped as he walked hesitantly into the garage, looking around feebly._

_'This is a mistake,' Makoto thought. He shut his eyes tight and chastised himself. 'No! You're doing this for Haru. For Haru. For Haru, for—'_

_"Can I help you?"_

_Makoto nearly jumped out of his skin. His eyes popped open and he whirled around to the sound of the voice. In front of him stood a fireman with a concerned look on his face._

_"Whoa, you okay there?" the fireman asked. He reached out a hand to help, but Makoto took a shaky step backward._

_"Um…" Makoto stammered. "I, uh… I was…"_

_The words were caught in Makoto's throat as the fireman cocked an accusing eyebrow. He suddenly felt trapped and overwhelmed, his stomach twisting into knots as his heart thudding faster against his ribcage. It became harder to breathe as more eyes locked onto him._

_This was bad._

_Gah, it hurts._

_It… hurts…_

_Can't… breathe…_

_"Oi, what's going on in here?"_

_Makoto's eyes popped open at the sudden gruff, yet familiar voice that echoed in the garage. He turned to watch two men enter the garage. His eyes widened._

_"Why are we all just standing around and—"_

_The men froze upon seeing Makoto, their eyes widening as well._

_"It… it's you!" the younger of the two exclaimed._

_"U-Um…" Makoto stammered. "Y-You remember me?"_

_"How could we forget?" the younger answered._

_Makoto rubbed the back of his neck shyly and glanced at the ground. Suddenly, all the words he had wanted to say had vanished into thin air._

_"Why are you here?" the gruffer of the two asked, his voice lighter than before._

_Makoto snapped his head up to look at him, feeling exposed. He gulped and lowered his hand back to his side, it immediately clenching into a tight fist._

_"I, uh…" Makoto stammered, his throat still tight. "I thought about what you said and I came here to… to join."_

_The two men's eyes practically bulged out of their heads. The older of the two did a quick glance around the garage of the fire station before lunging forward to grab Makoto's shoulder. He pushed Makoto towards a door in the garage._

_"Let's go to my office," he said, guiding Makoto with a gentle squeeze on his shoulder._

_The two men led Makoto to an office at the end of the hall. The three of them stood in the cramped space; Makoto looking around while the other two spoke in whispers. Makoto noticed a nameplate sitting on the desk._

_Mori._

_'I'm Captain Mori of Tokyo Fire, and this is Hirose Koji.'_

_Makoto blinked at the plate and then glanced up at the two men. He studied their faces for a moment. He definitely remembered them. He remembered Mori's voice as he spoke to him in the hospital, and he remembered Koji's worried face._

_It was definitely them._

_The gruff one—Captain Mori—opened his mouth to speak first._

_"I'm—"_

_"Captain Mori," Makoto interrupted. He turned to the other man. "And you're Hirose Koji."_

_Mori jumped, a look of surprise plaguing his features. Koji's jaw dropped, his eyes a little wide. Makoto winced, realizing he had just cut him off. He muttered a pathetic apology and bowed his head._

_"So, you remember us as well?" Mori asked, folding his arms across his chest._

_Makoto nodded. "Yes, sir," he said softly._

_"You're here to… to join?" Koji asked. His face twisted into a look of concern._

_Makoto nodded again, his neck beginning to feel stiff._

_"And you've…" Mori cleared his throat uncomfortably as he looked up and down Makoto's body. "You've… healed?"_

_Makoto's breath hitched and he looked a little frightened for a moment, causing Koji and Mori to exchange concerned glances._

_"Y-Yes," Makoto stuttered. He quickly glanced away as his face flushed. "I got the confirmation from my doctor last week. I can do strenuous exercise now."_

_Mori and Koji exchanged another worried glance before turning back to look at Makoto._

_"What about schooling?" Koji asked. "Are you wanting to do just part-time, or night shifts?"_

_Makoto fidgeted with his fingers, his eyes darting around the small office._

_"I, uh, well… no. I'll be doing full-time," Makoto said shakily. "I, uh… I put in my request to withdraw from the university a few months ago."_

_Mori and Koji stared at him in stunned silence, both looking almost horrified. Makoto's breath became shallower as he studied their stares. Their silence was deafening._

_He considered just turning on his heel and fleeing, but Mori let out a slow sigh and he turned to get behind his desk._

_"Well, I'll get the paperwork," Mori said as he opened up a drawer._

_"Captain?" Koji called, his voice laced with concern and confusion._

_"You'll need to pass the physical test first before we can let you join," Mori explained, handing Makoto a stack of papers._

_Makoto took them, his trembling fingers barely grasping them. He looked over the sheets and saw where Mori had starred the places for his signature. He noticed the first page concerned liability in case of injury. Or death._

_Makoto gulped._

_"Are you sure this is what you want?" Mori asked, his demeanor calm. Koji released a frustrated grunt and shoved his hands into his pockets._

_Makoto looked between the two of them and then back down at the papers._

_He took a slow deep breath._

_"Yes," Makoto answered, his voice confident for the first time that morning._

_Mori nodded in understanding, ignoring Koji's silent pleas._

_"All right. When did you want to start the tests?"_

_~~~_

"It was… interesting," Makoto said quietly to the volunteer.

The volunteer worker just smiled and leaned his head back against the wall again, taking a swig of water.

"All right. Go to your stations," Mori said, entering the room with his usual boisterous voice. "Oi, Tetsu! Show the volunteers how to use a hose!"

"Yes, sir!"

The volunteer next to Makoto released a quick breath and turned his head to look at him.

"Well, it was nice meeting you!" he said lightly as he stood to his feet. Makoto blinked up at him and forced a smile. He felt drained.

"Mmn, you too," Makoto said lamely.

Once the volunteer was gone, Makoto slumped against the wall to catch his breath. He had forgotten all about the first day he had come to sign up. He was jittering mess, even more so than he was now. He was surprised Mori even let him set foot into this place.

"Oi."

Mori's voice boomed from above his head and Makoto jumped, bonking the back of his head against the white wall behind him. He winced and groaned, rubbing the back of his head gingerly. He peeked up at Mori, who was staring down at him with his usual scowl.

"You're not scaring them off, are you?" Mori asked, his voice low.

Makoto sighed and rubbed the back of his head. He knew Mori was not seriously angry with him.

"No, sir," Makoto answered.

"Good," Mori grunted, placing his hands on his hips and glancing around the garage. "We could use some more help around here. We're lacking in the 24-hour shifts."

Makoto blinked at him for a minute and lowered his hand back down to rest on his thigh. Speaking of lack of help…

"Where's Koji?" Makoto asked.

Mori shrugged and shook his head. "Took the day off."

Makoto's brows furrowed. "Day off? He never usually takes a day off…"

"Maybe he finally found a girl," Mori said with an exasperated sigh. "Lord knows he needs  _someone_."

In a normal circumstance, Makoto would have laughed. But Koji taking a day off from work was incredibly unusual for him.

Where was Koji?

* * *

Haru stood outside the locker room and packed up his duffle bag. He was fully dressed with a towel around his neck, a small smirk pulling at his lips. His heart was fluttering inside of his chest and his stomach was filled with butterflies. He actually swam. It was only half of the lane, but he  _swam._  This could be his chance to get his friend back.

He could get Makoto back to school.

"You looked great out there, Haru."

Haru pulled his duffle bag over his shoulder and he turned around to see Torii smiling proudly with his hands on his hips. Haru smiled back at him.

"Thanks," Haru said genuinely.

"So, are you going to tell your friend?" Torii asked.

Haru's smile widened as a fond expression grew on his face. He nodded, and Torii's smile crinkled his eyes.

"Good," Torii said. He clapped Haru on the shoulder as he passed by. "Just make sure you do some cool-down stretches when you get home, okay?"

"Yeah, I will," Haru said.

"Oh, and by the way," Torii called at the doorway of the pool. Haru looked up from his bag to meet Torii's eyes. "I'll take an application for the swim team any day."

Haru inhaled sharply through his nose and he nodded firmly. Torii smiled and nodded back, and then left the room. Once the door closed shut with a soft click, Haru took one last look around the pool, his eyes shining. He needed to tell Makoto.

He needed to tell Makoto  _now_.

Haru hurried out the door and down the sidewalk. He wanted to run, but Torii had told him to take it easy for the rest of the day.

But that did not stop him from rushing.

He weaved in and out of foot traffic and stomped down the sidewalk in an attempt to get home faster. He could not wait to tell Makoto the news. He would be able to walk with Makoto to campus and listen to his ramblings. Haru did not even care what Makoto would talk about, he was just excited that he would get to hear Makoto's clear voice next to him again and—

A piercing ring ripped Haru from his thoughts and he came to an abrupt stop on the sidewalk to pull his phone from his pocket. He glanced down at his phone, hoping it would be Makoto, but he did not recognize the number on his screen.

His stomach suddenly felt heavy.

He lifted the phone to his ear and answered.

"Hello?" Haru said softly.

"Ah, is this Haru? Nanase?"

The voice sounded familiar.

"Um… yes," Haru answered.

"Ah, good. This is Koji. I work with Makoto. We met the other day?"

Haru paused and blinked as his thoughts swirled inside his mind. How did Koji get his number? Why was he calling? Was Makoto hurt? Is he okay?  _Is Makoto okay?!_

"Is Makoto okay?" Haru blurted. He did not even care if he sounded desperate or afraid. He just needed to know.

"Eh? Oh, oh, yeah! He's fine," Koji said, and Haru released a breath. "Sorry! I probably should have led with that. You're one of Makoto's emergency contacts, so that's how I got your number."

"But… it's not an emergency?" Haru asked.

"Oh, right," Koji said. "I, uh… well, I got a call from the police station and they gave me the incident report. You should… probably look at it."

Haru's breath hitched and his body prickled with nerves.

Something was not right.

"Is it… bad?" Haru asked, his brows furrowing.

"Just… come and see for yourself. I'm at the café next to the station," Koji replied.

Haru nodded even though Koji could not see. "I'm on my way."

Haru hung up without saying goodbye and abruptly turned around, walking away from his apartment. Away from telling Makoto.

The excitement that had flooded his system earlier had now vanished into thin air as anxiety and dread replaced it. He could only pray it would not be bad news.

A few blocks later, Haru found the café next to the busy police station. It was a small café, but quaint. He entered through the front doors and glanced around until he saw a familiar figure sitting in a booth in the corner. Haru steeled himself, taking a long, deep breath before approaching the table.

"Afternoon, Haru," Koji greeted with a tired smile.

Haru hesitantly sat down across from Koji, taking note of the tan envelope on the table. His brows furrowed and he blinked at Koji, waiting to hear some sort of explanation.

"Well, they managed to expedite the sorting process after I spoke to them earlier this week," Koji said, cutting right to the chase. "And I got the call this morning that they were finishing up. So I went over and they handed this to me."

Koji slid the envelope over to Haru. Haru studied it for a minute before picking it up and inspecting it as if it were something dangerous.

"I read it," Koji said.

Haru whipped his head up to look at Koji. Koji's smile had disappeared from his face.

"And… I'm not sure, but… well…" Koji rubbed the back of his neck and winced. "Just… open it."

Haru took in a deep breath, his heart pounding. His stomach churned as he opened the tab and pulled out the report. He started from the top.

It listed the names of the firemen on duty that night and also the police officers who had arrived on the scene. It gave a rundown on the accident, the report describing in detail the chronological events of the night. The students who were injured were also listed, Haru grimacing when he spotted his and Makoto's names on the list. It even gave a synopsis of the trial that occurred afterward, when hurt families discovered that the fire alarms were faulty, resulting in the college getting sued.

Haru's brows furrowed. Everything seemed to be in order on the form. What was Koji talking about? Why did he look so upset?

Haru continued down the page until his eyes landed on the bottom of the page.

**Probable Cause**

Haru studied those words carefully. There was nothing said about a probable cause before, so this was new. Was that what they were investigating all these months? Haru gulped as he lowered his eyes to read the next sentence.

_After further investigation, it appears that the fire started in the community kitchen on the bottom floor of the dormitory. A single pan was found in the rubble with grease residue coated on the inside. It is likely that the incident was caused by a grease fire from an unattended pan on the stove. In conclusion, one of the students in the building is responsible for the fire._ _Further investigation will be..._

Haru blinked.

He read it over and over.

This cannot be right. Could it?

A grease fire? From an unattended pan in the kitchen? Someone had cooked the night before? And then left the stove on?

So, the fire was caused by someone in the dorm.

But who would have…

Wait…

Haru's eyes widened in horror. His heart jumped and then began to pound inside his chest.

_No…_   _it… it can't be._

Haru read it again.

_A single pan was found in the rubble with grease residue coated on the inside._

Haru thought back to that night. He remembered waking up to the flames and then trying to open the door, but the doorknob was extremely hot, so he had to grab…

_It is likely that the incident was caused by a grease fire from an unattended pan on the stove._

…the oven mitts.

~~

_'Haru glanced around, trying to find something, anything that could help him escape. That's when he saw the pair of oven mitts that Makoto had used that night to make dinner.'_

_~~_

Haru's fingers began to shake, almost violently. He held his breath, his chest painfully tight.

_In conclusion, one of the students in the building is responsible for the fire._

Makoto...

Makoto… had tried cooking that night.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! So many comments on the last chapter!  
> Thank you guys for your constant support. You all are so so amazing.   
> Keep being awesome!!
> 
> Happy reading!

_"Great work today, Haru!"_

_Haru let the towel drop to his shoulders and he looked up at Torii, who was giving him a bright smile. The other team members had already showered and left, leaving just a few exhausted stragglers to piddle around in the locker room._

_"Oh, thanks," Haru said, and he dropped his hands to his lap._

_Torii plopped down next to Haru on the bench and leaned back against the white brick wall of the locker room._

_"Ah, the Olympics are soon," Torii said wistfully._

_"Mmn," Haru answered._

_"Did you hear Coach has been hired on to help train the national team?" Torii asked, turning his head to look at Haru._

_Haru turned his head sharply at Torii's words, his blue eyes wide and shocked._

_"Really?" Haru asked._

_"Yep. He got the call a few days ago," Torii said happily. "So, you know what that means, don't you?"_

_Haru blinked at him, a little dumbfounded. Torii rolled his eyes but still smiled brightly._

_"Think about it, Haru! If Coach is helping out with the national team, then he'll look at our school for possible prospects first," Torii explained._

_Something clicked, and Haru's eyes shined._

_Getting to swim on the national team?_

_Being with other professional swimmers?_

_Swimming against Rin?_

_"Would he really pick people from our school's team?" Haru asked._

_"Oh, of course! College students get scouted all the time for the Olympics," Torii said. "You've seen those teenagers flipping around on those bars in gymnastics, right? Why wouldn't we be able to swim for the national team?"_

_Haru blinked and then turned his head to look down at his lap. He smiled softly as a small, red blush flared underneath his eyes._

_"That would be pretty cool," Haru said._

_Torii nodded excitedly. He stood to his feet and placed his arms on his hips._

_"Coach has his eye on you, you know," Torii said. "Keep up the good work. I'm sure he'll be talking to you soon."_

_Haru looked at him, a little skeptically at first, but his face softened and his expression turned grateful and humble._

_"Th-Thank you," Haru said. Torii nodded and then headed out of the locker room._

_Haru sat still on the bench for a few more seconds and let those words sink in. His chest and stomach bubbled with excitement._

_Was there a possibility of racing Rin again?_

_Haru's heart was so elated that he thought he would explode._

* * *

Haru's heart was so full of dread that he thought he would puke.

It was incredible how one piece of paper and five minutes could ruin his entire day.

His eyes scanned over the incident report that shook in his trembling hands. He was not even sure he had breathed since Koji handed him the paper. He felt his jaw shake as he opened his mouth to speak.

"Th… This…" Haru swallowed thickly.

_A single pan…_

"I… the r-report…"

_…left unattended…_

"It…"

_…one of the students in the building is responsible for the fire._

Haru looked up at Koji with shining eyes that screamed how terrified he truly was.

"Makoto… he… he cooked that night," Haru choked out.

Koji closed his eyes and bowed his head, looking utterly pained. He released a longsuffering sigh.

"I was afraid of that," Koji said softly. He covered his eyes with the heels of his palms. "I was really hoping you wouldn't say that. I was hoping  _so badly_  that you wouldn't say it."

Haru stared at him fearfully, his blue eyes wide with panic and his hands still trembling fiercely.

"Is Makoto going to get in trouble?" Haru asked, his face twisted with worry.

Koji lifted his head from his hands and stared at Haru, processing his words. He finally shook his head and waved his hand.

"They're not investigating it any further. Since it was so long ago, it's been written off as an unfortunate incident. The university took responsibility," Koji explained.

Haru nodded and lowered his head to look down at the report again.

_So, all this time,_  Haru thought.  _Makoto was actually the one who started the fire._

_So… my injury…_

Haru's heart rose to his throat while his stomach twisted into unpleasant knots. He tried to swallow, but his breath had hitched in his chest as he almost choked on the sob that threatened to burst. His skin suddenly felt itchy and his back felt tight and sore. He wanted to go swimming or take a shower or a bath, just to wash away whatever was eating him  _alive_.

Haru haphazardly folded the report in half and shoved it into his duffle bag. His limbs shook so fiercely that he could hardly zip up his bag and stand on his feet. He had to grip the table to prevent his legs from buckling.

"Th-Thank you for showing me this," Haru said through a quivering jaw. He could not look Koji in the eye as he got on his wobbly legs. He turned on his heel and made to leave the café, unsure where his legs would take him.

"A-Ah, wait!"

Koji jumped up from his seat as well and reached out his hand to Haru, making him stop. Haru dared to look Koji in the eye and saw the same desperation in his eyes that was laced in his voice. It was unsettling to see Koji look so upset.

"You can't show him this," Koji said urgently. Haru winced but held his gaze. He was completely overwhelmed. "If he sees this, it'll crush him."

_But what about_ me?

Haru's breath hitched as soon as the thought entered his mind and he shook his head to fling it far away from him.

Where did  _that_  come from?

Haru felt disgusting and uncomfortable in his own skin, and his hand came up to scratch as his arm, leaving nasty, red lines. It was too suffocating in that café. He needed fresh air.  _Now_.

He nodded at Koji, letting out a quivering, "Yeah."

"I'm sorry, Haru," Koji said, letting his arm fall back by his side. "You'll have to come up with a different solution to getting Makoto to come back to school."

Haru grimaced and grit his teeth, having completely forgotten the whole reason he had requested the report in the first place.

He nodded mutely at Koji, a lump sitting in his throat, and then turned around to flee far from Koji's presence. He needed to get away, and get away quickly before the tears could spill. He could vaguely hear Koji's muffled apology on the way out, and his heart hurt worse.

Haru's legs carried him out of the café and past the police station, dodging pedestrians on the sidewalk. He kept his head down, avoiding the stares of people passing by, and his hands were like a vice on the strap of his duffle bag. He wanted to lie down somewhere, but his apartment was too far away.

And there was no telling if Makoto would be home. He was the last person Haru wanted to see.

He moved on autopilot, and his body came to a rest on a random bench in a playground. There was an almost-bare tree next to it, with red and brown leaves scattered on its branches. Haru's shoes crunched the dry leaves under his feet as he stuck his hands in the pockets of his hoodie and stared blankly at the sidewalk.

It was way too cold today.

He wanted to blame…

But…

_Makoto is…_

* * *

_After hearing Torii's news the day before, Haru trained harder than ever before. He pushed his limits and ended up breaking his own records, stunning his teammates and obviously impressing the coach. While his teammates all looked at him with raised brows, Torii sent him sly glances, and Haru responded with playful eye-rolls._

_Practice was going well, but it was tense, especially with the coach eyeing Haru and Torii suspiciously. He began to push Haru harder that day, and Haru tried to take it in stride._

_Finally, there was a break at practice, and Haru found himself sitting in the locker room with his phone pressed up against his ear._

_"You had to do_ how _many laps?!" came the crystal voice on the other line._

_"Ah, Coach told me to do 20," Haru responded._

_"Eh?!" came Makoto's cry. Haru pulled the phone away from his ear at Makoto's loud outburst. "Why?! Is he trying to kill you?"_

_Haru leaned back against the wall and sighed softly. "He just wants me to do better."_

_"Well, I suppose that's true," Makoto responded. "But don't overwork yourself, okay? Rin would kill me if he found out you couldn't race him anymore."_

_Makoto chuckled, and it brought a smile to Haru's face. Makoto was only trying to lighten up his sincerity and concern with smiles and laughter. But Haru knew that Makoto was completely serious. He knew Makoto was worried._

_"Stop worrying," Haru said bluntly. "I'm not overworking anything. Coach watches us carefully."_

_He could hear Makoto's relieved sigh on the line._

_"Well, that's fine, then!" There was a light chuckle, and Haru could picture the crinkle in Makoto's eyes. "So, is practice done for today?"_

_Haru glanced to the door of the locker room to see some of his teammates filing out, their swim caps still snug on their heads._

_"No. Coach wants us to do more drills," he answered._

_"Oh," was Makoto's slightly disappointed reply. "So, you'll be late getting back?"_

_"Yeah," Haru said with a light sigh. "I'll probably be another hour or so."_

_"Another hour?" Makoto asked, his voice a little surprised. "Huh… do you want us to get you something for dinner?"_

_Haru grimaced, thinking of the bland convenient-store food next door or the stale bread at the university café. He longed for some mackerel. Some_ real _mackerel._

_"Nah," Haru said. "I'll just eat some canned mackerel from my dorm."_

_"What?! No!"_

_Haru was startled at Makoto's voice, his eyes popping open widely._

_"No?"_

_"No! Haru, that's not a good meal! You need more to keep up with your training! Doesn't someone on the team plan your meals or something?" Makoto was fussing over him again, as usual. Haru could not help but smile, but he tried to repress it by biting his lip._

_"Yes. My nap times, too," Haru teased._

_"Oh, be quiet," Makoto said, and Haru huffed out a tiny laugh._

_"If you're so determined to get a good meal for me, then why don't you try cooking?" Haru suggested._

_"Eh? M-Me?" Makoto squeaked. "But I haven't tried anything since you taught me that one recipe. And that turned out to be a disaster!"_

_"Well, it was only one little mistake," Haru said. "Just use sugar instead of salt this time. Do you have the recipe written down?"_

_"A-Ah, yeah… s-somewhere…"_

_Haru could hear Makoto shuffling some papers over the phone, and Haru smiled._

_"You can do it. Just be careful. Don't burn yourself," Haru said._

_Makoto let out another sweet chuckle._

_"Don't worry, Haru. I won't."_

* * *

_Ah,_  Haru thought.  _That's right. I did suggest for him to cook that night._

A soft breeze brushed Haru's face and his bangs tickled his forehead. He suppressed a shiver and shoved his hands further into his pockets.

_Makoto… you're usually so responsible. What happened? Why did you leave that pan on the stove?_

Haru's phone buzzed in his pocket and he released a quiet sigh. He pulled the phone from his pocket.

_Incoming call: Makoto_

Haru's brows furrowed and he glared at his phone, wanting it to either burst into flame or crumble in his palm. His pulse skyrocketed as he hit 'Ignore' and shoved the device in his pocket angrily. He closed his eyes tightly.

_For crying out loud, you have younger siblings! You should know how to care for something!_

_Don't you know how to watch something? It was just a pan! Not even children!_

_Why are you such an idiot?! I call you a dummy all the time, but this time, you really screwed up!_

Haru forcefully pushed a rock away from him with his shoe, watching it bounce on the concrete and land safely by a patch of grass on the playground. He clicked his tongue, wanting that rock to shatter into pieces. He was half tempted to get up and go kick it again.

_If you hadn't left that damn pan on the stove, then I could be getting ready for the national team by now!_

Haru's eyes popped open, stunned by his own thoughts. A shaking hand came up to grip his shirt at his heart and his breathing was shallow. His chest felt extremely cold.

Did he really just have those scathing thoughts about his  _best friend?_

His phone buzzed in his pocket again, but Haru felt too sick to answer it. He had never felt so disgusted in his life, and he was not even sure if he was upset with himself more or just the situation.

Haru hunched over on his knees and held his head in his hands, waiting for the haunting buzz in his pocket to cease. He sighed and closed his eyes, remembering what he had yelled at Makoto just last week.

_"You always do this. Always! You keep things bottled up until you've pushed me away completely!"_

He grabbed at his hair.

Now,  _who_  was pushing  _who_  away?

He felt sick to his stomach. His insides were twisted in a mess of emotions that battled against each other for dominance. He wanted to scream. He wanted to sit in a quiet room and brood. He wanted to call it all an incident. He wanted to blame…

"Hey! Why did you push me?!"

"It wasn't my fault! It was an accident!"

Haru's eyes popped open and he sat up, his head turning towards the voices behind him. Two young boys were on the playground. One was standing up from the ground, his clothes dirty, while the other was looking at him with upturned eyebrows and teary eyes.

"You pushed me on purpose!" the boy with dirty clothes accused as he glared at his friend.

"N-No! I didn't! I only tripped!" the other boy said, new tears now falling down his cheeks.

"Well, you should be more careful, then!" his friend spat back. "Watch where you're going next time! You tripped and it completely knocked me over! Now my clothes are all messy! My mom will be mad!"

"B-But I didn't… I didn't mean to." His friend raised his little hands to wipe his eyes and he sniffled. "I… I, I'm… I'm s-sorry!" He started to hiccup as his breath hitched in his chest and he sobbed.

The other boy stood back and stared at his friend, his angry look now gone and a worried look now replacing it.

"H-Hey, don't cry!" his friend said. He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly for a moment before approaching his sobbing friend and hugging him. "It's fine. It was just an accident."

The two separated and the crying boy looked at his friend, surprised.

"B-But won't your m-mom be mad about y-y-your clothes?" his friend asked, still wiping his eyes and desperately trying to catch his breath.

The boy rubbed his nose and placed his hands on his hips. He shrugged and pursed his lips.

"Maybe. But I'll tell her what happened. It was just an accident, anyway," he said, looking away casually.

"R-Really?" his friend asked, finally rubbing the snot away from his nose. "I-I'll go with you to apologize."

The boy thought for a moment before nodding. "Let's go together."

Haru watched the two of them walk away together, hand-in-hand. He felt something swell inside his chest at the sight, and he finally managed to gulp down the lump in his throat.

_Let's go together._

He took a deep breath and sighed, reaching into his pocket for his phone. He slid it open and saw that there was a new message.

_4 New Messages_

_(4) Makoto_

Haru gulped and opened them all.

_Haru! Sorry if you're in class or something. Nagisa and Rei went out to get some dessert for after dinner. Did you want anything in particular for dinner?_

_Hey, everything okay? You ignored both of my calls. Let me know what you want to eat._

_You coming home soon? I told Nagisa and Rei to pick up something for themselves while they're out._

_I'm getting a little worried, Haru. Where are you?_

Haru wanted to roll his eyes, but he resisted. He knew how worried Makoto could get, and he knew it was from the bottom of his heart. Haru quickly typed back a message.

_To: Makoto_

_I'm on my way back._

He slipped his phone back into his pocket and took a deep breath.

He wanted to blame…

But…

_Makoto is…_

* * *

_Haru made his way back to the dorm building, his body exhausted. He decided to ride the elevator up to the fourth floor, choosing to skip the stairs. He hobbled down the long hallway and made it to his dorm room on the far end of the hallway. His legs ached after the long practice, but the coach was very pleased. He seemed hopeful that Haru would be able to participate in the tryouts for the national team. He had never felt so honored._

_When he reached his room, he could hear faint giggling on the other side of the door. Haru felt his brow twitch, debating whether or not to flee and just go sleep in the library or something._

_But, he relented, releasing a sigh and turning the doorknob. The door swung open, and three pairs of eyes greeted him._

_"Haru-chan's back!" Nagisa chirped, immediately standing from the bed to attack Haru in a hug._

_Haru blinked down at him and then lifted his gaze to see Rei and Makoto sitting comfortably on the floor._

_"What are you guys doing here?" Haru asked._

_"Ah, Makoto-senpai made dinner for everyone," Rei said with a proud smile on his face._

_"Yeah! It looks really good!" Nagisa said, stepping back from Haru to point at the plates neatly arranged on a fold-out table._

_Makoto scratched his cheek, a light blush on the skin underneath his eyes. He looked down at the plates with a small smile._

_"I, uh… I remembered the sugar this time," Makoto said bashfully._

_Haru blinked and then studied the four plates on the small table. The mackerel looked right, the meat cooked properly. And the rice looked soft, but not mushy. He blinked again and then moved towards the table, sitting down on his feet in front of the food._

_His three friends watched him closely as he split apart a pair of chopsticks and tore into the mackerel. He lifted the chunk of meat to his lips and blew on it lightly before popping it into his mouth. He moved the piece of mackerel around in his mouth, studying its taste for a minute before turning to look at his three friends._

_They were all looking at him intensely. Makoto almost looked constipated with how frightened he probably was._

_Haru almost choked on his food, feeling a fit of laughter bubbling up his throat. Makoto, of course, was horrified, spouting some nonsense about poisoning the food with his terrible cooking. Haru quickly swallowed and waved his hand._

_"Makoto," Haru called, to calm his best friend. Makoto looked at him with wide eyes, and Haru could not help but smile. "It's good."_

_Makoto hesitated, and then his jaw dropped. "Really?!" he exclaimed._

_"Mmn," Haru hummed with a nod. "Not using the salt this time really helped."_

_"H-Haru!" Makoto squeaked, his face flushed with embarrassment._

_"Yay! Mako-chan did it! Let's eat! I'm starving," Nagisa said, plopping down next to Haru and reaching for chopsticks._

_Rei patted Makoto on the shoulder before taking his place around the table as well. Makoto watched the three of them taste the food, all nodding and smiling after they swallowed._

_"This is quite good, Makoto-senpai!" Rei said._

_"Ah, you really think so?" Makoto asked._

_"You s'ould fook more of'en, Mako-ffan!" Nagisa said with a mouthful of food._

_"Ah… really?" Makoto wondered._

_"Nagisa-kun! Don't talk with your mouth full!" Rei scolded._

_Makoto watched them eat more, his shoulders finally relaxing. He let out a sigh of relief and placed a hand on his chest._

_"Thank goodness…" he breathed quietly._

_"Makoto," Haru called._

_Makoto glanced up to lock eyes with Haru, who was peering at him seriously._

_"Really, it's good," Haru said._

_Makoto finally smiled, and it was his genuine head-tilt smile._

_"Thank you, Haru," Makoto said. He sat down in front of Haru and was about to reach for the chopsticks, but stopped suddenly to point to Haru's desk. "Oh! I borrowed your oven mitts. You told me not to get burned, so I took extra precautions."_

_Haru rolled his eyes. "Dummy."_

_"Heh, I guess so, huh, Haru?"_

_Haru gestured towards the food on the table. "Hurry up and eat before it gets cold."_

_Makoto smiled brightly and nodded. "Okay, Haru!"_

* * *

"I'm home," Haru called to the apartment as he entered. His voice cracked and he cleared his throat to try and stabilize it.

"Welcome back!" Makoto's voice rang from the kitchen.

Haru felt his heart leap at the sound, and he could hear it thudding away in his ears. He took a deep breath to try and relax, but his quivering stomach and shaking legs made the simple task next to impossible.

He slipped out of his shoes and walked into the kitchen. He froze on the spot when he saw Makoto shifting a pan on the stove.

Haru's eyes widened.

"What are you doing?" Haru blurted, trying not to sound frantic.

Makoto glanced up from the pan, looking a little sheepish.

"Well, you, uh… you didn't text me back about what you wanted for dinner, so… I decided to try and make you something instead," Makoto explained.

Haru eyed his movements carefully, his chest feeling tight. It was hard to breathe.

"What are you making?" Haru asked.

"Ah." Makoto let himself smile, even if it was just a little. "Mackerel and rice. It's really the only thing I know how to cook." He scratched his cheek, appearing embarrassed.

Haru's brows pushed together, his stomach full of nerves. He quietly moved to put his duffle bag on the table. He unzipped it and fished around for his notebook of exercises that Torii had given him. He wanted something,  _anything_  to distract his mind.

When his hand found a loose paper, he grabbed it and pulled it out to look at it.

His heart sank when he realized it was the incident report.

"What's that, Haru?"

Haru snapped his head back to look at Makoto, his eyes wide and fearful. Makoto straightened his back and furrowed his brows, looking concerned.

"Haru? You okay?" Makoto asked.

Haru shoved the report back into his duffle bag and nodded curtly.

"Yeah. It's nothing," Haru responded tersely.

"Haru…" Makoto said under his breath. He eyed Haru for one more moment before turning back to the stove. "If you're sure…" he mumbled out.

"Yeah. I'm fine," Haru said, zipping up his bag.

Makoto flipped the mackerel in the pan and Haru listened to the sizzling. In a normal circumstance, he would be ecstatic to be eating mackerel for dinner. But right now, his stomach was churning so badly that he was unsure if he could eat anything.

"You have your duffle bag," Makoto noted.

Haru turned back to look at Makoto, whose eyes were still on the fish in the pan.

"Yeah," Haru responded.

"Why… why is that?" Makoto asked, turning his head to look at Haru, the same concerned expression on his face.

Suddenly, Haru remembered what had transpired that very morning. He breathed out.

He breathed out.

"You remember Torii?" Haru asked.

Makoto cocked his head and blinked. "The captain of the swim team?"

Haru nodded, looking down at his duffle bag and fiddling with the strap.

"He's been working with me to help me swim again," Haru said.

"W-What?!"

Haru jumped and whipped his head up to look at Makoto, who had wide eyes and a dropped jaw.

"He's really helping you?" Makoto asked, stepping away from the stove and approaching Haru with the clearest and brightest eyes that Haru had seen in over a year.

"Ah, mmn," Haru hummed. He rubbed the back of his neck, a nervous habit he picked up from Makoto. "I managed to swim the length of the pool today."

" _Really_?!" Makoto shouted.

Haru looked up at him and his heart stuttered in his chest.

Makoto looked elated, overjoyed even. His eyes were shiny and his lips were quirked upwards in a smile.

"That's…  _wow_ , Haru! That's incredible!" Makoto exclaimed, running his hands through his hair. "This is such good news!"

Haru stared at Makoto, watching as a tear fell from his eye. Makoto scrambled to wipe his eyes and he turned back to the stove to check on the food.

"D-Did you feel any pain?" Makoto asked, looking over his shoulder with that same goofy smile on his face.

Haru jolted, realizing that Makoto had addressed him. He shook his head quickly.

"No, it felt…" Haru breathed and tried to remember what it felt like.

The water in between in fingers. The way he moved so smoothly along the surface. How it made him feel…  _alive._

"It… it felt almost back to normal," Haru answered.

" _Wow_ ," Makoto breathed, lifting up his hand to wipe his eyes again.

Haru watched him as he pitifully tried to concentrate on the food while tears obviously blurred his vision. Haru's heart twisted at the sight.

Haru wanted to blame…

But…

_Makoto is…_

"Do you want to come watch sometime?" Haru blurted, unsure of where that thought even came from.

Makoto snapped his head to look at Haru, his jaw slack and gentle eyes reddened from the tears.

"O-Of course, Haru!" Makoto said, his voice excited and light.

Haru gave him a small, forced smile, hoping to dispel any more suspicions from Makoto about the document that burned a hole in his duffle bag.

"Ah, this is so exciting!" Makoto said, turning back to the fish.

Haru watched as Makoto checked the fish one more time before moving it to a nearby plate. He placed the pan back onto the stove and then turned around to grab plates from the cabinets next to the sink.

Haru's lighthearted and fluttering feeling in his chest suddenly dropped like a lead weight.

Makoto left the pan on the stove.

And the stove was still on.

"Makoto!" Haru called, rushing to the stove.

Makoto squeaked at the sound and whirled around.

"W-What is it?" Makoto stuttered.

"You left the stove on," Haru explained, clicking the knob until the stove was off.

Makoto's hand lifted and he rubbed the back of his neck.

"Ah, s-sorry, Haru," Makoto said. "I, uh… I guess I had a lot on my mind and I forgot."

Haru kept his back facing Makoto for a moment and tried to calm his heart. He turned around and gave Makoto a fierce look.

"That's dangerous," he managed to grit out.

Makoto looked frightened and sheepish as his shoulders hunched up by his ears. He glanced down at the floor, his upturned eyebrows scrunching up remorsefully.

"S-Sorry…" he muttered.

The apology sent a shocking jolt to Haru's heart.

He wanted to blame…

But…

_Makoto… Makoto is…_

Haru's face scrunched up for a moment before he let out a long sigh. He tried to soften his face before peering back at Makoto.

"Just… just don't do it again," Haru said, walking over to the counter to grab the plates Makoto had gotten from the cabinets. He forced a plate into Makoto's hands. "Let's eat before the food gets cold."

Makoto blinked down at him and nodded slowly. He followed Haru to the counter next to the stove and they both grabbed some fish and rice. They both sat at the table and quietly began to eat their meal. Haru glanced up at Makoto and blinked at him. Makoto had not said a word since his muttered apology after Haru's outburst.

Haru's lip pulled into a grimace and he turned his head away, feeling guilt gnawing at his bones. Makoto's face had beamed for the first time in a year. He had never seen Makoto look so happy, so  _relieved._ He wanted that smile back on his best friend's face, not this self-loathing and self-deprecating version of his best friend that he's seen constantly.

Haru noticed his duffle bag on the corner of the table and his heart skipped a beat. He turned back to Makoto and looked at him seriously.

He wanted to blame…

"Makoto."

Makoto looked up from his plate and looked at Haru, a crease in between his eyebrows.

But…

_Makoto is…_

"Are you off on Wednesday?" Haru asked.

The crease in between Makoto's brows smoothed and he cocked his head curiously. He looked up at the ceiling as he thought, counting the days in his head.

"Ah, yeah, I think so," Makoto said.

Haru took a deep breath.

He wanted to blame…

But…

"That's my next session with Torii. Did you want to come then?" Haru asked.

Makoto's eyes widened and his jaw went slack again.

But…

_Makoto is…_

Makoto  _beamed_ , that bright smile returning to his face. He nodded fiercely and happily, and the sight made Haru's heart flutter.

"Yeah! That would be great, Haru!" Makoto said, giving Haru his famous head-tilt smile.

Haru felt his own tears well up in his own eyes and he looked away to hide them. He wanted to smile back at his best friend. Everything in his being made him want to return the smile.

But the document hidden in his duffle bag made him feel overwhelmed with fear and guilt.

He wanted to blame…

But…

_Makoto is… Makoto._

Haru swallowed down the fear and looked up at Makoto, eyes dry. He remembered the two boys on the playground, and he managed to give Makoto a genuine smile.

"Let's go together."


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO SORRY this is a day late. I was out of town and then life happened and I really really wanted this chapter to be good so I spent a longer time on it than usual.  
> You guys, as always, are so amazing and I hope I didn't hurt your hearts too badly D: I've missed you guys.
> 
> Well, here's the next chapter! Happy reading, everyone~
> 
> NEW FANART!!  
> Check out the amazing [art](http://anunyun.tumblr.com/image/166594098736) for this chapter! It was done by the lovely [anunyun](http://anunyun.tumblr.com/)!!

Something was… wrong. Makoto could feel it in his gut.

The air felt different, maybe. Was it getting too cold too fast? Or maybe it was the fact that midterms were coming up, so the apartment was quieter than usual with everyone focusing on their studies.

It was not something obvious. It was a subtle change that was slowly eating away at Makoto's nerves, making his calm demeanor heat up into a swirling rainstorm inside his chest.

Makoto stared at the ceiling, his body wide awake well before his alarm. It was another night of restless sleep and more nightmares. Haru had shaken him awake again–like he had been doing– but it was not like normal. He had become more distant. Instead of asking if Makoto was okay after the nightmare, Haru would just get up and crawl back into his own bed without another word. Makoto tried not to take it personally, and he blamed it on the upcoming exams and the stress that came with studying. But it still hurt every time.

During the past few days, Haru's smiles appeared strained and were few and far in between. He was quiet as he usually was, sitting at the dinner table while Nagisa and Rei bantered back and forth. But, instead of listening and interjecting every now and then, he would space out. It happened so frequently that Makoto would have to repeat himself constantly. It was making Makoto worry, but every time he asked if Haru was okay, Haru would just nod and say everything was fine. And Makoto would open his mouth to say something more, but Haru would avoid the topic and just go and hide in the bathroom.

A familiar, ugly feeling churned in Makoto's stomach. He could see all of the signs.

Haru was distancing himself again— just like in high school.

And Makoto began to wonder if he had done something wrong.

He glanced over at his alarm clock sitting on his nightstand and saw that there was still an hour before he had to get up. He sighed, his body anxious and mind plaguing him with endless thoughts.

Did Haru… hate him?

Makoto sat up abruptly from his bed and flung the blankets away from him. He made sure to turn off his alarm before shuffling to his dresser to get ready for the day. He took a look at Haru, who was still snug in his bed.

_"Are you off on Wednesday?"_

Makoto glanced back at the calendar hanging above his dresser. Wednesday was the next day.

Did Haru still want him to go to the training session with him?

Makoto gulped, feeling sick to his stomach.

He opened up his dresser and fumbled around in the dark for his clothes. He managed to find his work pants and blue t-shirt. He felt the soft t-shirt in between his fingers and sighed. This was something else that had been bothering him.

Koji had not been at the station the past few days.

Makoto had asked Captain Mori about his absence, but Mori only said that Koji called in to ask for a short vacation. Mori grumbled something about Koji probably getting laid, to which Makoto flushed and walked away. He did not want to question Mori about it any more after that.

But it still was nagging in Makoto's mind and heart. With Haru being distant and his best friend from work on some sort of impromptu vacation, he felt completely… alone.

Makoto sighed again and then changed into his pants. Then, he pulled his shirt from his shoulders and set it on his bed.

Just as Makoto grabbed his work t-shirt, a light in the room clicked on. Makoto whirled around, pushing his blue shirt into his chest. Haru was sitting up in his bed, his eyes slowly trying to blink the sleep away.

"Makoto? What are you doing?" Haru asked drearily.

Makoto jumped and scrambled to get his shirt on to hide his scars.

"I, uh… I couldn't sleep so… I'm just getting ready for work," Makoto explained.

Haru blinked at him with heavy eyelids. He turned to the clock on his nightstand, reading that it was a little after four in the morning.

"This early? You don't go in until six, right?" Haru asked, turning back to look at Makoto.

"Ah, well, yes," Makoto stuttered. He was having trouble keeping up. This was the most Haru had spoken in the past few days, and at four in the morning, of all times! "I was going to go in early to do some training beforehand since I can't sleep."

Haru blinked a little more rapidly, looking more awake than before. He reached up and scratched his shoulder. Makoto tugged nervously at the hem of his shirt, wondering if Haru was going to finally say something about the way he had been acting. Maybe he could finally get somewhere.

Haru did open his mouth. But only word escaped.

"Oh," was all Haru said in reply.

Makoto felt his heart sink.  _Oh?_  That's all Haru was going to say? He bit his lip to stop it from trembling.

"Well, uh…"

Makoto stammered. For the first time in almost years, Makoto did not know what to say to Haru, his  _best friend._  He felt lousy.

"I guess I'll just… I'll see you later, Haru," Makoto said with a painfully forced smile.

Makoto turned to leave the bedroom, his mouth pulled into a grimace. His hand reached for the doorknob and he could feel his fingers trembling. He had never felt so disconnected from… everyone.

Now that he thought about it, Captain Mori mentioned how short-staffed the 24-hour shifts were.

Maybe it was time to start working those shifts instead.

"Ah, Makoto."

Makoto was ripped from his thoughts so fast that he gasped. He turned his head to look back at Haru, a little apprehensive.

"Torii's training starts around 6 tomorrow night. Does that work for you?" Haru asked, rubbing his eye.

Makoto's heart fluttered and his stomach flipped. He was so blindsided that he could hardly speak. He tried to speak once, but it came out as a squeak, so he quickly cleared his throat to answer Haru properly.

"Y-Yeah, that works for me, Haru," Makoto said.

Haru scratched at his chest and nodded, turning his head to the side. Makoto watched him carefully, hoping,  _yearning_  for Haru to say more. He did not want to leave the room until this awkward strain in their friendship relaxed. Makoto felt that if it did not ease up soon, then the tension would just keep pulling until it snapped, tearing their solid friendship apart like a rubber band.

When the silence became too much, Makoto conceded, feeling his throat clog up as he tried to speak.

"Well, uh… I'm heading out," Makoto said.

Haru nodded at him and briefly made eye contact. "Okay."

Makoto bit his lip, which was now sore, and turned, escaping their bedroom in a flash. Things were entirely too strained and he needed to breathe. His face scrunched up at the nagging pain inside his chest as he rushed down the stairs of the apartment building.

Haru had acted like nothing had changed in their friendship, which Makoto feel ill. Did Haru not feel the strain? What if Makoto was just imagining everything? Maybe  _he_  was what was wrong.

Maybe he needed to schedule another appointment with Dr. Ozawa.

When Makoto stepped foot outside of the main doors of the building, he was immediately hit with cold air and he shuddered, rubbing his bare arms. Blurry hues of orange kissed the purple horizon, but with no sun up and in the sky, the ground lacked its natural warmth. Makoto sighed and saw his breath ascend in a white puff. There was no way he was going back inside to get his jacket, so he would just have to tough it out.

He rushed down the sidewalk and headed straight for work, feeling relief wash over him when he saw the station come into view. He hurried inside and breathed in the warm air, the heat covering him like a blanket. It did nothing to warm up the frigid feeling in his stomach, but at least his arms were not frozen anymore.

Once he saw that the garage was empty, he headed down to the lockers to change into his exercise gear. But before he could even enter the room, his feet froze in the doorway. A figure sat hunched over at the table in the corner with their head in their hands.

"Koji?" Makoto called.

Koji snapped his head up and turned to look at Makoto with tired eyes.

"M-Makoto," Koji greeted quietly. "Hey, uh… you're here early."

"What are you doing here?" Makoto asked, walking up to Koji at his table. As Makoto got closer, he could see the bags under Koji's eyes. "Weren't you… on vacation, or something?"

Koji blinked at him and then straightened his back. He gave a strained smile and fidgeted with the watch on his wrist.

"Ah, yeah. I was," Koji answered, his voice a little low and short. "I hadn't taken a vacation yet this year, so I didn't want to lose those days before the new year comes."

Makoto bit his lip at the sound of Koji's voice. It sounded as if he was anxious, and it was putting Makoto on edge.

"Um… is everything okay?" Makoto asked.

Koji's eyes widened at his question and he inhaled sharply. But he quickly recovered and softened his features, forcing a crooked smile on his face.

"Yeah, of course," Koji said.

Makoto's brows pushed together. What in the world was going on? First Haru had seemed distant, but now Koji?

Maybe Makoto  _had_  gone crazy.

His fingers twitched at his sides, itching to grab his phone to call the psychiatrist's office. Things had seemed so peaceful lately, with Haru telling him that he had been swimming and getting better and Makoto slowly recovering from his PTSD. Then all of a sudden, his calm world was turned upside down, but no one else was acknowledging it. He started to wonder if this was another symptom of his PTSD.

"You going for a run?"

Koji's words ripped Makoto from his thoughts. It was the second time within an hour that he had been so violently pulled from his own mind, and he felt his paranoia spike.

He glanced up at Koji, who was now standing to feet. Makoto blinked at him, trying to remember what his question was.

"Um, yeah…" Makoto answered when he finally remembered. "I was going to go a few blocks."

Koji smiled and walked to his locker.

"Great! I'll go with you," Koji said as he pulled out his gym clothes.

Makoto was stunned into a confused silence, staring at Koji as he changed out of his clothes. Koji was doing the exact same thing that Haru had done, acting as if everything was normal.

And maybe it was.

"Makoto? You coming?" Koji called.

Makoto snapped out his daze once again and nodded, fumbling over his words as he rushed to his locker to change.

"Yeah, just give me a minute!"

Makoto quickly changed into his exercise gear and pulled on his tennis shoes. He followed Koji back outside where another frigid blast of air attacked his arms. He shivered as he stretched alongside Koji.

"Ready?" Koji asked after a few minutes of stretching.

Makoto nodded, ready to just run and get his mind off of things. Koji nodded back, giving him a real smile, and then they both started a light jog down the sidewalk. Makoto was perplexed at Koji's smile. It seemed real enough.

Was Makoto going crazy...?

"Um…" Makoto managed as they turned a corner. Koji turned to look at him, his head slightly cocked.

"Hm? What is it?" Koji asked.

"Are… are you sure everything's okay?" Makoto asked.

Koji kept his steps steady, not faltering in his smile or his steps. But his eyes seemed to darken.

"Of course," Koji said. "Why… do you ask?"

They turned another corner and sunlight peeked out from behind the tall buildings. The soft orange hues painted their skin and clothes.

"Well… I guess I'm just going a little crazy," Makoto said, biting his lip.

"Crazy?" Koji asked, a little worry laced in his voice.

Makoto nodded. "Haru's been acting really strange these past few days," Makoto explained. "You remember him, right?"

Koji nodded and averted his gaze to stare up at the buildings. "Yeah. And how has he been strange?"

"Just…" Makoto bit his lip again. "Avoiding me? Or… being distant, maybe? I'm not really sure. And this morning he just treated me like nothing was wrong."

Koji's eyes glanced down towards the sidewalk. "Mmn," he hummed. "Have you, uh… have you talked to him about it?"

Makoto pushed his brows together. "No. But he seems normal, maybe. Maybe… maybe  _I'm_  the one that isn't normal."

"Don't say that," Koji said immediately, his head snapping to look at Makoto.

"But, Koji… I'm the only one at the station seeing a therapist."

"That doesn't mean you're not normal," Koji said, looking at Makoto with a gentle expression. They turned down another block, now heading back to the station. "You went through a  _lot_ , Makoto. It's okay to feel distressed about it sometimes."

Makoto lowered his head down to stare at the boring pavement as his feet pounded against it. He sighed and nodded.

"Mmn," he hummed. "Dr. Ozawa has said similar things."

Koji smiled at that. "See? You're not crazy. Well, maybe a  _little_."

"Hey!" Makoto said, his lips curling up in a smile.

Koji playfully nudged his arm with his elbow. "It'll get better. Just hang in there."

Makoto nodded at him, his chest feeling a little bit lighter.

Maybe Koji was right.

* * *

When Makoto got home from work that evening, he was greeted with a busy apartment. Nagisa was attempting to help Haru in the kitchen while Rei was attempting to study at the kitchen table.

Neither of them were getting anywhere, though.

"Ah, Mako-chan's home!" Nagisa greeted.

"Welcome back," Haru greeted, his face a little more than annoyed.

"Ah, thanks. You're helping Haru cook, Nagisa?" Makoto asked.

" _Well_ , I  _wanted to_ , but Haru-chan won't let me!" Nagisa complained.

"Nagisa-kun, you're probably being too loud," Rei said, rubbing his temples. He looked like he had some bags under his eyes. Makoto eyed the books on the table and gave Rei a sympathetic look.

"Exams?" Makoto asked.

"Oh, well, yes. I've been trying to convince Nagisa-kun to study, too, but he refuses every time," Rei said as he adjusted his glasses.

"Studying is boring!" Nagisa chirped.

"But it's necessary to get a passing mark!" Rei shouted back.

"Aw, Rei-chan, you worry too much."

"You don't worry enough!"

Makoto chuckled. It was a familiar sight, the nostalgic feeling sending tingles down his spine. He walked past the bickering two and peeked over Haru's shoulder, his eyes lighting up with the food in the pan. The amazing aroma wafted throughout the apartment, practically making Makoto's mouth water.

Things were almost… normal.

"Ah, it smells good, Haru," Makoto said hesitantly, trying to test the waters.

Haru turned back to look at Makoto with creased brows and pouting lips.

"Nagisa wanted to put more sugar in it," Haru said, his brow twitching.

"I like it sweeter!" Nagisa chirped from the table.

Haru rolled his eyes and turned back to the pots and pans on the stovetop.

"How was work?" Haru asked.

Makoto started a little, blinking at Haru with a curious expression on his face. He gulped and took a quick breath.

"It was, uh… it was good," Makoto said, rubbing the back of his neck. "No calls today."

"Mmn. Good," Haru said. He turned around and held out his spoon to Makoto. "Here, try this."

Makoto's eyes widened, but he quickly recovered and leaned down to the spoon. He sipped at the soup, the warmth quickly spreading down his chest and into his stomach.

It tasted like home.

"Ah, it's so good, Haru!" Makoto said, his face immediately lighting up.

A small smile appeared on Haru's face. "Good. It's a recipe I wanted to try for the exam coming up."

Makoto's heart swelled at his words. Haru was actually talking to him. The rut of loneliness that he had been stuck in for the past few days suddenly lifted and he felt at peace.

_"You went through a lot, Makoto. It's okay to feel distressed about it sometimes."_

Makoto nodded to himself at Koji's words, feeling thankful to have such good friends.

"Well, I'm sure you'll pass it, Haru," Makoto said.

Haru turned and gave Makoto another small smile. "Thanks. You think you could get some plates?"

"Sure!"

* * *

After his talk with Koji and having dinner with his friends, Makoto felt lighter on his feet, but he was still a bit apprehensive about going to the swim therapy session with Haru today. He tugged on the swim shirt that he had worn when he helped Goro at the swim club. It was a little tight, but it at least hid his scars. He took one last look in the mirror in the bathroom before tucking his duffle bag under his arm and heading to the front door.

Haru, dressed in his university tracksuit, was kneeling down at the front door and lacing up his shoes. He peered up at Makoto when he entered. Haru's eyes locked onto Makoto's swim shirt briefly before flitting up to meet his gaze.

"You're going to swim, right?" Haru asked.

Makoto glanced down at his clothes and then back to Haru. He nodded, giving a small smile.

"Yeah, well… if you want me to," Makoto mumbled.

Haru stood to his feet and creased his brows at Makoto, giving him a weird look.

"Why wouldn't I want you to swim?" Haru asked incredulously.

Makoto blinked at him and let out a nervous chuckle as he scratched his cheek. He gave a friendly shrug and Haru rolled his eyes.

"Dummy," Haru huffed. He reached down to grab his own duffle bag and hoisted it over his shoulder. "You ready?"

Makoto's smile faltered a little, but he nodded and followed Haru out of the apartment and down the street towards the campus. They fell into a strange silence, one that Makoto could not quite put his finger on. It reminded him of the numerous amounts of trips they made to and from school together, and how their silences then were comfortable and peaceful.

The silence now was not as much uncomfortable as it was peculiar.

Did Haru really want him to come today?

Maybe Haru was just being nice.

Maybe Haru really  _was_  upset, and he's just doing this because he had already asked him to come.

Makoto shook his head and tried to focus on the positive. He could hear Koji's words ringing in his head.

 _You're just being paranoid,_  Makoto told himself.  _It will be fine. Just breathe._

_Breathe in._

_Breathe out._

_Breathe in…_

"Makoto."

Makoto snapped out of his daze to see Haru staring at him with creased brows. He was holding a door open, and when Makoto looked up, he realized that they had arrived at the aquatics center on campus.

Sheesh, how long had he zoned out for?

"How long are you going to stand there?" Haru asked, his tone sounding bored.

"O-Oh, coming, Haru!" Makoto said, and he rushed through the entrance.

He followed Haru down a hallway and into the locker room where they both changed out of their tracksuits. Makoto, with a little bit of blush on his cheeks, kept his swim shirt on. As they headed out to the pool, Makoto fidgeted with the hem of his, feeling self-conscious.

"Makoto, you'll be fine," Haru said, snapping Makoto out of his fidgeting.

"Y-Yeah…" Makoto stuttered.

"No one's going to ask you to take it off," Haru said. He stopped walking and faced Makoto. "And if they do, they'll have to deal with me."

Makoto felt his chest constrict. "H-Haru…"

Haru's eyes were completely serious and unmoving, and Makoto felt his heart swell.

"Ah, Haru, you're here!"

Makoto and Haru glanced over to see the captain of the swim team, Torii, waving at them from the starting block. Haru turned to meet Makoto's gaze, giving him a single nod, and then led Makoto down the length of the pool.

"Oh, hey! You're Haru's roommate, right?" Torii asked Makoto, giving him a smile.

The warmth from his smile immediately made Makoto's face light up like a candle, and he returned a similar smile.

"Yeah, I'm Tachibana Makoto. But you can just call me Makoto," Makoto greeted, giving Torii a small bow.

"Nice to meet you, Makoto. I'm Torii Masato," Torii greeted, bowing back. "Will you be joining us in the pool today?"

Torii gestured towards Makoto's jammers, and Makoto nodded, rubbing the back of his neck shyly.

"Y-Yeah, well, I mean… once Haru is done," Makoto said.

Torii smiled brightly and placed his hands on his hips. "Of course!"

"Makoto," Haru suddenly called, grabbing Makoto's attention. Haru stared at him with his calm, blue eyes. "Don't let me hold you back. If you want to swim, then swim."

Makoto's chest constricted. There was a rekindled fire in Haru's eyes that he had not seen since before his injury. Haru was really about to swim.

"You ready, Haru?" Torii asked.

Makoto watched as Haru nodded and followed Torii into the pool. While Torii jumped in, Haru slid in carefully. He tucked his hair underneath his swim cap but kept his goggles on top of his head.

"Okay, let's start with the usual stretches," Torii said, helping Haru to stay balanced.

Makoto watched them, his brows rising and his lips parting. Haru was standing in the lane, the water lapping at his skin. His eyes were sharp and focused, listening to Torii's voice intently and doing exactly as he instructed. It was as if Haru had never left the water.

Makoto reached up and placed his palm over his heart. He breathed out to calm his shaking hands.

"Okay, Haru. Let's do some kicking," Torii suddenly said.

Haru nodded and lowered his goggles over his eyes. He leaned back into Torii's hands and Torii gripped his shoulders to steady him. Slowly, Haru began kicking. His feet moved smoothly in the water, creating ripples and sending water droplets flying.

"Good. Any pain?" Torii asked.

"No," Haru answered.

Makoto's chest fluttered. No pain? At all?

"Great! I see you've been doing those exercises I told you," Torii said.

Haru pouted and Torii laughed, his voice bouncing off of the high ceilings of the room. Makoto smiled fondly at them, his heart feeling full.

Torii helped Haru lean up and stand on his own. He let go of Haru's shoulders and placed his hands on his hips.

"Okay, Haru. Want to try swimming the length of the pool again?" Torii said.

Haru turned back to look at Torii, his brows raised slightly.

"You'll let me?" Haru asked, and Torii laughed.

"Well, you did so well last time that I figured you'd want to do it again. Besides, you need to show Makoto your progress, don't you?" Torii asked.

Haru turned to look up at his best friend, who was waiting patiently by the starting block. He took a deep breath and turned back to Torii, giving him a nod. Torii nodded back and gestured towards the starting block. Haru turned to the edge of the pool and pulled himself up from the water.

Makoto jumped when he saw Haru go to stand on the starting block. He eyed Haru's foot, wondering if it would be all right to put so much pressure on it. He was about to say something, and he reached out his hand to Haru, but he felt his body freeze when he saw Haru bend down and grip the edge of the block.

"Ready!" Torii shouted.

Haru gripped harder and exhaled softly, his eyes peering down the lane. He could see the crystal clear water reflecting the lights, and his heart thudding harder against his chest.

_The water is alive..._

"And… Go!"

Haru launched himself from the starting block and into the water with a light splash. He kicked underneath the water and then made his way up. He took a deep breath when he broke the surface and then pushed himself harder, his fingers gliding through the water.

Back at the starting block, Makoto stood stunned. His eyes were wide and his jaw had slackened, making him look like a gaping fish. He could not believe what he was seeing.

Haru was  _swimming_. And it was not slow. Haru was swimming fairly fast for someone who had been suffering a detrimental injury for the past year.

Makoto could feel something prickling inside his chest, and something warm and wet slid down his cheeks. He lifted his hand to touch his face and his finger came back wet. He gasped lightly when he realized that he was crying. He shut his eyes tight and wiped his face with his arm, his chest feeling incredibly tight.

He could swim again.

He could live his dream again.

Haru could be  _Haru_  again.

"H-Hey! Haru! Wait, what are you doing?!"

Makoto dropped his arm from his face and glanced back up at the lane. His eyes widened when he saw that Haru had made the turn at the far end of the pool and had started swimming back.

"Haru, you're going to overwork yourself! You should slow down!  _Haru!"_

Torii shouted across the lane, but Haru was ignoring him. He wanted to do this on his own.

He wanted to swim a whole lap.

Haru's lungs were on fire, but he pressed forward anyway. His arms were beginning to burn and he could feel his foot starting to ache and resist.

But he kept going.

 _I have to do this_ , Haru said to himself.

The whole year, Makoto blamed himself for everything. The fire, Haru's injury, his career change…

Haru slammed his hand into the water to propel himself faster.

He thought about the incident report.

 _Even if the fire_ was _Makoto's fault…_

Haru kicked his legs, creating tall splashes.

_"…one of the students is responsible for the fire."_

Haru leaned up for a breath and then cut his fingers through the water.

_…I will forgive him._

Haru pushed harder and faster, begging his body to keep up, just for a few more meters.

_We will get past this._

Just a few more centimeters.

_And no one will be hurt anymore._

Then, Haru's hand found a wall and he slammed it. He reared back his head to gasp for a breath and then he hunched over, yanking off his goggles and swim cap. He leaned his forehead against the cool plastic of the wall and tried to catch his breath as tingles surged through his body.

Did he make it? Where exactly was he?

"Haru!"

Haru jolted at the sound and he leaned up.

His heart stuttered at the sight.

A hand.

There was a hand extended down to him.

Haru's eyes followed the hand up a tan arm, and then they landed on a familiar face.

Gentle, green eyes. A mess of brown hair. And a smile that was so bright, it was practically blinding.

Makoto.

"You did it, Haru!" Makoto said. The skin under his eyes was red and irritated, but the smile did not diminish one bit. "You really are the fastest in the water, Haru!"

Haru's eyes widened and his chest felt incredibly tight. Memories of Makoto pulling him out of the water flashed into his mind, from when they were children to even when they had first started college.

Through every situation or challenge, no matter how rough things got, Makoto was always there for him. He always pushed Haru to do his best and always supported Haru's decisions. His reasoning that  _it was meaningless_  without Haru seemed so skewed.

 _No, Makoto_ , Haru thought as his eyes welled up with tears of his own.  _It's meaningless without_ you.

Haru reached up and grabbed Makoto's hand, allowing Makoto to hoist him up and onto the concrete. He shook his head to rid the water from his hair and leaned over to rest his hands on his knees.

"Well, well…"

Haru glanced up to see Torii walking over with his hands on his hips and a disapproving look on his face. He sighed and shook his head.

"You just  _had_  to swim a full lap, didn't you?" Torii said.

Haru turned his gaze to the side and pouted at the wall. He heard Makoto chuckle from above his head, and the sound made his heart leap.

"Well, as long as he's not hurting, I'm sure he's fine," Makoto said.

Haru glanced up at Makoto, surprised at his friend's words. Makoto stared down at him with a fond expression. His brows were upturned, and specks of tears pooled at the corners of his eyes.

"Makoto…" Haru whispered.

Suddenly, Torii started laughing, making both Haru and Makoto turn towards him.

"Of course, of course," Torii said, agreeing. "All right. Let me check your foot before you jump in again."

Torii pushed Haru's shoulder gently until he was sitting on the starting block. He knelt down to examine Haru's foot, his thumbs pushing in different spots. Haru only grimaced when Torii pushed down on the top of his foot.

"Well, I really shouldn't let you swim anymore," Torii said, standing back up. Haru looked down at his lap, feeling a little disappointment. He still had not had the chance to swim with Makoto yet. "But, as long as you don't swim for too much longer, then I'll allow it."

Haru whipped his head up to look at Torii, his eyes wide. Torii smiled pleasantly at him before turning to look at Makoto.

"Make sure he doesn't hurt himself," Torii said to Makoto.

Makoto gave his signature head-tilt smile. "You can count on me!"

Torii nodded. "Good," he said. He turned to leave, but stopped short and turned around. "Oh, and Haru."

Haru glanced back at his former captain, curiosity lighting his eyes.

"I've already talked to Coach. He wants to see you at practice after the Fall Meet," Torii said.

Haru hesitated, sitting so still that he could feel his heart pounding in his chest and ringing in his ears. Then, he inhaled sharply, his blue eyes bulging and his jaw dropping.

"I-I'll be there!" Haru affirmed.

Torii gave a firm nod. "I know."

Then, Torii disappeared through the locker room door.

Haru glanced at Makoto, his eyes still wide and his words lost in his throat. Makoto was beaming, his smile bright and clear.

"Haru!" Makoto exclaimed, grabbing ahold of Haru's shoulders and shaking them gently. "You're back on the swim team! This is incredible!"

Makoto raked his hands through his hair and stared out at the pool in a happy daze. Haru's lips tugged upwards into a smile, unable to hold back. Makoto's smile was truly contagious, especially when he was excited.

"This is so wonderful now, Haru!" Makoto said, turning back to look at Haru.

Haru's chest fluttered. He could hear the hidden meaning behind Makoto's sentence.

Everything was fine now. Haru did not completely lose his dream.

Makoto can let go.

Makoto can  _forgive_  himself.

Haru nodded and then stood to his feet. He nodded towards the pool and gave Makoto a smile.

"Let's go, Makoto."

Makoto hesitated only for a moment before he firmly nodded back.

"Mm! Let's go, Haru!"

They gave each other one last smile.

Then, they both rushed to the pool and jumped in.

Memories of swimming together came back to Haru's mind in a flash. He remembered the days when they were just kids at Goro's swimming club in Iwatobi, and when they were at Nationals to swim the relay.

Haru swam peacefully down the lane, completely submerged. Makoto swam by his side, a content smile on his face. They glanced at each other in the water, and suddenly, Haru was pulled into a memory from their junior high days. He remembered when he and Makoto had run out in the middle of the night to sneak into the Iwatobi Swim Club to swim, both still in their clothes from the day. Beforehand, Makoto had been acting strangely, forcing himself to change.

_"You're you!"_

But those words sparked an understanding within Makoto and he came back to life in an instant. His face immediately relaxed and he was back to his old self in no time.

And looking at Makoto now, Haru could see that same, fragile boy that he knew in junior high—with the same peaceful smile and gentle eyes.

It made Haru's heart hurt.

Makoto reached over and grabbed Haru's wrist, gently bringing him up to the surface so they both gliding along the top of the water on their backs.

"Ah, this feels so good," Makoto sighed.

Haru's heart stuttered and he whipped his head to look at Makoto. It was the same as before when they were in junior high. His heart swelled at the sight of seeing Makoto's content face. He was so at peace with himself. It was a sight that Haru had not witnessed in such a long time.

_"…a pan was left unattended…"_

Haru wanted to savor this moment.

_"…a student was responsible…"_

And forget everything else.

* * *

"That was so much fun, Haru," Makoto said as they entered their apartment. Haru had a small smile on his face and nodded.

"You can probably go with me more often," Haru said as he walked to the kitchen.

Makoto chuckled. "Yeah, I suppose I could get special treatment if you're on the  _swim team_."

Haru rolled his eyes and placed his duffle bag on the kitchen table. He opened it up to fish out his wet jammers.

"You can use the shower first," Haru offered.

Makoto nodded. "Okay, Haru!"

Since it had been so late leaving, the locker room was already locked up and secured, so neither of them were able to take showers.

Makoto walked off to the bathroom and grabbed a towel. He turned the knob for the shower and turned it on medium, testing his tolerance of hotter temperatures. When the water was about lukewarm, Makoto stepped into the shower and sighed in relief.

The water was tolerable.

He felt his lips pull into a wide grin. His cheeks hurt from smiling so much today but he simply could not help himself. Not only did he get to see Haru swim again, but he was able to swim  _with_  Haru. And Haru  _wanted_  him there.

Warmth flooded Makoto's chest and he let out a content sigh.

Maybe being paranoid all week was just his mistake. Nothing seemed to be wrong, especially after their swim session today.

 _Yeah_ , Makoto agreed.  _I must've been just imagining things._

Once he was done in the shower, Makoto changed and grabbed a towel. He headed back out to the living room, his towel hanging around his shoulders. He saw Haru digging through his duffle bag in the kitchen. Haru pulled a towel from the bag and turned around to see Makoto.

"Shower's free," Makoto told him. Haru gave a curt nod and disappeared down the hall and into the bathroom. "Don't take too long, Haru!" Makoto called with a chuckle.

Makoto could practically hear Haru rolling his eyes and he let out another sweet chuckle. He turned around and breathed in the peaceful quietness of the apartment. He took a deep breath and released a sigh.

He assumed that Nagisa and Rei would be back later, once their late night lab was over. He wondered if they would want something to eat when they got home. Makoto turned towards the hallway and saw that the light was on under the bathroom door. He opened his mouth to call out to Haru to ask about dinner, but then he shut his mouth. He smiled and shook his head, deciding to give Haru a night off. It was a big day for him, after all.

Makoto turned towards the hallway and saw that the light was on under the bathroom door. He opened his mouth to call out to Haru to ask about dinner, but then he shut his mouth. He smiled and shook his head, deciding to give Haru a night off. It was a big day for him, after all.

Flinging the towel over his head, Makoto tried drying more of his wet locks. He walked towards the kitchen, thinking about what to make for dinner. But then, his hip collided with the kitchen table, and Makoto heard a solid  _thud_.

Makoto took the towel from his head and peered at the floor. Haru's duffle bag had fallen off of the table and all of its contents had spilled out on the floor.

"Ah, geez," Makoto sighed.

Makoto rested his towel on his shoulders and scratched the back of his neck. He knelt down to the mess on the floor and started picking up the damp clothes and stuffing them back into the bag.

When picked up the last shirt to stuff in the bag, a loose paper fluttered down and onto the floor. There were several creases in the paper, it appearing to have been through some wear and tear. Makoto stared at it curiously, his eyes squinting to read the tiny font.

TOKYO POLICE DEPARTMENT

Makoto blinked at it. Tokyo Police? What was Haru doing with something from the police department?

Makoto knelt down and picked up the paper. His brows pushed together when he realized it was an incident report. He had to help Koji fill out a few of these back at the station, so he was familiar with the layout of the sheet.

But what was Haru doing with it?

Makoto stood to his feet and carefully studied the paper, his eyes flitting across to the details. His heart clenched when he recognized the date.

It was the date of the dorm fire last year.

 _What?_  Makoto thought.  _Why does Haru have an incident report from the dorm fire?_

Makoto kept reading, his face pulling into a wince when he saw his and Haru's names under the "injured" list. He read down past the officers on duty, immediately recognizing Mori's and Koji's names on the list, and down to the bottom of the page.

**Probable Cause**

"Probable Cause?" Makoto mumbled out loud. He had never heard of any kind of cause or reason that the fire had occurred.

He read through the short paragraph at the bottom of the page, trying to get to the bottom of everything.

_After further investigation, it appears that the fire started in the community kitchen on the bottom floor of the dormitory. A single pan was found in the rubble with grease residue coated on the inside. Is likely that the incident was caused by a grease fire from an unattended pan on the stove. In conclusion, one of the students in the building is responsible for the fire._

Makoto blinked.

A grease fire?

A pan… left on the stove…

A…  _student_ …

Wait...

Makoto's breath hitched inside his chest.

_No… it… it can't be…_

Makoto reads it over again, his eyes wide and his heart thumping loudly.

_I… I can't breathe._

_I… can't… breathe…_

* * *

Haru shut off the shower, a little reluctantly. He had wanted to take a bath, but he figured that he should try and make dinner soon. He really,  _really_  wanted mackerel, but…

Haru thought about Makoto's face and how peaceful he had been today at the pool. He wanted to keep that smile on Makoto's face for as long as possible.

It was decided.

Haru would make green curry.

He grabbed a towel and started rubbing it through his hair as he left the bathroom.

"Makoto," Haru called from the hallway. "I was thinking about making curry for dinner. Does that sound fine?"

Haru glanced up from his towel to see that Makoto was not in the living room. He raised a brow and glanced around the room until his eyes landed on the kitchen doorway. The light was on in the kitchen.

Haru rested his towel around his neck and padded over to the kitchen. He caught a glimpse of Makoto's back and opened his mouth to call him.

"Mako—"

Haru froze.

Makoto was standing still as a statue, save for his trembling hand that held a wrinkled piece of paper.

Wait... piece of paper...?

Haru's breath hitched in his chest and he gasped.

_It was the incident report._

"Makoto…" Haru called, his heart racing and his throat tight.

Makoto's entire body jumped and he slowly turned to face Haru. Fat tears were seeping out of wide eyes and were gliding down Makoto's reddened cheeks. He wore a horrified expression on his face and looked on the verge of a breakdown.

"M-Makoto…" Haru's voice shook when he tried again. Makoto jolted a step backward and Haru felt panic rise in his throat. "Just… j-just let me explain. I… I can… we can talk about this."

Makoto took another look down at the incident report, tears still steadily streaming down his cheeks and meeting at chin before falling to the floor.

"M… Makoto," Haru called, reaching out to him. "I—"

Suddenly, Makoto shut his eyes tightly and slammed the incident report down on the table. He pushed past Haru and ran towards the front door.

"Makoto!" Haru shouted, trying to run after him. "Wait!  _Makoto!"_

But it was too late.

Haru watched as Makoto's back disappeared beyond the threshold. And then the front door slammed shut.

He stared at the front door in silence, his mind trying to catch up. His heart was tight inside his chest and his stomach clenched. The empty apartment's silence rang loudly in his ears, and the only pair of shoes that remained at the front door were his own.

Makoto was… gone.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone! Here's another chapter for you. Thank you SO much for all your comments on the last chapter. I'm so thankful to have readers like you guys!
> 
> Happy reading!

_Breathe in._

_Breathe out._

The ticking of the clock was louder than usual.

_Breathe in._

_Breathe out._

The ceiling fan was running. But wasn't it too cold for that?

_Breathe in._

_Breathe out._

Actually… it was freezing.

_Breathe… in…_

Makoto was lying on his newly designated bed at the fire station, his hands cradling his head. He stared up at the dingy ceiling and counted the holes in the tiles. It was the only thing he could find that could keep him calm, especially when there have been no calls or alarms during his shift. He thought that switching to 24-hour shifts would take his mind off of everything, but his disruptive thoughts only grew louder. The days were excruciatingly long, and he found himself getting more and more restless by each ticking second.

His phone remained on its charger next to his bed. It would buzz periodically and Makoto would go to check it, but he would suck in a breath when he saw a familiar name pop up on the screen.

_Haru._

Makoto would put the phone down and flip it over, waiting for the buzzing to stop. Then, if there was no paperwork to do, he would go back to either sleeping or sulking.

Rinse and repeat.

He knew Haru must have been concerned. He left several texts over the fast five days, begging Makoto to call him, text him, meet with him, come  _home_. The texts started the day he left.

_Makoto, please come back home. Let's talk about this._

_It's getting late. You are coming back, right?_

_Please, Makoto._

_It's been a few days… when are you coming home?_

_I want to make curry one night, but I don't want to make it with you not here._

_Nagisa brought home a chocolate cake. You should come home to have some._

_Please, Makoto?_

_Makoto, just come home._

_You'd better be eating properly._

_Nagisa and Rei miss you._

_I miss you._

Makoto's heart ached at every single text. Every time he went to reply, his fingers trembled so much that he would drop his phone and start hyperventilating. And every night, he would startle awake from nightmares so realistic that he thought he was dying. Every day felt heavier and heavier and Makoto thought he was going insane.

The only reason that he did not completely fall apart was Koji.

Koji was there the night everything came crashing down.

* * *

_Makoto ran._

_He ran fast and hard, oblivious to how cold his arms were or how much his lungs burned. All he could feel was the pit of anguish that was devouring his insides and creating a deep, empty hole._

_It was all his fault._

_Every bit of it was his fault._

_And Makoto fell into despair._

_He charged into the fire station, the men in the garage looking up and staring at him wide-eyed. He could faintly hear his name being called by some of the firemen but he walked past them all to get to the hallway. After passing several doors, he made it to Captain Mori's office, clearly hearing two distinct voices. He jiggled the door handle with a shaking hand and opened it, the talking in the room immediately ceasing._

_"Makoto?"_

_Makoto felt his heart leap at hearing Koji's voice. He looked up and saw two bewildered expressions staring back at him._

_"K-Koji…" he whimpered out._

_"W-What happened? Are you all right?" Koji was by his side in an instant, his hands gripping Makoto's shoulders._

_Makoto opened his mouth to speak but only a small cry made it past the lump in his throat. He covered his eyes with his palms and grit his teeth to try to stop the tears but they flowed endlessly down his cheeks. His shoulders ached with how hard they trembled._

_"Makoto!" Koji called, shaking him gently. "H-Hey, are you hurt? Do we need to take you to the hospital?_ Makoto!"

_Makoto took a quick, shallow breath. He knew he had to say something before both Koji and Mori admitted him into a mental facility._

_"I-It was my fault…" Makoto's voice shook as he spoke and it was small and frail. It lacked its usual luster and shine, and it frightened Koji to his core._

_Koji stilled in front of him, his grip on Makoto's shoulders loosening._

_"W-What?" Koji stuttered._

_"Th-The… incident report," Makoto said through hiccups. He dropped his hands from his eyes and glanced up at Koji, his eyes shining with desperation. "It was all my fault that Haru was hurt!"_

_Makoto buried his head in his hands and started to sob, tremors wracking his shoulders. His knees grew weak as the realization of it all hit him hard. His legs gave out and he started to sink to the floor._

_"Whoa, whoa! Makoto!"_

_Koji tried holding Makoto up but ended up gently guiding his large frame to slump onto the ground. Makoto's back fell against the wall and he curled up into himself. His vision fizzled until it turned white, and he could vaguely feel Koji's hands on him and hear their voices._

_"C-Captain!"_

_Koji's frantic voice called back to his superior. Makoto felt another body next to him and another pair of hands holding him steady._

_"He's panicking," Mori's calm voice said._

_"W-What do we do?! I've never seen him have one this bad!" Koji asked._

_Makoto felt a hand combing through his hair and he released a shuddering breath._

_"We stay calm until he's out of it," Mori said._

_"But what if he passes out? He's breathing so hard."_

_Makoto felt a pair of hands squeeze his shoulders._

_"He'll be fine. He just has to calm down," Mori said. "You hear me, Tachibana? Breathe. Deep and slow."_

_Makoto felt another stray hand touch his jumping chest and his panic spiked. He gasped for another breath and curled in on himself further._

_"Easy, Makoto, easy," he heard Koji say. The hand on his chest rubbed slow, soothing circles. "Now breathe. Breathe in… and out. C'mon, do it with me. In… now out. Good… and again."_

_Breathe in..._

_Breathe out._

_Breathe... in..._

_Makoto breathed and sat on that floor for what seemed like an eternity. The fog in his eyes finally cleared and he saw both Mori and Koji peering at him with creased brows and set jaws._

_"Makoto, are you all right?" Koji asked. He lifted his hand to wipe Makoto's sweaty fringe from his forehead. Makoto sighed at the touch and leaned his head back to bonk against the cool wall. His lungs could barely function and his eyelids were heavy._

_"He's exhausted," Mori said. He stood up and onto his feet and peered down at Koji. "Get him to a bed. We'll talk to him later."_

_Before he knew it, Makoto felt his fatigued body lifted up by his arms. His head hung as he was dragged up some stairs. He was gently laid on a soft bed and vaguely felt someone dabbing the sweat from his face. He sighed and squeezed his eyes shut as he breathed out a pitiful apology._

_"I'm sorry, Haru. I'm so, so sorry..."_

* * *

Makoto closed his eyes and blocked out the painful memories.

There were several other incidents in the past few days where Makoto felt that his entire world had crumbled apart. And during all of it, Koji was there. He was there for him during every panic attack and every nightmare, helping him to breathe and calm himself. He even helped Makoto find ways to cope and breathe when there was down time around the station, giving him little tricks and hints to keep his mind occupied.

Which is how Makoto ended up staring up at the ceiling and counting holes in the tiles.

"You're thinking about it again."

Suddenly, Makoto felt the edge of his bed dip and his eyes opened to see Koji looking down at him with that same sympathetic look on his face that he's had all week.

"I'm f-fine." Makoto cleared his throat when his voice squeaked. He pulled his hands from behind his head and rested them on his stomach.

"You're not," Koji said gently. "You're not okay, Makoto. I'm worried that it's going to consume you. I'm worried you'll ruin your friendship with Haru."

Makoto winced, turning his head away and squeezing his eyes shut. He took a shuddering breath.

"I ruined it the moment I destroyed his life," Makoto said pathetically.

A hurt noise came from Koji's throat and Makoto reluctantly looked up at him. Koji's brows were pushed together and his lips were pulled into a frustrated frown. A pang of guilt washed over Makoto's body.

Makoto sat up from the bed and stood to his feet.

"Where are you going?" Koji asked. He stood to his feet as well and caught Makoto by his shoulder before he could escape from the room.

"I…" Makoto hesitated as he tried to untangle his tongue. "Just…"

"Makoto," Koji said, pulling Makoto back and forcing him to face him. "You didn't  _destroy_  his life."

"Of course I did, Koji!" Makoto said, raising his voice. Koji only flinched for a second before recovering. "He had to change majors because of me! He's a year behind now because of me! He had to give up his  _dream_ , the thing he loves  _most_ , just because I'm an  _idiot_!"

"You don't know that!" Koji snapped back, his fingers starting to dig into Makoto's shoulder.

"Of  _course_  I do! The incident report was very clear!" Makoto shouted back.

"They get those things wrong all the time," Koji said, trying to maintain his patience. "It could've easily been something else."

"No," Makoto muttered. "I know it was me. There was no way that it could've been something else."

"But you don't know for sure!" Koji pleaded. "It's so possible that something had gone wrong in the kitchen that was  _not your fault!_  I mean, I spent my vacation days looking up different possibilities and—"

"I tried cooking just last week and I left the stove on!" Makoto shouted, burying his face in his hands. "Haru had to turn off the stove for me."

Koji winced and placed both of his hands on Makoto's shoulders.

"That could've been just a mistake, a one-time thing!" Koji said. He ducked his head to try and lock eyes with Makoto, but Makoto kept his gaze glued to the floor.

" _No_ , I  _know_  it was me," Makoto said. He took a shallow, shuddering breath. His chest and shoulders started to jump and tense. "I've… I've been debating whether or not I should go to the police and… and turn myself in."

Koji's eyes slowly widened at Makoto's words.

"I feel that I need to. It's only right. I've got to fix all the pain I've caused," Makoto said with a quivering voice. "I mean… I hurt  _so_ many people. And… I need to pay for what I did to them and… and to Haru."

Koji felt his patience thinning, the tension pulling it taut. His grip on Makoto's shoulder tightened and he grit his teeth.

"And maybe… maybe after I do that," Makoto stammered. "Maybe Haru would forgive me."

Koji's patience snapped.

He grabbed Makoto by the collar of his shirt and yanked him sideways until his back hit the wall next to the bed. Makoto yelped when his head hit the wall and he finally,  _finally_  looked at Koji in the eye. He regretted it immediately but could not look away.

Koji looked  _angry_.

" _Stop!"_  Koji yelled. " _Stop this!_  You can't keep beating yourself up over this! Even if it  _was_  your fault, you can't just keep hurting yourself like this."

"K-Koji…" Makoto felt his eyes water.

"You  _need_  to speak to Haru. Directly. Stop avoiding him. Can't you see you're  _miserable_? Makoto, wake up!" Koji pulled Makoto forward by his shirt and then slammed him back against the wall, earning another yelp. "If you don't forgive yourself, then you will  _destroy_  yourself! Stop wallowing and  _go talk to him!"_

By the time Koji was done, he was panting. He glanced down at his shoes to recover his breath but paused when he felt Makoto's shoulders trembling underneath his palms. He glanced back up at Makoto's face and his anger immediately fled from his body.

Makoto was shaking as tears slid down his cheeks. His eyes were blown wide and his chest was jumping wildly, wheezing breaths escaping his mouth.

"M-Makoto," Koji said.

Makoto gasped for breath but it only came out as a rasp. He lifted a hand to his chest and tried to breathe but it sounded painful with every struggling inhalation. His legs finally buckled and he slid to the floor, dragging Koji along with him.

"Hey, breathe.  _Breathe_ , Makoto," Koji said.

"S-S… Sorry," Makoto said in between rasps.

"Stop," Koji said gently. He cradled Makoto's shoulders in his arms and pushed Makoto's ear against his chest. "Listen to my breathing and match it. You've done this before. Ready? In. And out. Good, again. In…"

* * *

Haru blinked down at the paper in his hand. The number was glaring at him in large red print.

**42%**

Haru blinked at it again and cocked his head as if trying to decipher it. He knew what the number was. It was very clear.

But was that his name at the top of the paper? And the number, in blaring red ink, was next to his name?

Haru blinked, long and slow. His eyes felt so heavy that with every blink, they threatened to stay closed.

"You'll need to retake your exam."

Haru jolted out of his sleepy daze and stared up at his professor. He stood with a concerned look on his face, but Haru could tell he was trying to stay firm.

"Nanase-san, I'm a little concerned about this. Sure, you make mistakes, and some of the other culinary professors don't get along with you, but you're better than this," he said with a tone that Haru could not really place. "If you don't pass these exams, there's a chance you'll fail the course and you'll have to retake it."

Anxiety fell into Haru's dread-filled stomach. He just wanted to curl up in his tub and stay there forever. At least the bathtub would not give him papers with awful grades on them.

"They will take place this Friday, starting at 4 in the afternoon," the professor said. "Make sure you study up on your facts and be prepared to create a few dishes."

Haru sighed softly and nodded. He turned away from the professor and made to leave. This week was nothing but a nuisance, a wash. Completely annoying. He should never have left his bed this morning. Without having someone there to get him in the mornings or drag him out of the bathtub, he felt that it was pointless to even move.

"Oh, right! I forgot to mention," the professor called back before Haru disappeared out the room. Haru stopped at the doorway and glanced back at his professor, his eyes heavy-lidded. "The main culinary building is going to renovated this week, so we'll be testing in the West building instead."

Haru internally groaned and externally winced. The West culinary building was old and did not have the updated appliances that the current culinary building had.

_Annoying_.

"See you Friday," the professor called as Haru gave a slight bow and left the classroom.

Haru promptly left the building, his exam wrinkling in his tight grasp. He stomped towards a bench that rested outside of the building and ungracefully plopped down. He slumped down, resting his head on the uncomfortable wooden backrest, and stared up at the crystal blue sky.

The sky was so clear and beautiful. Not a cloud in sight.

So why was his mind in a fog?

And why did his stupid phone feel like a brick in his pocket?

_…Makoto._

Haru dug his phone out of his pocket and slid it open, quickly searching through his several unanswered texts to his best friend. He grimaced at how many he had sent in the past week. He never usually called or sent a text first, but he was desperate.

Just the look on Makoto's face…

_Fat tears seeped out of wide eyes and were gliding down Makoto's reddened cheeks. He wore a horrified expression on his face and looked on the verge of a breakdown._

…and the stupid paper in his hands…

_Makoto took another look down at the incident report, tears still steadily streaming down his cheeks and meeting at chin before falling to the floor._

…and in an instant…

_Suddenly, Makoto shut his eyes tightly and slammed the incident report down on the table._

…Makoto was gone.

Haru pressed his phone to his forehead and closed his eyes, willing it to ring or buzz or do  _anything_. He willed Makoto to just appear in front of his very eyes. He willed for the past year to just be a part of some crazy nightmare and wished that he would just wake up. If any of those things were to come true, Haru begged for his phone to ring most. He hated all of those ringtones but wanted nothing more for it to be blaring with Makoto's name blinking on the front.

_Please, Makoto,_  Haru whispered as a prayer.  _Call me back._

_Please._

Suddenly, his phone rang.

Haru startled and fumbled with his phone, eager to answer. He hit the send button without looking at the screen and pulled the phone up to his ear.

"Hello?" Haru greeted, his voice frantic.

"Eh? Haru? You okay?"

Haru felt his heart drop like a lead weight. He slumped back against the bench and was tempted to hang up.

But he could not do that to Torii.

"Mmn," Haru hummed to his former swim captain. Or was he his current captain?

"Oh, uh… okay. Well, are you coming to a swim session with me?" Torii asked.

Haru felt his eye twitch and the lead weight in his stomach grew larger.

"No," he answered simply.

"W-What? Haru, what's wrong?" Torii asked.

Haru opened his mouth to speak but only a squeaky puff of air escaped. He choked on a sob and swallowed it down, feeling angry at himself. His own body was betraying him.

"It's Makoto," Haru managed to say through strained breaths.

Torii paused, and Haru thought he had hung up before he heard a sharp intake of breath on the other line.

"Meet me at the café near campus."

* * *

"I told you I would pass, Rei-chan!"

"I knew you could pass the exam, Nagisa-kun. I believed in you."

"Really, Rei-chan?!"

"Of course!"

Nagisa unlocked the door to their apartment and happily swung it open.

"Haru-chan!" Nagisa called, rushing in after he took off his shoes.

"N-Nagisa-kun! Don't run!" Rei called as he scrambled to take off his shoes.

"Haru-chan, I passed that super hard exam!" Nagisa called, ignoring Rei's warnings. He rushed into the kitchen. "Haru-ch—"

Nagisa stopped when he saw that the kitchen was empty. He glanced around with curious eyes as Rei approached from behind.

"What is it, Nagisa-kun?" Rei asked as he entered the kitchen. Nagisa turned around to face him.

"Oh, Haru-chan's not back yet," Nagisa explained.

Rei's brows lowered and he lifted his hand to adjust his glasses.

"I see," he said solemnly. "Maybe he's running late."

Nagisa's lip pulled back into a wince, giving Rei a knowing look.

"You think he went back to the station to look for Mako-chan?" Nagisa asked.

Rei's brows curved up sadly. "I'm not sure, Nagisa-kun."

Nagisa lowered his head, his eyes flitting to a certain spot on the floor in the living room.

"Haru-chan's been depressed lately," Nagisa noted. Rei followed his eyes to the same spot on the floor and stared at it sorrowfully. "I'm worried."

"Yeah," Rei agreed. "I am, too, Nagisa-kun."

* * *

_"Ugh, that lab was so long!" Nagisa whined as he stretched his arms over his head._

_"It certainly seemed longer than usual," Rei said with a small smile._

_"I wonder if Haru-chan made something tasty for dinner!" Nagisa chirped, rushing to get his key out as the elevator dinged for their floor._

_"You just ate, Nagisa-kun," Rei deadpanned as they headed down the hallway towards their apartment complex._

_"I can always eat again!" Nagisa said._

_Nagisa lifted the key to go into the lock of their apartment and turned it, his eyes widening when he realized it was unlocked._

_"Oh! It's unlocked," Nagisa said._

_"Makoto-senpai and Haruka-senpai are probably already home," Rei said with a small smile._

_"Oh, right, right!" Nagisa said as he turned the doorknob and opened the door. He expected to be hit with a wonderful wave of fish or rice, but instead, he was hit with stale air. "Aww, I guess he didn't make anything," Nagisa said with a pout._

_Rei gave a small smile at his statement and took off his shoes at the front door._

_"Maybe there are leftovers in the fridge," Rei said._

_Nagisa's face lit up and he nodded happily, yanking off his shoes. They both entered into the quiet apartment, Nagisa glancing around the apartment._

_"Are they even home?" Nagisa asked, looking at Rei._

_Rei's brows were pushed together nervously and glanced around as well. They went into the living room._

_"W-Well, the door was unlocked, so…"_

_Then, they froze._

_There was a slumped figure on the floor of the living room near the kitchen doorway. Their head was buried in their arms and their knees were pulled to their chest. They were trembling._

_"H-Haru-chan?!" Nagisa squeaked, rushing over to his side._

_"Haruka-senpai!" Rei shouted, quickly following Nagisa to Haru's side._

_"Haru-chan, what's wrong? Are you okay?!" Nagisa asked, panic lacing his voice. He grabbed ahold of Haru's arm and shook him lightly. "Haru-chan!"_

_"Haruka-senpai, what happened?" Rei asked. "Are you all right?!"_

_Haru's hands gripped at his elbows and he curled up into a tighter ball. He mumbled something but neither Nagisa or Rei could hear._

_"What was that, Haru-chan?" Nagisa asked, squeezing Haru's arm._

_The two of them leaned closer as Haru took a shuddering breath._

_"M-Makoto…" he whimpered out._

_"Makoto-senpai? Where is he? Is he hurt?!" Rei asked frantically._

_"No…" Haru responded._

_"Then... where is he? Where's Mako-chan?" Nagisa asked._

_There was another painful pause and another quivering breath._

_"H-He's gone."_

* * *

"Do you think Mako-chan will come back, Rei-chan?" Nagisa asked Rei. Rei sat down at the kitchen table and started to take out his notebook from his backpack.

"I'm not sure, Nagisa-kun. If I were in his position, I believe I would be just as upset," Rei answered as he fiddled with the edge of his notebook.

Nagisa sighed and plopped down at the table in front of Rei. He leaned down and rested his head on the table, his cheek squishing against the wood.

"I just want things to get back to normal," Nagisa mumbled.

"Well, it might take a little while for that to happen," Rei said as he opened up his notebook.

"Mmn," Nagisa hummed. He heaved a heavy sigh and closed his eyes. "Poor Mako-chan… it's not fair," he said sadly. He sniffed as his eyes welled up.

"D-Don't fret, Nagisa-kun," Rei said as he reached over and patted Nagisa's shoulder. "Just give it time. I'm sure things will clear up eventually."

Nagisa lifted his head up from the table, his eyes shimmering.

"But what if they don't?!" Nagisa wailed. He wiped his eyes and then rested his head back down on the table. "It's not the four of us together anymore, Rei-chan. It's not how things were supposed to be. It's not  _fair_."

Rei squeezed Nagisa's shoulder as his own eyes filled with tears as well.

"I know, Nagisa-kun. I know."

* * *

"Oh… I, uh… wow."

Haru watched as Torii put down his cup of coffee on the table in front of him and took in Haru's words. He rubbed his face and then the back of his neck.

"And so… he just… left?" Torii asked.

Haru nodded, his gaze darting down to stare at the table. He had not even touched his steaming cup of tea that rested in front of him. His stomach was twisting into painful knots.

"That's… really rough, Haru," Torii said softly.

"Mmn," Haru hummed.

"And that's… that's why you didn't show up to the session today?" Torii asked gingerly.

Haru sighed. His entire body felt heavy but his mind was wired. He wondered if this was how Makoto had felt this whole year. Fatigued, yet unable to sleep. Hungry, yet not willing to take a bite. Completely safe, yet terrified with every step.

Haru's lips pulled into a hard frown. He wondered if Makoto had suffered feeling like this every day. And if he had… how long did he suffer alone?

"I'm not joining the team," Haru answered simply.

Torii's eyes blew open wide and his jaw dropped. "W-What?"

Haru flinched and shut his eyes. "I'm done."

"You're not even going to think about it?" Torii asked. "Haru, Coach  _wants_  you back. He even said so. We've made a place for you already!"

"I don't care," Haru said, making Torii wince. "If Makoto's not by my side, then it doesn't matter."

Torii remained silent at Haru's words, his face softening. They both sat in silence as patrons with coffee in their hands passed by their table. When the air thinned and the tension slackened, Torii took ahold of his coffee and took a small sip.

"Have you tried talking to him?" Torii asked after he put his cup back down on the table.

Haru winced, feeling his phone turn into a lead weight in his pocket once again.

"He won't answer my calls," Haru said. His hands turned into fists in his lap.

Torii rubbed his chin, his face skewed in concentration.

"You said that the incident report had the  _probable_  cause, right?" Torii asked.

Haru looked up at Torii with tired eyes. He could almost feel the dark circles forming underneath. He processed Torii's words and nodded sluggishly. He did not want to even think about that stupid incident report. That one piece of paper ruined their lives.

"Do you know if the incident report confirmed the cause?" Torii asked.

Haru blinked at him. Where was he going with this?

"It said it was the probable cause. So, it's most likely the cause," Haru said. His chest constricted with annoyance. He felt that he was repeating himself.

"So, they don't know  _for sure_  what happened, then?" Torii asked.

Haru huffed out a sigh and tensed his shoulders. His face hardened into a scowl.

"Well, no, but—"

"Then how do you know for sure that it's accurate?" Torii interrupted.

Haru glared down at the table and took a quick breath through his nose.

"All evidence points the fire to being Makoto's fault," Haru said slowly. He gulped. "J-Just last week, he left the stove on at home. I had to turn it off for him..."

Torii rested his elbows on the table and folded his arms.

"Has he done that before?" Torii asked.

Haru's brows scrunched up and he looked away from Torii and out the window. He shook his head and mumbled a quiet "No."

"What if there was a chance that the incident report is wrong?" Torii asked.

Haru bit his lip and moved to look back down at the table. He remained silent and unmoving with his shoulders up by his ears.

"Just give it a thought," Torii said softly. He finished off his coffee and stood to his feet. "All right. You're done moping. Let's go back to the pool. It'll be good for you."

Haru frowned hard, almost pulling it onto a pout.

"I'm not leaving you alone until you come with me," Torii said, placing his hands on his hips.

_Annoying._

Haru rolled eyes and sighed.

"Fine."

* * *

"You doing okay?"

"A-Ah… yeah, a little better now."

Koji handed a water bottle to Makoto as he rested on the bed. Makoto took the bottle with a shaking hand and opened it, the plastic crinkling in his grasp. Koji watched him as he took a few gulps, trying to sense his mood.

"I'll talk to Captain about giving you tomorrow off," Koji said, standing to his feet.

Makoto choked on his water and coughed, pounding on his chest to expel the water from his lungs.

"Th-That's—" Makoto coughed again. "That's really not necessary, Koji! I can work!"

Koji peered at him skeptically. "But you had another attack. That makes, what… 7 or 8 in the past week?"

"Koji…" Makoto mumbled.

"Seriously, Makoto," Koji said, rubbing the back of his neck. "Maybe you should take a leave of absence."

Makoto wrung his hands. "I don't think we need to go  _that_  far."

"Then what would you suggest?" Koji asked, placing his hands on his hips.

Makoto looked down at his lap. "I'll… I'll schedule another appointment with Dr. Ozawa."

Koji hesitated, his face scrunched up painfully. He stared hard at Makoto, seeing the heavy bags under his eyes and the way his hands shook slightly in his lap. He looked as if he had been through one of Mori's extreme training sessions, but he had actually been in and out of a state of panic all day. Koji had to keep him calm throughout the day before he hurt himself or before Mori noticed something was off.

But at least Makoto was admitting he had a problem.

"Fine," Koji said with a heavy sigh. Makoto blinked up at him like a kicked puppy begging for a treat. "Just… schedule it soon, okay? And don't be up wandering around. You need rest."

Makoto managed a small, self-deprecating smile and lowered his gaze down to stare at the floor.

"Mmn," he hummed.

Koji ruffled his hair before turning on his heel and leaving the rest area. He did not want to see Makoto's suffering form anymore. It hurt too much.

He went downstairs and to the breakroom, heading straight for his locker to grab his bag. He fished out his laptop and turned it on. The screen blinked on and showed pictures of different models of stoves. He scrolled through the list, eyeing each model carefully and taking note to their years.

"All right," Koji mumbled to himself. "Where are you?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone wants to do art for this fanfic, don't hesitate at all! I'm not sure if anyone even wants to do any kind of art, but if anyone wants to, go for it! But if you do, pleeease send me a link or a copy! I want to see them :)
> 
> Also, once this fic is over, I have a few ideas for a new story, but it might be in a different universe (not Free!). If you have any suggestions or advice for me, I'm always willing to listen. 
> 
> Thank you guys!
> 
> EDIT:  
> If you guys didn't see the AMAZING fanart for the last chapter, check it out [here!](http://anunyun.tumblr.com/image/166594098736)


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Wednesday :)  
> Another chapter for you all.  
> This fic is actually almost done... :'(  
> Only a few more to go!
> 
> Happy reading~

_Makoto, I'm taking makeup tests today in the West culinary building on campus today. I should be done around 7. I really want to see you, so can you meet me here when I'm done? It only has to be a minute. Please, Makoto._

Haru stared at the words on his screen, rereading them to himself a few times. Then, he pressed his phone to his forehead and released a slow, heavy breath. He hoped and prayed that Makoto would read this and not ignore him like he had been doing. He knew why Makoto was avoiding him, and he understood that his friend was in pain. But this had gone on long enough, and Haru could not stand it anymore.

He glanced down at his phone and he sent the text.

A week and a half.

This had been the longest that he and Makoto had not spoken to each other. It reminded Haru of their third year of high school when he spat those hateful words and then was dragged off to Australia. It was one of the most grueling experiences of his life. And while he discovered his dream, his stomach was in knots knowing he could not share that experience with Makoto. He never wanted to take another step without being on good terms with best friend ever again.

Haru's face twisted into a wince when he realized that he was in that exact situation.  _Again_.

With another heavy sigh at the lack of response, he stuffed his silent phone into his pocket and turned around to face the West culinary building. Haru's nose scrunched up as his lips pulled into a grimace.

The building was on the far side of the city, tucked away and out of sight of the main campus. Haru had thought it was scheduled to be torn down last year and yet, here it stood. Its dingy walls and ripped roof tiles seemed promising. Haru could only hope that the equipment inside was updated.

Pressing forward, Haru opened up the door and walked to the main meeting area. He was surprised to find several other students waiting, all of them checking their phones or flipping through notebooks.

Just how many people failed this exam, anyway?

He took a seat in one of the comfy sofas that sat against the far wall and slouched down, folding his arms across his chest and staring up at the worn ceiling. The past week had been grueling and overbearing. With Rei and Nagisa fretting over him at every turn, and the complete opposite from Makoto, Haru was drained. He had gotten no sleep since Makoto left. His stomach churned when he realized that he had felt a strange sort of peace whenever he heard Makoto stir from a nightmare. Now, the eerily silent nights were deafening, and Haru found himself lying wide awake in bed.

Haru sighed as he felt his body sink into the soft cushion of the couch. The grimy ceiling started to fade as his eyes slid shut.

_Just need to rest my eyes_ , Haru thought.  _Just… just for a minute…_

"Okay, gather around!"

Haru's eyes shot open and he twisted his neck to see where the voice was coming from. His brow twitched when he turned around to see his least favorite culinary professor standing in the middle of the room. Of course. The university  _had_  to pick  _him_  to facilitate the examinations today. Haru thought bitterly that the old man probably had nothing better to do.

"All right, since so many of you decided not to properly prepare, I will have to split you up into different groups," the professor started. Haru's lip quirked and he sighed. The professor's ego was high today. "Two groups will use the kitchens on the first floor, another two on the second floor, and the last group on the third."

Haru glanced over at the door to the stairs at the end of the hall as he listened to the professor's words. He understood that the building was in a busy part of Tokyo so they had to create multiple levels to accommodate its students. Haru just hoped he would be put on the first floor. With no elevators and his therapy regimen lacking, his foot was feeling a bit more stiff than usual.

"All right, here are the group assignments."

The professor quickly spouted off the names of the first two groups and sent them on their way to the kitchens on the first floor. Haru pouted when he heard his name called for the group on the second floor. He hoisted his bag over his shoulder and shuffled over to the staircase. He yawned as he trudged up the steps, feeling the rigidity in his foot.

When Haru made it to the second floor, he followed the other students into the large kitchen at the end of the hallway. His brow quirked at the equipment. None of it looked new or updated, and he felt a soft groan leave his throat at the sight. This day could not get any worse.

"Okay, I need everyone's phones," came a voice from the doorway. Haru turned to see his professor hovering by the door with a cardboard box in his hands. The other students grabbed the phones from their pockets and deposited them in the box as he made his rounds.

Haru rolled his eyes and pulled his phone from his pocket. He slid up the screen and checked for any messages, feeling his heart sink when he saw that his inbox was empty. He narrowed his eyes painfully as he stared down at his still phone in his hand.

_C'mon, Makoto…_  Haru thought miserably.  _Please. Text me back._

"Give it here, son."

Haru's head snapped up when he saw his professor standing right in front of him with the cardboard box extended towards him. Haru winced and slid his phone shut before placing it in the box. The professor gave a curt nod and handed Haru a piece of paper. He took the paper from his hands and glanced over it, frowning hard when he studied it more carefully.

"Here are the instructions for the first two dishes you must make," the professor said as he handed out the papers to the other students in the room. "All of your supplies have been freshly stocked in the pantries on the far wall and the equipment was tested beforehand. You will have one hour to complete both of the dishes."

The professor stopped at the doorway and glanced around at the students in the room, giving each his signature stink eye. He glanced down at his watch on his wrist.

"You may begin… now."

The students in the room hurried off to the pantry to grab supplies while Haru stood next to one of the stoves, phoneless and empty. He furrowed his brows and took in a deep breath. Maybe, by the time he was done, there would be a certain someone waiting for him.

He hurried off to the pantry.

* * *

Standing in front of his opened locker in the garage, Makoto stared down at his phone, a deep crease in between his upturned eyebrows. The text from Haru was longer than his other ones, and it was more specific.

_Meet him at the West culinary building?_  Makoto thought to himself.  _Isn't that the old building off campus? I thought it was torn down._

"What's wrong, Makoto?"

Makoto jumped as he felt someone press against his back and turned his head to see Koji peering over his shoulder at his phone.

"Ah… is that Haru?" Koji asked.

Makoto glanced back down at his phone and winced, his lip quirking down in a frown. He hummed and nodded, moving to show Koji the text.

"West culinary building?" Koji asked.

"Mmn, it's the old building they used before they built the new one on the main campus," Makoto explained.

"I see," Koji said. "So, are you going to go see him?"

Makoto stared down at the text. Haru's words pierced his heart as he read them over again, and his stomach flipped at seeing the  _Please_  at the end of the text.

With a grimace and a heavy sigh, Makoto slid his phone shut and pocketed his phone.

"I'll think about it," Makoto said. He shut his locker and glanced out of the opened garage at the street. "I guess it depends on how long my session with Dr. Ozawa takes," Makoto said.

Koji placed a firm hand on his shoulder. "I still think you should talk to him."

Makoto gulped and nodded. "I know. But I just…" He took a sharp breath and averted his eyes. "I don't think I could even look him in the eye, Koji. I  _hurt_  him. I  _caused_  his pain and misery for the past year."

Koji squeezed his shoulder and narrowed his eyes. "You… you don't  _know_  that," he mumbled under his breath.

Makoto lifted his head and stared at Koji with a bewildered expression. "What?"

Koji sighed and shook his head to fling the tight frown from his face. Once he had composed himself, he lifted his head and patted Makoto's shoulder, giving him a small smile.

"It's nothing," Koji assured. He took his hand from Makoto's shoulder and grabbed his jacket from a nearby chair. "Well, you don't want to be late. And I've got an appointment of my own, so I should be heading out."

"Huh? You have an appointment?" Makoto asked as Koji put his jacket on over his shoulders. "Where?"

Koji stuttered, looking a little frustrated with himself. He tried for a smile and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Ah, well… I've just been doing some independent research and… have some interviewing to do," Koji said.

Makoto cocked his head. "Oh, well… okay."

"I'll call you later, Makoto," Koji said seriously.

He gave Makoto one last smile before he hurried out of the garage and out of sight. Makoto quirked a brow at Koji's sudden departure, but he quickly shook his head to regain his focus. His appointment was soon and he had to get going.

After Makoto had changed out of his uniform, he threw on a jacket and headed down the street towards the doctor's office. The air was frigid, which was abnormal for fall, and Makoto pulled his arms close to his torso to suppress a shiver. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, reading all of the messages that Haru had left for him.

" _You need to speak to Haru. Directly. Stop avoiding him."_

Koji's words echoed in Makoto's mind and he sighed, shoving the phone back into his pocket and wrapping his jacket closer around his torso.

A few blocks later, Makoto reached the building and stepped inside. The familiar smell of the waiting room filled his nose and he shuddered, his skin prickling with goosebumps. After signing in with the receptionist, he took a seat in a chair in the corner. As soon as he sat down, his leg immediately began to bounce.

_Maybe I should just go,_  Makoto thought. He checked his watch, seeing that it was close to 6.  _I can go and meet Haru right now._

He dug back into his pocket for his phone and glanced down at Haru's desperate text. The little  _Please_  at the end still sent his heart hammering.

_"Stop wallowing and go talk to him!"_

Makoto closed his eyes and sighed.

"I  _know_ , Koji," Makoto breathed to himself. He gripped the armrests of his chair, his muscles bulging and his knuckles turning white. His eyes squeezed shut and he grit his teeth as his mind debated back and forth. He could almost laugh. Haru had always called him wishy-washy.

_C'mon, just go,_  Makoto told himself.  _This will all be resolved if you just go and talk to Haru. Go. Get up._

Makoto gave the armrest one last squeeze and started to push himself up from the chair.

_There, now I just have to get to the West culinary building and—_

"Tachibana-san!"

Makoto squeaked and fell back against the chair, all confidence he once had now completely gone. He whipped his head towards the voice and saw a nurse standing by the door with a clipboard in her hands and a friendly smile on her face. Makoto gulped, his limbs tingling as if he had just had an intense workout. He pushed himself up from the chair and walked on wobbling legs towards her.

"Dr. Ozawa will see you now," the nurse said with a tilt of her head.

Makoto glanced back at the exit one last time before he turned back to the nurse and nodded.

"Right this way," the nurse said.

She turned down the hallway and led Makoto down the familiar corridor. He wrung his hands, suddenly feeling antsy. Something churned in his gut and he felt a little claustrophobic. Was he about to have another attack, right here? Makoto clenched his hands and shut his eyes, begging to stay in control and keep calm until after the session.

"Here you are."

Makoto almost bumped into the nurse as she stopped. She held open the door to Dr. Ozawa's office and Makoto stepped inside. Warmth and the familiar scent of tea hit him like a wave as he entered, but the tension in his shoulders did not dissipate even a fraction. He huffed out a frustrated sigh.

"Come in, Tachibana-san," Dr. Ozawa said from her chair in the center of the room.

Makoto finally looked her in the eye and gulped. He carefully eased his way into the room and gently sat down on the loveseat. He hunched over and held his head in his hands.

"Rough week, Tachibana-san?" Dr. Ozawa asked.

Makoto heard a click on the table and he lifted his head from his hands to see a steaming cup of tea resting in front of him. His eyes drooped as he nodded, mumbling out a pathetic "thank you" as he took the cup in his hand. He took a sip and let the liquid slide down his throat and warm his belly.

"What's been going on, Tachibana-san?" Dr. Ozawa asked gently. "The receptionist said your call a few days ago seemed urgent."

Makoto felt his hand squeeze on the cup and he flinched, immediately easing his pressure off of the cup. He reminded himself not to break it.

"Um…" Makoto muttered. His hand began to shake so he placed the cup back down. "I, uh… I…"

Makoto inhaled sharply and then released a shuddering breath. Tears suddenly flooded his eyes as his mind drifted back to that night. He heard Dr. Ozawa whisper some sort of encouragement to him but the words were lost in his hazy mind. He took another shuddering breath before he opened his quivering jaw.

"It was me," Makoto said shakily. He could feel it in his bones— the constant shaking, the unsettled stomach, the quivering in his voice. He knew that if he did not calm himself soon, he would spiral into panic.

"What was you?" Dr. Ozawa asked. "What happened, Tachibana-san?"

Makoto wiped his eyes and sniffed.

"I… I was the reason for the fire."

* * *

Koji hurried down the sidewalk, well on his way towards the front office of the university campus. He was flustered, feeling out of place on the large campus. But he also felt very determined. The burning desire to seek answers drove him to press forward and into the front doors of the main office.

Koji shoved his hand into his pocket and pulled out the folded piece of paper that he had hidden away from sight. He unfolded it and glanced over it, his thumbs trying to smooth out the edges.

On the paper was a picture of a stove along with its model number and the years it was made. He read over and over the sentences at the bottom of the page that warned customers of a recall of these stoves.

The stoves were known for poor circuitry and faulty wires, designating them as extreme  _fire-hazards_.

Koji glared down at the picture of the stove, praying that he'd find the right answers. He folded up the paper and placed it back into his pocket. Then, he marched straight up to the receptionist, his mind on a one-way track to finding redemption for Makoto.

"How may I help you?" the girl at the front desk greeted.

"Ah, yes. I have an appointment with Fukui-san, the campus planner?" Koji said.

The girl glanced down at the computer in front of her and typed a few things before looking back at Koji with a soft smile.

"Right! If you'll follow me."

The girl stood up from her seat and came from behind the desk. She gestured for Koji to follow her down a hallway where several offices resided. They reached one office at the corner and she knocked on the door. Koji noticed the nameplate on the wall next to the door and realized it was the correct office.

Soon enough, the door opened to reveal an older man with white hair and a small beard on his chin.

"Your appointment is here, Fukui-san," the girl said with a slight bow of her head.

Fukui scratched at his chin for a moment and then nodded, the metaphorical light bulb clicking on in his head.

"Right, right! Of course. Come in, son," Fukui said, opening the door wider for Koji to enter. He went back to his desk and plopped down in his chair, gruffly gesturing towards the two chairs in front of his desk. "Have a seat."

"Oh, thank you," Koji said politely, and he sat down in the chair across from Fukui's desk.

"So, you said you had some questions for me?" Fukui asked.

"Yes, sir," Koji said. "I have some questions regarding the old dorm on the east side of town. The one that—"

"The one that burned down, right?" Fukui interrupted.

Koji stammered a bit and blinked at Fukui, feeling a little blindsided by his comment. But he quickly snapped out of his stupor and nodded.

"Ah," Fukui said, rubbing his chin. "You're not the first to ask about it. Several people have come in here asking about it. City planners, news, police… so which are you from? Are you one of those pesky tabloid reporters? I thought the investigation was closed."

Koji waved his hands frantically. "No, no. I'm not a reporter. I'm a firefighter," Koji said. Fukui raised a brow at his answer and Koji quickly explained. "I was there— the night the dorm burned down. I was on call."

Fukui's face softened and an understanding expression formed on his face.

"I see," Fukui said. He leaned back against his chair, looking a bit more relaxed. "So… why is a fireman sitting in my office asking me about the fire then? Surely you know everything there is to know about it, yes?"

Koji winced. "Well, yes. But… I've recently discovered some new information that I think some of the... fellow firemen would appreciate knowing. But I have to confirm it before I tell them anything."

Fukui nodded and gestured for Koji to continue. "So, what new information did you find?"

Koji took a deep breath, his hand pressing against the folded piece of paper in his pocket.

"Do you know what kind of stoves were used in the community kitchen in the dorm?" Koji blurted. He mentally cursed himself for being so abrasive and he lowered his eyes to stare into his lap.

Fukui rubbed his chin and then spun around in his chair to search through his filing cabinet, opening drawers and thumbing through different tabs.

"I'm honestly not sure," Fukui said as he was searching. "We had a separate contractor come in to work on the details for the kitchen. Some new hot-shot or something."

Fukui grunted as he slammed one of the drawers of his filing cabinet. When he spun around to face Koji, he had a few stacks of blueprints in his hands.

"Here we are," Fukui said. He plopped the blueprints down on the desk and sorted through them, looking for the first-floor kitchen plans. When he did find the correct blueprints, he grumbled. "So messy," Fukui fussed, gesturing towards the chicken-scratch handwriting.

Koji gently picked up the blue, plastic paper and peered at the white writing. There was a white line drawn to connect small boxes to a model number. Koji scrambled for the paper in his pocket and almost ripped it trying to unfold it. He flattened his wrinkled paper down on the desk and laid it next to the blueprint, his eyes scanning them side-by-side and comparing the numbers.

Then, his heart jolted.

The model numbers matched.

* * *

"Time's up!"

Haru turned off his stove.

Even though he only completed part one of the exam, he was exhausted. He could barely keep his eyes open as he neatly plated his second dish and placed it on the table in the center of the room with the others. The professor walked up to the table, a clipboard in hand, and passed by each dish while scribbling furiously on the papers in his hands.

Haru felt his eyelids fall over his eyes and he nodded, barely catching himself before his knees buckled. He shook his head to fling the sleepiness away and he slapped his cheeks lightly. He still had another two parts of the exam to go.

"Okay, I'm all done here," the professor said, turning to the class. "Clean up your stations and then we'll have a break for dinner. Don't wander off too far!"

The students in the room all answered back with "yes, sirs" and quickly began to clean up their work areas.

Haru sluggishly carried his body to his station and started scrubbing his part of the counter. His limbs felt heavy as he moved across the kitchen and threw away his trash. He heard some of the other students discussing what they wanted for dinner, and they quickly fled the classroom, leaving behind a small mess on the counter. Haru rolled his eyes and shoved his hand into his pocket to check his phone, but sighed when he realized the professor still had it.

Haru blinked slowly at the doorway, debating whether or not to follow his classmates to the nearby convenience store for dinner. His eyes skimmed across the room and stopped when he saw a chair in the corner.

_Guess I'll just eat later,_  Haru thought.

His feet carried him over to the chair and he slumped down, letting his head rest against the back of the chair. His eyes slowly slid shut.

_Just a short nap,_  Haru thought.  _Just five minutes…_

Suddenly, he heard a soft  _clink_  echo in the room, followed by a strange hissing noise. He cracked open an eye to peer around the room. The room was still empty and all of the stoves were off.

Haru shrugged it off and his eye slipped shut again, letting his body sink into a deep slumber.

* * *

"So you haven't been back home since?"

"N-No…"

"I see."

Makoto was a shivering mess by the time he recounted the entire fiasco between him, Haru, and the dreaded incident report. He was surprised he had not completely tripped into full-blown panic, but he could still feel it there. Like a monster lying in wait, his stomach bubbled with unsettled energy that made his limbs numb and his fingers shake.

"You haven't tried speaking to him?" Dr. Ozawa asked. She had long put away her notebook, sensing Makoto's distress early on in their meeting.

Makoto shook his head shamefully, feeling the heavy weight of his phone burning in his pocket.

"Not even through a phone call or text?" Dr. Ozawa asked.

"N-No," Makoto stuttered. "He's… tried calling me several times and he's sent several messages, but…"

Makoto ran his hand through his hair and heaved a sorrowful sigh. He leaned forward and covered his eyes with his hand.

"I… I don't know if I could ever face Haru again," Makoto said. "Not after what I've done."

Dr. Ozawa remained silent in front of him, moving only to fill up his tea and scoot the tissue box closer. She waited for Makoto to remove his hand from his eyes and sit up. Fresh tears slid down his cheeks and he agitatedly wiped them off.

"So, you learned all of this from the incident report?" Dr. Ozawa asked.

Makoto nodded, rubbing a hand over his face. He was afraid that his voice would betray him if he spoke.

"Do you have a copy?" she asked.

Makoto shook his head. "The—" His voice came out as a squeak and he cleared his throat. "The only copy I saw was back at the apartment."

"Do you remember exactly what it said?" Dr. Ozawa asked.

Makoto bit his lip and squeezed his fists tightly in his lap. He took in a shuddering breath.

"I-It said that the fire was most likely caused by a pan left on the stove by a s-student," Makoto said.

" _Most likely_?" Dr. Ozawa echoed. Makoto's hands relaxed in his lap as he listened to her, but he kept his gaze fixed on his shoes. "Meaning plausible?"

Makoto's jaw opened and closed a few times as he gaped at her question. It sounded eerily familiar.

"Y-Yes," Makoto answered.

"So… the cause hasn't been confirmed, yet?" Dr. Ozawa asked.

Makoto rubbed the back of his neck and stared at the carpet underneath his feet, his eyes following the curved patterns.

"W-Well… not technically," Makoto said, his voice trailing off.

Dr. Ozawa then picked up her notebook and wrote something quickly, her brows uncharacteristically creased and pushed together. When she was done, she calmly placed her notebook back down and clicked her pen.

"So," Dr. Ozawa said after a minute. "What would you do if the incident report was inaccurate?"

Makoto fiddled with his fingers, his entire body unable to sit still. He shook his head and shrugged. He rubbed over his face again and hunched over, heaving out another shaky sigh.

"I-I don't know," he answered softly.

There was a moment of self-deprecating silence as Makoto shed a few more tears. He knew he must have looked like a complete wreck, but he was at his wit's end, desperate and searching for a break from the constant pain that burned inside his chest.

He was mentally spent.

He was... done.

"Tachibana-san..."

Makoto jumped and then curled in further on himself. He took a minute to calm himself and he sniffed softly. He wiped the last remaining tears away and sat up, feeling a sore tension in his shoulders from his muscles being pulled so taut.

"Sorry," Makoto mumbled sadly.

"That's all right," Dr. Ozawa said gently.

Another moment passed as Makoto calmed, his lungs finally pushing out even breaths.

"I have a question for you, Tachibana-san," Dr. Ozawa said suddenly.

Makoto's hands curled into fists in his lap and he waited.

"Why are you still a firefighter?"

* * *

_Why are you still a firefighter?_

Koji checked the numbers three times and then he snapped his head up to look at Fukui, a wild expression on his face. He pushed his wrinkled piece of paper closer to Fukui.

"Do you know anything about these stoves?" Koji asked.

Fukui grabbed the paper and read it, his eyes widening as he read the bottom of the page.

"A little," Fukui said, his brows creasing.

"Did…" Koji gulped. "Did you know anything about the recall?"

Fukui's face hardened and his fingers tightened on the paper, making it crinkle more.

"No," Fukui said again, anger plaguing his features. He slammed the paper down and rubbed his temples. Koji flinched back and watched Fukui carefully. "That bastard hot-shot didn't check his facts."

Koji's eyes widened and he hesitated, staring at Fukui. His hands curled into shaking fists in his lap and he took in a shivering breath.

"Um… so… a new incident report has come out recently… regarding the fire," Koji said. Fukui dropped his hands from his head and looked at Koji, his face still hard and unreadable besides his annoyance. "It was said that a student left a greasy pan on the stove and that was what caused the fire. It also said that–"

"No."

Koji's heart skipped a beat.

What… what did he just say?

"N… No?" Koji echoed.

Fukui glared down at the wrinkled paper on his desk and sighed. He pushed it back to Koji and pointed at the picture of the stove.

"These stoves were designed to be safe, even from grease fires. It would've taken hours for something to catch on fire," Fukui said. He glared down at the paper. "But that fire came out of nowhere and burned fast. It had to have started from a spark."

Koji's eyes widened and he leaned forward, looking Fukui straight in the eye.

"Are you serious?" Koji asked. "You… you really think the stove was the cause?"

Fukui nodded solemnly. "I do," he said.

Koji's heart was hammering wildly inside his chest, his stomach flipping with excitement.

"W-Would you be willing to do a study on it? So the incident report could be changed?" Koji asked frantically.

Fukui eyed Koji for a moment and then glanced back down at the blueprints along with the creased paper. He folded his arms across his chest and sat back in his chair.

"Yeah, sure," Fukui said.

Koji hesitated only for a moment and then stood to his feet, his jaw dropped and his eyes wide.

"R-Really?!" Koji asked.

Fukui's brows rose and he blinked at Koji, giving him a peculiar look.

"I mean, sure. If the information is false, then I'd like to fix it," Fukui answered.

Koji jumped to his feet and reached over to grab Fukui's hand. He shook it excitedly and Fukui stared at him with wide, baffled eyes.

"Thank you so much, Fukui-san! You have no idea how much this means to me!" Koji said.

Fukui blinked at him and tried to stay in his chair as Koji suddenly whipped his hand away.

"Uh, y-you're welcome," Fukui stammered as he scooted his chair forward towards his desk. He watched as Koji straightened out his jacket and turned towards his office door.

"I wish I could stick around, but I really need to pass this information along," Koji said. He put his hand on the doorknob and pulled the door open. "You can keep that article! I'll be in touch!"

"Ah, w-wait! I don't have your information! Oi!"

Fukui had tried calling Koji back but he was already halfway down the hall, a huge smile on his face and a spring in his step.

_I have to go and tell Makoto!_  Koji thought as he burst through the double doors of the university offices. He rushed down the sidewalk, debating on whether to go get Makoto now or just call him. His cheeks hurt with how wide he was smiling and he could not contain his excitement any longer. He pulled out his phone and searched through his contact list to find Makoto's name.

Just as he was about to call, his phone buzzed in hand. His smile faltered a little.

_Captain Mori?_

He answered the call and lifted the phone to his ear.

"Hello?" Koji answered, a little timid.

_"Why the hell aren't you at the station?!"_

* * *

_Why are you still a firefighter?_

Something was wrong.

It was so hot.

Why was it so hot?

And why was it hard to breathe?

Haru was fighting consciousness as his body drifted in and out of his deep sleep. He could still feel that he was slumped in that uncomfortable chair in the corner, his neck aching from the awkward angle. He had no idea how long he had been asleep, and he debated letting himself drift off for a few more minutes.

But something was bothering him.

The room felt stuffier than when he had arrived. It had actually been quite chilly in the afternoon when he had slaved away above that stupid, finicky stove. There was also a strange crackling noise with a few random pops mixed in.

Haru's eyes finally flitted open, adjusting to the strange change in lighting. The room was darker than earlier except for the orange glow bouncing off of the walls. The ceiling was swirling with thick, black smoke, making the room seem smaller. He peered at it strangely, his mind still fuzzy with sleep.

_This… seems familiar,_  Haru thought.  _Where have I seen this before?_

Then, a piece of the ceiling fell in the corner with a loud crash, jolting Haru awake and sending his heart slamming against his chest.

His eyes widened at the sight.

He was surrounded by flames.

* * *

_Why are you still a firefighter?_

"Why the hell aren't you at the station?!" Mori's angry voice called over the phone.

Koji winced, pulling the phone away from his ear.

"I, uh, I had some research to do," Koji explained. "But, listen! Captain! A pan didn't cause the dorm fire last year! It was the—"

"Yeah, okay, listen! We can talk about all that later. But right now, I need you and Tachibana back at the station  _pronto!"_

Koji froze, his heart now beating fast for an entirely different reason.

"What's going on?" Koji asked.

"There's a bad fire on the west side of town, in a university building," Mori said.

Koji's chest tightened. "W-Which building?"

He heard Mori rustling around with some papers before he spoke again.

"Some sort of… culinary building, or something," Mori said.

All of the blood drained from Koji's face.

"Haru… oh,  _shit._   _Haru!"_

* * *

_Why are you still a firefighter?_

Makoto sat frozen on the loveseat.

His eyes were locked with Dr. Ozawa's as she repeated her question.

"If it hurts so much to be a firefighter, then why not quit?" she asked.

"I… I…"

Makoto stammered and his jaw quivered. He glanced down at his lap, his hands curling and uncurling uselessly. Why  _had_  he joined in the first place?

He remembered standing in front of the fire station, his legs shaking and heart hammering.

_If Haru's dream was over because Makoto could not get to him in time, then… Makoto's dreams would be over, too. It would not be fair of him._

"At first…" Makoto began. He swallowed down the fear. "…I joined because I could not get to Haru in time, and he… he had to give up his dream. I felt... guilty that I was able to pursue my dream and he couldn't. So... I joined."

"And what about now?" Dr. Ozawa asked.

Makoto's hands quickly closed into tight fists and they shook slightly. He glared down at them as his lips curled into a tight frown.

"Are you still punishing yourself?" Dr. Ozawa asked.

Makoto took a deep breath to try and calm his shaking.

"Well…" he stuttered.

"Why are you still a firefighter?"

Makoto shut his eyes tight, not really understanding himself. He knew he had joined as some sort of self-sacrificing move to punish himself and make Haru feel some sort of relief– to make him feel that he was not alone. He knew that it was stupid idea to quit school instead of talking things through with Haru.

And yet, why was he still there? He did not even speak to Haru anymore. He was hiding out at the fire station, not even taking Haru's calls.

So  _why?_

"I… I—"

Suddenly, Makoto's phone rang in his pocket.

He practically jumped out of his own skin and he scrambled for his pocket.

"S-S-Sorry!" Makoto apologized as he yanked the phone out of his pocket.

He glanced down at the screen and his brows furrowed.

Koji?

_Why are you still a firefighter?_

His thumb hovered over the green send button and he glanced up at Dr. Ozawa.

"Sorry, but I think I need to take this," Makoto said shakily.

"Go ahead," Dr. Ozawa said, leaning back in her seat and grabbing her tea.

Makoto nodded at her in thanks and hit the button on his phone.

"H-Hello?"

"Makoto? Oh, thank God."

_Why are you still a firefighter?_

Koji's voice was frantic and Makoto could hear the whooshing of the wind crackle in the phone.

"K-Koji? What's going on, are you okay?" Makoto asked, his hand gripping the armrest of the loveseat.

"Makoto, you need to get down to the station,  _now!"_  Koji yelled through the phone.

Makoto's heart flipped in his chest and his stomach did a full summersault. He was on his feet before he even realized it.

"What? W-Why?" Makoto asked.

He heard Koji's pants through the phone, an obvious sign that he was sprinting.

"There's a fire on the university campus!" Koji shouted. "It's at the—  _shit_ —at a culinary building on the west side of town!"

_Why are you still a firefighter?_

Makoto stopped breathing as his eyes widened. His hand trembled, shaking the phone by his ear.

"Th-The West Culinary building?" Makoto asked.

"Yes!" Koji yelled. "Makoto, it's  _bad!_  Really bad! You need to get to the station and—"

"I'll meet you there," Makoto interrupted.

_Why are you still a firefighter?_

There was a slight pause and then a strangled gasp.

"W-What?!" Koji yelled. "Y-You're not seriously thinking of going there without your gear—"

"Just bring mine with you!" Makoto yelled. "I need to go. I'll meet you there!"

"Makoto, wait—"

Makoto ended the call and quickly shoved his phone back into his pocket. He glanced up at Dr. Ozawa with creased brows. He was a nervous wreck but stood firm and determined, the most confident Dr. Ozawa had seen him during the whole session.

"I need to go," Makoto said as he scrambled to put his jacket on. He rushed to the door of her office twisted his head to look at her as he gripped the doorknob. "I'm sorry!"

Dr. Ozawa only gave him a small smile and a gentle wave before he sprinted out the door and down the hallway. He pushed past some nurses in the halls, earning some yelps, but he ignored them. He  _had_  to get to Haru.

_Why are you still a firefighter?_

_I'm still a firefighter,_  Makoto thought.  _Because I need to save my best friend!_


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone! Another chapter for you lovely readers~  
> Thank you all for your support and comments throughout this whole thing! Your consistency and loyalty are what drives me to write! And you always encourage me and push to do better.
> 
> Just a warning for graphic depiction of violence... 
> 
> Enjoy!~

* * *

_"On the table here are the parts of your PPE, or your personal protective equipment. You must wear all of these together before heading out to a fire."_

_The fresh, new recruits were sitting in a large room, all watching Captain Mori teaching the basics of how to be a firefighter. Makoto's heart was pounding moderately fast against his chest as he listened to Mori's words. It was all so frightening, but he shoved that fear back down his throat and clenched his fists._

_"This is the thermal barrier, or a face cloth. It keeps your face safe from burns while also keeping your body cool as you sweat," Mori said, holding up the part and showing the men. He briefly showed how to put it on and then placed it back on the table._

_"I'm sure you all know what this is for," Mori said as he picked up the fireman's helmet. "The helmets are made from thermoplastic, and can withstand blunt force to the head." Mori flipped down the protective plastic shield in front of the helmet. "It also serves as eye and face protection from falling debris."_

_Mori sat the helmet back down and eyed the new recruits. "Even if you're far away from the scene, you will wear your helmet. Got it?"_

_The recruits all stiffened in their chairs and quickly responded with a few scattered "yes, sirs." Mori nodded in acknowledgment and focused back down at the table._

_"You've also got your breathing apparatus, which you will need if you enter a burning building. Smoke inhalation is dangerous and can be life-threatening if not treated properly. So if you are on a team that enters the building, you_ will _have this on you," Mori said as he gazed sharply at each recruit._

_Makoto shrunk in his seat a little. Mori was certainly intimidating._

_"So, of course, you've got your standard boots and gloves, as well as a protective moisture barrier to prevent hot liquids from burning you," Mori said as he sifted through the equipment on the table. "Ah, but here's the important part."_

_Mori picked up a black and yellow jacket as well as some pants._

_"Here is the outer shell. This is the most durable component of the ensemble. It protects you from flames and abrasion. It is the most crucial part of the ensemble, and you must wear it at all times," Mori said. He placed the equipment back down on the table and gave the room a harsh glare. "Now listen carefully," Mori started, his voice low and threatening._

_The room fell silent as Mori folded his arms across his chest and gave a severe look. Makoto's back stiffened in his chair, his hands gripping his pants._

_"You are not to leave this station on a call without this equipment. If you go charging into a building without even a single part of the ensemble, you are putting your life at risk," Mori said._

_Mori scanned the room until his eyes landed on Makoto, and Makoto's heart flipped inside his chest._

_"Heed my words," Mori said, squinting his eyes and making Makoto squirm in his seat. "You can go into the burning building and be a hero all day long, but without the proper equipment…"_

_Mori's eyes practically bore in Makoto's skull._

_"…you'll be a dead hero."_

* * *

"Pick up, pick up,  _pick up!"_

_"The number you have reached is not available at this time. Please try again later."_

"Oh,  _c'mon!_ Please, Haru! Pick up the phone! _"_

Makoto's feet were slamming against the pavement as he sprinted down the sidewalks of the downtown Tokyo. He redialed Haru's phone number and put his phone up to his ear. He listened as the phone rang once and then went straight to voicemail.

_"The number you have reached is not available at this tim—"_

Makoto shoved his phone into his pocket, now completely frazzled and panicked. He hoped,  _prayed_ , that Haru was somewhere safe.

He turned a corner just as two police cars flew by with their sirens wailing, and when Makoto looked up towards the direction they were headed, he skidded to a stop.

Billowing black smoke was climbing high into the air, rising above the city's buildings. People stopped on the sidewalk and pointed up towards it, gasping and pulling out their phones.

Makoto grit his teeth and clenched his fists as he took off down the street again, pushing his way past frozen pedestrians on the walkways. He tripped as he rounded a corner but quickly regained his footing as he sprinted down a few blocks. He wrestled his phone from his pocket once again and quickly hit redial.

The phone rang once and then clicked.

_"The number you have reached—"_

Makoto let out a frustrated whine as he slid his phone shut and shoved it back into his pocket. A lump formed in his throat and he struggled to breathe as tears welled up in his eyes.

_What if I'm too late?_  Makoto thought.  _What if I really don't get to him this time?_

Makoto shook his head furiously and swallowed hard, forcing the stubborn lump from his throat.

_No, don't panic. Just breathe_ , Makoto told himself.

_Breathe in._

_Breathe out._

_He could be totally fine!_

As Makoto turned another corner, he could see flashing lights in the distance, as well as the orange hues reflecting off of nearby buildings. He pushed his legs to run faster, his lungs burning as he came upon the campus building.

_Breathe in._

_Breathe out._

_Totally… fine…_

When he finally reached the lot, he skidded to a halt to survey the building.

_Breathe… in…_

_Breathe…_

_Brea…_

Makoto stopped breathing.

The building was almost completely consumed by roaring flames.

* * *

_"All right, does everyone understand how to properly put on the equipment?"_

_"Yes!"_

_"Good. Now to the rules on combatting a fire."_

_The new recruits shifted in their seats as Mori put away the fireman's gear. Makoto knew that there were tons of rules about fire safety, and he felt a little intimidated._

_"Now then, once you and your team arrive at a fire, your team lead will assess the situation and will assign each of you to a task. Those tasks can include being on the hose or on the roof or even entry, if needed," Mori said._

_Mori folded his arms across his chest and peered at each new recruit that sat in the room before him. He gave them each a hard glare, making them wince and shiver in their seats._

_"Now then, if you_ are _called to be a part of an entry team, there are a few things you must remember," Mori said gruffly. "You must stick together as a team and listen to the orders of your team leader. Do not just charge in without proper instruction."_

_Makoto felt himself shudder, remember just a few months ago how he had foolishly gone in that dorm without any protection or firefighters around. He ducked his head and rubbed the back of his neck, desperately hoping Mori would not make an example out of him._

_"The next thing you need to be sure of is communication. If you think, even for a split second, that your life is in danger, you call in a Mayday as soon as possible. This is no joke, people. I've seen men injure themselves because they did not call in a Mayday in time," Mori said._

_Makoto peered up at him sheepishly, and his breath caught when he saw Mori eyeing him down with a thoughtful stare. Makoto quickly averted his eyes to stare down at the table, his shoulders hunching and his hands finding each other in his lap._

_"You are required to report any unsafe conditions that could harm you or the other firemen. If you see it, you say it," Mori said._

_Mori unfolded his arms as he walked to the table in the front of the room. Makoto lifted his head and followed him with his eyes, watching until he got to the table and stood behind it._

_"Most importantly," Mori started._

_He leaned his hands on the table and practically glowered at the new recruits. Makoto's back stiffened and a shudder ripped through his body._

_"Do not, and I mean it, do NOT do anything that could be a risk to you or your men," Mori threatened. "If the property cannot be saved, then do not risk your own to try and salvage it. You have to measure up the situation."_

_Mori pressed his palms flat on the table and glanced down at it, his eyes almost looking wistfully sad._

_"If the situation is dire and you and your men cannot safely enter without injury, then you must abandon it. Even if a civilian is at risk, you must not enter if it means that your life will be in danger."_

_A soft gasp hitched in Makoto's chest as he sucked in a breath. Did Mori just say that they should abandon someone if a life is in danger?_

_"But, sir!" One recruit bravely raised their hand to challenge Mori, and Mori raised a brow at him. "Aren't we supposed to risk our lives to save someone in trouble?"_

_Makoto glanced back and forth from his fellow recruit to Mori, whose brows were pushing together slowly. After a moment of anxious silence, Mori finally huffed out a long, exasperating sigh. He straightened his back and stared hard at the new recruit._

_"TV, books, movies… they all over-romanticize this idea of what a firefighter does. Of course, we risk our lives to save someone. But you can't save the un-savable," Mori said._

_The recruit who had spoken up immediately snapped his jaw shut. He looked pained, but he had no argument against Mori's words._

_"I know it's hard to understand. And you'll be faced with this more than once," Mori said. His face twisted into a hard glare as he stared down at the floor. "But listen to me carefully. I do not want to see my men die because they took an unmeasured risk."_

_Makoto felt frozen to his chair. Mori was wearing the same expression that he had when he visited him in the hospital. Stoic, concerned. And yet, it had a hint of melancholic pride mixed in there somewhere._

_Mori suddenly snapped his head up, his face back to its usual scowl._

_"So don't do anything stupid, you hear me?!" Mori barked, making the men in the room jump._

_"Y-Yes, sir!"_

_Mori crossed his arms across his chest and nodded._

_"Good," he grumbled. He turned to walk back to the other side of the room when he stopped himself. "Oh, and one more thing."_

_The room silenced as the men all looked towards Mori._

_"Never, under any circumstance, go into a burning building alone."_

* * *

Makoto's eyes were wide with horror.

The flames were quickly eating away at the old structure, debris from the upper levels falling into the alleyways surrounding the building. He heard a sickeningly loud crashing sound coming from inside the building, and Makoto's heart dropped into his queasy stomach.

Makoto's hands shook as he glanced around. A few cop cars had stopped traffic from entering down the street and a few civilians were standing by watching, but that was it. There were still no fire trucks on the scene.

_Where in the world is Koji?_  Makoto thought. He shoved his hand into his pocket and grabbed his phone, quickly dialing Koji's number.

"C'mon, c'mon, Koji…" Makoto mumbled.

"H-Hello? Makoto?!" Koji's voice was frantic.

"Koji! Where are you, the building is crumbling!" Makoto shouted.

"Gah, the damn engine in the truck isn't working!" Koji shouted back. "And the other two trucks were called to different fires on the other side of town. We're trying to get in touch with the North-side fire station, but they won't pick up."

Makoto grit his teeth and clenched his fists. This was such a disaster. Another loud crash sounded from inside the building and Makoto winced at the sound.

"Have you found Haru?!" Koji asked.

Makoto opened his mouth to speak when he heard a high-pitched shriek ring out from the side. Makoto whipped his head towards the sound. A group of people was gathered together, all looking on with fear etched onto their faces. Some of them were wearing messy aprons.

_Wait… aprons?!_

"Hold on, Koji, I'm looking!" Makoto said into the phone.

Makoto scrambled to get his legs working again as he hurried over to the group. He studied each face, looking for black hair and piercing blue eyes.

_Where is he, where is he?!_

"Haru!" Makoto called out. "Haru, are you here?"

He ran around the group and called Haru's name again. His heart pricked every time he heard nothing in response.

"Makoto, did you find him? Makoto?!" Koji yelled on the phone.

"N-No, not yet," Makoto said, his voice shaking.

Makoto, at a complete loss, quickly ran up to one of the people wearing aprons and grasped him by the shoulder. He kept his phone by his ear, keeping Koji on the line.

"Excuse me, but is Haru here?" Makoto asked.

The guy startled and looked at Makoto with a confused stare.

"Haru?" the guy repeated.

"Yes," Makoto said, exasperated. "Aren't you a part of the culinary department?"

The guy blinked and nodded dumbly. Makoto heard Koji release a frustrated sigh on the line.

"Then you should know someone named Haru," Makoto said. When the guy shook his head in confusion, Makoto wanted to rip his own hair out. "Nanase Haruka. He has black hair, and doesn't speak much, and he has a slight limp."

"Oh, I know that guy!" a girl shouted next to him. Makoto glanced down at her, hope in his eyes. "He was on the second floor with me for the exam. Let's see… we took the exam and then we all went out for dinner, but…"

The girl paused, and then her eyes widened in horrified realization. She glanced up at Makoto, her jaw quivering.

"He… he didn't come with us," she whimpered.

"Oh, god," Makoto heard Koji say on the phone by his ear.

Makoto could have sworn his heart ripped in half.

"W-What?" Makoto stuttered, staring down at her with wide eyes and a dropped jaw.

"H-He didn't… he didn't come with us to dinner. He stayed behind in the kitchen," the girl said. "I… I didn't see him come out."

Makoto gasped sharply and whipped his head to look back at the building. Parts of the siding fell to the ground in a large heap, and a few stray bricks fell alongside it.

"K-Koji, he… he's still inside," Makoto said into the phone by his ear.

"Makoto, you don't know that," Koji said sharply.

"He didn't come out, Koji," Makoto said, his voice becoming more and more hysterical.

"We'll try to be there in a minute, but, Makoto, you need to stay calm."

"He could die…" Makoto whimpered.

"Makoto! Makoto, listen to me! Don't do anything stupid, you hear me? You need to wait.  _Wait_  for us, Makoto.  _Wait!"_

Makoto could hear Koji frantically rambling on the line, begging Makoto to  _stay put_  and  _listen to him_  and  _breathe_ , but all Makoto could think was Haru, Haru,  _Haru_.

Makoto stared up at the building again, hearing its foundation crumbling and the fire crackling. His heart hammered against his ribcage but he felt an odd calmness sweep over his body.

It was not just a calmness.

It was determination.

He knew what he had to do.

"I have to save him," Makoto said into his phone.

"NO. No, Makoto. Just listen to me, okay? I will come right now. It will only take a few minutes. But do not, do  _not_  go into that building," Koji warned. "Do you hear me? Makoto?  _Makoto?!"_

"Sorry, Koji," Makoto said. He took the phone from his ear.

"MAKOTO!" was the last thing he heard Koji say before he hung up.

Makoto placed his phone back into his pocket and took a deep breath. He took a step forward, his pace quickening into a sprint towards the front door of the building.

_I'm coming, Haru_ , Makoto thought.  _I'm coming!_

* * *

"Makoto? MAKOTO!"

When there was silence on the other line, Koji lost it.

"DAMN IT!"

Koji threw his phone, the small device flying into the air and hitting the side of the fire station with an unsettling clack.

"Hirose, give me an update!" Mori called from the front of the fire truck, his arms elbow-deep in its engine.

Koji clenched his fists hard, wanting desperately to kick or punch something,  _anything_.

"I think Makoto was going into the building to save his friend," Koji said through his teeth.

Mori looked up from the engine, his eyes uncharacteristically wide and concerned. He blinked a few times and then his face twisted into an angry scowl.

"That… that  _idiot!"_  Mori barked.

Mori hopped down from the truck and ran past Koji, quickly hurrying into the garage and to the desk in the corner.

"C-Captain?" Koji stammered. He walked to the edge of the garage and watched as Mori fished out some keys from the desk. "What's going on?"

"Here, take this!" Mori shouted, thrusting a helmet at Koji's chest. Koji grabbed the helmet before it could drop to the ground and whirled around, watching Mori as he headed to the small emergency vehicle. "We'll go on the scene until more backup arrives. C'mon, Hirose! Get moving!"

Koji scrambled to put his helmet on and rushed to the vehicle, jumping into the passenger seat.

"What's our plan for when we get there?" Koji asked as Mori started the car.

Mori glanced at his mirrors before turning on the smaller sirens.

"We're going to grab that moron before he kills himself!"

* * *

It was hot.

Stifling.

And so, so hard to breathe.

The flames had started consuming the walls near the doorway of the kitchen, leaving Haru trapped.

He glanced around with squinted eyes to try and find another exit, but there appeared to be none. There were no windows, and the only exit to the room was blocked by raging flames.

Haru took a step forward towards the door to see if he could somehow maneuver around the fire, but suddenly, he heard a loud, crackling noise from above his head. He glanced up and saw the ceiling starting to crack and crumble.

Haru's eyes widened and he quickly dove out of the way before a large refrigerator came barreling through the ceiling. It landed on the floor just inches away from his feet, and Haru scrambled backward to get further away from it.

He scooted backward until his back hit a counter on the far side of the room, his chest heaving from the sudden movement. He glanced around and saw that the flames had already spread to the ceiling above him, making the walls and floors weak.

Haru squeezed his eyes shut and pulled his knees to his chest.

_Makoto_ , Haru begged.  _Where are you?_

* * *

_"When you enter a burning building, you keep low to the ground. The primary objective is to contain the fire," Mori explained to the recruits. "Since our area of Tokyo is crowded with tall buildings, you start from the first floor and make your way up."_

_Mori moved to the center of the room where the recruits could all see him._

_"If the fire is getting bad, make sure your breathing apparatus is on and watch out for falling debris. You scope out the first floor for the source of the fire, and if you find the source, you contain it immediately. Then, you go to the other rooms to prevent the fire from spreading," Mori explained. "Because these buildings are so close together, fire can easily and quickly spread. I don't want the whole city on fire, all right? So do your jobs."_

_There were a few chuckles from the recruits, but Makoto remained still and quiet in his seat. He fiddled with his thumbs as quirked his lip, listening as Mori continued talking about how to properly extinguish a fire and the rules for keeping safe in case of fallen debris. He also mentioned looking out for loose boards and collapsing floors, being sure to keep on the lookout for cave-ins._

_"Sir!" a recruit called out, raising his hand._

_Mori folded his arms across his chest and nodded, gesturing for the man to continue._

_"What if there are civilians inside the building?" the recruit asked._

_Makoto snapped his head up, his eyes a little wide and his brows rising. He watched Mori carefully, wondering what he would say._

_"Well," Mori started. "Your main goal is to contain the fire. Once the fire is in check, then you can start searching for victims."_

_The recruits all exchanged concerned looks but Mori quickly waved his hand to get everyone's attention._

_"Now, now, don't get all out of sorts," Mori said. "Remember how I mentioned that you don't go in alone? You are usually assigned to a team. The first-in-line team goes and extinguishes the fire. The second-in-line goes and grabs victims to get them to safety."_

_The recruits smiled sheepishly at this, feeling a little more settled on the matter. But Mori waved his hand again, giving a warning stare._

_"But, if you are part of the first team, and you find a victim, you have to leave them behind," Mori said._

_The room fell quiet, and Makoto's stomach twisted. He thought of leaving some small child behind, all frightened and alone. His eyes squeezed shut and his hands gripped his pants._

_He could not stomach the thought._

_"I know it's hard to hear, and leaving a victim is a difficult concept to grasp, but you must remember," Mori started. "Your job is to stop the fire from spreading so no more lives are lost."_

* * *

_I'm coming, Haru!_

Makoto bolted towards the front door of the burning building, bracing himself. He could hear a someone shouting at from behind, telling him to stop, but he pressed on even faster. He led with his shoulder, sucking in a sharp breath before he rammed against the door.

The door swung open violently and Makoto was immediately hit with suffocating smoke and intense heat.

"H-Haru!" Makoto called. He ducked his head and walked forward, keeping his arms in front of his face. "Haru!"

_Where are you, Haru?!_  Makoto thought.  _Where would he be? Think, Makoto, think!_

_Haru would be..._

_"Oh, I know that guy! He was on the second floor with me for the exam…"_

Second floor…

Makoto whipped his head around, his eyes squinting to peer through the thick, black smoke. A small, green sign on the wall with a picture of a staircase hung above a door near the edge of the hallway. Makoto gasped. It was the staircase!

As quickly as he could, Makoto maneuvered around fallen debris and headed for the door. He managed to make it to the door without any further incident, but as soon as his hand touched the doorknob, he yelped and flinched his hand back. The metal doorknob was painfully hot, searing Makoto's palm in seconds.

_This isn't good,_  Makoto thought.  _I've got to get to Haru. Now._

Makoto grit his teeth and started kicking the door, using his entire body to push his foot against the wood. He grunted with every kick, his desperation growing fierce.

_C'mon!_

Kick.

_Come… on!_

Kick.

_I need to get to Haru! I need to save him!_

Kick.

_It's meaningless without you!_

Suddenly, the door flung open, Makoto practically falling forward into the stairwell. More heavy smoke rose in Makoto's face and he coughed violently to dispel it from his lungs.

With tears burning in his eyes, Makoto stared up at the staircase. Most of the steps were still intact, but the wall was eaten by flames. Makoto wasted no time, and he flew up the stairs quickly while avoiding the hot wall. As soon as he reached the second floor, he whirled around, searching desperately for his best friend.

"Haru!" Makoto yelled. "Haru, where are you?!"

It was so hard to see. Makoto's eyes were burning from the smoke and his body ached from knocking down doors.

" _Haru!"_ Makoto called out as he moved down the hallway. He coughed as more smoke entered his lungs and wheezed out Haru's name once again. "H-Ha… Haru!"

The fire had spread to the walls and some of the floors on the far side of the hallway, quickly eating up the wood and framework of the classrooms. Makoto's heart pounded, threatening to jump out of his throat.

_What if I'm too late?_  Makoto thought.  _What… what if he's…_

Makoto shook his head and gripped at his hair.

_Don't panic, don't panic. Just breathe and then think._

_Breathe in._

_Breathe out._

_Breathe in…_

Makoto glanced up at the wall on the other side of the hallway and saw a sign above the door. The sign read "Kitchen 1."

Makoto's heart leaped in his chest.

_Haru!_

He sprinted full force towards the door, narrowly escaping the collapsing beam that almost struck him in the head. He could hear his pulse roaring in his ears and feel the adrenaline vibrating in his veins. He panted as he got to the door, his hand once again going to grab the doorknob. And once again, he yelped and flinched back, holding his palm.

_No, I'm so close! I need to get in there!_

Makoto took a step back and lowered his shoulder, ramming himself into the door.

"I'm coming, Haru…" Makoto grunted as he rammed himself into the door again. He could feel a painful bruise forming on the left side of his body. "I'm… coming!"

The door burst open and Makoto stumbled forward, barely stopping himself before he plunged face-first into flames. He whipped his head around, searching,  _praying._

"Haru!" Makoto called out. " _Haru!"_

That was when Makoto heard it.

"M-Makoto?"

The voice was so quiet but it jump-started Makoto's heart. He whirled around, looking towards the counters on the far side of the room, and his eyes widened.

A figure was curled into a tight ball in the corner. Black hair, piercing blue eyes… a terrified look.

It was...

"HARU!" Makoto yelled.

Makoto sprinted to the counters against the wall and fell to his knees by Haru's side. He reached up and cupped Haru's face with his hands, searching him for injuries. Haru stared up at him with wide eyes, almost leaning into Makoto's touch.

"Makoto…" Haru said, his voice shaking.

"Haru, are you all right? Are you hurt?" Makoto asked.

Haru hesitated, but then shook his head mutely. Makoto looked over his best friend's body again, eyeing him for any burns or broken bones. But Haru looked completely fine, except for the soot on his cheek and the dirt in his hair. Makoto carefully wiped it off and placed his hand back on Haru's cheek.

"W-What are you doing here? How did you know I was here?" Haru asked.

Makoto took his hands from Haru's face, relief instantly washing over him once he found that Haru was  _safe_.

"I got a call from Koji saying there was a bad fire here. I ran here as quickly as I could," Makoto said.

Haru blinked at Makoto and then looked at him, his eyes raking over Makoto's body. His eyes widened when he saw his attire and he snapped his gaze back up at Makoto.

"W-Why aren't you wearing your firefighting gear?" Haru asked. He grabbed Makoto's bicep and squeezed. "Did you come in here  _alone?!"_

"I had to get you out!" Makoto shouted, his voice cracking desperately. Haru's lips parted and his eyes widened, staring at Makoto as he continued. "There were no fire trucks here, and I just couldn't stand by knowing you were still inside!"

"Makoto…" Haru said softly.

Makoto took a minute to calm down his pounding heart. When he did, he glanced up at Haru with serious eyes.

"We have to get out," Makoto said, reaching out to grab his arm. "This place is falling apart."

Haru blinked and nodded, letting Makoto grip his arm and help him to his feet.

"Can you walk?" Makoto asked.

Haru nodded again and Makoto hummed.

"Okay, it should be pretty easy to get out, but we have to get to the stairwell. Some of the walls collapsed on my way in here," Makoto said, carefully starting to walk forward with his hand still gripping Haru's forearm.

"Are you okay?" Haru asked from behind.

Makoto turned his head back and gave Haru a reassuring smile.

"I am now," Makoto said, letting a sigh leave his mouth. He turned to face forward, his smile fading as he surveyed the flames that started eating at the wall near the doorway. He squeezed Haru's arm. "Stay close to me, okay?"

"Okay," Haru said from behind.

Keeping Haru close to his side, Makoto guided them both out of the kitchen, doing their best to avoid the fallen debris and hot flames that were quickly surrounding them. Makoto could feel his heart going into overdrive and he willed it to calm down.

_Get Haru out,_ Makoto thought.  _Haru first. Haru needs to be safe._

Makoto slowly had them slip through the fiery doorway, his eyes darting around rapidly to look for the best path to get to the stairwell. He turned back to look at Haru, pointing towards the hallway that led to the stairs.

"Let's go this way, Haru," Makoto said. "Follow close behind me, I'll guide us around the fire, just be careful."

Haru nodded, letting Makoto pull him forward. They walked carefully around the corner and towards the long hallway that led to the staircase, Makoto keeping his eyes on the walls.

The fire crackled above their heads, and then a few ceiling tiles fell in front of them in a heap, sending dust flying into the air. Makoto pushed Haru back a few steps, keeping Haru securely behind him. They both broke out into coughing fits.

"Are you okay, Haru?!" Makoto asked frantically.

Haru coughed a few more times into his hand and then rubbed at his eyes.

"I'm fine," he replied once he had regained his composure.

Makoto nodded and pressed forward, moving around the fallen tiles that had almost flattened them. He kept Haru away from the walls, using his body as a shield from the fire that threatened to lap at their skin. He turned back to see Haru using his forearm to shield his eyes from the heat, and his heart jumped when he saw the skin turning red.

"We're almost to the stairs, Haru. Let's hurry," Makoto said over his shoulder.

"Okay," Haru said in response.

They proceeded down the hallway, coughing and avoiding stray tiles that crumbled from the ceiling. When Makoto could see the door to the stairs, he started to walk faster, eager to almost get out of this place. His steps got heavier in his excitement, his feet hurriedly pounding on the wood floors.

_Almost there_ , Makoto thought.  _Just have to watch out for—_

Suddenly, the floor underneath their feet creaked and shook.

Makoto froze, Haru bumping into his back.

"Makoto?" Haru called. "What's wrong?"

Makoto slowly turned back to look at Haru, his eyes wide. He opened his mouth to speak when the floor creaked again, the wood splitting underneath their feet. Makoto knew what was happening. If either one of them made any sudden movement, the floor would collapse.

"Mako–"

The floor cracked again, and Makoto did not have time to think.

He yanked Haru forward and, with all his strength, flung him a few feet down the hallway towards the stairwell. As soon as he saw Haru land and then sit up, the floor underneath his feet gave way. His breath hitched as he reached forward, Haru's panicked blue eyes the last things he sees.

"MAKOTO!" Haru shouted.

Makoto fell backward, seeing the ceiling flash before his eyes, and landed on his back with a painful crash. His vision darkened to black and his head spun.

"Makoto!"

He could faintly hear Haru's voice calling him from up above, but his vision was still darkened and he could not see a thing. He opened his mouth to speak but his tongue felt twisted in his mouth. He took slow deep breaths and shut his eyes in an attempt to make the room stop spinning.

"Makoto!" Haru's voice became frantic, and Makoto shook his head to try to fling the dizziness away.

"Haru?" He called out weakly.

"Makoto, I see the stairwell! I'm coming down!"

Makoto nodded to himself, knowing Haru could not see him. He shook his head again and then opened his eyes. His vision cleared and he could finally see the gaping hole above him. He did not see Haru, so he assumed that he had already moved to the stairwell.

Makoto blinked a few times, staying still on the floor. Nothing felt broken, so maybe he would just have a gnarly bruise. So Makoto decided to try and lean up.

Immediately, Makoto was hit with intense pain that shot from his abdomen and back, the shock sending prickling pains through his limbs. His head fell back against the floor and he panted, almost whimpering from the pain. He felt as if he could not move. He took a minute to just breathe, trying not to panic. He still had to get Haru to safety.

Makoto carefully lifted his head, keeping his torso still, and peered down at his body.

And Makoto froze, his eyes shooting wide.

Sticking out of his abdomen, just under his ribcage and near his belly button, was a jagged, metal pipe.

Makoto started to shake, the pain starting to radiate. He lifted up a trembling hand and gripped the pipe, trying to wiggle it slightly to see if it could be removed.

It did not budge an inch.

Makoto's hand flopped down by his side and grit his teeth. The pipe was embedded into the ground.

Makoto was stuck.

"Makoto!"

Makoto jolted, sending more pain shooting from his stomach and spreading down to his legs. His hands curled into fists and he braced himself.

He heard hurried footsteps approaching, followed by a loud gasp.

"MAKOTO!"

Makoto lifted his head to see Haru running towards him and then falling on his knees by Makoto's side. Haru eyed the pipe in his stomach, his hands shakily hovering over him.

"M-Makoto," Haru whimpered out. "It's… your… I…"

"Haru, d-dont worry, I—" Makoto groaned in agony, shutting his eyes tight. He suddenly he felt hands on his chest and his eyes popped open to see Haru looking over his torso, his hands gently rubbing soothing circles over his sternum.

"W-We need to g-get you out," Haru said. He shifted his hands to Makoto's sides, his arms flexing with the desire to pull.

"A-Ah! Haru, don't!" Makoto said.

Haru released him immediately, fear heavily stricken in his face.

"If s-someone is—ugh—impaled, you have to leave the object... in," Makoto grunted out through the pain.

Haru gaped at him, his blue eyes still wide and horrified. He glanced back down at the pipe and then back at Makoto.

"C-Can we take you out of here with... with that still in?" Haru asked, his face grimacing at the wording.

Makoto shook his head. "It's stuck in the g-ground," he answered. "I'm stuck."

Haru gasped and glanced back down at the wound, his hands hovering over Makoto's stomach once again. He looked terrified.

"Th-Then what do we do?" Haru asked.

Makoto looked at Haru, biting his lip. He swallowed hard.

He knew what they should do.

* * *

_"Your job is mainly getting the civilian out and, if they are injured, then you bring them immediately to the ambulance on site. But, there may come times where you have to perform medical attention on a civilian. We need to go over the basics."_

_Mori handed out a packet of sheets to all of the men in the room, each of the recruits taking one and flipping through each page. Makoto glanced over the front of his packet and cringed. It was labeled as a quick guide to surveying injuries and how to assist if an emergency medical technician was not around._

_The subheading read as, 'Pictures Included.'_

_Makoto shivered._

_"Okay, let's take a quick look at the most common injury: burns," Mori said. He flipped the packet open to the first page. "If the person you are rescuing has a burn, be cautious not to put any strain on that burn. For example, if they were burned on their arm, don't go manhandling them on their arms to get them out. Be aware of the situation."_

_Mori went on to explain the different types of burns, from first degree to third, and even beyond. Makoto gulped and sighed. He did not have to look at the pictures to know what those burns looked like._

_"Now, the same goes for broken bones. Don't go grabbing their leg if it appears broken. Look at the pictures on the bottom of page four. These are the different types of breaks," Mori said. "Now, be especially careful if the bone has broken the skin. This is a severe break and it could cause them more pain if aggravated. You don't want that bone coming out any more than it already is. Keep the bone steady, and be extremely cautious when lifting them. If they are bleeding, try to get them out as quickly as possible."_

_Makoto shuddered at the thought. He could handle burns, but he was unsure if he could stand the sight of a protruding bone. He gulped, praying that he would never have to witness something so gruesome._

_"All right, keep turning the page. Next on the list is impalement," Mori announced._

_Once the fluttering of pages turned, several recruits grimaced or gasped._

_Makoto turned his page and his stomach plummeted._

_There were several pictures of people with foreign objects lodged in different parts of their body. Several of the objects were knives, either lodged in the chest or arm. But, one picture showed an iron pipe sticking out of the person's abdomen. The person was unconscious._

_"Not a pretty sight, is it?" Mori asked._

_After a few shakes of heads and uncomfortable whines, Mori continued._

_"If you happen to see someone with an impalement injury, do NOT take out the object," Mori said. "Unless the object is obstructing the person's airway, you must leave it where it is. Get them to an ambulance as quickly as possible, being extremely cautious not to wiggle the object. If the object is knocked out of place or if you remove it, the person could bleed out almost instantly."_

_There was a heavy silence that filled the room as the recruits gulped and nodded, all looking back down to stare at the pictures in their packets._

_"Um, sir!" A hand was raised and all eyes flitted back to look at the recruit sitting in the corner._

_"Yes, go ahead," Mori said, putting down his packet and folding his arms across his chest._

_"What if… what if the object is something that can't be picked up? I mean… what if the person is stuck on something, like a fence or a beam?" the recruit asked._

_The recruits all shifted their gazes back to Mori, who was pausing thoughtfully. He rubbed his chin and then placed his hands on his hips._

_"I mean… if we were to pull them off of the fence or the beam to get them to safety, then would that be okay? Or would be just… leave them?" the recruit added, a little sheepishly._

_Mori rubbed his face and huffed out an annoyed sigh._

_"If the object is stationary, you would usually wait until the object could be cut down to a more moveable size," Mori started. "But… in the event of a fire, your job is to save those who can be saved, and not risk adding danger to those who can be saved."_

_The room was completely silent. Mori took another breath and placed his hands on his hips._

_"If they do not look like they can be saved… then you have to leave them behind."_

* * *

Makoto looked at Haru, noticing how badly his hands were shaking. There was a faint crash somewhere in the building and Makoto slowly turned his head to gaze up at the flames that had quickly spread, eating away at the walls and ceiling. The structure would not last long.

A jolt of pain stung in his stomach and he glanced down to the thick pipe sticking out of his abdomen. There was no way he could move, not in his condition. He would only slow Haru down…

Makoto's gaze turned up to look at Haru. He grimaced, reaching out his hand and grabbing Haru's forearm. Haru jolted and stared down at Makoto's hand before meeting his gaze.

"Haru, you need to go," Makoto said slowly.

Haru looked frozen in place as if he had not heard Makoto correctly. He blinked, his eyes widening.

"W-What?" Haru asked.

"Haru…" Makoto whimpered out. "You have to leave me behind."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, my week was going by so horribly until they announced a season 3 on Monday!!! I'm so beyond excited!!!
> 
> Also, if anyone still wants to do artwork, by all means! Draw away! You can find me on tumblr as Lucke1. Check out Chapter 16 for the recent lovely art piece. 
> 
> Happy reading!
> 
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/lucke1


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, so many comments on the last chapter!!! You guys are awesome.
> 
> Here's another chapter for you :)
> 
> Happy reading~

_"Haru, what are you afraid of?"_

The question rang in Haru's mind. He vaguely remembered the conversation. It seemed like it was a while ago…

Something he was afraid of?

What was his answer then?

And… who was he talking to?

_"Haru, what are you afraid of?"_

It sounded so… familiar…

_"Haru, what are you afraid of?"_

* * *

"We're almost there."

"Let's hope we're not too late… have you heard anything from the North-West station yet, Captain?"

"Nothing."

"Damn…"

Mori swerved the small emergency vehicle around the slower cars and pressed down on the gas. They weaved in and out of lanes and finally turned the corner towards the west side of town. Koji could see large puffs of smoke rising in the orange sky.

When Mori finally pulled up to the lot, both he and Koji's jaws dropped.

"Holy hell…" Mori whispered as he pulled over.

The building, save for the roof, was completely engulfed in hot flames. Koji and Mori could feel the heat radiating from the lot, even from across the street.

"All right, let's search the area for that idiot!" Mori said, throwing his door open.

Koji jumped out of the car and followed closely behind Mori. As they approached a group of people, Koji's head whipped back and forth around the property. There were several police cars on the scene and one ambulance, but there were still no fire trucks. Koji grit his teeth. They were really running out of time.

"What?!"

Mori's voice boomed in front of him, snapping Koji out of his daze. He saw Mori standing in front of a few police officers, his stance rigid. Koji approached quickly, already seeing Mori start to fume.

"You're saying he ran off into the building and you didn't even  _stop him?!"_  Mori barked, taking a step closer to the officer.

Koji broke into a sprint and hurried by Mori's side, lightly grabbing his shoulder and pulling him back from the police officer.

"Captain!" he whispered in a panic.

"Hey, the fire was getting too dangerous! We couldn't just run after him!" The police officer said. "And by the time we spotted him, it was too late. He had already barreled through the front door!"

Koji's breath caught in his chest and he snapped his head to look at the building. The front door did appear to have been knocked down, but the debris and flames had immediately taken it over.

Koji took his hand from Mori's shoulder and curled it into a shaking fist.

"Damn it!" Mori shouted, turning abruptly from the officer to stare at the building.

"He went in there already, didn't he?" Koji asked solemnly. Mori nodded and hummed.

There was a moment of silence as the two stared up at the building. The crackling of the fire was getting louder and louder, and both Koji and Mori could feel the heat through their protective uniforms.

"W-What do we do?" Koji asked, his voice trembling.

Mori gulped and shook his head, his eyes boring holes into the building.

"Pray."

* * *

_"Haru, what are you afraid of?"_

"MAKOTO!"

In an instant, Makoto disappeared beneath the floor, and Haru's entire world flipped upside down.

Haru scrambled to the edge of the hole in the floor, being cautious not to aggravate any more loose boards. His eyes flitted back and forth, but the dust from the fall was so thick that he could not see a thing.

"Makoto!" Haru called, his heart hammering in his chest.

All Haru could hear was the crackling of the fire around him.

His hands clenched into tight, shaking fists and he wheezed, feeling panic rising in his throat and sending tremors down his spine. The dust started to clear and Haru could vaguely see Makoto lying on his back on the first floor.

He was not moving.

"Makoto!" Haru called again, his voice desperate.

_Please, Makoto_ , Haru thought. He could feel tears prick in his eyes.  _Please, say something!_

"H-Haru?"

The small voice startled a tear from Haru's eye and he peered down at the limp body on the floor. He could barely make out a small movement from Makoto's head, and Haru sighed in relief, his hand reaching up to clutch his heart.

When Haru knew Makoto was alive, he turned to look down the hallway. The stairwell was just a few feet away.

He turned to look down at Makoto's limp body through the hole.

"Makoto, I see the stairwell! I'm coming down!" Haru shouted, and he jumped to his feet.

He hurried to the stairwell and gazed at the steps. The wall was covered with white-hot flames, some of the embers starting to eat away at the steps. Haru gulped and carefully placed his foot down on the first step, leaning his body as far away from the fire as possible.

When he reached the middle of the staircase, the step underneath his foot cracked and buckled, causing Haru to fall forward. He stumbled forward, his other foot shooting forward to the next step while his arm reached out to balance against the wall.

As soon as he gained his footing, he hissed and snatched his arm back from the wall, holding it tenderly and then rushing to get down the rest of the stairs. When he reached the bottom of the staircase, he glanced down at his arm, noticing it was red and burned. It stung.

Haru sighed and shook his head. He could bear the pain for now. He needed to get down to that hallway to see if Makoto was okay.

He rushed past the open door to the stairwell and hurried out to where Makoto landed. He could barely see the color of Makoto's shirt contrasting against the pile of rubble that surrounded him.

"Makoto!" Haru shouted, and he broke out into a sprint to get to his best friend. He could see Makoto's head move slightly, and relief washed over him like a soft wave.

_He's okay,_  Haru thought.  _He's fine, he's just fine. We'll be okay. We'll—_

Haru skidded to a halt and his eyes widened, a sharp gasp ripping through his throat.

There was a pipe...

A... bloodied pipe...

A metal pipe was sticking out of his best friend's torso.

Panic ceased Haru by his chest, threatening to break every rib.

"MAKOTO!" Haru yelled, his voice cracking.

He broke out into a sprint once again and slid down to his knees by Makoto's side. His hands hovered over Makoto as he gazed at the long metal tube protruding from his friend's stomach. The jagged pipe had ripped a hole in his shirt, and Haru could see blood starting to soak through. Haru's hands began to shake, unsure if he should even touch him.

"M-Makoto," Haru whimpered out, surprised he could even talk. "It's… you… I…"

Makoto shook his head lightly and tried to offer a small smile.

"Haru, d-dont worry, I—"

Makoto then let out a harsh groan, his eyes squeezing tight and his hands gripping the loose rubble underneath of him.

Haru's hands moved on their own, quickly reaching up to touch Makoto's chest. Being extremely cautious not to bump into the metal, Haru started to rub Makoto's chest to calm him until the pain subsided. When Makoto calmed, his eyes reopened and Haru stilled his hands.

"W-We need to g-get you out," Haru said, his eyes briefly flitting to the fire that was quickly eating away at the walls. He shifted his hands to Makoto's sides and was about to pull him up

"A-Ah! Haru, don't!" Makoto yelled, his voice laced with some pain.

Haru released him immediately as if burned, his hands twitching back. He stared at Makoto fearfully, deathly afraid that he had hurt his best friend further.

"If s-someone is—ugh—impaled, you have to leave the object... in," Makoto grunted out.

Haru's heart flipped inside of his chest. Leave the object in? That was insane!

He glanced back down at the pipe, his thoughts moving a mile a second, and pointed at it with a trembling finger.

"C-Can we take you out of here with... with that still in?" Haru asked.

Makoto shook his head. "It's stuck in the g-ground," he answered. "I'm stuck."

Fear gripped Haru's heart and squeezed it painfully. He felt his entire body start to quiver and shake. His hands hovered over Makoto's stomach again, at a complete loss of what to do. He could faintly hear the crackling of the fire above their heads and his chest swelled with anxiety.

"Th-Then what do we do?" Haru asked.

His heart was hammering in his chest as he wracked his brain for ideas.

Maybe he could go out and try to find some help.

But… what if the building collapsed while he was gone?

Or, maybe he could try to dig out the pipe.

But… the pipe could go down several meters. It looked like it was once connected to a sink.

Or maybe he could…

He could…

Suddenly, he felt a gentle touch on his arm. Haru flinched and glanced down to see Makoto lightly holding onto his arm.

"Haru, you need to go," Makoto said, his speech a little slow.

Haru froze, his eyes widening.

_What… what did he just say?_

"W-What?" Haru asked.

"Haru…" Makoto whimpered out. "You have to leave me behind."

Haru stared down at his best friend in disbelief.

Leave him behind?

Leave… Makoto?

_"Haru, what are you afraid of?"_

* * *

_"Have you calmed down?"_

_"…Mmn."_

_The two swimmers sat stiffly underneath the crevice in the cliffs on the island. The rain was pelting the sand just a few centimeters from their bare feet, and the wind sent chills down their spines._

_"You're still scared of the ocean, aren't you?" Haru asked lowly._

_"I thought I'd gotten over it," Makoto answered after a beat. "But when I saw Rei drowning, I completely froze up."_

_Makoto closed his eyes and covered his face with a trembling hand as his voice began to shake dangerously._

_"Memories from that day immediately rushed back," Makoto whimpered._

_Haru stared at his friend, a sad look plaguing his features._

_"Sorry I dragged you into this," Makoto added after a minute of silence._

_Haru looked into his lap. "It's not your fault."_

_"But…" Makoto started. He let his hand fall into his lap but refused to meet Haru's eyes. "I was the one who decided to hold a camp. And I chose to start the swim club. But that was because I wanted to swim with you again. I wanted to swim in a relay with everyone again."_

_Haru listened to his friend in silence, feeling his gut churning._

_"But…" Makoto continued with a shaking breath as he peered down to stare at his trembling palm. "Without you there…"_

_Makoto closed his palm into a quivering fist._

_Haru glanced at him, wondering if he was okay. And that was when Makoto lifted his head to look at Haru, his eyes incredibly sad and brows creased._

_"It's meaningless without you! I want to swim with you!"_

* * *

_No,_  Haru thought.

Haru grit his teeth and clenched his fists.

He was not just upset.

He was  _angry._

_It's meaningless without_ you _, Makoto!_

"I'm not leaving you here," Haru said sharply, his eyes piercing and flashing.

Makoto's eyes widened a bit, staring at Haru in what appeared to be shock. His hand on Haru's arm tightened slightly, and Haru could feel it shaking.

"H-Haru…" Makoto wheezed. "You… I'll only slow you down if you drag me with you. Y-You have to—ugh—you have to get out before the building caves—"

" _I'm not leaving, so give me another option!"_  Haru shouted, his voice loud and booming above the noise in the building.

Makoto sucked in a breath, but his hand stayed gripped on Haru's arm. He locked eyes with Haru, gauging his reactions. After a moment of an intense stare-down, Makoto released a painful and shut his eyes for a moment.

"Okay," Makoto said, his voice raspy. "There's one thing we… ah… can do."

Haru's anger flushed out immediately, relief once again washing over him gently. He stared at Makoto with hope shining in his eyes and waited for an instruction from his friend.

"You're going to need—ugh!" Makoto grunted and his face twisted in pain, his eyes squeezing shut. His hands gripped the rubble beneath him once again and his body shook.

"Makoto!" Haru called, placing gentle hands on his friend's shoulders.

"I-It's fine, it'll pass," Makoto mumbled. He forced his eyes open to stare at Haru, trying to keep his body still. "Okay… you'll have to pull me up from this thing. Do it as straight as possible, and… and try not to wiggle the pipe."

Haru nodded furiously, his hands going down to touch Makoto's sides.

"W-Wait," Makoto said, moving his hand to touch Haru's wrist. Haru glanced down at him, his fingers barely touching Makoto. "As soon as I'm free from this, I'm going to start bleeding out."

Haru's breath hitched painfully and he clenched his jaw. His hands shook beside Makoto's sides.

"You'll have to try and… and pack the wounds with a cloth or something… it'll—nng—it'll slow the bleeding," Makoto said.

Haru glanced around, his hands coming up to feel his shirt. He needed a cloth. Should he take off his shirt? Would that be best?

Then, Haru's hands fumbled with a loose cloth that draped across his chest. He glanced down and remembered the apron he had been wearing for the exams.

As quickly as he could, he took off the apron and started to rip it into smaller pieces.

"Will this work?" Haru asked, quickly holding up the pieces to show Makoto.

Makoto blinked slowly at the apron and gave a small smile. He nodded a little and hummed softly.

Haru's heart jumped inside of his chest. Makoto's movements were sluggish and his body was slow.

He was getting weak.

"Okay," Haru said, knowing his time was quickly running out. He rested on the toes of his feet and hunched over, holding Makoto's shoulders. "I'm going to pull you up now, okay?"

"O-Okay," Makoto stuttered, a grimace plaguing his features.

Haru gently forced his arms underneath Makoto's back and snaked them around his waist. He pointedly avoided the protruding metal rod that disappeared beneath the ground.

"Hold onto me," Haru said. He felt a pair of arms wrap around his back. "On three, okay? One, two… three!"

Haru carefully pulled Makoto's torso up. Makoto grunted and yelped in pain as his body slid upwards, but he clung onto Haru for dear life.

"Almost there," Haru said

With one final tug, Makoto was pulled from the pipe. He gasped as Haru pulled him to his feet, his head hanging as he leaned heavily against Haru. Haru slung Makoto's arm over his shoulder to keep his body steady.

Blood was rapidly spilling from the wounds, so Haru quickly took the pieces of his apron and carefully pushed them into the gaping holes in Makoto's stomach and back. Makoto yelped and shied away from Haru's hand, but Haru kept him steady. Haru apologized repeatedly, knowing the wounds must have hurt. The blood was already soaking through the white pieces of cloth and Haru knew he had to act fast.

"Here," Haru said, reaching over to grab Makoto's hand. He pulled Makoto's free hand to press against the wound on his stomach. "You need to press down on this, okay? Press on it. Like this."

Haru pressed Makoto's hand against the wound and Makoto gasped, his whole body trembling. But he kept his hand secured on the wound.

Haru wrapped his arm around Makoto's back and pressed his palm flat against the hole on his back, pressing it firmly.

"Okay, let's get out of here," Haru said. Makoto grunted but managed a curt nod as Haru guided them towards the exit.

The fire was intense, both of them beginning to sweat from the smoldering heat. Haru carefully maneuvered them both around some fallen boards and beams, leaning Makoto away from the flames that threatened to eat away at their skin.

"H-Haru, go—ugh—go left here, Haru," Makoto said weakly.

Haru did as Makoto commanded and went left around the corner, avoiding a heaping pile of debris that blocked the other hallway. He carefully squeezed them both in between two beams and was about to make another left towards an exit.

"Wait," Makoto called out, using his weight to stop Haru. "D-Don't go that way, Haru. Go right, it's s-safer."

Makoto's speech was slurred and he looked exhausted, his eyes rolling back and his head nodding.

"Makoto?" Haru called, trying to look at his best friend while guiding him around the fire.

"I… mmm…. I'm fine," Makoto slurred. "Just tired."

Haru's eyes squinted as his face scrunched up in worry. He patted Makoto's arm encouragingly.

"Stay awake, okay?" Haru said. "We're almost out."

"Mmn," Makoto mumbled back. "Okay, Haru."

They maneuvered a little further out of the first floor, dodging debris and avoiding hot flames as much as possible. Makoto acted as his guide, sluggishly telling Haru the best route.

Soon enough, they could both see the front door. Haru eagerly started to pick up the pace.

"Ah, H-Haru…" Makoto mumbled, making Haru slow down. "Th-This is dangerous, you've… you've got… you've got to…"

As soon as the words left his mouth, Makoto's head nodded and then hung, and more of his weight rested on Haru's shoulders. Haru slowed to a stop, his head whipping up to look at Makoto with worried eyes.

"Makoto?" Haru called in a panic, trying to keep him upright.

"W-Watch out… for… for the fire near the door, it's… really…"

Makoto's slurred speech suddenly dissipated and his full weight leaned on Haru all at once.

"Makoto!" Haru called, almost collapsing under the weight. Makoto's hand that was pressed against his stomach went limp by his side, and Haru felt his heart skip a beat. "Oi, Makoto! Wake up!  _Makoto!"_

But Makoto did not move.

Haru clicked his tongue and reached over with his other hand to press against the wound on Makoto's stomach.

"Just hang on, Makoto," Haru said. "We're almost… there!"

Haru clung onto Makoto's limp body and started to pull him towards the front door. As they approached, Haru could see what Makoto was worried about. There was a lot of debris laying around the front door, and the flames were tall, blocking the entrance.

Haru glanced up at Makoto and noticed that his eyes were still shut. He could feel Makoto's blood seeping through his fingers, and knew he was running out of time. He knew he had to get Makoto to safety as quickly as possible, but Makoto had told him to be careful.

Haru's eyes flitted from Makoto's wounds to the front door.

Makoto had told him to be careful.

But he was out of time.

Haru pulled Makoto's limp body close to him and took a deep breath. Then, Haru sprinted forward.

Haru, with Makoto still on his side, ran through the tall flames and through the open front door. He was immediately hit with cool air and darkness and his eyes squinted to try and see. His foot caught on something and they were both sent tumbling to the ground. Haru panted as he laid on the ground, his legs and back sore and exhausted.

Just as Haru was about to lean up to get to Makoto, he heard a rumbling sound from behind. Haru leaned up and glanced back at the building. Its frame started to sway dangerously, and several pieces of debris fell to the ground.

In a panic, Haru jumped to his feet and scooped Makoto up under his arms. He dragged Makoto a few feet away before the building caved, making the ground quake violently.

Haru stumbled to the ground again but placed his arms over Makoto's head to protect him from any stray pieces of debris. Once the shaking stopped, Haru craned his neck back to look at the building. There was only a pile of rubble left.

Haru panted. His eyes were wide as he stared at the pile of wood and metal beams, his heart hammering inside his chest and roaring in his ears.

If they had stayed even a second longer in the building, then they would have been...

" _Makoto! Haru!"_

A voice pulled Haru from his thoughts and he snapped his head up to see a man running towards them. He was fully dressed in a fireman suit, head covered by a helmet and its plastic shield, so Haru could not see his face. But his voice was very familiar.

"Koji?" Haru found himself mumbling, his eyes blinking and trying to see the fireman's face.

"Are you guys—oh,  _shit_ , Makoto!"

In an instant, Koji was on the ground next to them, his hands reaching to inspect the wound on Makoto's back.

"Damn it, he's bleeding so much…" Koji said, leaning down to grab Makoto by his shoulders. He hoisted Makoto's limp body over his shoulders and extended down his hand to Haru. "What happened?!" Koji asked.

"He— I was… he—" Haru fumbled over his words as Koji yanked him to his feet and pulled him forward, away from the burning building and towards the flashing lights. Haru gulped down the fear and tried to untangle his tongue. "H-He fell," Haru stuttered. "A-And he landed on a pipe."

Koji turned his head to look at him and Haru could see how wide his eyes.

"You— he was impaled?!" Koji shouted.

Haru grit his teeth, nodding painfully and struggling to keep up with them.

"Damn it!" Koji yelled.

They both jogged over to the ambulance where a few more emergency personnel were standing. Another firefighter who stood by the ambulance rushed towards them when he saw them.

"Hirose! Did you—oh,  _hell,"_  the fireman said with a gasp.

Koji gently handed off Makoto to the EMT's and they quickly lifted him into the ambulance. Haru watched as they scrambled to cut Makoto's shirt off, immediately eyeing the blood dripping down his side.

"We need to get him to the hospital  _now_ ," one EMT said. He glanced up from holding Makoto's side. "Is anyone else coming?" he shouted.

_"Haru, what are you afraid of?"_

"Makoto…" Haru whispered, his voice trembling along with the rest of his body.

Suddenly, Haru was gently nudged forward towards the ambulance doors. He turned back and saw Koji standing behind him, the shield of his helmet lifted so he could see his face.

"Go with him," Koji said firmly.

Haru gulped, anxiety gripping him and making his stomach tighten. He glanced back at the ambulance, the EMT's anxious with the lack of an answer. Haru felt a hand on his shoulder and he turned back to look at Koji.

"He needs you, Haru," Koji said. "Go. Be with him. We'll catch up when we're done here."

Haru's heart leaped inside of his chest and he did not waste any more time.

He gave Koji a quick nod and scrambled into the ambulance, taking a seat on the side and out of the way of the EMT's. One of the EMT's reached for the doors and slammed them shut, slapping his palm against the wall. The ambulance then took off with its lights flashing and sirens wailing.

"Impalement wound on the right side of the abdomen, severe bleeding" one EMT announced.

They had already cut Makoto's shirt from his torso, and Haru was able to get a better look at the nasty hole in his best friend's body. He grimaced and shut his eyes tight.

"Makoto…" Haru whimpered, feeling tears prick his eyes. He reached forward with a shaking hand and grabbed Makoto's hand, his fingers lightly squeezing his. It was frightening how cold Makoto's skin was. " _Makoto…"_  Haru choked back a sob and held his breath to stop the cries from leaving his throat.

The EMT's packed the wounds as best as they could, both trying to stay upright in the jostling ambulance.

"Sir, his blood pressure is dropping!" the other EMT said frantically. "And his heart rate is spiking!"

"Ah, he's going into shock!"

Haru snapped his head up and looked at them with wide eyes. He was… going into shock?

_"Haru, what are you afraid of?"_

He watched in horror as the EMT's put an oxygen mask over Makoto's mouth and nose.

"His heart needs to slow down or he's going to go into de-fib," the EMT said.

Haru squeezed Makoto's hand, his whole body trembling fiercely. His eyes stung and his heart  _ached_.

_Fight it,_  Haru thought as he squeezed Makoto's limp hand.  _Fight it, Makoto…_

"Makoto…" Haru muttered, closing his eyes and bowing his head. "Makoto…  _please_."

_Don't leave me alone,_  Haru said.  _Please, Makoto… please!_

_"Haru, what are you afraid of?"_

"There! There!" the EMT suddenly said. Haru slowly opened his eyes as he listened. "It's slowing a little!"

Haru snapped his head back up and saw one the EMT's pressing on the wound on Makoto's stomach while the other was reading the monitor.

"Good," the other EMT said. "That should buy him some time until we get him into an OR." The EMT suddenly looked at Haru with a gentle smile. "Keep talking to him, kid. You're calming him down."

Haru's eyes widened. His gaze flitted down to look at Makoto's face. His brows were creased but his eyes were still closed.

Could Makoto really hear him?

Haru cleared his throat and squeezed Makoto's hand again.

"Just hang on, Makoto," Haru said, his voice threatening to crack. He was still reeling from the emotional roller coaster he had been put through. "Just hang on."

The EMT watching the monitor gave the other EMT a thumbs-up, and he nodded back.

The ambulance jostled a few more times before making one last turn and then coming to a complete stop. The doors to the ambulance swung open and several doctors were waiting. The EMT's helped Makoto out of the ambulance and onto a gurney. Haru quickly followed suit and ran next to Makoto, still holding his hand.

"Status?" one doctor asked the EMT.

"Impalement wound through the right side of the abdomen and out his back. His blood pressure went low on the ride over and his heart rate spiked, sending him into shock," the EMT explained as they wheeled Makoto through the hospital doors.

"Okay, we don't have time to get any scans done. He needs surgery  _now_ ," one doctor said.

Haru's chest constricted and his grip on Makoto's hand tightened like a vice.

"Take him to OR four," the doctor said.

"Yes, sir!" the EMT's answered as they wheeled Makoto down the hallway.

Haru followed them all the way until one doctor stopped him when they reached two large double doors at the end of the hall.

"I'm sorry, sir, but this is as far as you can go," the doctor said.

Haru jolted as the doctor squeezed his hand and forced him to let go of Makoto's hand. Haru felt a cold emptiness drop into his stomach as Makoto's warmth left his hand, and his chest felt heavy when he saw them disappear behind the doors.

The last thing he saw was Makoto's hand falling back down onto the gurney.

Haru was frozen in place, watching as those double doors swung closed.

And suddenly, he was all alone.

Alone without his best friend by his side.

Haru's breath hitched in his chest. His shaking hand found its way to clutch onto his shirt near his heart and he took a few stuttering steps backward until he felt his back hit a wall. He slid down to the ground and pulled his knees to his chest.

_This… this wasn't supposed to happen,_  Haru thought.  _You're always supposed to be by my side, Makoto…_

Haru felt something wet slide down his cheek and his breath hitched again. He pulled his knees closer and held himself, burying his face in his arms.

_This can't be happening…_

_This can't be how it ends…_

_This…_

_"Haru, what are you afraid of?"_

Haru jolted, his eyes popping open as he heard that warm voice echo in his mind. He blinked a few times, stray tears falling down his cheeks, and pulled his legs closer to his body.

_Please be okay, Makoto._

* * *

Koji and Mori stood frozen in place after Makoto had been lifted into the ambulance. Koji could feel his frame shivering, his teeth chattering even though the heat from the fire was intense.

He glanced down at his glove and saw that it was coated in blood.

Makoto's blood.

"What happened?" came Mori's gruff voice. Koji did not answer right away. He simply stared down at his glove, watching as it shook. "Hirose…"

Koji felt a hand on his shoulder and he jolted out of his thoughts, his head snapping to meet Mori's gaze. Mori looked concerned, his brows uncharacteristically upturned while his lips were pulled down in a sad frown.

"Makoto, he… he was impaled," Koji explained. Mori's grip on his shoulder tightened at his words and he cursed under his breath. "He wasn't moving…"

Mori paused, his hand still squeezing Koji's shoulder. He took in a shaky breath.

"We'll get to the hospital when we're done here, understand?" Mori said.

Koji looked at Mori with shimmering eyes. "What if we're too late?" Koji asked, his voice quiet and solemn.

Mori paused, his mouth opening and closing. He squeezed Koji's shoulder, the words not coming.

What if... they  _were_  too late?

Suddenly, a whirring of sirens pulled them out of their thoughts, and three fire trucks pulled around the corner.

"About damn time," Mori said gruffly.

Mori gave Koji's shoulder one last squeeze. Koji stared at Mori as he started to jog towards the fire trucks, his core still shaken up. Mori turned and called Koji over his shoulder.

"C'mon, Hirose!" Mori called, snapping Koji out of his stupor. "Let's get this building under control and go visit that moron!"

Koji paused, just watching Mori as he spoke to the backup personnel. Then, he took a slow, deep breath to calm his shaking and he wiped his eyes.

_Just hang on, Makoto!_  Koji said.  _Don't you dare die before we get there!_

* * *

Haru's arms and legs were tingling from sitting on the floor. He had not moved since Makoto disappeared behind those doors, and he did not want to move. He just wanted his best friend back by his side.

_"Haru, what are you afraid of?"_

Haru's breath caught when he finally was able to recognize the warm voice that echoed in his memories. His brows creased as that conversation came back vividly to his mind.

It occurred when he and Makoto were still in high school and had just been hanging out after club practice. They had stopped for popsicles on their way home, Haru finishing off his stick and throwing it away. That was when Makoto randomly asked…

_"Haru, what are you afraid of?" He had cast the question over to Haru. "What thing are you most afraid of? It doesn't have to be a thing; it can be a concept."_

_Haru thought about it for a moment. A thing he was afraid of, a concept he was afraid of—_

_Haru worked through his memories, thinking carefully about it._

_At that moment, suddenly, the sight of Makoto drowning flashed through Haru's mind._

_That was when it hit him._

_Haru realized that the emotion he felt that day— when he had dragged Makoto back on shore— had finally become concrete in his mind. The emotion he had been feeling at the time had been fear._

_Makoto's weak breathing as he lay out on the beach._

_The fear that Haru would probably lose Makoto like that._

_The fear that the existence that had been so natural to him up until that time would suddenly disappear—_

_"What's wrong, Haru-chan?"_

_Haru snapped out of his thoughts and glanced over at his best friend, who was looking at him with creased brows and a curious expression._

_"Nothing…" Haru answered, but it seemed he could not hide his own turmoil._

_"…Haru?" Makoto called, looking at Haru with worry._

_Haru was at a loss for words, but he managed to spout out an answer to quickly gloss over his strange behavior._

_"I… I'm afraid of water completely disappearing from this world. That's it."_

_Makoto blinked at Haru, and then, with a tilt of his head, he released a light chuckle._

_"That sounds like you, Haru-chan!"_

Haru whimpered, biting his lip as the memory faded back into his mind.

He gripped his knees, frustrated at himself as he sat on the cold hospital floor.

_I'm sorry, Makoto,_  Haru thought.  _But I lied to you that day._

Haru shut his eyes tight and choked on another sob.

_What I'm afraid of most… is losing you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on tumblr!  
> LuckE1
> 
> Also, still accepting any art if anyone wants to draw!


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so... this chapter is pretty long.   
> I hope that's okay... D:
> 
> By the way, you guys are awesome! I'm loving the comments and all of the kudos. You're the reason I write!
> 
> Happy reading :)

Haru walked into the empty apartment, his keys almost slipping out of his hands. When the door shut behind him, he leaned back against it and stared down hard at his feet.

The apartment was silent.

And it was freezing.

Tears pricked at his eyes when he realized that he would be coming home to a quiet apartment from now on.

Now that Makoto had…

Haru squeezed his eyes shut and clenched his fists at his sides.

His heart was throbbing.

If he had gotten Makoto to safety faster, then maybe he would…

Haru pushed himself from the door and kicked his shoes off, not caring how they flung off to the side in a disorganized pile.

He did not want to see the other set of shoes sitting there anyway...

Haru dragged his heavy body towards the kitchen to get some water. His throat was cracked and dry from all the crying.

When he entered the kitchen, he froze.

Draped over a chair in the kitchen was Makoto's green jacket, the same jacket that Makoto had worn time and time again.

Haru's eyes widened and he hobbled over to grab it. He brought the jacket up to his face and breathed in the scent.

Tears instantly spilled from his eyes.

It smelled like Makoto.

Haru fell to his knees, another sob making its way through his throat. If felt as if a massive hole had blown through his chest.

"Makoto…" Haru sobbed, his voice echoing. "Please, come back, Makoto.  _Please_."

"…Haru?"

Haru whipped his head up and saw Makoto standing in front of him with his head cocked and his brows creased.

"Makoto?!" Haru gasped. "You're… you're alive?!"

"Haru…" Makoto whimpered out.

Suddenly, Makoto's clothes changed, his shirt tearing with blood running down his side. Haru's eyes widened in horror and he jumped to his feet, rushing over to Makoto's side.

"Makoto, you're bleeding!" Haru shouted, putting his hands on Makoto's stomach. The blood was flooding from the wound, Haru's hands unable to stop it. "Makoto, i-it won't stop! We need to take you to the hospital!"

But Makoto did not budge. He stared at Haru with a sad look on his face, his lips twisting downwards. Makoto shook his head slowly and looked at Haru in the eye.

"Why didn't you get me out sooner, Haru?" Makoto asked.

Haru's heart jolted.

The blood was pooling around their feet, threatening to fill up the kitchen.

"W-What?" Haru asked.

Makoto leaned forward, towering over Haru.

"You didn't get me out in time. And now I'm dead, Haru," Makoto said eerily.

Haru shook his head and backed away. His hands reached up to tug at his hair. This was not Makoto. It couldn't be him. The real Makoto would not be this cruel.

"Haru…"

Haru glanced back up to see his friend suddenly shirtless, his skin charred and burned.

It looked painful.

"M-Makoto…" Haru whimpered.

"I risked everything to save you, Haru," Makoto said. His brows pushed together, seemingly frustrated, but his eyes remained blank and lifeless. "So why didn't you do the same for me?"

Makoto took a step forward, looking sinister and agitated.

"Makoto, I tried! I got you out and I managed to get you to the hospital!" Haru shouted. "I  _tried!_  I tried to save you, but—"

Makoto put his hand on Haru's chest, cutting him off. Makoto bent down a little, locking eyes with Haru once again.

"But you were too late," Makoto said lowly.

Then, Makoto pushed Haru backward.

Haru gasped as the floor collapsed beneath him, his body falling into a dark pit.

_"No,"_ Haru yelled.  _"Makoto!"_

_Sir…_

_"MAKOTO!"_

_Excuse me…_

**"MAKOTO!"**

Haru jolted awake, his entire body jumping. He could feel sweat sliding down from his forehead and his heart was threatening to break his ribcage.

_What… what happened, where am I?_

_Where's…_

"Excuse me, sir…"

Haru jolted again when he felt a firm hand on his shoulder and glanced up to see a woman kneeling in front of him with a concerned look on her face.

"Are you all right?" she asked.

Haru could hear the blood roaring in his ears. He did not realize how badly he was shaking until the woman gripped his wrists.

"Where's… where's Makoto?" Haru whimpered out.

The woman tilted her head. "You mean your friend that you came in with? He's still in surgery."

Haru blinked, staring out at the long hallway in front of him. Where… where was he?

His mind started to clear and the hallway became more familiar. He glanced to his right and saw two double doors— the same double doors that Makoto had disappeared behind. That was when Haru felt his stiff back and neck. Had he fallen asleep?

How long had he been sleeping on that floor?!

"I'm sorry, sir, but you can't stay here," the woman said.

Haru glanced back at the woman, finally noticing that she was wearing scrubs, and pushed himself up from the ground. He patted himself over, his heart racing and thudding in his ears.

"I can show you towards a waiting area. I promise I'll let the doctors know where you are so they can give you an update on your friend," the nurse, he presumed, explained.

Haru felt her grab his upper arm and she started to guide him down the hallway and away from the double doors. He craned his neck back to stare at the double doors, panic quickly taking over. He stopped suddenly and faced the doors.

"B-But is he okay?" Haru found himself asking. He was still reeling from the crazy nightmare he had just a few moments ago. "I need to know if he's okay. He's alone and probably scared and—"

"He's in good hands," the nurse said with a small smile. She rubbed Haru's back gently. "He's still in surgery, but the doctors are really well trained and know what they're doing."

Haru felt his arms trembling slightly. He kept his eyes fixed on the doors, not moving a centimeter.

The nurse gingerly grabbed his shoulder and squeezed, forcing his gaze to look back down at her.

"I'll go in there and ask for an update in just a minute, but you have to go to the waiting area first, okay?" the nurse said gently. Haru gulped down some fresh nerves, feeling a shiver crawl down his back and make his stomach quiver. He nodded at let himself be pushed away from the double doors, his head twisting around to get one last look.

The nurse led Haru out of the hallway and towards the front of the hospital. The front was much more open with its tall ceilings and extravagant pillars. Haru felt himself release a long breath, the claustrophobic feeling suddenly vanishing.

Near the front entrance and in between a few pillars were rows of chairs with people scattered throughout. Haru felt the nurse nudge him forward one more step before gesturing towards the chairs.

"Just have a seat in one of those chairs and I'll be right back, okay?" the nurse said sweetly.

Haru blinked at her, barely registering what she had said. He was unsure if he even responded. He just watched the nurse's back as she walked back down the hall where they had just come from. Haru took one step towards the nurse and then froze. Was he about to follow her back down there? What was he planning on doing when he got there? Barge into the OR?

"Haru-chan!"

Haru jumped and turned around at the bright chirping sound from behind. His eyes widened when he realized his ears were not playing tricks on him, and he saw two familiar faces bounding over towards him.

"Nagisa? Rei?" Haru said in disbelief.

Nagisa collided into Haru, his arms instantly wrapping around his waist. He buried his face into Haru's chest and squeezed.

"We were so worried, Haru-chan!" Nagisa said, his voice muffled against Haru's chest. Haru's heart clenched when he could feel Nagisa shaking against him.

"N-Nagisa," Haru said dumbly. He felt disoriented and dizzy.

"Are you all right, Haruka-senpai?" Rei asked, his brows creased with worry and his lips pulled downward.

Haru glanced up at Rei, still feeling Nagisa nuzzle up again him, and stared. He was still bewildered that these two were right in front of him. He tried to swallow but found that his throat was extremely dry.

"W-What are you guys doing here?" Haru managed with only a little scratchiness in his voice.

Nagisa glanced up at him and rested his chin on Haru's stomach. He was wide-eyed but appeared to be relieved, his body no longer shaking.

"We heard that there was a fire in the building you were at today, Haru-chan!" Nagisa explained. "When we found out, we tried calling you but you didn't answer!"

Haru winced. He wondered how many other people had tried calling him…

Makoto…

Had Makoto tried calling him?

He had to have been so worried…

"When you didn't answer, we decided to try calling some students from the culinary department," Rei explained.

Nagisa nodded furiously. "Yeah! And they said that someone was sent to the hospital, and your name came up!"

"So we took the next train to get here," Rei added as he adjusted his glasses. "We arrived about ten minutes ago, looking all over the place for you, and we just now found you. We were worried you were injured, but… you seem to be all right."

"Yeah, yeah!" came Nagisa's voice from Haru's chest. Haru glanced down to see Nagisa smiling up at him. "We're glad to see you're okay!" Nagisa turned his head to look back at Rei. "Me and Rei-chan were actually surprised we didn't see Mako-chan while looking for you!"

A tremor rippled through Haru's body at the mention of his best friend's name.

Rei offered a small smile to his blonde friend. "Ah, yeah, he's right. We would have thought Makoto-senpai would have already arrived." Rei glanced up at Haru, his smile still in place. "Is he here somewhere, Haruka-senpai?"

Haru's hands closed into tight, trembling fists. He grit his teeth and turned his head away from them, his eyes stinging. He pulled away from them and out of Nagisa's hold.

"Haru-chan?" Nagisa called softly, his voice laced with sadness. Haru's heart pricked to hear it.

"Haruka-senpai…" Rei said, his voice also tinged with worry.

Haru hesitated, his body trying to fight the tears. But he choked on a sob, his hand coming up to cover his mouth. He felt dizzy and sick to his stomach.

He suddenly felt two pairs of hands on him, both of his friends rubbing his back and squeezing his upper arms.

"What happened, Haruka-senpai?!" Rei asked frantically. "A-Are you hurt?!"

"Talk to us, Haru-chan!" Nagisa said, gripping onto Haru's arm.

Haru swallowed and dug the heels of his hands into his eyes to stop the tears from escaping. He took a deep breath, feeling his friends' hands squeezing harder.

"It's Makoto…" Haru squeaked out.

"Eh? Mako-chan?" Nagisa echoed.

"What's happened to Makoto-senpai?" Rei asked.

Haru shivered and lowered his head to avoid their worried stares. He opened a quivering jaw.

He thought he was going to be sick.

"He's the one that's hurt."

Nagisa and Rei fell deathly silent for a moment, both staring at Haru with bewildered expressions on their faces. Haru did not dare look up at them, his body trembling and his eyes prickling with fresh tears.

"W-What?" Rei whispered.

"Mako-chan is…" Nagisa's voice trailed off.

Haru shuddered and a tear escaped his eye. He quickly moved to wipe it off before it even fell down his cheek.

"Makoto-senpai is in the hospital?" Rei asked.

Haru nodded, his hand covering one eye to stop the tears.

"H-He's in surgery," Haru croaked out.

" _W-W-What?!"_ Rei shouted.

"Haru-chan! What do you mean he's in surgery?! What happened?! Haru-chan!" Nagisa had gripped onto Haru's shirt and he tugged on it. His magenta eyes were also watering up.

Haru lowered his arm and stared down at the tile floor, remembering how lifeless Makoto had looked in that ambulance…

"He was…"

His blood spilling from his wounds…

"H-He fell, and…"

His limp, cold hand…

"I…"

_"Haru, you need to go."_

_"Haru…"_

_"You have to leave me behind."_

" **Hey! Haru!** "

Haru jolted and whirled around at the sound, startling both Nagisa and Rei. When he turned around, he saw another familiar face running up to him. His heart jolted when he saw Koji and the other fireman running up to them. They were dressed in their firefighter gear except for their helmets, both covered with a light layer of dirt and sweat.

"Koji..." Haru said under his breath.

Koji ran up to him and placed his hands on Haru's shoulders.

"How is he? Is everything okay?" Koji asked.

Haru shook his head, his eyes threatening to spill more tears.

"I don't know," he answered, and Koji squeezed Haru's shoulders.

"Hey, hey, it'll be okay," Koji consoled. "Just tell me what happened. Maybe it's not so bad."

"Not so bad?" came the other fireman's gruff voice from behind.

Both Haru and Koji turned around to see him standing with his hands curled into fists, his shoulders stiff and tense.

"You said he was impaled, Hirose! That's far from  _not so bad,_ " He barked. He glanced at Haru, a fire in his eyes. "Aren't you the one he rescued from that dorm fire last year?"

Haru gave one curt nod, feeling incredibly small.

"Ah," the fireman said. He glowered at Haru, stepping closer with his fists tight by his sides. "So  _you're_  the one Tachibana keeps going into burning buildings for."

Haru lowered his head and squeezed his eyes tight, bracing for an incoming punch.

"H-Hey, Captain!" Koji blocked his Captain's path, holding up his hands to placate him. "Don't. You know it wasn't his fault."

The Captain looked flustered, worried even, but he closed his eyes and sighed. His fists relaxed and went limp by his sides and he took a step back.

"Yeah. You're right," the Captain said quietly. He placed his hands on his hips and a loose scowl was on his face. "So, what's going on? How is he?"

Koji turned back to look at Haru, whose eyes were shimmering dangerously. Haru shook his head again and looked back towards the hallway where the nurse had disappeared.

"Th-The nurse said she w-was going to go and see, but…" Haru inhaled a shivering breath. "But th-that was a while ago. I haven't seen her, she hasn't come back and—"

"Whoa, whoa, easy," Koji said, coming back to Haru and grabbing his shoulder. "Let's just calm down and—" Koji stopped short and he delicately grabbed Haru's arm. "Your arm..."

Haru glanced down at his forearm and saw the nasty burns from earlier, completely forgotten. The stinging instantly came back in full force and his eyes squinted from the pain. He heard two gasps from behind.

"Haruka-senpai!"

"Haru-chan, you're hurt!"

Koji examined the burns carefully, his face twisted in a grimace.

"We need to find a doctor," Koji said, his eyes still locked on the burns.

Haru looked at Koji longingly, his head whipping around to look at the hallway where the nurse had gone.

"B-But... the nurse…" Haru said, turning back to look at Koji desperately. "I have to—"

"I'll stay behind and wait for her."

Haru glanced over to see the other firefighter– Captain – standing next to Nagisa and Rei with his arms folded across his chest.

"Got it," Koji said from the side. Haru whipped his head back to look at Koji who was softly staring down at him. "Let's get you patched up."

Koji gingerly held onto Haru's elbow and guided him to a nearby nurse's station. He showed the nurse Haru's arm and she quickly guided them to a private room. The nurse had Haru sit down on the table in the room, covering his wound with a cool ice pack, and promptly left the room, letting them know she would get a doctor right away.

Haru stared a hole through the door, willing her to come back. He could feel his anxiety starting to spike as the silence in the room dragged on. He needed to know what was happening to Makoto and he needed to know  _now._

_Please_ , he begged.  _Come back and tell me what's going on with Makoto._

_Please..._

Suddenly, a loud sigh cut through Haru's thoughts, and he glanced up to see Koji pulling at his hair.

"Damn it," Koji muttered. He ran his fingers slowly through his dirty hair and frowned hard. " _Damn it._ "

Haru blinked at him, his hand keeping the ice pack still on his forearm.

Finally, Koji looked up at Haru with a scrunched up face and pinched brows. He looked more intense than Haru had ever seen him.

Haru must have made a strange face because Koji was shaking his head and wiping his eyes. He leaned back against the wall and folded his arms across his chest, taking slow, deep breaths. He looked like he was doing what Makoto would do when he had panic attacks.

So Koji was… trying to calm himself down?

"What happened?" Koji asked, his eyes shimmering and voice shaking but his body calm. "I… need to know, so…  _please_ … tell me what happened in that building."

Haru jumped when there was silence, realizing it was his turn to speak. He grimaced and glanced down at his burned arm.

"I… I was trapped on the second floor," Haru started. He took a shuddering breath. "He c-came to get me and started to lead me out. But… then the floor collapsed and he… he fell… on a… a pipe."

Koji lowered his head, his arms flexing across his chest and he hugged them closer to his body. Haru could faintly see Koji's shoulders trembling, so he closed his eyes.

"It… it was my fault," Haru said.

"Hey," Koji warned.

"If I hadn't let him see that stupid report a while ago, then he never would have left home," Haru said, his voice trembling dangerously. "He would have helped me prepare for my exam, and I would never have gotten trapped and he would never have come after me," Haru whimpered, trying to swallow past the lump in his throat.

"Don't say that—"

"It's my fault he's hurt," Haru said. "And now he… he might not even make it—"

" _Damn it_ , will you  _stop?!"_

Haru's eyes popped open and he looked at Koji in shock. Koji's eyes were narrowed, and his brows pushed together. He was baring his teeth and his hands were in fists.

"It  _wasn't_  your fault. And it wasn't  _his_ , either!" Koji shouted, making Haru flinch. He almost dropped his ice pack but scrambled to catch it.

"W-What do you mean?" Haru asked, trying to diffuse Koji's sudden frustration.

Koji huffed out a breath and straightened his back. He closed his eyes for a moment and inhaled sharply through his nose. When he had relaxed, he opened his eyes and ran his hand through his hair.

"I did some research, and it turns out that the incident report was wrong," Koji said.

Haru's eyes widened, and he suddenly found himself hanging on Koji's every word.

"Makoto might have left a pan on the stove that night, but it wasn't the pan that started the fire," Koji said. "It was the stove."

Haru blinked at him, the words slowly processing in his mind. His brows creased as he thought it over.

_The stove?_ Haru thought.  _But… Makoto was sure he had left the pan on the stove. He even left it that pan on the stove at home that one time._

"The stoves were recalled last year for faulty wiring," Koji said as if he had read Haru's mind. Haru's back went rigid as a shiver shot down his spine. "I went to the university's building planner and everything. He's going to get it in writing."

Haru stared down at his lap with wide eyes, his jaw dropping in disbelief. His chest felt incredibly tight at the news.

So Makoto… was innocent?

And… he ran away for no reason at all?

Haru squeezed his fist hard, causing his entire arm to flex. He grimaced and clenched his jaw.

"That's…"

Haru started to speak, but was promptly cut off by the sound of the door opening. A doctor entered and immediately got to work on Haru's arm, removing the ice from his swollen and puffy skin. The doctor was asking Haru questions but his mind was still so bogged down with new information that he could not hear him.

Koji, fortunately, moved to his side and answered all of the questions that the doctor had. Haru would have to thank him later when his tongue decided to work. He grimaced when the doctor cleaned the burns and put on some sort of ointment. The stinging diminished, lacking its initial bite, and Haru sighed in relief. Once the doctor had wrapped up Haru's arm in clean bandages, he sent them on their way back to the waiting area, both of them walking quietly.

Haru held his arm close to his chest, his body heavy with guilt. He wanted so desperately to apologize to Makoto for making him run out of the apartment that night. He regretted not stopping him. All he had to do was chase after him and explain.

If he had caught him that night instead of sulked, then maybe things would have turned out differently.

"It's not your fault," Koji reminded as they turned the corner.

Koji's voice snapped Haru out of his self-loathing thought-train and he turned to look up at him. Koji's face was gentle but his brows were pulled tight, a crease forming in between them. It was as if an older brother was admonishing his younger sibling.

Haru looked away, seeing too much Makoto in Koji's face.

"Sorry," Haru mumbled.

Koji hummed and patted Haru carefully on the shoulder. "Don't worry about it."

After they turned another corner, they arrived at the open waiting area where Nagisa, Rei, and the Captain were waiting. Haru expected to find them sitting in chairs, but instead, he saw them standing around with a woman in front of them.

It was the nurse.

Haru felt his heart leap into his throat and he took off towards them, Koji scrambled to keep up with him. The nurse was speaking softly with them and shaking her head when Haru reached them. He skidded to a stop in front of them, startling the nurse.

"H-How's Makoto?" Haru asked, panting.

Everyone eyed him for a minute, watching as his shoulders heaved.

"Ah, well…" the nurse started. "Are you all here for Tachibana Makoto?" she asked first, to which everyone nodded. "Well, I can't reveal too much, but I can say that he's in surgery for an impalement wound and that the doctors are almost done repairing the damage."

"How bad is it?" the fireman Captain asked the nurse as he folded his arms across his chest.

"W-Well, I'm not sure if I can say…" the nurse said.

"He's one of my men at the station," the Captain said a little harshly. "I need to know how bad the damage is."

The nurse looked conflicted as her fingers tapped against the edges of the clipboard.

"Please," the Captain added, a little softer.

Haru noticed how fast Koji's head turned to look at his boss, his eyes wide. It must have been unusual for the Captain to ask for something so sincerely.

"Okay," the nurse said quietly. "But you can't tell anyone, got it?" she said, putting her hand on her hip.

The group nodded and the nurse sighed, her face softening into a look of worry.

"The surgeons said Tachibana-san had a perforated lower intestine from the impalement wound. He's lost a lot of blood, but they're replenishing it as quickly as possible," the nurse started.

Haru felt his throat close up.

Perforated?

Didn't that mean… punctured?

Was Makoto… going to die?

"His heart destabilized at the beginning of the surgery, but the doctors managed to reset it. They should be finishing up soon," the nurse said.

Haru's hand crept up to his heart and grabbed a fistful of his shirt.

_Destabilized?_

He could not take this.

"Will he be all right?" Haru thought he heard Rei ask, and the nurse gave a small smile.

"As long as he pulls through the night and doesn't develop an infection, then he should be okay," the nurse explained.

The rest of the group gave her small smiles but none of them dared to move an inch. They were still paralyzed by the news.

Haru was standing still as a stone, his head completely in a haze. His body and mind were exhausted, and his knees wobbled. He remembered seeing the nurse say one more thing and then give a polite bow, and he, once again, watched her back as she walked away.

Haru's legs threatened to buckle and he stepped back until he felt an edge of chair hit the back of his knees. He collapsed down on the chair and hunched over with his head in his hands, desperately just trying to  _breathe_. His thoughts were quickly jumbling up inside his mind and his body shook.

Was he really going to lose Makoto here? Today?

_Makoto's body lying motionless on the beach…_

Haru's eyes squeezed shut and he pushed the thought far away from his mind. He never wanted to see Makoto to helpless ever again and yet…

"Hey…"

A hand clasped onto his shoulder and he heard someone sit next to him.

"She said he would be okay." It was Koji's voice. "They're going to fix him."

Haru sniffed and nodded, not moving an inch. He released a shuddering breath and wiped his eyes.

"Heh, you know," Koji said with a small chuckle. "If he were waiting with us, he'd probably fret over us."

Haru's hands slowly dropped from his face, revealing the reddened skin under his eyes. He peered up at Koji, watching his smile.

"Yeah, yeah!" Nagisa said, suddenly next to Koji. "He always took care of Haru-chan! He was like the mother hen of the group."

"He did have a keen sense of protection and caregiving," Rei said after he wiped his eyes and readjusted his glasses on his face.

"You're right, Rei-chan!" Nagisa chirped. "He was probably always like that, don't you think?"

Haru managed to give a small smile, his eyes drifting down to look at his palm.

_No,_  Haru thought.  _Not always._

* * *

_Haru was playing in the sandbox._

_It was a nice day out, not too chilly or too warm, but the sandbox was filled was several other kids from around the block._

_They were noisy, Haru thought. All cheerfully laughing and knocking over each other's castles. But he concentrated on his own castle, meticulously patting the intricate designs on one side. He did not mind keeping to himself. His castle would look better anyway._

_Suddenly, all of the kids in the sandbox stood up and pointed at something in the distance, shouting in excitement. Haru stood up as well and watched as a large group ran out of the sandbox and through the playground to what looked like an ice cream truck._

_Haru took a step to follow, when suddenly—_

_"Wait—"_

_FWUMP!_

_Haru stopped dead in his tracks and whirled around to see a boy lying face-first in the sand._

_Oh, Haru thought. He must've tripped._

_The boy lifted his face from the sand, the corners of his eyes pricked with tears._

_That was when Haru remembered him. They were now new neighbors._

_Haru quickly approached him, watching as the boy tried to hold back the tears. He extended down his hand to him and the boy looked up at him with wide, beautiful green eyes._

_"Are you okay?" Haru asked him._

_The boy stared up at Haru for a moment and hesitated. The tears had stopped, at least, but confusion plagued his features._

_Did he get hurt? Haru thought, and he cocked his head, wondering why the boy was not responding to him._

_But then, the boy put on a shaky smile and reached up his hand, clasping tightly onto Haru's._

* * *

Haru stared at his palm, remembering the feeling of Makoto's little hand grabbing onto his. It had been the first time they had officially spoken to each other, Haru being the first to reach out. But he noticed, as time went on, that Makoto was always the one reaching for him first.

Haru closed his hand into a loose fist.

What would have happened if he had left Makoto in the sand that day?

He glanced up to look around the waiting area. The fire Captain was sitting across from him, his arms folded across his chest and his eyes boring holes through the ceiling. Nagisa, a few seats down, was sleeping Rei's shoulder, and poor Rei was struggling to stay awake as his head dangerously nodded. Then, Haru's eyes drifted to the clock that hung on the wall nearby.

They had been waiting for over an hour.

"You know…"

Haru turned his head to look at Koji who was still sitting next to him. He had a small smile tugging at his lips.

"I'm considered the mother hen at the fire station," Koji said, going off of what Nagisa and Rei had mentioned earlier. Haru blinked at him curiously. "The guys tease me all the time about doting on them too much, but I just can't help it. They're like my brothers, I guess."

Koji turned to look at Haru with the same kind of expression that Makoto had shown him time and time again.

"I tried my best to keep Makoto from feeling too overwhelmed," Koji said. His smile faltered a little and his eyes drifted back to look in his lap. "He always seemed to put himself first. In every situation, no matter how scared he was or if he was hurt, he would always jump in head-first, no matter the risk."

Koji's hands tightened in his lap, his smile strained on his face.

"It terrified me… every time."

Haru glanced down into his lap, knowing all too well what Koji was referring to. He sighed, trying to keep the storm from raging inside, and opened his mouth to distract himself.

"He did that as a kid, too," Haru said suddenly.

Koji glanced up at him, looking surprised.

"He always put my happiness over his own," Haru said. "He thinks I never notice it, but I always saw it. Even as a kid."

_Little dolphin charm…_

Haru smiled sadly.

"That idiot even dove into the ocean to save a friend when he was terrified," Haru said.

He eyed Rei, who had finally given in and fallen asleep against the top of Nagisa's head.

"Dummy," Haru said. "Dummy Makoto."

Koji chuckled at his words, his hands finally loosening from their vice-like grip in his lap.

"That's just how he is, I guess," Koji said.

Haru managed to smile back at him a little, but it quickly fell from his face when he saw a nurse walk by, and he remembered where he was.

That cold hospital.

Haru sighed softly and hung his head.

"I think I took advantage of his kindness all these years," Haru said softly. Koji's smile slipped as well, and he glanced at Haru fondly. "I want to make it up to him, tell him I'm sorry… tell him that he really means something to me, tell him—"

A hand fell on Haru's shoulder once again and he glanced up at Koji. Koji gave him that warm, sympathetic smile.

"Why don't you tell him that when you see him," Koji said.

Haru blinked at him, hesitating. But then he nodded, albeit a little solemnly. He was about to speak when two pairs of footsteps echoed from the hall, pulling them out of their thoughts.

A doctor along with a nurse approached them.

Haru immediately stood to his feet and jostled Nagisa and Rei awake. The Captain and Koji stood up as well, and they all gathered around the doctor.

"Are any of you family of Tachibana Makoto?" the doctor asked.

Haru sighed. He knew the hospital had already contacted Makoto's family but they would not be able to get to Tokyo until tomorrow. He clenched his fists. He wanted to see Makoto. He  _needed_  to see him.

"A-Ah! This is his brother!"

Haru suddenly felt an arm wrap around his waist and a flash of blonde hair filled his sight. He glanced down to see Nagisa with a bright smile on his face, giving the doctor his typical Nagisa-charm.

_Wasn't he dead asleep a minute ago?_  Haru wondered.  _How is he so wide awake now?_

"His brother?" the doctor asked with a cocked brow.

"Yep! And his older brother, too. He doesn't look it, but he really is!" Nagisa chirped.

"I see…" the doctor said, turning his head to look at the nurse standing next to him.

"Nagisa…" Haru growled under his breath.

Nagisa glanced up at him, the tip of his tongue poking out of his mouth. He gave Haru a cute wink to which Haru rolled his eyes.

"Well, Tachibana-san is currently recovering in the ICU. If you would like to see him, please come with me," the doctor said.

Haru jolted.

He could… go see Makoto?

Haru glanced around, meeting each and everyone's encouraging faces before turning back and facing the doctor. He nodded and started to follow the doctor down the hall. He glanced back to see the soft smiles on his friends' faces before disappearing behind a corner and towards an elevator.

The doctor and nurse stepped inside the elevator first and Haru hurried after them. His stomach fluttered with strange butterflies as the elevator dinged and slowed to a stop. The doors opened and Haru followed the doctor down another hallway. The signs overhead all read "ICU," and Haru could feel his heart pounding in his chest at every step.

Was he anxious?

Excited?

…Terrified?

_No,_ Haru thought. _They… they said he would be fine as long as they just watch him overnight._

_He should be fine._

Another corner turned and they walked towards a room at the end of the hall.

_He should be fine._

The doctor put his hand on the slat on the door and softly slid the door open.

_He should be…_

Haru froze.

_Makoto lying on that beach, his breathing weak._

He felt his chest seize up. His legs tingled until they were numb.

_Makoto would not wake up no matter how many times he shook him. He stayed limp on the sand._

Haru thought he was going to collapse.

_"Haru, what are you afraid of?"_

Haru gasped softly, his hand coming up to clutch his shirt near his heart. He shivered, feeling his stomach clench as he stared at the hospital bed.

Makoto was lying on his back on the bed. There were multiple wires that were attached to Makoto's arms and there was a breathing mask that was clasped over his nose and mouth. He was shirtless, his burned torso on shameful display. Haru winced and wanted to grab a blanket to cover him up.

That was when Haru noticed the bandages taped to his friend's abdomen. The white cloth covered the whole front of his stomach and a little on his right side.

He looked lifeless.

"We'll have to watch him overnight," came the doctor's voice next to him. "If he can make it through the night, then he should pull through."

Haru remained quiet, his eyes still locked onto Makoto's motionless body on the bed. It looked unnatural for Makoto to be so still. He needed to be up and moving around, teaching children how to swim…

"I'll give you some privacy," the doctor said with a short bow.

Haru jumped and quickly gave a bow in return, watching as the doctor walked into the hall and slid the door shut behind him.

Haru turned back to look at Makoto and hesitated. He felt frozen to that spot, his legs unwilling to move. His lungs even struggled to breathe.

After a moment of listening to the eerie sounds of the respirator and the beeping of the heart monitor, Haru forced his legs forward until he was right by Makoto's side. He quietly pulled a chair up to the bed and gingerly sat down, his eyes roving over Makoto's body. Makoto's chest softly rose and fell in a slow, even rhythm, and his heart rate was resting at a steady 65 beats per minute.

Haru grimaced as his eyes flitted back to the bandages and he released a shuddering breath. He reached forward with a trembling hand and grabbed Makoto's hand— his fingers still cold. Haru's eyes squinted as tears filled them and he lowered his head, his chest aching.

"I'm sorry, Makoto," Haru whispered as he stared at Makoto's hand. "I'm  _sorry_."

* * *

_"Hey, Haru-chan!"_

_Haru glanced down from where he was sitting at the top of the slide to see his cheery friend, Makoto, climbing up to meet him._

_"Why don't we join the swimming club together?" Makoto asked._

_Haru escaped down the slide, his face his normal deadpan expression._

_"Nah, it's too much trouble," he answered._

_"But you love to swim, don't you?" Makoto asked._

_Haru paused, giving Makoto a sidelong glance._

_"I don't love it that much," Haru decided, standing up from the bottom of the slide. "If you want to join, then join by yourself."_

_"Then I won't join, either."_

_Makoto's little hands gripped the bars of the slide._

_"Huh? Why not?" Haru asked, finally turning all the way around to look at Makoto._

_"Because," Makoto started. "There's no point if you're not with me!"_

_Haru's brow rose at Makoto's antics, but he shrugged and sighed. He was unsure if he would regret this._

_Before they knew it, both of them had asked their parents to sign them up for swimming class at the local Iwatobi swim club in town. And within the week, the two of them were standing in front of the swimming class as new members._

_"We have new members of the swimming club today! Nanase Haruka-kun and Tachibana Makoto-kun!"_

_The swimming teacher was bubbly and happy, Haru noted. He glanced out of the corner of his eye and saw Makoto standing awkwardly by his side, his hands nervously wringing his white swim cap._

_He's nervous, Haru thought._

_"I-It's nice to meet you," Makoto spoke up shyly._

_"Nice to meet you!" the other kids greeted back kindly._

_Haru glanced away from Makoto after that, feeling a little strangely. If Makoto was so nervous about joining, then why did he drag Haru into all this?_

_Soon enough, much to Haru's joy, the class started, and he was in his lane swimming happily. He could hear his new swimming classmates talking from the sides of the pool. He could faintly hear a "Wow!" and a "He's awesome!" somewhere in there._

_Haru touched the far wall and pulled off his swim cap and goggles, shaking his head to fling the water from his hair. He took a minute to catch his breath and sighed._

_"Here."_

_A hand._

_There was a hand in Haru's vision._

_Haru's eyes followed the hand up the small arm and to the face of his cheerful best friend, who looked a lot more comfortable than earlier._

_"In the water, you really are the fastest, Haru-chan!" Makoto said happily._

_Haru felt his chest flutter, surprised at the amazing compliment. He quickly brushed it off, however, and quirked a brow as he reached up his hand._

_"What are you talking about?" Haru asked, and he clasped his hand with Makoto's._

_Just as quickly as it started, the swimming class was over. Haru hated to admit it, but he had really enjoyed himself in the water._

_He waited for Makoto to finished getting dressed and they headed out to the lobby of the swim club. They were just about to pass the front desk when the man at the desk stopped them._

_"Hey, you two new kids!"_

_Haru and Makoto stopped and glanced up at the man with curious eyes._

_"Did you have fun today?" the man asked with a bright smile._

_The two of them stepped up to the desk, Haru keeping his mouth shut while Makoto answered for him._

_"Yes!" Makoto said with a smile. "Oh, Haru-chan says he had fun, too!" he added when the man's brow rose at Haru's silence._

_Haru looked away, thoroughly embarrassed by Makoto's addition of him in the conversation._

_"You boys are really close, aren't you?" the man said with a fond smile. "Oh, right! This is a bonus for new members. You can pick whichever one you like."_

_The man pointed his gaze down at some animal straps that hung on his desk. There was a variety of them, from fish to whales, to even a seal._

_But Haru had his eye on only one prize: the dolphin._

_Haru reached up his hand to grab the dolphin, but then stopped when he saw another hand moving simultaneously to grab the same one._

_"Oh," both Haru and Makoto chirped when they realized each other was grabbing for the same one._

_"The dolphin ones are really popular! We've only got this one left. Use rock–paper–scissors to decide," the man had said._

_Haru deflated a bit. Rock–paper–scissors? That did not seem very fair._

_The two boys stood frozen in place, both staring up at the man with wide eyes._

_"Go on," the man continued. "Rock–paper—"_

_Suddenly, Makoto's hand reached out and grabbed the orange fish that hung next to the dolphin, and both Haru and the man froze._

_"I think I'd rather have this one," Makoto said, his usual smile on his face._

_Haru's brows creased a little as he stared back at Makoto in surprise._

_"But you…" Haru started to say, but stopped when Makoto reached out and grabbed the dolphin._

_"I like this one, too," Makoto said. Makoto handed the dolphin over to Haru, giving a head-tilt smile. Haru's eyes drifted to that dolphin, sitting gently in Makoto's hand._

_"Here, Haru-chan!"_

* * *

Haru squeezed Makoto's hand again.

_Wake up, Makoto,_  Haru told him.  _I need your hand to pull me up again..._

_Please, Makoto... wake up._

"Excuse me, son."

Haru jumped and whirled around to see the same doctor from before standing in the doorway.

"Visiting hours are over," the doctor said.

Haru glanced up at the clock, seeing that it was almost midnight. He jumped, feeling panic flash through him like lightning.

"B-But… he'll be all alone. What if he wakes up? He could be scared and—"

"Relax, relax. I know," the doctor said warmly. "I'll allow you to stay with him through the night as long as you don't get in the way."

Haru quickly nodded, immediately complying with the rules that were laid out for him. The doctor gave him a smile and nodded his head towards the hallway.

"Your friends are waiting in the hallway for you. They're heading out," the doctor said.

Haru hesitated and glanced back at Makoto.

"Go ahead and say goodbye to your friends," the doctor said, making Haru turn back around. "I'll make sure nothing happens to your  _brother_."

Haru grimaced at the obvious lie and quickly mumbled a proper  _thank you_  before fleeing to the hallway and spotting his friends. As soon he left the room, he was bombarded with several questions, most of which Haru could not answer.

"Will you be okay here by yourself, Haruka-senpai?" Rei asked. Haru nodded, his head turning back to look at Makoto's door.

Koji let out a soft chuckle and he placed his hands on his hips.

"We'll be back during visiting hours tomorrow. But for now," Koji said, clapping a hand on Haru's shoulder. "Watch out for him. Okay?"

Haru nodded and watched as his friends disappeared down the hall. Once they were gone, he went back into to Makoto's room, quietly shutting the door back behind him. When he was safely back in the room, he took a deep breath to try and calm his pounding heart and sat back down next to Makoto, reaching back up to grab his hand. His thumb absently rubbed Makoto's knuckle as he blinked slowly. He was starting to feel the day catching up to him as exhaustion sat heavily on his shoulders.

_Stay awake_ , Haru said.  _I have to be awake when Makoto wakes up. But… what can I do?_

Haru jogged his brain, thinking of what to do. What could he do to help?

_"Keep talking to him, kid. You're calming him down."_

Haru jolted, remembering what the EMT had told him in the ambulance. He glanced at Makoto's face.

"Koji was here," Haru started. "And Nagisa and Rei. And your scary boss. I think he was going to punch me."

The only response Haru received was the beeping of the monitor and Makoto's rising chest.

But Haru kept speaking, talking about everything. Talking about nothing. He kept speaking until his chin was resting on the bed, his eyelids heavy.

"Koji said something today… about the incident report," Haru said. His noticed that his speech was slurring, but he kept at it.

_Stay awake._

"He said it wasn't your fault. The dorm fire," Haru continued. "He said that… the stove had bad wiring or something so… it wasn't your fault. So…"

Makoto still did not stir and Haru's heart clenched. His eyes narrowed.

_Stay awake._

"Please, Makoto," Haru begged, his eyes closing. "Please…  _please,_ wake up… Makoto…"

Makoto's sleeping face was the last thing Haru saw before his vision faded to black.

* * *

_"I thought I would surely change when I became a middle-schooler."_

_Haru, floating on his back in the pool, stared up at the ceiling as he listening to Makoto's words. They were both drenched in their clothes from that day, but the water felt nice. The moonlight was shimmering beautifully along the surface, reflecting off of their eyes and faces._

_"I thought I wanted to. But then, at some point, I just desperately felt like I had to," Makoto continued. Haru bit the inside of his cheek, still listening to his friend. "Nao-senpai said to me…"_

_Haru turned at the mention of their senpai's name, his brows raised. What on earth had Nao-senpai told Makoto to cause him to act so different?_

_"…that maybe I didn't really like swimming, but just did it because you were there, Haru," Makoto said._

_Haru paused, turning his head to look back up at the ceiling._

_Well, that made sense._

_"I see," Haru responded, a little irked that his senpai was sticking his nose in his best friend's business._

_There was another pause, and Makoto's voice became low and serious._

_"I had never thought of that before, so I didn't know if I really liked swimming, or if I just wanted to be with you, Haru," Makoto said._

_Haru readjusted himself on the lane divider, feeling a tad bit uncomfortable._

_"That's why you were avoiding me?" Haru decided to ask._

_"I wasn't trying to do that, but…" Makoto's voice sounded desperate and insecure. "…when I was near you, I just felt even more confused."_

_Haru looked at his friend again, studying how his shoulders bunched up and how his hands fidgeted on his chest. He refused to make eye contact, his eyes upturning sadly._

_"Being with you was painful," Makoto added, and Haru's eyes widened a bit._

_Haru wondered why Makoto had to face this alone. He opened his mouth to speak, to stop Makoto, but Makoto continued._

_"But it must have just seemed like I was avoiding you," Makoto said. He turned his head to look at Haru with a serious expression, his lips pulled into a straight line._ _"Sorry. Haru."_

_Haru looked away from Makoto, feeling his chest tighten at the apology. He knew Makoto had been hurting and he should not have to apologize, but he also knew that if Makoto did not apologize, he would feel worse._

_Haru shrugged casually. "It's fine," Haru said. "I was at fault too," he said after a beat._

_Makoto chuckled knowingly, and Haru was thankful that he understood his apology._

_"So did you find your answer?" Haru asked to move on._

_"I think it's both," Makoto answered right away._

_"Both?" Haru echoed as he looked back to Makoto._

_"Yeah," Makoto said. "I tried to force myself, but…"_

_Makoto's hand dipped into the water and he scooped up some of the water into his palm._

_"Right now, this is really fun." Makoto let the water splash into his face and he closed his eyes with a smile. "Just swimming feels really good. I really do like swimming. But…"_

_Makoto looked to Haru, his sweet smile on his face. "I want you to be there, too, Haru."_

_Haru blinked at him, feeling his chest tighten. Makoto stood up from the divider and onto his feet. Haru followed suit, sliding up to stand on his toes._

_And then, Makoto gave the sweetest of smiles— a smile that lit up his entire face._

_"I love swimming and Haru-chan, so I want to swim with you!"_

* * *

Haru felt something on his head.

Something smooth and gentle as it carded through his hair.

Someone was petting his head.

His face scrunched but he was still drifting in and out of consciousness. His body stirred and his eyes fluttered open.

_Who was…?_

Haru looked up to see…

A hand.

There was a hand in his field of vision.

But who…

Haru's eyes flew wide open when he saw a flash of green staring back at him.

Makoto…

Makoto was awake.

Haru sat up, Makoto's hand still tangled in black hair.

"Makoto, you're…" Haru started, still bewildered and overwhelmed.

He immediately jumped to his feet and hovered over Makoto, wanting to reach out but afraid to touch him.

"Makoto, you… you're awake!" Haru managed.

Makoto's eyes smiled, his mouth still covered by the mask. But Haru could still see the smile there. Haru felt his own lips pull into a smile.

"I'm so glad you're okay…" Haru whispered. "I, uh… you kind of passed out on me back at the building and well… I mean, everything turned out fine, so…"

Makoto watched him carefully as he spoke, his eyes raking over Haru's body.

Everything seemed fine until, suddenly, Makoto's eyes locked on Haru's arm. He gently grabbed Haru's elbow and peered at the bandages, his face falling.

"Ah," Haru said intelligently. "It's just a few burns from the fire," he explained, looking down at the bandages. "The doctor said it wasn't that bad but…"

Haru froze when he saw Makoto's brows pinch as tears sparkled in his eyes. A few shining tears escaped Makoto's eyes and Haru scrambled to gently hold Makoto's face, his thumbs wiping away the tears from his cheeks.

"No, no, Makoto. No..." Haru said. The heart monitor at the side was quickly increasing and Haru knew he had to calm Makoto down. "It's just first-degree burns. I promise. It's not that bad."

Makoto closed his eyes, letting out a few more tears. Haru wiped them away and grabbed Makoto's hand.

"Don't cry, Makoto…" Haru whispered as he ran his hand through Makoto's hair. He bit his lip, his mind rapidly trying to think of ways to calm him down. He knew Makoto's body would not be able to handle stress, and he had to act fast.

"Nagisa told the doctors I was your brother," Haru blurted.

Makoto blinked at him, his eyes wide and shining as one last tear fell down his cheek. Haru quickly wiped it off and continued, explaining how Nagisa had talked the doctors into letting him stay the night. Gradually, the tears in Makoto's eyes dried and they returned to smiling.

Haru was relieved when he heard the beeping of the monitor slow down. Haru kept talking about the night's antics, explaining how his boss looked like he wanted to punch him.

Makoto blinked at him as he rambled on, letting Haru know he was listening. Haru watched Makoto's eyes as he spoke about anything. Everything. He saw life in those eyes and that was all Haru needed.

After talking for what seemed like ages, Haru heard a doctor pass by in the halls and he jolted.

"Oh. I guess I should let someone know you're awake," Haru said.

Haru glanced at the door and then back to their entwined hands. He knew he had to go tell a doctor but…

What if something happened to Makoto while he was gone?

What if this was all he got to see of Makoto?

He… he did not want to leave that room.

Then, Haru felt his hand being squeezed and he looked down at Makoto. Makoto's eyes were smiling again and he gave a single nod of encouragement.

_I'll be fine,_  Makoto's eyes told him.

Haru's heart tightened and he squeezed Makoto's hand.

"I'll be right back, okay?" Haru said.

Makoto gave another nod and gently released his hold on Haru's hand. Haru reluctantly let go and headed for the door. He glanced back at Makoto one last time and gave Makoto a smile.

_This time,_  Haru thought as he left the room.  _I'll be the one by your side in the hospital room._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on tumblr!
> 
> LuckE1


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys!  
> So... I think there's only going to be one more chapter of this bad boy. Crazy, right?  
> I'm already emotional...
> 
> Well, here's the penultimate chapter!
> 
> Happy reading :)
> 
> BTW: THANK YOU for 300+ Kudos! AMAZING!

_"Ah, Haru, did you need some water?"_

_Haru glanced over from his bed to see Makoto pointing to the pitcher of water on the table next to the window of his hospital room. Makoto's arm was in a sling but he still managed to hold a cup with his hand._

_"Sure," Haru said softly._

_Makoto offered a small smile and he turned to carefully pour the water into the cup. He fumbled with the cup in his hand a few times, making the water splash out and land on the table. Haru could faintly hear Makoto hissing from his mistake._

_They had only been in the hospital for two days, Haru still recovering from his surgery. His foot was wrapped a bulky, white cast that he glared at every so often, especially if it itched. And it itched all the time._

_"Gah!"_

_Haru snapped his head over when he heard something clatter on the floor and saw Makoto wincing down at the ground, the cup of water spilling at his feet. His face was contorted into something that resembled pain, and Haru wondered if his shoulder hurt._

_"Are you okay?" Haru asked, his voice monotonous as usual._

_Makoto glanced up at him and tried for smile, but Haru did not miss how his eye twitched._

_"Yeah…" Makoto hummed. "I just dropped the cup. I'll have to clean this up."_

_Makoto grabbed a napkin and slowly got down on his knees, softly grunting as he used his free arm to upright the cup and then soak up the water with the napkin. Haru quirked a brow at him, noticing how sluggish Makoto had been since they entered the hospital. Maybe he was on powerful pain medicine for his shoulder?_

_"I'll try to be more careful," Makoto said as he got to his feet. He turned and wiped off the cup, trying again to fill it up with the pitcher of water. He succeeded his second time and placed the pitcher back down on the table with a puff of air. "Here, Haru."_

_Makoto handed the cup to Haru, the cup shaking in his grasp. Haru's brow rose as he took the cup from Makoto's hand._

_"Are you sure you're okay?" Haru asked. He heard Makoto squeak as he took a swig of the water._

_"Mmn," Makoto hummed with a smile. "I'm fine, Haru! Did you need anything else, or—"_

_"Tachibana-san!"_

_Both of them jolted and looked towards the door of the room, seeing their usual nurse standing in the doorway with her hands on her hips and a disgruntled look on her face._

_"What are you doing out of bed?" she asked._

_Makoto paled and scratched the back of his neck, looking like a kicked puppy._

_"I just wanted to… to make sure Haru was okay," Makoto mumbled._

_Haru's eyes flitted back and forth from Makoto to the nurse, his brows furrowed in confusion._

_"That's what_ we're _here for, Tachibana-san. You don't need to strain yourself. Didn't the doctor say you should be on bed rest?" the nurse asked._

_Haru cut his eyes at Makoto, looking at him suspiciously. And Makoto squeaked and shook his head rapidly, his one free hand waving._

_"N-No! It's not… well, I mean… I'm fine, really," Makoto assured._

_Haru's brows knitted together, noticing how Makoto's voice quivered ever so slightly._

_The nurse sighed and walked over to Makoto's side, grabbing him by his good shoulder._

_"C'mon, let's get back to your room," she said._

_Makoto's eyes widened in a hot panic and he twisted to look back to Haru._

_"B-But—"_

_"You can visit Nanase-san when the doctor says you can be out of bed, okay?" the nurse said, guiding him to the door._

_Makoto hesitated, but then nodded solemnly, his head turning back to give Haru a quick smile before he disappeared out into the hallway. Haru was sure he would not see Makoto for a while after that incident._

_Makoto came back that very night._

* * *

Haru rushed out of Makoto's room and quickly made his way over to the nurse's station. He spoke quickly, the words tripping over his tongue on the way out of his mouth. But eventually, he got the point across and the nurse at the desk called for Makoto's doctor. Within minutes, the same doctor from before came walking down the hall and followed Haru into Makoto's room.

"Ah, Tachibana-san, I see you're awake," the doctor said with a smile.

Makoto's eyes smiled back and he lifted a few fingers to give a weak wave; he still had the oxygen mask cupped over his face. The doctor gave a warm chuckle as he removed his stethoscope from his neck and plugged them into his ears.

"Well, that's a good sign," the doctor said with a smile.

The doctor walked to Makoto's side and placed the metal tip of the stethoscope onto Makoto's chest. Makoto jumped a little at the cold and his heart stuttered, making Haru reach out and grab his hand. Makoto turned to look at Haru, his eyes shining and smiling.

The doctor quietly listened, his eyes squinting in concentration. Haru watched his face, looking for any signs of distress. He squeezed Makoto's hand and felt sweat prickle on his back.

Finally, the doctor smiled and rested the stethoscope back around his neck.

"Sounds like he's breathing on his own," the doctor said.

Haru hesitated and then released a puff of air. The tension was immediately gone from his shoulders.

"We can probably take out the breathing tube now," the doctor said, his voice light. He moved to Makoto's side and started removing the mask from his face. "You are quite the fighter, Tachibana-san. I've never seen anyone with your injuries recover this quickly."

Makoto smiled at the doctor with his eyes and then turned to look at Haru. His eyes squinted and his cheeks rose, making Haru's heart stutter. Makoto was just as happy as Haru was.

"Okay, this will feel a bit uncomfortable," the doctor said as he grasped the tube at Makoto's mouth. He gently started to tug the tube up from Makoto's throat, and Makoto squeezed his eyes shut and gripped Haru's hand. Haru's brows pushed together and he squeezed Makoto's hand back.

When the tube was out, Makoto sputtered and coughed, his voice ragged and dry. Haru hovered over him, his eyes blown wide.

"Makoto!" Haru called worriedly as Makoto caught his breath from the coughing.

Makoto turned his head to look up at Haru, dark circles under his narrowed eyes. When he had caught his breath, he smiled.

"H-Haru-chan…" Makoto said in a rugged whisper, and Haru jolted. "G-Good… morning."

Haru's eyes widened, tears rapidly filling them. He gave Makoto a watery smile, the skin underneath his eyes reddening.

"I t-told you to stop with the –chan," Haru said as he lifted a hand to wipe his eyes. Makoto just smiled up at him with his own shimmering eyes.

"I'll have a nurse bring some water for you. You should try to get some rest," the doctor said. "I'll check on you in a little while."

Makoto nodded mutely and they watched as the doctor left the room. Haru immediately turned his attention back to Makoto and hovered over him, his eyes flitting up to the heart monitor.

"A-Are you sure you're okay? Your heart is faster now…" Haru asked, his brows furrowed.

"I'm… I'm all right," Makoto said slowly. He glanced around the room, his eyes squinting at the dim light in the corner of the room. "What… what time is it?" Makoto asked.

Haru blinked and whipped his head in search of a clock. There was a small clock on the table next to the bed. It was almost four in the morning.

"Almost four," Haru answered, turning back to him.

Makoto's smile slipped from his face and he glanced up at Haru, blinking slowly.

"You have t-to be exhausted, Haru," Makoto said, his voice still raspy. "You should really sleep. Maybe you should go home…"

Haru shook his head, his free hand turning into a stubborn fist. "I want to be here with you."

"Haru…" Makoto said, and Haru grit his teeth and lowered his eyes. "But you… you look really tired. I don't want to… want to keep you here if—"

"You were there for me!" Haru interrupted, his voice a little loud. Makoto's eyes widened at Haru's outburst and he promptly shut his mouth. "You were there for me  _every day_  at the hospital when I was hurt. And even though you were in so much pain, you stayed by my side."

Haru looked Makoto in the eye, his own blue eyes shimmering and threatening to spill.

"I'm  _not_  leaving," Haru said. "I'm staying  _right here."_

Makoto's jaw dropped. Haru was squeezing his hand so tight that he felt tingles shooting down his own arm. He knew Makoto had to have felt the tingles, too, and Haru moved to let go. But Makoto squeezed back and gave a gentle smile.

"Okay, Haru," Makoto said.

Haru sighed, feeling the panic leaving him. He slumped down in the chair next to the bed and hunched over, feeling the exhaustion once again creeping on his shoulders.

"S-Sorry," Haru mumbled, his voice shaking.

"No, don't be," Makoto said, all too understanding for his own good.

Haru glanced up at him and their eyes locked once again. Makoto seemed tired himself, with bags under eyes and his small smile barely reaching his ears. He was blinking slowly and looked ready to fall back asleep.

Haru's brows furrowed at the sight. He wanted Makoto to be able to rest. The doctor even suggested it.

But…

_"Makoto, please wake up…"_

What if Makoto went back to sleep and did not wake up again?

What if this was the last time he would speak to Makoto ever again?

He still had so much to say...

"Haru?"

Haru blinked rapidly, his mind jolting back to reality. He glanced up at Makoto, seeing that his smile had faltered a little.

"If... if you're not going home then… sleep here," Makoto said, his hand gently patting the space next to him in the hospital bed.

Haru's brows lowered, his stance ready to reject and scold.

"No," Haru said bluntly. "You're hurt. You need the bed, Makoto."

"There's room," Makoto assured. "R-Really, it'll be fine. It… it has to be comfier than sleeping on those chairs."

Haru's face scrunched as he studied the bed and Makoto's body. There did seem like enough room for Haru to fit, and it would be on the opposite side of Makoto's wound, so Haru would be less likely to bump into it.

Haru readjusted in his seat and felt his back twinge from being hunched over for so long. He rubbed his back with his free hand and sighed, pulling a soft chuckle out of Makoto.

"It'll be fine. Your back will thank you for it," Makoto said.

Haru pouted at him for a moment before standing up from the chair and crossing to the other side of the bed. He gingerly climbed in next to Makoto and rested on his side, facing Makoto. Makoto gave a small, sleepy smile, the dim light in the room making his skin glow softly.

It made Haru's heart clench.

"Get some rest," Haru said, his own eyelids feeling heavy as he rested on the fluffy pillow.

Makoto hummed, his smile fading slightly as he turned his head to look up at the ceiling.

"Goodnight, Haru," Makoto said quietly.

Haru blinked slowly at him before his eyes slipped shut, his body feeling heavy on the bed.

"Goodnight, Makoto."

* * *

The moon was bright.

Its beams flooded into the small hospital room and bounced off of the floors and walls, giving the room a pale blue tint.

Makoto listened to Haru's soft breathing as he drifted off to sleep, his form looking relaxed and peaceful. It was quite different than what Makoto had remembered seeing just a few hours ago…

_"I'm not leaving, so give me another option!"_

Haru's face was wild at the time. Frightened and angry.

Hurt.

Makoto grimaced and sighed. The last time Haru had looked so upset with him was their fight back in Iwatobi before graduation. He had hoped that he would never have to make Haru so upset ever again. And yet, here they were.

And all of the fire that surrounded them…

Makoto remembered how  _hot_  it was in that building. He thought his insides would cook if they had stayed in there a second longer.

And then there was that pipe.

Makoto shivered, remembering the feeling of the metal scraping through and out of his insides. He cringed, remembering the final tug as Haru pulled him up. He remembered thinking that he was going to faint right then and there. But he knew he had to fight through it to get out.

Makoto then remembered telling Haru directions on how to get out.

_"D-Don't go that way, Haru. Go right, it's s-safer."_

Makoto remembered things getting… fuzzy. Haru had tried talking to him, but his eyes wanted to shut.

_"Stay awake, okay?"_

Makoto had desperately clung to consciousness so Haru did not have to drag his heavy body out of that burning building. He told himself over and over to just get Haru out. Get Haru out and then he could collapse.

But when they got to the front door, Makoto's knees wobbled.

_"W-Watch out… for… for the fire near the door, it's… really…"_

And then… nothing.

His mind just went completely blank.

Makoto vaguely remembered hearing what he thought was Haru's voice calling out to him, but the memories were scattered in pieces in his mind.

_"Makoto, please… please."_

_"Just hang on, Makoto. Just hang on."_

Tears pooled in Makoto's eyes and started to slide down the sides of his face and onto the pillow underneath his head. His body started to shake in tiny tremors that rapidly turned into violent quakes.

Just how close had they been to dying in that building?

Just how close… did Haru almost lose his life?

Because of him?

Makoto reached up and gripped onto the front of Haru's shirt, his fingers twisting in the fabric. His other hand shakily reached up to cover his mouth to stifle the sob that broke in his throat. He squeezed his eyes shut, more tears continuing to flow down rapidly as he wept, his entire body shivering.

_I'm sorry, Haru…_  Makoto thought as he choked on another sob.  _I'm so, so sorry._

* * *

Haru stirred slowly, hearing muffled voices bounce around the room. His eyes fluttered open and squinted at the sunlit room. Blinking the sleep away, Haru saw that he was still lying next to Makoto on the hospital bed. The doctor was standing next to the bed, and Haru could see Makoto's mouth moving as they spoke to each other.

Haru sat up quickly, his eyes darting back and forth from the doctor to Makoto. Was something wrong? Why was Makoto awake?

"Ah, g-good morning, Haru," Makoto said hoarsely.

Haru glanced down at his friend and saw that he had dark circles under his puffy eyes. His smile was weak but it was there.

"Are you okay?" Haru asked, turning to look at Makoto.

Makoto smiled and gave a short nod, and Haru's stomach twisted. He looked exhausted.

"He's still feeling weak from the surgery," the doctor said with a small smile. "But he's awake and talking, so it's a good sign."

Haru's face pinched and looked at the doctor with skeptical eyes. He was about to ask another question when he felt a hand touch his arm, and he glanced down to see Makoto gazing up at him.

"I-I'm okay, Haru," Makoto said. "The meds are working really well."

The doctor nodded, glancing down at Makoto's chart and reading a few lines.

"Well since you're both awake now, are you up for some visitors?" the doctor asked.

Makoto glanced up at the doctor and blinked at him.

"Visitors?" Makoto asked.

"Mmn," the doctor hummed with a nod. "There's quite a lively bunch out there to see you."

A fresh smile formed on Makoto's face and he nodded.

"Of course," he answered happily.

The doctor smiled and bowed, letting them know that he would send in the people waiting.

After the doctor had left, Haru glanced down at Makoto and noticed his scars were still on display. He quickly moved down from the bed and reached down to grab the extra blanket that was folded at the edge of the bed. He unfolded it and gingerly started to wrap it around Makoto's torso.

"Here, this should cover you up," Haru said.

"Th-Thank you, Haru," Makoto said as he pulled the edges of the blanket over his body to cover himself. Haru nodded at him and took a step back, listening as the door to the room slid open.

"Mako-chan!"

Makoto turned his eyes over to the doorway and his jaw dropped as Nagisa and Rei rushed into the room. Rei was carrying a vase filled with white and green flowers, and they reminded Haru of the flowers that Makoto had picked every morning for the grave for his fish.

"N-Nagisa, Rei," Makoto said.

"You're awake, Mako-chan!" Nagisa said excitedly, moving up to Makoto's side and giving a bright smile.

"You look a little drained, Makoto-senpai. Did you get enough rest?" Rei asked as he placed the vase down on the table.

"Ah, y-yes, Rei. Thank you," Makoto said. He smiled and gestured towards the flowers. "Those are very lovely."

Rei fidgeted and reached up to adjust his glasses, his hand hiding his eyes.

"W-Well, they are supposed to represent healing and wellness… according to what I've researched," Rei said.

Makoto chuckled softly. "That's wonderful, Rei. I really appreciate them."

Rei flushed again and gave a watery smile. He nodded happily.

"We were worried, Mako-chan!" Nagisa said, doing his best to put on his scolding face. He lifted up a finger. "Don't you know not to go in after someone all by yourself? I thought you would've learned that from our training camp back in high school!"

"W-W-Why did you have to bring  _that_  up?!" Rei asked, his face flushing a deep red.

"Well, you  _were_  the reason Mako-chan jumped into the ocean in the first place," Nagisa said simply.

"That's beside the point! I thought we all moved on past that!"

Makoto watched as the two bantered back and forth and he chuckled softly. Haru turned his gaze to catch Makoto's face and he smiled. Things had felt just like… home.

Suddenly, the door to the room flung open again, and in stumbled a panting firefighter.

"Makoto!"

Everyone turned to the door to see Koji, his shoulders heaving as he clung to the doorway.

"Koji…" Makoto said.

Koji's face lit up when he heard his name and he rushed into the room, immediately bending down to wrap his arms carefully around Makoto's shoulders. Makoto's eyes widened at the gesture.

"Koji?" Makoto called, his voice filled with worry.

"Thank goodness," Koji whispered. "I'm so…  _so_  glad you're all right."

Makoto paused, and then gently lifted his hands to hug Koji back. Haru could see tears forming in Makoto's eyes and he wanted to go and wipe them off. But he kept his distance, leaving the two of them to bond.

Koji pulled back, keeping his hands on the side of Makoto's neck and shoulder. He gazed over Makoto's body, pausing only once to briefly stare at the bandages, and then settled on Makoto's face.

"How are you feeling?" Koji asked.

Makoto jolted, as if remembering that he could speak.

"O-Oh, I'm feeling okay," Makoto answered. "A little tired and… sore."

Koji gave a small smile. "Well, I can imagine that you are. That's what happens when you decide to do things on your own!" He ruffled Makoto's hair, making Makoto smile.

"Koji!" Makoto said with a chuckle.

"Oi."

Everyone turned towards the doorway to see Makoto and Koji's fireman Captain from the other night. Haru unconsciously backed away a few steps as he approached Makoto's bedside.

"C-Captain," Makoto said shakily.

The Captain hesitated, his shoulders rigid and his face set in a weak scowl. The room was silent, watching as the Captain folded his arms across his chest and stared down at Makoto.

"You're an idiot," the Captain said bluntly, and everyone in the room lightly gasped.

"Captain!" Koji whispered loudly.

"You know better than to run into a burning building  _alone_. And without any equipment?! I taught you better than that," he bellowed.

Makoto's shoulders hunched a little and Haru felt his blood boil. He took a step forward to tell the Captain to back off when he suddenly surged forward and wrapped Makoto's shoulders in his arms.

"I'm glad you're all right," the Captain said in a whisper.

Makoto hesitated, his eyes shimmering. He lifted a hand to cup his Captain's shoulder and he squeezed.

"Thank you."

* * *

_"Uwah! Easy, Haru!"_

_Makoto gripped onto Haru's upper arm before he came crashing down onto the ground. He dropped one of his crutches and panted, feeling the frustration growing in his core._

_Annoying._

_"Are you okay, Haru?" Makoto asked when Haru was balanced._

_Haru took a deep breath to cool his head and he nodded, watching as Makoto bent down to pick up his crutch from the ground. Makoto grunted as he stood back up and passed Haru the crutch._

_"Just go slow, okay? I'll walk right beside you. You don't need to rush," Makoto said._

_Haru set his jaw and nodded. He tried again, extending his crutches forward and then swinging his body to take a step forward._

_"That's it," Makoto encouraged. He took a step forward alongside Haru. "You're getting the hang of it, Haru."_

_"Mmn," Haru hummed, his patience running a little thin. While he appreciated Makoto being there, his encouragement was wearing on Haru's nerves._

_"Do you want to keep going?" Makoto asked as he readjusted his arm in his sling._

_Haru took a slow, deep breath and nodded. He swung out his crutches again and took another step, and another, and another._

_"Ah, you're doing well, Haru!" Makoto called from behind. Haru could hear Makoto's feet pattering from behind as he caught up to Haru. "Haru, don't go so fast! It could be dangerous. I don't want you to get hurt!"_

_Haru ignored Makoto's warnings and pressed forward, turning a corner sharply. But the end of his crutch slipped at the corner and his stomach sank as he felt himself quickly falling._

_"Haru!" Makoto called._

_Haru braced himself for the cold floor of the hospital hallway, his eyes squeezing shut and his arms going limp._

_But instead of being the blunt floor, he landed on something warm and solid that cushioned his fall._

_Haru opened his eyes and saw a tanned collarbone._

_His eyes blew open wide and he sat up, realizing that Makoto had broken his fall. And Makoto's eyes were shut tight, and his free arm was clutching his side._

_"Makoto!" Haru called as he glanced over Makoto's body. "Makoto!"_

_Makoto's eyes peeled open slowly and he gave Haru a shaky smile._

_"A-Are you okay, Haru-chan?" Makoto asked, his voice quivering painfully._

_Haru ignored his question and instead looked his best friend over, eyeing the tremors running through Makoto's limbs._

_"What's wrong? Did you land on your shoulder?" Haru asked._

_Makoto took a deep, shuddering breath and then slowly sat up, groaning as he did. It appeared as if it was more than just his shoulder that was bothering him._

_"Makoto…" Haru whispered._

_But Makoto smiled and tilted his head. He rubbed his side gently and then waved Haru off._

_"Yeah, it still stings a little," Makoto answered. Haru watched as he stood up on wobbling legs and then extended a trembling hand down to him. "You're just too fast for me, Haru-chan!"_

* * *

"And then Rei-chan spilled his drink all over the place!"

"Nagisa-kun, why must you keep telling embarrassing stories about me?"

"That's because you're Rei-chan!"

"That doesn't make any sense!"

Haru watched as his roommates bantered back and forth. It was getting close to the end of visiting hours, the orange dusk starting to filter in through the window. Koji and the Captain— Mori, Haru finally figured out— had already left to go back to the fire station.

Makoto was watching them with that same fond expression. But Haru noticed that something looked… off. Makoto's smile seemed to wobble and his eye twitched every once in a while. There was even sweat forming on his neck.

Was he in pain?

"Well, please let us know if there's something we can do, Makoto-senpai," Rei finally said, snapping Haru out of his gaze.

Nagisa nodded furiously. "Yes, Mako-chan! Just give us a call and we'll be here in a flash!"

Makoto managed to give a small smile and puffed out some air. "I-I'll be sure to give you a call if s-something comes up," he said shakily.

Haru's eyes widened a bit. Even Makoto's speech seemed slurred.

Finally, Nagisa and Rei said their goodbyes, leaving the room in a thick silence. Makoto released a shaky sigh and slumped against the pillow, his body shivering. Haru's brows furrowed.

"Makoto?" Haru called.

Makoto's head lolled hover on the pillow to face Haru and gave him a wobbling smile.

"Ah, h-hey, Haru. Sorry. I hope y-you weren't thinking I was ignoring you," Makoto said.

Haru quickly moved to Makoto's side and peered down at his face, taking note of how his skin was quickly slicking with more shiny sweat.

"Are you okay?" Haru asked, his thumb quickly moving up to wipe the sweat that rolled down Makoto's cheek. He was about to move his hand back but it stilled on Makoto's face. He pressed the back of his hand against Makoto's cheek. "You're warm..."

Makoto sluggishly watched Haru as he moved his hand back, Haru's face scrunched with worry. Makoto quickly offered a small smile.

"I-I'm okay," Makoto said.

"Makoto," Haru warned. "What's going on? Are you in pain?"

Makoto kept his smile and even tilted his head.

"A-Ah, no, it's fine, Haru," Makoto said shakily. "I'm just feeling really tired. I-It took me a little while to get back to sleep and I guess it's just catching up to me."

"Makoto," Haru emphasized, his face falling as he hovered over Makoto with a scowl. "Don't lie, Makoto."

Makoto's smile faltered and he seemed to shrink, his shoulders hunching a little by his ears.

"W-What?"

"You need to tell me the truth. Don't hold back just because you're trying to protect me. Put yourself first for once," Haru said firmly.

"Haru..." Makoto whispered reverently. His eyes squinted and shimmered under the light in the room.

"Now tell me the truth," Haru said. "Are you in pain?"

Makoto hesitated, his jaw opening and closing with a slight quiver and Haru thought he was going to cry. But then, Makoto grit his teeth, pain obviously showing on his face. He lifted his trembling hand to rest on the bandages on his stomach and he glanced down at it, more sweat forming on his neck.

"It… it hurts," Makoto admitted with a whimper.

Haru's anger immediately fled from his body, soft worry replacing it. He gently put his hand on Makoto's and nodded, releasing a breath.

"I'll go get the doctor," Haru said calmly. Makoto nodded at him and then squeezed his eyes shut.

"Th-Thank you, Haru," Makoto said quietly as Haru headed to the door.

Haru hummed in response and rushed out to the nurse's station, quickly explaining Makoto's situation. He came back into the room with a nurse in tow who quickly went to Makoto's side to check his temperature. She frowned as she saw the results and immediately paged Makoto's doctor.

"What's going on?" Haru asked the nurse as she took a wet rag to dab Makoto's face.

"He's got a slight fever. It could be nothing, but I wanted his doctor to come and take a look at him," the nurse said.

Haru took a seat in his chair next to Makoto and looked in between his knees at the floor, waiting impatiently for a doctor to arrive. He could hear Makoto stifling soft whimpers from the pain and Haru squeezed his eyes shut, feeling the fear set in.

Makoto lying on the beach…

Haru shook his head, flinging the thought far from his mind.

_Stop it,_  Haru told his brain.

Then, the door to Makoto's room slid open and his doctor from earlier entered, a chart in his hand.

"Good evening, Tachibana-san," the doctor said as he walked in. "I hear you're having some pain this evening."

Makoto grunted and nodded, more sweat forming on his neck.

"The pain meds have probably just worn off. Not to worry, though. We'll get those going again," the doctor said, going to the machine by Makoto's bedside and pressing a few buttons. "You should start feeling some relief soon. But while I'm here, I should check your incision sites."

Makoto released a shuddering breath and nodded, and Haru's brows knitted together in worry. When was that medicine going to start kicking in?

The doctor snapped on some gloves and carefully tugged on the large bandage covering Makoto's stomach. Makoto grimaced and squeezed his eyes shut and the doctor hummed.

"It's really sensitive, huh?" the doctor asked.

"Y-Yes," Makoto responded.

The doctor hummed again, his brows pushing together as he pulled the rest of the bandage off.

Haru's eyes widened.

Staples?

Those looked like… staples?

And was that… a long cut in the middle of his stomach?

Had they… cut him open?!

Haru ground his teeth, feeling squeamish.

"Well, this looks pretty good so far. It's really red, so it's probably just irritated," the doctor said, eyeing the long cut along the center of Makoto's stomach. He prodded it carefully with the tips of his fingers and Makoto let out a painful whine. "I know, I know, I'm sorry."

The doctor removed the bandage completely and placed it on the tray next to him. Then, he carefully pulled the other bandage off of his right side, and Haru gulped. The last time he had seen this part of Makoto, it was just a gaping hole.

The doctor pulled the bandage off.

Even more staples.

Haru's blood started to boil. It was no wonder Makoto was in so much pain! He had too many holes in his body for crying out loud!

"Ah, here's the issue. Your impalement wound is being fussy," the doctor said.

Haru glanced down at it, and even he could tell something was not quite right. The wound was ugly and swollen with tiny white pustules on the edges. There was a significant amount of blood on the bandage and Haru was surprised it had not bled completely through.

"We'll have to keep a close eye on this in case of an infection," the doctor noted. "Let's clean what we can and get new bandages on you, okay, Tachibana-san?"

"O-Okay," Makoto answered.

"Good. Now lie real still, okay?" the doctor said.

The doctor immediately got to work on cleaning the wounds, starting with the impalement site. Makoto was too weak to move away but Haru could tell he wanted nothing to do with it as he desperately tried to shift away. He closed his eyes and turned his face into the pillow, his hands fisting the sheets beneath him. Haru closed the gap in between them and tugged the blanket from Makoto's fist, replacing with his own hand.

"Almost done here," the doctor said, wiping the incisions with a rag.

Once the incisions were clean, the doctor put fresh bandages on them and patted it down gently.

"This is going to be a bit uncomfortable, but I'm going to need you to lay on your side so I can look at the wound on your back," the doctor said.

Makoto hummed and nodded, his eyes still screwed shut.

The doctor looked to Haru next. "Would you mind helping him onto his side?"

Haru nodded, immediately moving to touch Makoto's shoulder and slowly pull him onto his side. Makoto groaned, keeping his eyes shut as the doctor peeled off the bandage. Tremors had grabbed ahold of Makoto's body as the pain spread and he fisted the sheets.

"Makoto, try and calm down," Haru said. "It'll be over soon, okay?"

Makoto tried to nod but stopped short to let out a gasp of pain as the doctor started to clean the wound. He buried his face in the pillow again and shook.

"Makoto…" Haru whispered.

_He needs to calm down,_  Haru thought.  _How do I keep him calm? Think, Haru! Think!_

"I don't think they serve mackerel here," Haru blurted.

Makoto opened one eye to look at him, his body going stiff.

"M-Mackerel?" Makoto rasped out.

Haru gave a curt nod, his face ever so serious.

"It's disappointing. I had walked by the food court several times with Nagisa while we waited, but they didn't have any," Haru said.

"H-Haru…" Makoto whined, his face changing. "You have t-to eat something other th-than mackerel!"

Haru smiled for the briefest of seconds before turning his head away to pout. He knew he had Makoto's attention.

"Well, they had curry, too, but it didn't look like how your mom makes it, so…" Haru said.

Makoto managed a broken chuckle.

"That sounds pretty good," Makoto said.

Haru glanced down at him, offering one of his rare smiles.

"There, all done!" the doctor said as he placed a new bandage on the wound. "You can lie back now, Tachibana-san."

Haru helped Makoto to lie back down on the bed, Makoto heaving as more sweat slid down the side of his face.

"There we go, deep breaths," the doctor said. He checked the machine next to Makoto's bed. "How's the pain now?" he asked.

Makoto hesitated, his hand reaching up to touch his stomach. He paused, his hand resting on his middle.

"It's… a little better," Makoto said firmly.

Haru's brows creased, wondering how much of that statement was actually true.

"Ah, good," the doctor said. "The meds are kicking in again. You should feel a whole lot better soon."

Makoto nodded, offering a shaky smile, and Haru felt himself relax.

"If the pain gets worse, press this button, okay?" the doctor said, pointing to a button on the wall.

Makoto nodded again, his body heavy against the bed. The doctor hummed in response and bowed, leaving the room along with the nurse.

Haru turned back to Makoto and gave him a hard stare, making Makoto shrink some.

"You have to tell me if you're in pain, Makoto," Haru said.

Makoto avoided his gaze and nodded, and Haru immediately felt a wave of guilt punch him in the stomach. Why did Makoto still have to look like a kicked puppy?

"You can't keep… doing things on your own, you know," Haru mumbled. "You have to tell me if something's bothering you."

"Mmn. Sorry, Haru," Makoto said softly.

Haru sighed and reached up to ruffle Makoto's hair, looking away with a pout on his lips. Makoto looked up at him with surprised eyes.

"Dummy."

* * *

The sun had just set, the sky lighting up with an array of oranges and purples with a few speckles of stars here and there. The nurses had just come by to give Makoto some food, and, of course, Makoto shared with Haru. Haru rolled his eyes but accepted the food anyway, knowing he could not say no.

Makoto looked a lot better than earlier. His eyes sparkled more and his skin was no longer sickly pale. It made Haru feel quite a bit better, and he found himself feeling more relaxed around Makoto. It was the best he had felt all day.

Then, the door slid open for the hundredth time that day, and Haru thought it would be a doctor or a nurse coming to check on Makoto.

But when Haru and Makoto glanced over to the door, they were shocked.

"Dad?" Makoto said under his breath.

Mr. Tachibana stood at the door, seemingly frozen in place as he gazed at his son.

" _Makoto_ ," he whispered, and he rushed towards the bed.

" _Dad,_ " Makoto whimpered, tears instantly springing from his eyes.

His father immediately wrapped his arms around Makoto and held him, kissing the top of his head and his temple at every opportunity. Makoto's arms reached up and held his father's back.

"Your mom and the twins wanted to come, but we couldn't afford a ticket for them," he said into Makoto's hair. "We were so worried, Makoto."

Makoto whimpered and he clutched onto his father's shirt.

"I'm sorry..." Makoto whispered.

"Shh, don't be, Makoto," his father comforted. "It's okay."

After what seemed like ages, his father finally pulled back and gazed down at Makoto, his eyes roving across his chest and stomach.

"Are you all right?" his father asked, reaching up to cup Makoto's cheek.

Makoto glanced over to Haru, giving him a worried look. Haru pressed his brows together.

_Just tell him the truth,_  Haru thought.  _Don't take the blame for this._

Makoto grimaced, seeming to understand Haru's thoughts, and then he looked back up at his father. He bit his lip and placed a tentative hand on his stomach, wincing when he pressed too hard.

"Makoto?" his father asked, placing his hand on Makoto's side and getting a better look at the bandages. He gasped when he saw them, his brows creasing over his glasses. "What… what happened?" his father asked.

Makoto hesitated and then eyed Haru one last time before starting his side of the story, deliberately leaving out the part where Makoto ran into the building without proper gear.

Makoto paused for a minute, his eyes flitting over to Haru. Then, he quickly made up a shaky lie about how his fire team searched the building for other students before Makoto finally found Haru on the second floor.

Haru winced at the lie. There Makoto went again, shouldering the blame and protecting Haru.

_Makoto, just tell your father that I was the reason you're here,_  Haru thought, his hands curling into fists. _If I hadn't fallen asleep there, then you wouldn't have had to come and get me._

Makoto pointedly ignored Haru's warning looks and then described his fall through the floor and the metal pipe that impaled him. He told his father that his lack of awareness is what caused his fall, and Haru winced again, turning his head away with a huff.

_You fell because you wanted me to be safe,_  Haru thought.  _Tell him that. Tell. Him._

Haru shifted in his spot, feeling a bit uncomfortable. Guilt hit him hard in the stomach, knowing that he was the reason Makoto had ended up in that hospital bed.

When Makoto was done, his father leaned forward and pulled him into another embrace.

"I'm so glad you're all right," his said softly. He pulled back and turned his head to look at Haru, reaching out to gently grab his wrist. His eyes were sparkling and his hand shook on Haru's. "You, too, Haru. I'm glad you're okay."

Haru gulped, feeling overwhelmed.

The guilt was stabbing now. Painful and nauseating.

Run away.

Run away.

Run…

Haru jumped to his feet, muttering something about getting tea from the cafeteria, and then fled from the hospital room and out into the hallway. He could faintly hear Makoto calling after him, but ignored it, and shoved his hands into his pockets.

He wandered through the halls, completely ignoring the directions to the café and headed to some obscure dead end. There was a large window that opened up to the city, the lights shining in the dark.

Haru leaned forward and leaned his forehead against the cold windowpane. He released a soft sigh and shook his head, his hair ruffling against the glass.

_Dummy. Idiot._ Haru lightly tapped his forehead against the glass.  _Big, giant, stupid… selfless idiot._

* * *

_Haru stirred in his hospital bed, his foot itching again._

_Annoying._

_So. Annoying._

_He hated that things like this constantly woke him up from sleep._

_He leaned up from the bed and gently pushed his fingers underneath the cast, barely reaching the itchy spot of skin on his calf. He sighed in relief when the itch was finally gone and slumped back against the bed. He closed his eyes to try to go back to sleep when he heard something. It sounded like a whimper. Haru opened his eyes and glanced over at the couch in the room._

_Makoto was curled up on the couch, his free hand gripping the fabric of the cushions. He was shaking and his eyes were squeezed tightly. Haru also noticed a thin sheen of sweat reflecting off of his skin. Was he in pain? Having another nightmare?_

_"Makoto," Haru called._

_Makoto did not stir, his whimpers only getting louder and his shaking more violent._

_Haru reached for his crutches and pulled himself from the bed. He was about to hobble over to Makoto when he noticed the blue call button on the wall next to his bed. He glanced over at Makoto, seeing the pain on his friend's face, and then quickly tapped the button._

_After he had pressed the button, he quickly moved over to Makoto's side and carefully rested on his knees. He put down his crutches and then shook Makoto's good shoulder._

_"Makoto!" Haru called. "Hey! Makoto! It's me! Wake up!"_

_Makoto's body went through one final shake before his eyes popped open. He sat eerily still for a moment, just blinking and panting._

_"Makoto…" Haru called. "Hey... look at me."_

_Finally, Makoto made eye contact with Haru, his chest heaving and sweat still sliding down his face._

_"H-Haru?" Makoto whimpered._

_Haru blinked at him, still holding his shoulder._

_"Are you okay?" Haru asked._

_Makoto hesitated, his face scrunched up and his eyes blank. It was almost as if Makoto did not hear him at all._

_"I… I-I…" Makoto stuttered. His good arm wrapped around his front and held onto his side. "W-Where…"_

_"Makoto?" Haru shook Makoto's shoulder again, trying to lock eye contact with him, but Makoto still seemed in his own world. "Hey, Makoto…"_

_"Is everything okay in here?"_

_Haru turned around to see a nurse rush into the room and hurried to his side._

_"What's going— oh, my! Tachibana-san!"_

_The nurse knelt down by Haru and grabbed Makoto's good arm, placing her fingers on his pulse on his wrist. She glanced down at her watch and waited._

_"Ah, his pulse is fast," she said. She looked at Makoto's face while moving to gently rub his back. "Tachibana-san, you know you're supposed to be sleeping in your own room. Your pain meds are in there and they will help you sleep."_

_Makoto was still panting lightly, his hand moving back to hold his side. He shook his head once and then closed his eyes._

_"I j-just wanted to m-make sure Haru was okay," Makoto said in a soft whine. "W-What if he needed something in the middle of the night? O-Or what if he was in pain?"_

_The nurse sighed and helped him sit up._

_"I've told you time and time again. That's what the nurses are here for, Tachibana-san," she said. "Now, can you stand? We need to get you back on some medicine. You're a wreck right now."_

_Makoto's eyes opened and he nodded, not picking a fight against the stern nurse. He stood to his feet and glanced down at Haru, pausing for a moment to study his face. Then, he gave Haru a brittle smile._

_"D-Don't worry, Haru," Makoto said. "My, uh… my shoulder is just acting up a little. I'll be back soon."_

_The nurse tugged on his ear, earning a yelp from him. Then, she turned to Haru and sighed, her face still pulled into a scowl._

_"He'll see you tomorrow, Nanase-san."_

_Haru watched as the nurse helped Makoto stumble out of the room. He thought of Makoto's sweaty face and cold eyes, and how he held his side instead of his arm._

_Haru's eyes narrowed._

_Why was Makoto putting himself through so much pain for him?_

* * *

"Haru."

Haru jolted and spun around, coming face to face with Makoto's father. His father put up his hands and gave a small smile, his brows upturned in apology.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you," he said.

Haru shook his head, mumbling out a quick apology. Makoto's father lowered his hands and widened his smile.

"You were gone for a while, so I thought I'd come looking for you," his father said. "Makoto fell asleep, and well… I've got to catch a flight back. Can't miss work tomorrow, unfortunately..."

Haru's face fell, feeling sorry that Makoto's father had to leave so quickly. Unsure of what else to say, Haru simply just nodded, and Mr. Tachibana smiled at him. It was a smile that resembled Makoto's signature head-tilt smile.

"Thank you for being here for him," Makoto's father said. "He really needs you, you know?"

Haru winced, feeling something panging in his chest at Mr. Tachibana's comment. He looked away and pursed his lips, his thoughts contradicting what he had said.

"Haru… listen. I have… I have something to ask you," his father asked.

Haru snapped his head back to look at Makoto's father. His smile had fallen and his brows were furrowed, his stance looking more rigid.

Feeling suddenly sick to his stomach, Haru nodded, not trusting himself to open his mouth.

"Makoto said that he had gone into the building to save you, but he fell through and… and was impaled." Makoto's father lifted a shaking hand to wipe his eyes, looking overwhelmed by the news. He took a minute to collect himself and he removed his hand from his face. "But… something didn't add up."

Haru looked at him, feeling a little nervous flutter in his chest.

"He never mentioned how he got out of the building. He just mentioned that he was impaled and that he needed surgery," his father started. "And… I'm pretty sure he lied about the other firemen on the scene who helped him look for you."

Haru glanced away, mentally cursing Makoto for being such a terrible liar.

Makoto's father looked Haru in the eye, his expression tense and filled with emotion.

"He went in alone in that building. And you were the one who got him out after he fell… weren't you, Haru?"

Haru hesitated. He knew if he answered, then his father would have caught Makoto in a lie. He did not want to throw his friend under the metaphorical bus, but he knew that Makoto's father's lie detector was hypersensitive tonight.

Haru gulped.

"Y-Yes," Haru said softly. There was a beat of silence before Haru continued. "H-He was just trying to protect me. I never wanted him t-to go into that building alone, but he passed out after I got him up and h-he... he—"

Haru's words were cut off when he was suddenly yanked into Mr. Tachibana's arms. The wind was almost knocked out of Haru's lungs as Mr. Tachibana squeezed him and held his head against his chest.

" _Thank you_ ," Makoto's father whimpered.

Haru froze as he felt Mr. Tachibana start to tremble against him.

Makoto's father was… crying.

" _Thank you_ , Haru," his father choked. " _Thank you for saving my son."_

Haru felt tears well up in his own eyes and he reached up to grip onto Mr. Tachibana's shirt, his hands fisting the material.

"Mmn!"

* * *

_The door slid open to Haru's room, and in walked Makoto with his gentle smile on his face and his arm still in a sling. He seemed better than the night before but Haru still noticed the bags under his eyes and his drooping shoulders._

_"Are you okay?" Haru asked as Makoto approached the bed._

_Makoto's smile faltered for a moment before he put on a bright smile and sat down in the chair by Haru's side._

_"Mmn! Feeling much better," Makoto said. "Sorry, Haru. I didn't mean to freak you out."_

_Haru narrowed his eyes at him and pursed his lips, but he shrugged and leaned back against the bed._

_"It's fine," Haru said. "As long as you're okay."_

_Makoto's smile widened and he tilted his head, a gesture that showed Haru how genuine his happiness truly was._

_They spoke for a while, Makoto doing most of the talking as usual. Haru gave him light smiles and he hummed every once in a while, contributing as much as he needed to._

_Then, suddenly, Makoto stopped and glanced out the window, his expression turning wispy and distant. His smile turned fond and his eyes shimmered against the sunlight that poured into the room._

_"I didn't get the chance to thank you for helping me out last night," Makoto said._

_Haru blinked at his sudden change in tone. He watched as Makoto turned his head back to Haru and he tilted his head._

_"Thank you," Makoto said. "I really appreciate you being there for me, Haru."_

* * *

Haru was gazing up at the stars from the window in Makoto's room, the soft light making his face glow. It was late— this much Haru knew; it was well after midnight. Makoto was still sound asleep in the hospital bed, but Haru's thoughts were running a mile a minute. Mr. Tachibana's words kept replaying in his head over and over.

_"Thank you for being here for him. He really needs you, you know?"_

He knew he should feel grateful that Makoto's father was thanking him. But a pinch of guilt still churned in Haru's stomach.

_It's not Makoto that needs me, Tachibana-san,_  Haru thought.  _It's_ me _that needs_ him.

"Haru…"

Haru turned around and saw Makoto dozing on the hospital bed, looking completely exhausted. He was patting the side of the bed where Haru had slept the night before.

"Are you sure?" Haru asked with creased brows. "You were in a lot of pain today. I don't want to aggravate it."

Makoto smiled at him and nodded. "I'm fine. The pain's mostly gone."

Haru hesitated for one more minute before stepping forward and crawling into bed next to Makoto. He stayed on his side and faced Makoto, peering into his eyes. Makoto seemed to be deep in thought, his eyes flitting over Haru's face and down his body.

"You sure you're okay?" Makoto asked softly, his eyes fixed on Haru's arm.

Haru followed Makoto's eyes to his bandaged forearm and nodded softly against the pillow. He lifted up the arm to show Makoto.

"It doesn't hurt," Haru said, lowering his arm to rest back on the bed. "Just stings a little."

"Oh," Makoto said, his smile faltering. His brows knitted and Haru saw his lips pull downward in a slight grimace.

"Don't do that," Haru scolded.

Makoto's eyes widened a bit and Haru could suddenly see green.

"D-Do what?" Makoto asked.

"You're blaming yourself. It wasn't your fault," Haru said. He chewed on his lip and swallowed. "None of it was."

Makoto paused, blinking slowly at Haru with parted lips. His brows upturned and he tilted his head a bit.

"What do you mean?" Makoto asked.

Haru cut his eyes away, looking sheepish as he fiddled with the blanket in between his fingers. The bed suddenly felt rigid and uncomfortable.

"Koji… had done some research and he found out a few things," Haru started. He moved his gaze to lock eyes with Makoto. "About the dorm fire."

Makoto inhaled sharply and Haru automatically reached out his hand to touch his shoulder, his thumb gently moving along the skin.

"Stay calm, okay?" Haru told him. Makoto gave a curt nod, but his face was still pinched with alarm. "He found out that the incident report was wrong."

Makoto quirked a brow. "Wrong?" he asked.

Haru nodded. "Yeah, it's… well… it's a long story…"

Makoto's eyes were firmly fixed on Haru's face, intense and a little melancholy. Haru bit his lip, feeling his stomach flip and his chest tighten.

_"You said that he quit because you had to give up your dream, right? Then what if you can show him that you can swim again?"_

_"I'd miss the hell out of him, but I agree that him staying with us is only hurting him more."_

_"I really appreciate you being here for me, Haru."_

"Makoto, I…" Haru started. He took a deep breath and sighed, looking Makoto in the eye. "There's… there are some things I want to say."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, I have several ideas for a new fic, but I'm having trouble which one to pick. Are you guys interesting in reading another fic of this nature?  
> Or, if you have anything specific you'd like to see, let me know!
> 
> You guys are amazing as always :)


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here we go, guys!! This is it. The final chapter.  
> Thank you all for the wonderful comments, kudos, encouragements... everything. This has been an amazing journey and I've learned so much from you all. Your support is what got me through this and I can't thank you enough.  
> Special shout-out to my good friend Tayu-chan for helping me through the process and being a huge supporter! :)
> 
> Well, until next time :)  
> ~Happy reading!

Haru was never a touchy-feely person, Makoto noticed. Especially whenever Kisumi came by and he would hang all over Haru. Haru would brush him away with the most annoyed expression on his face. There was also Nagisa, who seemed to feed off of touch. He would often nuzzle his head against Haru to get his way and Haru would just stand there and let Nagisa nudge up against him. Not as peeved, but still preferring not to be touched.

Makoto had often been the only one who could physically touch Haru without getting an annoyed look, and even that touching was minimal. But during those times when they had touched, there was something that Makoto had always noticed.

Haru's hands were gentle, yet firm.

One of Haru's hands cupped Makoto's shoulder blade while the other was placed on his left side, keeping him upright.

"Go slow," Haru said softly. "You've been doing great so far."

Makoto nodded, gulping. He wiped the sweat from his brow and gripped onto Haru's arm. He took another step and let out a painful groan.

"That's it," Haru said softly, still holding onto Makoto and keeping his body upright. "Take another step."

Makoto whined and closed his eyes, his face scrunching up in a slight wince. He huffed, trying to catch his breath.

"It… it hurts," Makoto admitted.

Haru patted his good side. "I know," he said, and Makoto could tell he was being honest. "Just try again."

Makoto nodded and took another step, his body wobbling. Next to his side, Haru nodded, and Makoto understood his silence as  _keep going_. They took more steps together, each more straining than the last, until they reached the end of the long hallway. Haru allowed Makoto to lean on him while he panted and wiped the sweat from his brow.

"Good. Now, we have to go down this hallway," Haru said.

Haru pointed down the adjoining hall, just as long as tiring as the first. Makoto whined a little from his throat and Haru gave him a hard stare.

"You heard what the doctor said last week. You have to make a few laps around the hospital before you can be discharged," Haru said.

Makoto closed his eyes and nodded, mentally preparing himself. He knew exactly why Haru had told him that.

Haru said that because he knew Makoto was tired of being in that hospital.

Haru could see it every time he visited: Makoto's sullen eyes, his sagging shoulders and broken smiles. Haru often asked if the nurses were talking to him enough out of fear of him getting lonely.

And if Makoto was honest with himself… the long days in the hospital were pretty lonely…

Makoto glanced at Haru, his friend's arms still holding him upright. His blue eyes were patient, staring him down and waiting for him to continue on his own down the hallway.

Things had been lonely.

But…

_"There's… there are some things I want to say."_

_Makoto blinked at him, his brows creasing and his head tilting on the pillow. It was still dark, just the moon illuminating their faces. It was really late at night, Makoto knew but was unsure how late. It had to have been past midnight. He had fallen asleep while his dad was still here and just now woke up._

_"What is it, Haru?" Makoto asked, more awake than before._

_Haru chewed on his lip and averted his eyes, a light flush painting his cheeks. He visibly swallowed and then lowered his gaze, his eyes seeming to fix on Makoto's collarbone._

_"Back in high school, you asked me what my greatest fear was," Haru started._

_Makoto's brow quirked and he blinked, racking his brain to try and remember that conversation. Had he asked Haru that? When did he ask him that?_

_"You said it didn't have to be a thing. It could be a concept," Haru continued when Makoto remained silent._

_Suddenly, it all came back to him. That conversation was right after practice on their way home from school. It had been stewing in Makoto's mind all day, but he had not gained the courage to ask. But when Haru had just finished his popsicle and thrown away the stick, Makoto found his voice. And Haru's answer…_

_Makoto chuckled a bit, his lip pulling into a smile._

_"You had said that you were afraid of water disappearing from the world," Makoto said. His smile widened as he thought about it. "I mean, it's not the most usual fear, but it's nothing to be ashamed—"_

_"I lied."_

_Makoto's smile vanished from his face as his jaw dropped and he stared at Haru. He blinked rapidly at him and finally creased his brows. Had he heard right?_

_"E-Eh?" Makoto squeaked._

_"I lied. To you," Haru said stiffly. He glanced up at Makoto, meeting his eyes with an intense expression. "That wasn't… isn't… my greatest fear."_

_Makoto paused and studied Haru's face, swallowing down the anticipation._

_"Then… what is, Haru?" Makoto asked softly._

_Haru's eyes narrowed sorrowfully, and Makoto worried that he would start crying. He gently reached out a hand to touch Haru's wrist, letting him know he was still there._

_"Back at the training camp, when Rei was in trouble…" Haru started._

_Makoto felt his heart stutter at the mention of that night. It was different than when Nagisa had scolded him earlier. Now, it felt completely different. Eerie. Somber._

_Makoto squeezed Haru's wrist to try and stifle his own fear crawling up his spine._

_"When I pulled you out you… you weren't moving," Haru started lowly. "I called your name over and over but you didn't move. A-And your breathing… it was so weak."_

_"Haru…" Makoto called softly when Haru began to shake and clench his trembling fists._

_Haru took slow breaths, his hands opening and closing before finally resting on the bed. He kept his gaze down and avoided Makoto's worried eyes._

_"My mind went blank. Everything felt like a weird blur. All I could think about was getting you to wake up again," Haru said._

_He pulled his arms close to his chest and curled into a ball, his frame starting to shake._

_"Ever since then… I've been terrified of losing you."_

_"Haru-chan…" Makoto called again, his heart breaking inside of his chest. He felt tears well up in his eyes and he shuddered, willing himself not to cry._

_"Everything was fine for a while. You didn't get yourself in any danger," Haru said, furrowing his brows._

_Makoto watched as Haru sighed and rubbed a hand down his face._

_"Then, the fire happened. And you decided to quit school and join the fire station," Haru said, his voice shaky. "I was always against you joining. I was scared that you would get hurt, but…" Haru's eyes squinted, and his hand came up to clutch his shirt at his chest. "…I was too focused on my own problems to worry about yours."_

_Makoto was quick to shake his head and he reached out to grab Haru's fist._

_"Haru, no… you didn't—"_

_"I did!" Haru snapped, making Makoto jolt his hand back._

_Haru was finally looking directly at him, and Makoto could see that Haru's eyes_ _were shimmering; a stray tear fell down his cheek. Makoto's breath hitched and he reached out to grab Haru's hand, pulling it from its fist and lacing their fingers together. He was surprised when Haru squeezed his hand back._

_"I was only focused on myself and my own injuries!" Haru said desperately and breathily. "I should have pushed you to stay in school. That way, I could know you were safe. But when you joined the station, I never knew if you would come back to the apartment."_

_"Haru… I…" Makoto stuttered._

_He swallowed down the lump in the throat and just took a second to breathe. He stared at Haru straight into his eyes and swallowed._

_"I'm sorry, Haru."_

_There was a pause, Haru's harsh breathing slowing into light puffs. Finally, Haru sighed and lowered his gaze, his face softening._

_"Don't apologize," Haru said softly, his anger gone._

_Makoto watched as Haru quickly wiped his eyes with his fist and then stared back down at Makoto's chest, once again avoiding eye contact. He took a few quick breaths before letting out a quick sigh and finally glancing up to stare at Makoto with determined eyes._

_"Makoto," Haru called, his voice firm and sure. Makoto's heart pounded in his chest, in awe at how direct Haru was being. "I want you to quit your job and come back to school."_

_Makoto gaped at him, his jaw dropped and brows raised. As Haru's request processed, Makoto's brows fell over his eyes and his jaw clenched. He felt tears prick behind his eyes and he inhaled a shuddering breath._

_"H-Haru, I… I can't," Makoto said. He turned his head away and closed his eyes, his hand moving away from Haru's and clenching his fists. "I… I hurt your chances for a career, Haru. I mean… not only did I not get you out in time, but I was the reason for the dorm fire in the first place."_

_"You're wrong."_

_Makoto's eyes popped open and he turned back to stare into Haru's serious eyes. He opened his mouth to speak but Haru cut him off._

_"Remember me saying that Koji did some research?" Haru asked, looking more intense. Makoto hesitated and then realized that Haru wanted a response. He nodded slowly and Haru's brows lowered. "He said that the fire wasn't caused by a pan left on the stove."_

_Makoto's eyes shot open wide. His jaw opened and closed, gaping at him with confused brows._

_"Th-Then… what was the—"_

_"Koji said that the stoves were recalled, but the university never heard about it," Haru said. "They had faulty wiring."_

_Makoto gaped at him, his brows furrowed and jaw slack._

_"S-So… that's…"_

_"You didn't start the dorm fire, Makoto."_

_Haru's blue eyes shined in the dark, lighting them and staring through Makoto's soul. A tear slipped out of Makoto's eye and he squeezed them shut to try to prevent more from spilling._

_"It wasn't your fault. You understand that, Makoto?" Haru reached out and grabbed Makoto's hand, pulling it away from his eyes. "It wasn't. Your. Fault."_

_Makoto released a shuddering breath and a broken sob ripped through his throat. Haru's hand cupped Makoto's cheek and wiped away his tears with his thumb, and it only made Makoto's heart squeeze harder._

_"You can come back to school, Makoto," Haru said gently, continuing to wipe the tears. Makoto blinked at him, more tears sliding down his cheeks. "I_ want _you to come back to school."_

_Makoto sniffed and scrubbed his face with the back of his hand. He took a slow breath and glanced back at Haru with weary eyes._

_"When you're healed up, I'll help you through the process. Get you readmitted and help you study for entrance exams," Haru said._

_Makoto stared at him, his heart pounding and eyes wide with shock. His tongue was tied in his mouth and when he tried to speak, it only came out as a squeak. But Haru was there, grabbing his hand and staring at him with gentle eyes._

_"What do you say, Makoto?"_

**"Makoto?"**

Makoto was yanked back into reality by the sound of Haru's voice right next to his ear. He turned to look at Haru, whose brows were pulled tightly in a worried frown.

"Did you hear me?" Haru asked. When Makoto stared at him blankly, Haru shook his head and sighed. "I said, let's go down this hallway. We've got to get you discharged."

Makoto blinked at him, finally registering what Haru had said.

He had been lonely in the hospital.

But Haru has been by his side every step of the way.

_"What do you say, Makoto?"_

Makoto smiled fondly and nodded.

"Okay, Haru."

* * *

Haru tugged on the forest green cloth that covered his homemade bento as he stepped into the elevator. It was a light meal, filled with Makoto's favorites. He knew Makoto had been getting tired of hospital food and Haru thought he deserved something different.

When the elevator dinged at the right floor, Haru stepped off and headed down to Makoto's room. As he got closer to his room, he realized that the door was open. Haru quirked a brow, ready to barge in, when he heard a voice.

"Are you sure this is what you want?"

Haru froze in his tracks.

That voice sounded familiar. Where had he heard it before?

"Yeah, I… I'm sure, Captain." Makoto's voice.

Ah, so it was his Captain.

Haru backed up against the wall and peeked around the corner, catching a glance of Captain Mori and Koji standing beside Makoto's bed. Makoto looked tired, and his smile was forced. Meanwhile, Captain Mori looked gruff and Koji looked… dejected.

"Well," Mori said with a sigh and scrubbed his face. "I'll, uh… I'll let the Chief know."

Let the Chief know? What was going on?

"Mmn. Could you tell him I'm sorry I couldn't do this in person?" Makoto asked, his strained smile still painted on his face.

"Yeah, yeah," Mori said with a wave of his hand. "He won't care."

Makoto chuckled, a genuine chuckle, and then nodded. "Yes, I suppose you're right."

There was a beat of silence, Mori taking a step back to leave, until Koji finally took a step forward towards Makoto.

"Do you really want to do this?" Koji asked, his voice quivering.

Makoto hesitated, Haru barely seeing the shock on his face before it melted into a sympathetic smile.

"Mmn," Makoto hummed. "Sorry, Koji. I've already promised Haru to talk to you both about this."

Haru's heart jolted.

Makoto…

He was quitting his job.

"I know," Koji said with a sigh. "I know, I just… it won't be the same at the station."

Koji gave a lifeless chuckle and rubbed his eyes. He inhaled sharply and his breath stuttered a bit, and for one horrifying moment, Haru thought he was going to cry.

But Makoto reached out his hand to grip Koji's wrist, making him drop his hand from his eyes and look at Makoto.

"Thank you, Koji," Makoto said softly. "I will never forget all that you've done for me."

Koji paused, Haru unable to see his face. But then, Koji leaned down and pulled Makoto into a warm hug, his hand cupping the back of Makoto's head.

"No. Thank  _you_ , Makoto," Koji said.

Haru saw Makoto's arms come up and wrap around Koji, squeezing tightly.

"Mmn!"

Haru pulled back from the doorway and leaned his head against the wall, listening to their hushed voices from the room. He sighed and held onto the bento in his hands. His heart squeezed and ached in his chest.

After some heartfelt goodbyes, Koji and Mori emerged from Makoto's room, Koji pulling the door shut behind him. When the door shut, Koji met Haru's eyes and his brows rose.

"Oh— Haru!" Koji greeted.

Haru bowed slightly in response and then stared up at Koji's face. His eyes were red-rimmed and he had flushed cheeks. He looked miserable and yet seemed… lighter— as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

"Ah, here to visit Makoto?" Koji asked, trying for a smile.

"Yeah," Haru said. He glanced at Makoto's door and then looked back at Koji. "Did he… did he quit? Being a firefighter, I mean."

Koji's fragile smile crumbled and his gaze lowered to look at the ground. He nodded glumly and then tried for another smile.

"I knew it was coming, honestly. But, even though it happened, I still couldn't believe it," Koji said as he rubbed the back of his neck. "He'd become such a huge part of our family at the station."

Haru's brows upturned sadly and he glanced down at the bento in his grasp.

"I'm sorry," Haru mumbled.

Koji hesitated, looking up and studying Haru's face. Then, he smiled wearily.

"Oh, no, it's nothing to be sorry about," Koji said. "This is what's best for him, right?"

Haru glanced up at him and nodded, agreeing completely.

"Yeah, it is," Haru confirmed.

Koji's smiled widened and he nodded once.

"That's what I thought," Koji said. "Well… just…"

Koji glanced back at Makoto's door, peering through the window for a moment before sighing and turning back to Haru. His eyes were sharp and lines creased his forehead.

"Just… promise me something?" Koji asked.

Haru blinked at him and nodded, feeling his chest swelling.

"Just… make sure he's happy… okay?" Koji asked.

Haru's eyes squinted when he felt light tears prick the corners. He nodded furiously in response, the tears almost falling out.

Koji smiled and reached over to touch Haru's shoulder.

"Thank you," Koji said.

"Hirose, you ready?" Mori called from the opposite wall.

Koji turned to his Captain and nodded, humming in response. He turned to Haru and squeezed his shoulder once before letting go. He nodded his head in goodbye and started to walk down the hallway behind Mori.

Haru took a deep breath and turned to go into Makoto's room.

"Hey, Haru!"

Haru's hand froze on the door, his head whipping to see Koji calling him from down the hallway.

"Be expecting a phone call from me sometime this week! I've got something to show you!" Koji called.

Haru opened his mouth to speak, but it was too late. Koji took off down the hall to catch up to his Captain. Haru stood at the door, a little baffled. But he shook his head and slid the door open, entering Makoto's room.

"Oh, Haru!" Makoto greeted from his bed. "You're early today."

Haru nodded. "Class got out early."

He lifted up the bento in his hand and showed Makoto.

"Oh, is that a bento? For me?" Makoto asked, his eyes widening.

"Yeah," Haru said. "I made some curry, but with fewer spices. It'll be easier on your stomach."

Makoto took the bento gratefully, a huge smile on his face.

"Thank you, Haru," Makoto said.

Haru studied him as he unwrapped the bento.

Makoto's eyes were red as well.

"Hey, Haru," Makoto called as he took off the lid. Haru snapped his gaze to Makoto, giving him his full attention. "You want to share it with me? You made it, after all."

Haru glanced down at the bento box in Makoto's lap.

_"Just… make sure he's happy… okay?"_

Haru smiled and propped his elbows on the side of Makoto's bed.

"Sure."

* * *

"Well, everything looks good and you're healing pretty well, Tachibana-san."

The doctor glanced over Makoto's chart in his hands with a wide smile on his face. Makoto sat stiffly on the hospital bed, donned in a clean t-shirt with a jacket and a pair of jeans. Haru stood by his side, holding Makoto's bag for him.

"So, you're all free to go as long as you're sure the pain has decreased…" the doctor said with a soft expression.

Makoto lifted a hand to touch his stomach and he grunted slightly, sharply inhaling a breath through his nose. But he quickly recovered and gave the doctor a reassuring smile.

"It's a lot better now," Makoto said.

The doctor turned to Haru with a quirked brow.

"You live with him, correct?" the doctor asked.

Haru startled and then nodded. The doctor hummed and clapped a hand on Haru's shoulder, offering a kind smile.

"Make sure he takes care of himself, okay?" the doctor said.

Haru nodded immediately and firmly. "I will."

"Good. If you spot any swelling or redness, come in right away. I will see you at your appointment in a few weeks," the doctor said. He turned to the door of the room and walked through the doorway, turning his head back to look at Makoto one last time. "Take care, Tachibana-san."

Makoto smiled at him and bowed his head slightly. "Thank you," he said gently.

With those parting words, the doctor left the room, and Makoto glanced up at Haru.

"Ready to go, Haru?" Makoto asked. Haru nodded and watched as Makoto shakily stood on his feet.

When Makoto took a step forward, he stumbled slightly and Haru's hand shot out to grab his arm, stabilizing him instantly.

"Are you okay?" Haru asked, his face intense as he held Makoto up.

Makoto took a deep breath and readjusted himself to his feet, removing his weight from Haru's grip. But even when he could stand on his own, Haru's hand still clutched onto his bicep.

"I'm fine," Makoto said, blinking down at his feet. He felt Haru squeeze his arm and he glanced up at him, seeing the ' _are you sure'_  question dancing in Haru's eyes. But Makoto smiled, understanding. "Really. I just lost my footing. Thanks for saving me!"

Haru hesitated and then removed his hand from Makoto's arm.

"Dummy," Haru said, and it made Makoto chuckle. He glanced towards the door and hummed, nodding his head towards the door. "There should be a cab waiting for us at the front," Haru explained.

Makoto nodded. "Mmn. Thank you, Haru."

They walked out of the hospital room and headed down the hallway to the elevator. Makoto could see Haru peering at him every few feet, watching his every move like a hawk. After they rode the elevator down in silence, Haru finally spoke up.

"Can you get around okay?" Haru asked as they turned down the hallway towards the front entrance.

Makoto nodded and smiled.

"Yeah. I mean, it still hurts a little, but I'm able to move around," Makoto answered.

Haru hesitated, his eyes looking down at the ground as they turned the corner.

"Will you go somewhere with me tomorrow?" Haru asked.

Makoto turned his head to look down at him, his lips parting and brows rising. He blinked a few times and then nodded.

"Sure, Haru," Makoto answered. "Where do you want to go?"

Haru bit his lip, giving Makoto a long side-glance.

"I want to go to the park."

* * *

Makoto waited by the front door of their apartment, his shoes already on his feet and a jacket over his shoulders. He waited for Haru to come out of their room, patiently at first, but he quickly grew antsy. He knew of a few parks in the area but was unsure of which one Haru wanted to go to. Or why.

Makoto sighed and anxiously rubbed the back of his neck. He was about to call out to Haru when he heard the sound of a door opening. And soon enough, Haru arrived in the living room, a backpack over his shoulders.

Makoto tilted his head and pointed at the backpack.

"What's the backpack for, Haru?" Makoto asked.

Haru adjusted the backpack over shoulders and tugged on the straps.

"You'll see," Haru answered as he shuffled to the door. He slipped on his shoes and tapped his toes on the floor before grabbing the doorknob. He glanced back at Makoto over his shoulder and gave him an expectant look. "Ready?"

Makoto paused and then nodded. He was unsure if he was ready, but he trusted Haru.

They left the apartment complex and headed down the sidewalk, Haru sticking close to Makoto's side. Haru led them down a familiar path, Makoto's brows knitting together as his chest tightened. At his side, Haru's hands clenched the straps of his backpack but his face looked calm.

They turned another familiar corner and Makoto felt his heart stutter and quicken. His stomach plummeted when they crossed the busy road and towards a street that they both used to walk down every single day. Makoto knew exactly where they were.

They were close to their old dorm building.

"H-Haru," Makoto called nervously.

"Just keep breathing," Haru said, glancing up at him. "Don't worry."

Makoto's heart fluttered and he nodded, following Haru down another street until they were almost at the lot.

Makoto gulped and held his breath, his hands curling into shaking fists by his sides. He closed his eyes and followed the sounds of Haru's footsteps until they stopped, probably in front of the lot.

"Makoto," Haru called, and Makoto's eyes only squeezed tighter. "Makoto. Look."

Makoto's eyes fluttered open, one at a time, and then shot open wide.

The building was gone.

There was only an empty lot in front of him.

Its only remains were a couple of stray bricks lying on the asphalt.

_It's… it's gone,_  Makoto thought.  _It's all gone. Where… what…_

"They finished tearing it down last week." Haru's voice sounded from next to him. "After new findings, they closed the investigation."

Makoto's jaw dropped, staring up at the cloudy sky where the building used to sit. A huge part of their lives was now nothing but a free lot, the empty space hollowing out something in Makoto's heart.

His chest pulled and then released, leaving Makoto feeling lighter. It was strange, seeing something like this that could make him feel this way.

"Makoto."

Makoto jolted out of his reverie and turned back to look at Haru, who was gesturing with his hand.

"Let's go, Makoto," Haru called.

Makoto gulped. He craned his head back to look at the empty lot one last time before turning to follow Haru.

"Okay."

They walked one block over to the nearby park. It was small, only providing some grass and picnic tables.

But Makoto remembered this park. He and Haru had both frequented this park for a quiet lunch in between classes. It was empty, especially since the air was frigid and the sky was overcast.

They came to a stop in a patch of grass near the center of the park, away from the benches and walkways. Haru took his backpack off of his shoulders and knelt down, unzipping the bag and pulling out a medium-sized cooking pot.

Makoto blinked down at the pot in his hands, thoroughly confused. Was he going to… cook something?

"What's… what's all this, Haru?" Makoto asked as Haru placed the pot on the ground.

Haru did not reply right away. Instead, he pulled out a stack of papers from his bag and sat down in the grass next to the pot. He patted the ground next to him, beckoning Makoto to sit with him. Makoto hesitated, his brows furrowing a bit. Haru looked serious, and Makoto knew that once he got his mind on something, there was no stopping him.

Makoto slowly got down on the ground and crossed his legs. He peered at Haru again with creased brows, wondering what Haru was up to.

Haru sifted through the stacks of papers and then plucked one out with the tips of his fingers. He handed it to Makoto, who took it carefully.

It was a newspaper article, dated from the previous year. The headline of the article was titled:  _University Fire Devastates Community._

Makoto felt his heart leap into his throat and his fingers crinkled the flimsy paper.

"This is…"

"It's the article about the dorm fire last year," Haru said, talking for the first time since they had arrived at the park.

Makoto gulped, his eyes reading the article. It described, in great detail, the fire that occurred on that fateful day last year. The article mentioned how several were hospitalized with minor burns, and only two were in critical condition.

Makoto winced.

He knew which students were in critical condition that day.

There were also pictures of the fire itself. Even though the paper was in black and white, Makoto could clearly see how red those flames were as they reached for the sky, and how the thick, black smoke billowed above in the air. He could even see the striking red fire trucks and the black and yellow uniforms of the firemen who came to their aid.

Makoto remembered it all.

Another piece of paper slid overtop the article and Makoto blinked rapidly at it. He glanced up to see Haru handing him another paper and Makoto took it with shaking fingers.

At the top were the words "East Tokyo Hospital," and then followed by several listings of procedures, including a surgery and several x-rays. Makoto's brows furrowed again as his eyes traveled lower to see the final costs at the bottom of the page.

"Medical bills," Haru said plainly.

Makoto cringed and risked a glance up at Haru.

"Haru… why are you—"

Haru thrust another stack of papers at Makoto without a word. Makoto took them and glanced through them.

Surgery dates.

Therapy sessions.

Healing progress.

They were all documents from all of the hospital visits that both he and Haru had gone through. It listed Haru's constant physical therapy sessions and their dates along with several doctor's appointments that Makoto had to go to so his burns could be checked on. It even included the shoulder surgery that Makoto had desperately kept a secret from Haru for so long.

Makoto winced and glanced up at Haru, his lip quivering a little. But before Makoto could say anything, Haru handed him two more documents. Makoto took them and glanced at the first page, his eyes widening.

It was a copy of Makoto's withdrawal confirmation letter from the university, dated only a month after the incident.

"Withdrawal letter…" Haru mumbled.

Makoto closed his eyes for a moment before quickly switching to the second document, seeing that it was from Haru's transcripts from the university.

_Notice: Change in Majors Request Accepted_

Makoto skimmed through the document, confused at first, and then realized that it was the official document that noted when Haru changed his major to Culinary.

"This… this was when you changed your major," Makoto said, and Haru hummed. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Haru shift, and the last of the papers were added to the stack in Makoto's lap.

Makoto blinked a few times down into his lap, a familiar paper catching his eye. It was crumpled and creased as if folded and shoved into a bag…

Makoto's heart stuttered and his hands shook.

It was the incident report.

That same,  _dreaded_  incident report had followed him back and was now staring him in the face.

He felt his chest tighten as his shaking fingers picked up the document.

Suddenly, Makoto was thrust back into his memories. He was standing in the kitchen of their apartment, Haru's spilled contents on the floor next to his bag, and in Makoto's hand was the wrinkled paper. The words are still burned onto the paper, making Makoto's spine cringe.

_In conclusion, one of the students in the building is responsible for the fire…_

Makoto felt a hand touch his knee and he was abruptly pulled from his haunting memories. He glanced up to see Haru staring at him with a comforting expression.

_You're okay,_  Haru's eyes told him.

Makoto gave a curt nod and stared back down at the paper one last time before adding it to the pile on his lap. He picked up the last paper that Haru had handed him and gazed over it. He had never seen it before, but… it was an official document.

The top of it read,  _Stoves to Be Recalled._

Makoto's brows slowly rose to his forehead as he read the words down the page.

"It's the stoves I mentioned at the hospital," Haru suddenly said.

Makoto lifted his head and looked at Haru with wide eyes. Haru was staring down at the paper in Makoto's hands, his face calm.

"Koji went and got an official document made," Haru continued, and Makoto glanced back down at the paper. "This is just a copy. The real document went to the police station so they could fill out an incident report. A  _new_  one."

Makoto snapped his gaze back up to look at Haru, stunned by his words.

A new incident report?

So… So he would be…

"So your name won't be in those records anymore."

Makoto jolted, his fingers crumpling the papers in his hands. He started to shake and his shoulders rose up to his ears. He read the document over and over, the mark of his innocence slapping him in the face repeatedly as his eyes flitted over those words. He felt a variety of emotions wash over him like rain. Warm. Cold. Anxious.  _Relieved_. Tears stung in his eyes and he squeezed them shut. He would not cry, he would not cry, he would not…

"Makoto."

Makoto glanced back up at Haru, his eyes shining with sobs threatening to burst out of his chest.

Haru got on his knees next to Makoto and gathered up all the papers and documents, stacking them and then placing them in Makoto's hands. Haru reached into his pocket and pulled out a box of matches, Makoto's eyes widening.

"We can leave all of this behind us, Makoto," Haru said.

Makoto's breath hitched, his blood roaring in his ears. His hands fumbled with the papers and they almost slipped, but Haru was quick to catch them, his hand gently holding Makoto's wrist.

"Once you've fully healed, we'll go back to campus and get you reapplied," Haru said.

Makoto fidgeted with the papers, his face twisting into a nervous grimace. A tear fell out of his eye and made it halfway down his cheek before Haru wiped it away. He focused back on Haru, his blue eyes steady and calm.

"We can do this, Makoto," Haru said. "Together."

More tears slipped from Makoto's eyes as he nodded, the lump in his throat preventing the words from escaping.

Haru nodded back and gently took the papers from Makoto's hands. He gently rested them down in the pot, the papers landing in a soft flutter. He slid open the box of matches and took out two, handing one to Makoto.

Makoto took the match with trembling fingers and watched as Haru struck his match and quickly handed the box over to him. Makoto gulped and struck his match as well, looking back to Haru with wet eyes.

Haru nodded once at him, Makoto nodding back.

Then, they both dropped their matches into the pot, watching as the flames quickly started to eat away at the paper.

Makoto began to tremble, watching as the words ' _Incident Report'_  vanish into smoke before his very eyes. More tears slid down his cheeks but he found that he could not look away from the pot, light smoke gently rising into the air.

Suddenly, Makoto felt a hand on his shoulder, and he turned to see Haru eyeing him with subtle concern. Hot tears squeezed from Makoto's eyes and he whimpered, quickly inhaling a sharp breath to hold back the sob. Haru squeezed Makoto's shoulder, his thumb gently rubbing soothing circles, and turned back to the pot.

Makoto sniffed, thankful for Haru's concern.

"Thank you, Haru," Makoto muttered quietly.

Haru squeezed Makoto's shoulder again in response.

They both sat quietly as more smoke came from the pot, tiny flames dancing in the light breeze. Once the fire had dwindled, Makoto breathed a sigh of relief.

The papers had been reduced to nothing but  _ash_.

* * *

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

_This is fine._

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

_Totally normal. Nothing is wrong._

Breathe in…

Breathe out…

_I can do this._

Breathe in…

_I can do this._

Breathe out…

_I… can…_

Breathe…  _in…_

Makoto was trembling.

His face was scrunched up in a nervous grimace and his fingers threatened to rip the papers in grasp.

The Admissions office was right in front of him with a large, happy WELCOME sign posted on the front door. It had not changed since the last time he stood in front of that building; his parents by his side and a bored Haru longing to be in a pool.

It was not much different… except for the burning scars that Makoto felt underneath his clothes.

Breathe in…

Breathe out…

_Breathe… in…_

"Makoto."

Makoto jolted at the familiar voice, his head whipping to the side.

Haru blinked at him, his demeanor calm and confident.

"You can do this, Makoto," Haru said. "We're just signing you back up for classes."

Makoto nodded rigidly and stared back up at the doors.

"I know, Haru," Makoto started, biting his lip. "But… but what if something happens again? What if I mess up or—"

" _Makoto,"_  Haru said firmly, quickly making Makoto's jaw click shut. "You're not doing this alone, remember?"

Makoto gaped at him, unsure of what to do or say as his nerves quickly began to take over. He tried to take slow, even breaths to calm himself. To distract himself. He started to even count the bricks on the side of the building, an old technique that Koji had taught him to relax, but even that seemed to be a struggle. He was quickly losing control and knew he would bolt if he would  _just calm down._

Suddenly, a hand came into Makoto's view. Makoto focused on the hand, his eyes roving up the arm and to Haru's face.

"Let's go in, Makoto," Haru said, his hand extended to Makoto.

Makoto could feel his heart quiver and then start to slow. He nodded, and then took Haru's hand.

"Together."

* * *

**One year later…**

* * *

Haru stepped up onto the block and breathed in the thick chlorine, the shimmering lane in front of him. He tucked his hair into his swim cap, pulling it snugly, and then lowered his goggles over his eyes.

_Take a deep breath,_  Haru told himself.

He inhaled deeply and lowered his upper body until his fingers gripped the edge of the block, putting one foot back slightly.

_Then release your air, pushing back from your bellybutton._

Haru pushed out his air, closing his eyes only for a moment.

_Then, keep still. Listen intently._

Haru imagined a crowd of people waiting, watching. He imagined a voice echoing over the intercom.

_"Ready!"_

Haru leaned back a bit.

_The water is alive…_

Then, an imaginary buzzer sounded.

And Haru thrust himself into the water.

He dove in with a light splash, dolphin kicking in the water until he reached the surface, quickly falling into his stroke. He could almost feel it— the same familiar feeling that sent tingles down his spine.

Sure, the water was alive.

But Haru had never felt more alive in his entire life.

He made the turn at the far end of the pool, and voices from the past echoed in his mind.

_"Haru-chan!"_

Haru took a breath, slammed his hand into the water.

_"Haruka-senpai!"_

Haru's legs kicked, his foot flexible and limber.

_"Haru!"_

Haru was… free.

His hand slammed against the wall, sending water droplets flying. He reared his head back and inhaled deeply, his eyes automatically looking at the boards for results.

When Haru saw that the screens at the top of the wall were black, he sighed and allowed himself to relax. The imaginary crowd disappeared, and his three old teammates' voices faded. He sighed and closed his eyes, removing his swim cap and goggles from his head and whipping his head to fling the water from his hair.

"Haru."

Haru's eyes opened.

A hand.

There was a hand in his field of vision.

Haru's eyes followed the arm and then glanced up.

Torii stood above him with a cheerful smile on his face.

"Good work, Haru!" Torii said.

Haru blinked at him and then softly smiled. Just out of habit, he was about to tell Torii to stop using –chan. Luckily, he caught himself before the words left his mouth.

"Thank you," Haru said, taking Torii's hand.

Torii hauled him up from the lane and then placed his hands on his hips.

"You know, Coach says that if you keep it up, you could be in the running for the national team next year," Torii said.

Haru wiped his face and hesitated, studying Torii's face. His stomach was filled with butterflies and he did not trust his voice. He settled for a shrug and glanced away, the skin under his eyes reddening.

Torii chuckled and placed a towel on Haru's shoulder.

"Typical response," Torii said.

Haru pouted and started to dry his hair with the towel. He could faintly hear fellow members of his university team diving into their lanes and splash around. A few chuckles of laughter echoed in the room, and Haru could faintly hear doors clicking shut. It was just another peaceful Saturday morning practice.

"Say, Haru," Torii spoke again after a while. "Makoto usually comes to our Saturday practices. The team appreciates his advice and coaching. Where is he?"

Haru scrubs his scalp one last time before lowering the towel onto his shoulders.

"He got a part-time job just for the weekends," Haru said.

Torii's brows rose and he tilted his head.

"A new job?" Torii asked. "Where at?"

Haru hesitated and then sighed, shaking his head. Then, he lifted his gaze to peer at Torii.

And he smiled.

* * *

Koji sat in the break room, his shoulders slumped and his head down on the table.

It had been a long week. There were several calls, but most were just minor fires. There was even a call about a kitten falling down a storm drain and Koji had to clamber down the hole to fetch it. It was so tiny, its cute face mewling and whining. He wished that that Mako…

Oh.

Koji sighed and bonked his head against the table.

That ray of sunshine in the fire station had not been there in about a year. Koji longed for a fresh face in the station again. Someone bright. Someone who cared. The days in the past year seemed long and without any kind of meaningful conversation. It was like a dark cloud had descended on Koji's world.

"Ugh," Koji groaned, bonking his head on the table once again.

"Oi."

Koji rolled his head to the side to see Mori standing in the doorway, his hands on his hips and a strange frown on his face.

"Ah, Captain…" Koji murmured, lifting his head from the table. He could feel a bruise starting to form on his forehead.

"The new weekend recruits are here. I'll need your help training them," Mori said. He raised a brow when Koji sighed. "So stop sulking and go greet them."

"Yes, sir," Koji said.

As Mori slinked away from the door, Koji stood to his feet and groaned, stretching his arms above his head. He was in no mood to train new recruits, let alone meet them.

Koji turned down the hallway and entered the garage, where Mori was already speaking to the team on duty. There were quite a few men huddled together at the edge of the garage. The new recruits, Koji presumed. But he kept his gaze glued to the ground as he walked up to stand behind Mori.

"All right, everyone. Listen up," Mori started. "These are the new weekend recruits. They will be going through training today, so I expect you all to help guide them and show them the ropes. Got it?"

"Yes, sir!"

"Good," Mori said. "Ah, and this is Hirose."

Mori grabbed Koji by his shoulder and yanked him forward.

"He'll be leading your training today," Mori said to the group of recruits.

Koji glanced at Mori with wide, shocked eyes.

"L-Leading?" Koji squeaked.

"So listen to his instruction, all right?" Mori said, ignoring Koji's pleas.

"Yes, sir!" the new recruits said.

"C-Captain, I don't think I'm qualified to—"

Mori clapped Koji on the shoulder to shut him up.

"Good. Now, wait in the driveway. We'll get you started soon," Mori said.

The recruits all bowed and started to file out of the garage and to the driveway. Koji turned away from the garage door to face Mori, his eyes practically bugging out of his head.

"Captain, I'm not sure this is a good idea," Koji said. "I haven't… I haven't been myself lately, and… well… I don't want to teach them wrong. My heart's not in it."

Mori stared at him with a deadpan expression and blinked.

"You really need to find a girl, sheesh," Mori groaned as he wiped his face.

Koji's face burned. "C-C-Captain!"

"There's a reason I'm asking you to do this, Hirose," Mori said, placing his hands on his hips.

Koji blinked at him, his brows knitting together in confusion.

"And… and why's that?" Koji asked.

Mori hesitated, and then glanced at something just over Koji's shoulder.

Then, something strange happened.

Mori put on a rare, soft smile.

"Why don't you turn around and see for yourself?" Mori asked.

Koji paused and then slowly turned around.

His heart jolted and his eyes widened.

" _M… Makoto_?"

"Hehe! Long time no see, Koji!"

* * *

**The End**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have a few more fics lined up. I might jump over to do a Haikyuu fic after this and then come back to Free!  
> Thank you guys so much!!!! You're all so wonderful!!


End file.
